That '70s Show Quotes
Donna: [To Shelly] Hey, next time you fool around with someone else's boyfriend, why don't you take your panties when you're done?!
Shelly: Those aren't mine! Mine are white, and cotton, with a little pink rose on the front.
[Eric, Fez, and Kelso visualize the panties before Donna snaps them out of the daydream]
Donna: So this is some other girl's panties?!
Kelso: Whoa-whoa-whoa. No offense, Donna-- [to Eric]-- but dude, you're on fire!
Shelly: You know what Eric, I can't take this.
[Walks out of the Hub, but looks back at Eric]
Shelly: Oh, and by the way, your car smells like cheese.
Eric: Donna, look, you have to believe me, I have no idea whose panties those are.
[Midge walks in.]
Midge: Donna, [takes the panties] those panties are mine.
Kelso: ERIC!! Oh, oh....[kneels together with Fez and 'worships' him] YOU ARE A GOD! [raises arms again] A GOD, I SAY!
Donna: [sets Midge aside] Mom, why were your panties in the Vista Cruiser?
Fez: [interrupts Midge] And please be as specific!
Midge: Donna, when you've been together for as long as your father and I have, you need to do creative things in creative places. : [Kelso and Fez stand up, cringing at the thought]
Shelly: Those aren't mine! Mine are white, and cotton, with a little pink rose on the front.
[Eric, Fez, and Kelso visualize the panties before Donna snaps them out of the daydream]
Donna: So this is some other girl's panties?!
Kelso: Whoa-whoa-whoa. No offense, Donna-- [to Eric]-- but dude, you're on fire!
Shelly: You know what Eric, I can't take this.
[Walks out of the Hub, but looks back at Eric]
Shelly: Oh, and by the way, your car smells like cheese.
Eric: Donna, look, you have to believe me, I have no idea whose panties those are.
[Midge walks in.]
Midge: Donna, [takes the panties] those panties are mine.
Kelso: ERIC!! Oh, oh....[kneels together with Fez and 'worships' him] YOU ARE A GOD! [raises arms again] A GOD, I SAY!
Donna: [sets Midge aside] Mom, why were your panties in the Vista Cruiser?
Fez: [interrupts Midge] And please be as specific!
Midge: Donna, when you've been together for as long as your father and I have, you need to do creative things in creative places. : [Kelso and Fez stand up, cringing at the thought]
TV Show: That '70s Show
Kitty: Look what I've got!
Laurie: Ew. What's that?
Kitty: That is Marissa. Carol's baby. And you promised me last night that you'd babysit her.
Laurie: Last night? But I was drunk. Why can't you do it?
Kitty: Because you promised. And besides your father and I are having fondue and Parcheesi at the Pinciottis'.
Red: Oh? Then I'll do it.
Kitty: No. Laurie can watch this baby tonight.
Eric: Oh, look Laurie, a baby. And just in time for your Black Mass!
Red: Eric, what did I tell you about calling your sister the devil?
Eric: That it's offensive to the devil?
Laurie: Ew. What's that?
Kitty: That is Marissa. Carol's baby. And you promised me last night that you'd babysit her.
Laurie: Last night? But I was drunk. Why can't you do it?
Kitty: Because you promised. And besides your father and I are having fondue and Parcheesi at the Pinciottis'.
Red: Oh? Then I'll do it.
Kitty: No. Laurie can watch this baby tonight.
Eric: Oh, look Laurie, a baby. And just in time for your Black Mass!
Red: Eric, what did I tell you about calling your sister the devil?
Eric: That it's offensive to the devil?
TV Show: That '70s Show
[Since Jackie crashed Kelso's van, Kelso demands an accounting of all expenses incurred during their relationship. Hyde writes down the expenses.]
Hyde: All right. All right. Jackie... in your opinion, what are the goods and services that Kelso owes you for?
Jackie: Everything. He was a total doofus before I met him. In fact, I bought you that belt. So hand it over. And the shirt too.
Kelso: Fine. You know, this shirt has bad memories of you buying me stuff anyway [starts to take off his shirt]
Fez: Here. Let me do the math. Okay. Now, Kelso...Uh, Kelso owes Jackie the price for breaking her beautiful heart... and stealing her innocence. Now, Kelso, what do you believe Jackie owes you?
