That '70s Show Quotes
[Kitty and Jackie go to Christine St George's station to drop off a package she forgot at Fez's salon]
Jackie: Hiiii, uh, I’m here to see Christine St. George.
Receptionist: Do you have an appointment?
Jackie: No, but I am her biggest fan and I would love to be her co-anchor.
Receptionist: Okay, have a seat and a psychiatrist will be right with you.
Kitty: Oh please Miss, couldn’t you just let us in for two minutes?
Receptionist: I got a better idea. How about if I let you in for no minutes?
Jackie: Please? Please could you let us in? I know I have what it takes to be on TV and I just need to demonstrate my talents to Christine.
Kitty: Oh and I just want an autograph. Or a souvenir. Ahaha! She made cheesecake on yesterday’s show, is that around?
Receptionist: You really want to get in huh? Okay, I’m thinking of a number between one and ten.
Kitty: Six.
Receptionist: You got it!
Kitty: Ohhh! [claps hands and jumps for joy]
Jackie: So does that mean that we can go in?!
Receptionist: No. That’s the number of cops I’m gonna call if you don’t beat it.
Jackie: But..I’m supposed to be her co-anchor!
Receptionist: And I’m supposed to be Brooke Shields. Ain’t life a bitch?
Jackie: Hiiii, uh, I’m here to see Christine St. George.
Receptionist: Do you have an appointment?
Jackie: No, but I am her biggest fan and I would love to be her co-anchor.
Receptionist: Okay, have a seat and a psychiatrist will be right with you.
Kitty: Oh please Miss, couldn’t you just let us in for two minutes?
Receptionist: I got a better idea. How about if I let you in for no minutes?
Jackie: Please? Please could you let us in? I know I have what it takes to be on TV and I just need to demonstrate my talents to Christine.
Kitty: Oh and I just want an autograph. Or a souvenir. Ahaha! She made cheesecake on yesterday’s show, is that around?
Receptionist: You really want to get in huh? Okay, I’m thinking of a number between one and ten.
Kitty: Six.
Receptionist: You got it!
Kitty: Ohhh! [claps hands and jumps for joy]
Jackie: So does that mean that we can go in?!
Receptionist: No. That’s the number of cops I’m gonna call if you don’t beat it.
Jackie: But..I’m supposed to be her co-anchor!
Receptionist: And I’m supposed to be Brooke Shields. Ain’t life a bitch?
TV Show: That '70s Show
[Jackie reveals other items in her Ideal Guy list.]
Jackie: There are plenty of other things on this list. My perfect guy compliments me, buys me presents and comes when I call... and none of that describes Fez.
Fez: [enters] Did you call me?
Jackie: What? No, I...
Fez: Wow Jackie, you look fantastic today. Ah, which reminds me, I got you a present. [gives gift] Enjoy. Bye, guys! [exits]
Randy: Whoa, that was weird!
Jackie: There are plenty of other things on this list. My perfect guy compliments me, buys me presents and comes when I call... and none of that describes Fez.
Fez: [enters] Did you call me?
Jackie: What? No, I...
Fez: Wow Jackie, you look fantastic today. Ah, which reminds me, I got you a present. [gives gift] Enjoy. Bye, guys! [exits]
Randy: Whoa, that was weird!
TV Show: That '70s Show
[Hyde tries to shoot a basketball to determine whether to stay with Samantha]
Hyde: [to Donna] It's a tough decision, man. I'll let the ball decide. If I make the shot, stay with Sam. If it misses, I say goodbye. [shoots; ball gets jammed into hoop's crevice]
Donna: Huh. God's funny.
Hyde: [to Donna] It's a tough decision, man. I'll let the ball decide. If I make the shot, stay with Sam. If it misses, I say goodbye. [shoots; ball gets jammed into hoop's crevice]
Donna: Huh. God's funny.
TV Show: That '70s Show
[Kitty is enthusiastic that Red can finally stop taking heart pills]
Kitty: Well that is wonderful news. Oh and you know what this means? We can bring back fried cheese friday!
Red: It's not good news Kitty. I just bought a four month supply of heart pills I don't need now. That's 200 bucks down the crapper.
Hyde: Why don't you just sell 'em? You know, there's a seedy subculture that buys drugs for recreation... I saw one time on an after school special...
Kitty: Well you can't sell drugs, it's illegal. And it should be, because people shouldn't have easy access to addictive substances that dull their senses...[takes a bottle of gin and a glass] I will be in the bath.
Hyde: You know man, you can sell those pills.
Red: No I can't.
Hyde: Yes you can, you just have to find the right market.
Red: Well who the hell is gonna want a bunch of heart pills?
[Red and Hyde visit the Viking Lodge, an old man's hangout]
Hyde: Anybody here take procardiacs? [Men raise their hands] The doctor is in!
