That '70s Show Quotes

Eric: Ah, come on, Hyde, did you have to write your name in the snow so close to the tree?

TV Show: That '70s Show
Kitty: So, Laurie, who are you seeing up at the college?
Laurie: Oh, I like to date around.
Eric: [coughs] Slut!
Kitty: Bless you.
Eric: Thanks, Mom.

TV Show: That '70s Show
[Kelso hitches a ride on a truck.]
Gus: Well, hello there!
Kelso: Hey, thanks for stopping. Are you going all the way to Alpine Valley?
Gus: Oh, I’m going... wherever you’re going!
Kelso: Wow, that’s lucky!
Gus: So, did it hurt?
Kelso: What?
Gus: When you fell down from heaven!
Kelso: No, I’m fine!

TV Show: That '70s Show
Fez: I love the snow! I am a winter nymph! I love America! [passes out]

TV Show: That '70s Show
Eric: [sitting in a jail cell] We're not all in trouble here. [to Kelso] Your parents have seven kids. They won't even notice you're gone. [to Fez] Your parents don't even live in this country. [to Hyde] And your mom? Probably one cell over.

TV Show: That '70s Show
Red: Responsible people don't go around getting their nipples twisted.
Eric: See, when you say it, it just sounds weird

TV Show: That '70s Show
Red: I can't be friends with Eric. He's too... twitchy.

TV Show: That '70s Show
[Red and Eric visit Rocky Johnson in his locker room]
Red: I wonder if you'd mind giving my son an autograph.
Manager: [cuts off Red] No, no autographs.
Red: Look, I might be the only guy in here who's actually killed a man.
Manager: Give the kid an autograph and then no more autographs.
Rocky Johnson: You know that's really nice, bringing your kid to a wrestling match. You know what, I got a son, and one day he's gonna become The Most Electrifying Man in Sports Entertainment!
Red: Yeah, well, good luck with that. Uh, wanna make that out to Red Forman.
Eric: No, no, I don't think so. It's Eric Forman, capital E-R-I-C.
Red: Yeah but see, his nickname is Red.
Eric: No, it's not.
Red: Stop kidding around, Red.

TV Show: That '70s Show
Red: Damn good thing I went with him. He wanted to buy a leisure suit.
Eric: Come on, Dad. Leisure suits are cool. Everybody wears them.
Red: Leisure suits are for dumbasses. Believe me.
[Bob walks in wearing a leisure suit]

TV Show: That '70s Show
Jackie: I can't believe you, Michael.
Kelso: What?
Jackie: You can't just maul me in front of my father!
Kelso: I bet he didn't even notice.
Jackie: He yelled at you to stop it.
Kelso: I thought he was yelling at you.

TV Show: That '70s Show
Eric: I had a nice discussion with Red and Kitty about foreplay.
Donna: I'm sorry.
Eric: Yeah, me too.

TV Show: That '70s Show
Jackie: Look, I need to talk to someone. I can really use a friend right now.
Eric: Okay then well, good luck with that.

TV Show: That '70s Show
Kelso: Guys, guess who's taking Pam Macey to the prom?
Hyde: Anyone with a quarter?
Kelso: NO, ME!
Fez: Damn, and I had a quarter.

TV Show: That '70s Show
Jackie: Well, I have a date too.
Kelso: Who is he? What's his name?
Jackie: His name is... not important. What's important is, he's better than you, in every conceivable way.
Kelso: Damn, Jackie, that could be anybody!

TV Show: That '70s Show
Fez: I'm so excited about Star Whores.
Hyde: Fez man, it's Star Wars.
Fez: Screw that.
Hyde: Hey, Forman, man, this thing better be good. If I don't see some space jugs, I'm going to be super pissed.
Eric: Oh, hey, guys, I heard it was okay.
Kelso: Well, there is no way it's better than the Planet of the Apes. I mean, those apes were really good actors.

TV Show: That '70s Show
[Eric seeks advice from Red and Bob about fighting David because he is hitting on Donna]
Red: The bridge of the nose, it's very vulnerable.
Bob: Oh, and hit him with a banjo.
Red: [exasperated] A banjo, Bob?
Bob: Yeah.
Red: Where is he gonna get a banjo?
Bob: I don't know. But I saw a guy get hit with a banjo once, and he went down!
Red: Hitting a guy with a banjo is dirty. [to Eric] You can hit him in the groin.
Bob: You can hit him in the groin with a banjo.