Kelso: Well- Uh-W- One time I told her that she looked pretty when really she looked pretty skanky. And...and....Hyde, help me out here.
Hyde: Okay. Let me think. Oh. Don't forget he burned your house.
Kelso: Hyde.
Hyde: Dude, you burned her house.
Hyde: All right. All right. Jackie... in your opinion, what are the goods and services that Kelso owes you for?
Jackie: Everything. He was a total doofus before I met him. In fact, I bought you that belt. So hand it over. And the shirt too.
Kelso: Fine. You know, this shirt has bad memories of you buying me stuff anyway [starts to take off his shirt]
Fez: Here. Let me do the math. Okay. Now, Kelso...Uh, Kelso owes Jackie the price for breaking her beautiful heart... and stealing her innocence. Now, Kelso, what do you believe Jackie owes you?
Kelso: Well- Uh-W- One time I told her that she looked pretty when really she looked pretty skanky. And...and....Hyde, help me out here.
Hyde: Okay. Let me think. Oh. Don't forget he burned your house.
Kelso: Hyde.
Hyde: Dude, you burned her house.
TV Show: That '70s Show
Hyde: Look, I told you again and again, I have no interest in you and you don't have a chance. And yet you keep thinking that I have an interest in you and you have a chance.
Jackie: Wait! Did you just say that you're interested in me and that I have a chance?
Hyde: Okay, you know what: you forced me to do this. I'm gonna explain my feelings to you through a highly disciplined form of Japanese poetry: Haiku. My heart aches with pain. [Jackie smiles]
When I see you, I vomit. [Jackie's smile drops, looking stunned]
Die away from me.
Donna: [enjoying herself from the couch] Ouch!
Hyde: Sayonara. [goes to basement room]
Jackie: [stunned] Donna....never have 17 syllables hurt me so much. Why would he want to hurt me like that?
Donna: Because you're stalking him, Jackie.
Jackie: No, really, Donna!
Jackie: Wait! Did you just say that you're interested in me and that I have a chance?
Hyde: Okay, you know what: you forced me to do this. I'm gonna explain my feelings to you through a highly disciplined form of Japanese poetry: Haiku. My heart aches with pain. [Jackie smiles]
When I see you, I vomit. [Jackie's smile drops, looking stunned]
Die away from me.
Donna: [enjoying herself from the couch] Ouch!
Hyde: Sayonara. [goes to basement room]
Jackie: [stunned] Donna....never have 17 syllables hurt me so much. Why would he want to hurt me like that?
Donna: Because you're stalking him, Jackie.
Jackie: No, really, Donna!
TV Show: That '70s Show
[Red is making good progress with his barbecue war against Bob]
Kitty: Well, we've gone through three batches of Ambrosia salad.
Red: Three batches! Not since D-Day has there been such a complete and glorious victory. [laughs. Donna approaches] Oh uh, hi Donna.
Donna: Well I hope you're all happy, cause you ruined my Dad's barbecue. All he wanted was one more good day before everybody found out that his store was closing and he's going bankrupt.
Eric: [surprised] Wait? What?
Donna: Yeah, Bargain Bob's is closing this week so....congratulations. [walks away]
Eric: Oh my God, I feel so bad.
Red: Well you should, you ruined his barbecue. Why would you do that?
Eric: Wha...me? You coulda, you -
Red: Eric, for God's sakes, the man is almost a veteran.
Eric: Ok, fine. You know what. Fine, it's all my fault. But Dad you, you gotta make everyone here go next door.
Kitty: Eric, you're right. We have got to go over there. They are our neighbors, they are our best friends.
Red: Yeah, I suppose. [addresses guests] All right freeloaders, let's move it on over to Bob's! [everyone starts to leave] Eric, grab that keg.
Eric: Ok, I'm on it. [tries to carry but the keg wouldn't budge]
Kitty: Well, we've gone through three batches of Ambrosia salad.
Red: Three batches! Not since D-Day has there been such a complete and glorious victory. [laughs. Donna approaches] Oh uh, hi Donna.
Donna: Well I hope you're all happy, cause you ruined my Dad's barbecue. All he wanted was one more good day before everybody found out that his store was closing and he's going bankrupt.
Eric: [surprised] Wait? What?
Donna: Yeah, Bargain Bob's is closing this week so....congratulations. [walks away]
Eric: Oh my God, I feel so bad.