Kitty: Well that is wonderful news. Oh and you know what this means? We can bring back fried cheese friday!
Red: It's not good news Kitty. I just bought a four month supply of heart pills I don't need now. That's 200 bucks down the crapper.
Hyde: Why don't you just sell 'em? You know, there's a seedy subculture that buys drugs for recreation... I saw one time on an after school special...
Kitty: Well you can't sell drugs, it's illegal. And it should be, because people shouldn't have easy access to addictive substances that dull their senses...[takes a bottle of gin and a glass] I will be in the bath.
Hyde: You know man, you can sell those pills.
Red: No I can't.
Hyde: Yes you can, you just have to find the right market.
Red: Well who the hell is gonna want a bunch of heart pills?
[Red and Hyde visit the Viking Lodge, an old man's hangout]
Hyde: Anybody here take procardiacs? [Men raise their hands] The doctor is in!
TV Show: That '70s Show
[Fez is nursing a face wound Caroline gave to him after she sees Jackie kiss him]
Fez: Jackie, what was that kiss all about?
Jackie: Fez it's something that I wanted to do for a really long time. And I was wondering..you know, hoping, that maybe you and I could be together.
Fez: You want to be with me?!
Jackie: Yeah. I mean Fez, my life has been so crappy lately that you have been the one good thing.
Fez: Well. So you want me because you're lonely? Great, so that makes me what, your last resort?
Jackie: No Fez. You're wrong, it's not...
Fez: You know what Jackie, forget it. You went to be with Kelso AND Hyde. I don't wanna be your sloppy thirds. [Jackie goes to her room]
Fez: Jackie, what was that kiss all about?
Jackie: Fez it's something that I wanted to do for a really long time. And I was wondering..you know, hoping, that maybe you and I could be together.
Fez: You want to be with me?!
Jackie: Yeah. I mean Fez, my life has been so crappy lately that you have been the one good thing.
Fez: Well. So you want me because you're lonely? Great, so that makes me what, your last resort?
Jackie: No Fez. You're wrong, it's not...
Fez: You know what Jackie, forget it. You went to be with Kelso AND Hyde. I don't wanna be your sloppy thirds. [Jackie goes to her room]
TV Show: That '70s Show
[Kitty forces Red to apologize to Bob because he ridiculed Bob's plan to move to Florida]
Red: Bob. I’m sorry that I said that your idea is stupid.
Kitty: And...
Red: And...the next time you have a stupid idea, I’ll just keep my mouth shut.
Bob: You know what Red? I really don’t give a damn what you think. All these years I’d have to put up with you cutting me down, calling me dumb-ass, well guess what, YOU’RE the dumb-ass! You’re nothing but a cranky bitch who thinks his shit don't stink so you can blow it out your motherfucking ass! What, what, what you wanna hit me? Go ahead you bald fuck. Yeah go ahead, do it, I’m not afraid of you, in fact, I’ll kick your boney fucking ass right now! [Kitty and Red look at each other]
Red: Bob, you’ve got some nerve! Good for you! It’s about time you stuck up for yourself and acted like a man.
Bob: [cries and hugs Red] I’m sorry Red it just slipped out!
Red: Bob. I’m sorry that I said that your idea is stupid.
Kitty: And...
Red: And...the next time you have a stupid idea, I’ll just keep my mouth shut.
Bob: You know what Red? I really don’t give a damn what you think. All these years I’d have to put up with you cutting me down, calling me dumb-ass, well guess what, YOU’RE the dumb-ass! You’re nothing but a cranky bitch who thinks his shit don't stink so you can blow it out your motherfucking ass! What, what, what you wanna hit me? Go ahead you bald fuck. Yeah go ahead, do it, I’m not afraid of you, in fact, I’ll kick your boney fucking ass right now! [Kitty and Red look at each other]
Red: Bob, you’ve got some nerve! Good for you! It’s about time you stuck up for yourself and acted like a man.
Bob: [cries and hugs Red] I’m sorry Red it just slipped out!
TV Show: That '70s Show
[Jackie's been taking revenge on Fez for turning her down, and he has planned a counterstrike in their apartment's shower]
Hyde: Fez, if this is the ex-lax prank, I’d rather hear about it then see it.
Fez: No it’s better. And she’s turning the shower off.. she’s getting out...look at herself in the mirror and... [Jackie screams, goes out of the shower with her hair dyed green]
Jackie: FEZ!
Fez: Ho ho ho Green Jackie!
Jackie: Fez, you completely ruined my hair!
Fez: You destroyed my car!
Jackie: I had every right to destroy your car, you turned me down!
Fez: You turned me down like a million times and I never did anything!