TV Show: That '70s Show
Eric: Gentlemen, we have finally done it. A pot leaf on the water tower!
Fez: This is the proudest moment of my life.
Hyde: It doesn't look like a pot leaf.
Kelso: What?
Hyde: It looks like a hand giving the finger.
Kelso: It doesn't have to look perfect, Hyde, it's art.
Hyde: Get up and make it better!
Kelso: Fine!
[Kelso gets up on the railing and takes the paint brush.]
Hyde: Just make it wider. Yeah, right up there. Out further, though. Yeah, right up there--[Kelso leans to the right and falls off the water tower.]
Jackie: [Gasps] Oh, my God! Michael! [Branches snapping; thud.]
Hyde: Hey, Kelso!
Kelso: [weakly] Yeah?
Hyde: How's it look from down there?!
Kelso: It looks like it's giving me the finger!

TV Show: That '70s Show
Red: Are you on dope? Are you?
Kitty: Because, because, we can help get you clean. There's counseling, hospitalization—
Red: My foot kicking your ass.

TV Show: That '70s Show
Eric: Do you know how many cool guys live in New York? There's like... Lou Reed, man!

TV Show: That '70s Show
[Kitty and Red are trying to talk Hyde out of going to New York]
Red: We don't think that you should go.
Kitty: New York is a dangerous place.
Red: A young man today needs a high school diploma.
Kitty: In New York, you get mugged for no good reason.
Red: Do you have any idea what the job market is like?
Kitty: The people are rude. And you have feelings.
Red: Without that sheepskin, you are nothing. And not the kind of nothing that you are now. An even lower, more pathetic nothing.
Kitty: They spit. That's right, they spit!
Red: What're you gonna put on your resume? "Dumbass"?

TV Show: That '70s Show
Eric: I killed her. She was old, and the shock of her grandson telling her that she was nasty killed her.
Donna: Have you talked to Red about this?
Eric: I'm not talking to my dad about this. Do you remember how angry he got when I didn't rake the yard? This is like, twice as bad!

TV Show: That '70s Show
[Hyde walks into the basement.]
Hyde: Forman. Let's go get wasted.
[Eric points at Hyde, as to prove a point.]
Donna: [exasperated] Great!
Eric: See? Hyde's a real friend. He's gonna help me get through my grandma's death.
Hyde: [frowns] Your grandma's dead? Oh, man... Let's go get wasted.

TV Show: That '70s Show
Red: Eric, didn't I tell you to wash up for dinner? I know, it's difficult to hear with your head up your ass.

TV Show: That '70s Show
Red: Pork chops? I thought we agreed to stick to a budget! Pork chops aren't cheap!
Kitty: Well, you know, on the way to the market, I tried to run over a cat. But they are just so darn speedy!

TV Show: That '70s Show
Donna: So, my parents are, like, fighting all the time, and they want me to choose sides. But I can't, because they're both idiots.

TV Show: That '70s Show
Donna: Excuse me, Jackie, when exactly did you lose your soul?
Jackie: Um, cheerleading camp.

TV Show: That '70s Show
[Kelso leaves with Laurie]
Hyde: No offense, Mrs. Forman, but those two could make the dumbest babies ever.

TV Show: That '70s Show
[Red has just witnessed something he'd never thought he'd see in his life - Eric fighting someone, specifically, a Packers fan dissing Eric for supporting the Bears]
Red: Ooh! Eric's in a fight! No one's here! No one's gonna believe me! Why didn't I bring my camera?

TV Show: That '70s Show
[Kitty suggests something for Hyde to do at a garage sale.]
Kitty: Oh, Steven, I have a great idea: you can sell lemonade.
Hyde: Mrs. Forman, I've thrown a lot of rocks at kids with lemonade stands... and Lord knows I hate a hypocrite!
Kitty: You could have a little bake sale.
Hyde: I'd pretty much beat up any kid selling anything.
Kitty: Steven, you could just do a little table with some cookies and some brownies..
Hyde: I'm not much of — brownies. I could make brownies because [stands] people love brownies!
Eric: No, they DON'T.
Hyde: Oh, they love my brownies!

TV Show: That '70s Show
Eric: You dance with Mary Jane, you get your toes stepped on. That's right. Consequences, my friend. Yeah, consequences. Now my car's gone and Red's high as a kite.

TV Show: That '70s Show