Red: Well you should, you ruined his barbecue. Why would you do that?
Eric: Wha...me? You coulda, you -
Red: Eric, for God's sakes, the man is almost a veteran.
Eric: Ok, fine. You know what. Fine, it's all my fault. But Dad you, you gotta make everyone here go next door.
Kitty: Eric, you're right. We have got to go over there. They are our neighbors, they are our best friends.
Red: Yeah, I suppose. [addresses guests] All right freeloaders, let's move it on over to Bob's! [everyone starts to leave] Eric, grab that keg.
Eric: Ok, I'm on it. [tries to carry but the keg wouldn't budge]
TV Show: That '70s Show
Eric: [staggering from the car] Kelso, it's fine. I'm not that drunk... I just can't walk or see... Man, that was a great party. [imitates Red] I'm Red. I don't like parties because I'm a big, bald party-pooper! [Red walks outside the house] Holy Crap! [throws up on Red's shoes]
Red: Son of a bitch!
Red: Son of a bitch!
TV Show: That '70s Show
[Eric is laying on the couch, hungover]
Eric: My head hurts.
Red: That's your own brain comprehending it's own stupidity.
Kitty: [On Hyde's Dad] What kind of man leaves a bunch of kids alone with a keg?
Eric: A fun one?
Red: Hey, Jim Beam, can it.
Eric: My head hurts.
Red: That's your own brain comprehending it's own stupidity.
Kitty: [On Hyde's Dad] What kind of man leaves a bunch of kids alone with a keg?
Eric: A fun one?
Red: Hey, Jim Beam, can it.
TV Show: That '70s Show
Donna: Ooh, it's kinda cold.
Eric: Here, take my jacket.
Donna: I love you.
Eric: God, we are such a... perfect couple.
Jackie: I'm cold, too.
Kelso: Well, damn, Jackie. I can't control the weather!
Eric: Here, take my jacket.
Donna: I love you.
Eric: God, we are such a... perfect couple.
Jackie: I'm cold, too.
Kelso: Well, damn, Jackie. I can't control the weather!
TV Show: That '70s Show
[Laurie is telling Red and Kitty what she plans to do with her life.]
Laurie: But now, I have found my passion: Hair!
Kitty: The musical?
Laurie: No! HAIR! [Laurie grabs a handful of her hair.]
Laurie: I'm going to beauty school!
Kitty: This isn't something you do through the mail, is it?
Laurie: No! It's a real school!
Kitty: Oh. Well... yay!
Red: Congratulations, sweetheart!
[Laurie leaves in excitement.]
Red: Well, Kitty, what do you think?
Kitty: Eh.
Red: Yeah.
Laurie: But now, I have found my passion: Hair!
Kitty: The musical?
Laurie: No! HAIR! [Laurie grabs a handful of her hair.]
Laurie: I'm going to beauty school!
Kitty: This isn't something you do through the mail, is it?
Laurie: No! It's a real school!
Kitty: Oh. Well... yay!
Red: Congratulations, sweetheart!
[Laurie leaves in excitement.]
Red: Well, Kitty, what do you think?
Kitty: Eh.
Red: Yeah.
TV Show: That '70s Show
[At a party celebrating Red's 'death']
Kitty: Are you having fun?
Red: No. Turns out I was mistaken. Life is too short to spend it with people who annoy you. I just wanna spend it with people I really, really love. Like you and, uh...Well, mostly just you [taps glass] Everybody. [guests look at him] Thanks for being here. And I just wanna say...when my time comes, I want to be buried face down, so that anyone who doesn't like me can kiss my ass!
[Awkward silence.]
Kitty: [Laughs nervously]
[Everyone else laughs.]
Kitty: Are you having fun?
Red: No. Turns out I was mistaken. Life is too short to spend it with people who annoy you. I just wanna spend it with people I really, really love. Like you and, uh...Well, mostly just you [taps glass] Everybody. [guests look at him] Thanks for being here. And I just wanna say...when my time comes, I want to be buried face down, so that anyone who doesn't like me can kiss my ass!
[Awkward silence.]
Kitty: [Laughs nervously]
[Everyone else laughs.]
TV Show: That '70s Show
[Donna and Eric are in his room, putting their clothes back on.]
Eric: Donna, I'm so glad you're my study partner. Because you make learning fun. [Laughs and kisses Donna.]