Hyde: Actually I remember a lot of crying.
Fez: Yes I cried, because I have feelings, unlike you Jackie.
Jackie: Oh, huhuh. I have feelings. And they told me to buy a bottle of spray paint and tell the whole world that you have a tiny-
Fez: IT’S NORMAL SIZED! Well you know what, I’m glad I turned you down, because you are a mean, bitter girl. And now, you’re ugly on the outside like you are ugly on the inside.
Hyde: Holy crap man, cover your nipples!
Jackie: I can’t believe that’s what you really think of me.
Fez: Well it is.
Jackie: Fine. I’ll just go pack up my things and get out of your life. [returns to her room]
Hyde: Damn man, that was harsh.
Fez: Yeah. Must have been my Jamaican fire.
Hyde: So...you’re from Jamaica?
Fez: No, Jamaican Fire. It’s my new cologne.
Hyde: Fez, if this is the ex-lax prank, I’d rather hear about it then see it.
Fez: No it’s better. And she’s turning the shower off.. she’s getting out...look at herself in the mirror and... [Jackie screams, goes out of the shower with her hair dyed green]
Jackie: FEZ!
Fez: Ho ho ho Green Jackie!
Jackie: Fez, you completely ruined my hair!
Fez: You destroyed my car!
Jackie: I had every right to destroy your car, you turned me down!
Fez: You turned me down like a million times and I never did anything!
Hyde: Actually I remember a lot of crying.
Fez: Yes I cried, because I have feelings, unlike you Jackie.
Jackie: Oh, huhuh. I have feelings. And they told me to buy a bottle of spray paint and tell the whole world that you have a tiny-
Fez: IT’S NORMAL SIZED! Well you know what, I’m glad I turned you down, because you are a mean, bitter girl. And now, you’re ugly on the outside like you are ugly on the inside.
Hyde: Holy crap man, cover your nipples!
Jackie: I can’t believe that’s what you really think of me.
Fez: Well it is.
Jackie: Fine. I’ll just go pack up my things and get out of your life. [returns to her room]
Hyde: Damn man, that was harsh.
Fez: Yeah. Must have been my Jamaican fire.
Hyde: So...you’re from Jamaica?
Fez: No, Jamaican Fire. It’s my new cologne.
TV Show: That '70s Show
[Red gets season tickets for the Packers.]
Kitty: Red, I don't wanna move. [Red is nonplussed] I was gonna tell you, but ever since we decided to move, you've been so happy and smiling and you're never that way except for when you kill a deer... Red, this is my home. I don't wanna leave.
Red: [holds Kitty's hand] Kitty, we don't have to go anywhere. I don't care where I live, as long as I am with you.
Kitty: Really?
Red: [softly] Of course. [Kitty hugs him from behind.] I love you.
Kitty: Oh, I love you, too.
Red: I was talking to the tickets.
Kitty: Red, I don't wanna move. [Red is nonplussed] I was gonna tell you, but ever since we decided to move, you've been so happy and smiling and you're never that way except for when you kill a deer... Red, this is my home. I don't wanna leave.
Red: [holds Kitty's hand] Kitty, we don't have to go anywhere. I don't care where I live, as long as I am with you.
Kitty: Really?
Red: [softly] Of course. [Kitty hugs him from behind.] I love you.
Kitty: Oh, I love you, too.
Red: I was talking to the tickets.
TV Show: That '70s Show
[Donna waits for Eric on the Vista Cruiser, reminiscing about their relationship.]
Eric: Happy New Year.
Donna: Eric!
Eric: Sorry I'm late. Caught the last flight out. So... awkward! [both of them laugh] So, how are you?
Donna: I start college next week.
Eric: Oh, that's awesome. [long pause]
Donna: So, what, you just came back here for New Year's Eve?
Eric: Look Donna, when I left, I was so positive that I was doing the right thing, but now I've been gone so long —
Donna: [teary] Eric, things are a lot different now.
Eric: Yeah, it's just... Donna, I thought about you, like, every day. And you know what? It turns out' that Red was right. I am a dumbass. [pause] Sorry. [Kisses Donna]
Eric: Happy New Year.
Donna: Eric!
Eric: Sorry I'm late. Caught the last flight out. So... awkward! [both of them laugh] So, how are you?
Donna: I start college next week.
Eric: Oh, that's awesome. [long pause]
Donna: So, what, you just came back here for New Year's Eve?
Eric: Look Donna, when I left, I was so positive that I was doing the right thing, but now I've been gone so long —
Donna: [teary] Eric, things are a lot different now.
Eric: Yeah, it's just... Donna, I thought about you, like, every day. And you know what? It turns out' that Red was right. I am a dumbass. [pause] Sorry. [Kisses Donna]
TV Show: That '70s Show