Donna: Okay, well, no more study breaks. We have to get this report done.
Eric: Alright, fine. Okay.
[Both walk over to his bed and pick up their stuff.]
Eric: Report on the current state of U.S.-Soviet relations. Okay, we need a title.
Donna: How 'bout... Current State of U.S.-Soviet Relations?
Eric: Damn, you're smart. [Writes title down on paper.] "U.S.-Soviet Relations". [Looks up at Donna; jumps on top of her and they start making out.]
Eric: Donna, I'm so glad you're my study partner. Because you make learning fun. [Laughs and kisses Donna.]
Donna: Okay, well, no more study breaks. We have to get this report done.
Eric: Alright, fine. Okay.
[Both walk over to his bed and pick up their stuff.]
Eric: Report on the current state of U.S.-Soviet relations. Okay, we need a title.
Donna: How 'bout... Current State of U.S.-Soviet Relations?
Eric: Damn, you're smart. [Writes title down on paper.] "U.S.-Soviet Relations". [Looks up at Donna; jumps on top of her and they start making out.]
TV Show: That '70s Show
[Eric is trying to connect new speakers in his car]
Hyde: Where's the tunes, Forman?
Fez: I learned how to speak English faster than this.
Kelso: It's not real English if you speak it with a foreign accent.
Hyde: Where's the tunes, Forman?
Fez: I learned how to speak English faster than this.
Kelso: It's not real English if you speak it with a foreign accent.
TV Show: That '70s Show
[The gang is not pleased that Kelso's planning to bail on the check at the Vineyard.]
Jackie: Michael, I have never dined and dashed, and I'm not about to start now.
Kelso: Uh, well... Remember when we went to nice restaurants and I told you to wait in the car while I paid? Did you ever wonder why I was running to the car?
Jackie: Oh, my God. I'm a thief.
Hyde: I think technically you're an accessory.
Eric: Which should make you happy, because you love accessories, earrings, bracelets, bangles, bows...
Jackie: Shut up!
Jackie: Michael, I have never dined and dashed, and I'm not about to start now.
Kelso: Uh, well... Remember when we went to nice restaurants and I told you to wait in the car while I paid? Did you ever wonder why I was running to the car?
Jackie: Oh, my God. I'm a thief.
Hyde: I think technically you're an accessory.
Eric: Which should make you happy, because you love accessories, earrings, bracelets, bangles, bows...
Jackie: Shut up!
TV Show: That '70s Show
[Eric and Donna are giving the others "special" brownies to show that there are no hard feelings about the dine-and-dash.]
Hyde: Special brownies... Like the special kind of special?
Donna: The best kind of special.
[After Hyde, Fez, Jackie and Kelso eat the brownies]
Fez: Something's wrong. I don't feel special.
Jackie: Me, neither.
Hyde: Yeah. I don't think those were special brownies, man.
Eric: Oh, no, no. They're special. Say, Donna, do you have any more of that special ingredient we used?
Donna: Well, I certainly do, Eric. [brings out a box from a shirt pocket] Chocolate Super-Lax.
Hyde: Special brownies... Like the special kind of special?
Donna: The best kind of special.
[After Hyde, Fez, Jackie and Kelso eat the brownies]
Fez: Something's wrong. I don't feel special.
Jackie: Me, neither.
Hyde: Yeah. I don't think those were special brownies, man.
Eric: Oh, no, no. They're special. Say, Donna, do you have any more of that special ingredient we used?
Donna: Well, I certainly do, Eric. [brings out a box from a shirt pocket] Chocolate Super-Lax.
TV Show: That '70s Show
[Red complains to the Fatso Burger manager, Ricky about the food served to him]
Ricky: May I help you, sir?
Red: Yeah. I wanna compliment you on one tasty, fried piece of shoe.
Ricky: Let me take care of this right now. Earl!
Red: Oh, no. Did you say Earl?
Ricky: Just one second.
Earl: [walk out of kitchen] Ricky, I'm glad you called me. I need to leave early for a - [sees Red] Oh. Hi, Red.
Ricky: You two know each other?
Earl: I used to work for Red. Then he fired me.
Ricky: Oh. Then he and I have something in common. You're fired!
Earl: What did I do?
Red: Hey, Bob. Job just opened up for you.
Ricky: May I help you, sir?
Red: Yeah. I wanna compliment you on one tasty, fried piece of shoe.
Ricky: Let me take care of this right now. Earl!
Red: Oh, no. Did you say Earl?
Ricky: Just one second.
Earl: [walk out of kitchen] Ricky, I'm glad you called me. I need to leave early for a - [sees Red] Oh. Hi, Red.
Ricky: You two know each other?
Earl: I used to work for Red. Then he fired me.
Ricky: Oh. Then he and I have something in common. You're fired!
Earl: What did I do?
Red: Hey, Bob. Job just opened up for you.
TV Show: That '70s Show
[Having been hired at WFPP, Donna is introduced to her new job by the manager, Max, when the DJ, Jerry Thunder, comes on air]
Jerry Thunder: Oh, yeah, this is Jerry Thunder [plays thunderclap sound effect] Coming to you on The Sound! And it looks like we got a new office girl. What's your name, baby?
Donna: [speaks to Mikt] Um, Donna.
Jerry: Mmm. Well, Donna, you are hot. So I'm gonna call you... Hot Donna.
Donna: Okay.
Jerry: You got yourself a boyfriend, Hot Donna?
[Max makes a cutting gesture]
Donna: Um... no.
Jerry: Mmm. That is good news, fellas. 'Cause Hot Donna is... hot!
Donna: Uhm Max, why'd you make me say that? 'Cause I have a boyfriend.
Max: Fine. You have a boyfriend. So does Elton John.
Donna: No way!
Max: Yeah! They're a fantastic couple. I love 'em. The point is... we're selling an image here... and an available Hot Donna is good for ratings.
Donna: Oh. Well, what the hell. Eric won't have a problem with this.
[Switch to Eric's basement]
Eric: What the Hell? I have a problem with this!
Jerry Thunder: Oh, yeah, this is Jerry Thunder [plays thunderclap sound effect] Coming to you on The Sound! And it looks like we got a new office girl. What's your name, baby?
Donna: [speaks to Mikt] Um, Donna.
Jerry: Mmm. Well, Donna, you are hot. So I'm gonna call you... Hot Donna.
Donna: Okay.
Jerry: You got yourself a boyfriend, Hot Donna?
[Max makes a cutting gesture]
Donna: Um... no.
Jerry: Mmm. That is good news, fellas. 'Cause Hot Donna is... hot!
Donna: Uhm Max, why'd you make me say that? 'Cause I have a boyfriend.
Max: Fine. You have a boyfriend. So does Elton John.
Donna: No way!
Max: Yeah! They're a fantastic couple. I love 'em. The point is... we're selling an image here... and an available Hot Donna is good for ratings.
Donna: Oh. Well, what the hell. Eric won't have a problem with this.
[Switch to Eric's basement]
Eric: What the Hell? I have a problem with this!
TV Show: That '70s Show
Kitty: Oooh, look how cute you are. This is just like when you were five, and played make believe dinner. Only this time, it won't end by Donna sitting on Eric's face. [Awkward pause] OK.
[Kitty and Red start leaving]
Red: Kitty, that was bad.
Kitty: I know, keep walking.
[Kitty and Red finally leave]
Eric: Oh, good, and I thought this was going to be awkward.
[Kitty and Red start leaving]
Red: Kitty, that was bad.
Kitty: I know, keep walking.
[Kitty and Red finally leave]
Eric: Oh, good, and I thought this was going to be awkward.
TV Show: That '70s Show
Eric: So, you're saying that Donna and I will be okay?
Red: No. All I did was scratch your mother's shoes. I didn't pull her pants down in front of God and the foreign kid.
Red: No. All I did was scratch your mother's shoes. I didn't pull her pants down in front of God and the foreign kid.
TV Show: That '70s Show
[Eric is pretending to tutor Kelso in math but is really going to be spending the weekend with Donna]
Eric: So, I can go?
Red: You can go, but I'll be watching the news. And if anything gets vandalized, or explodes, or catches on fire, X is gonna equal me kicking your ass.
Eric: So, I can go?
Red: You can go, but I'll be watching the news. And if anything gets vandalized, or explodes, or catches on fire, X is gonna equal me kicking your ass.
TV Show: That '70s Show
[Donna just told Jackie what Eric tried to do during their last 'session']
Jackie: He did? What the heck for?
Donna: I don't know. In what universe is that sexy?
Jackie: Only one... the skinny, pervert universe.
Donna: It was just so strange. I mean, usually he just sticks to, like, two or three key moves.
Jackie: You know, I bet it's because of that nudie flick they saw yesterday.
Donna: They went to an X-rated movie?
Jackie: Didn't Eric tell you?
Donna: No. God, why would Eric go see something like that? I mean, is our sex life so boring that he has to sneak around and watch other people do it?
Jackie: Donna, of course it is. It's okay.
Jackie: He did? What the heck for?
Donna: I don't know. In what universe is that sexy?
Jackie: Only one... the skinny, pervert universe.
Donna: It was just so strange. I mean, usually he just sticks to, like, two or three key moves.
Jackie: You know, I bet it's because of that nudie flick they saw yesterday.
Donna: They went to an X-rated movie?
Jackie: Didn't Eric tell you?
Donna: No. God, why would Eric go see something like that? I mean, is our sex life so boring that he has to sneak around and watch other people do it?
Jackie: Donna, of course it is. It's okay.
TV Show: That '70s Show
[After Kitty and her sister, Paula, patch their differences]
Paula Sigurdson: Kitty, would you like a makeover?
Kitty: Oh, I really would.
Paula: Okay!
Kitty: [apprehensive] I wouldn't look like a whore, would I?
Paula Sigurdson: Kitty, would you like a makeover?
Kitty: Oh, I really would.
Paula: Okay!
Kitty: [apprehensive] I wouldn't look like a whore, would I?
TV Show: That '70s Show
Donna: Take off your pants.
Eric: All right!
Donna: No! So I can see your tattoo!
Eric: I knew that. I think you're really gonna like it. Just don't be mad if it says... "Debbie." [pulls down his pants and shows his tattoo]
Donna: Woodstock.
Eric: It says "Woodstock"?
Donna: No, it's a picture of Snoopy's friend Woodstock! [laughs] You have a little yellow bird on your ass!
Eric: All right!
Donna: No! So I can see your tattoo!
Eric: I knew that. I think you're really gonna like it. Just don't be mad if it says... "Debbie." [pulls down his pants and shows his tattoo]
Donna: Woodstock.
Eric: It says "Woodstock"?
Donna: No, it's a picture of Snoopy's friend Woodstock! [laughs] You have a little yellow bird on your ass!
TV Show: That '70s Show
Mountie #1: What are you doing in Canada?
Leo: What're you doing in Canada? [Mounties look at each other]
Hyde: We're part of an elite high school terrorist team. Strike Force Wisconsin! [Raises hands]
Eric: Uh, we just came here to get the beer. And I love Rush. Fly By Night! Ow! [raises arm]
Kelso: Well, if ham's Canadian bacon, then what the hell do you call bacon?!
Fez: Me no speakas English.
Mountie #1: What's your business in Canada?
Leo: What's your business in Canada? [Mounties look at each other]
Eric: We're... getting beer.
Kelso: Every once in a while, do you ever get an American nickel in your change? [Looks at both mounties in turn]
Fez: Me no understando.
Mountie #2: What's your reason for coming to Canada, eh?
Leo: What's your re-
Mountie #1 Shut up!
Hyde: Yeah, I'm here to nail Margaret Trudeau.
Mountie #1: Been there.
Mountie #2: Done that.
Eric: Beer. [Pause] Beer! BEER!
Kelso: Are those snowshoes hard to walk in? They're tennis rackets, aren't they?
Fez: Wee foobie dibbie doobie.
Mountie #1: Wee foobie...
Mountie #2: Dibbie doobie...
Leo: What're you doing in Canada? [Mounties look at each other]
Hyde: We're part of an elite high school terrorist team. Strike Force Wisconsin! [Raises hands]
Eric: Uh, we just came here to get the beer. And I love Rush. Fly By Night! Ow! [raises arm]
Kelso: Well, if ham's Canadian bacon, then what the hell do you call bacon?!
Fez: Me no speakas English.
Mountie #1: What's your business in Canada?
Leo: What's your business in Canada? [Mounties look at each other]
Eric: We're... getting beer.
Kelso: Every once in a while, do you ever get an American nickel in your change? [Looks at both mounties in turn]
Fez: Me no understando.
Mountie #2: What's your reason for coming to Canada, eh?
Leo: What's your re-
Mountie #1 Shut up!
Hyde: Yeah, I'm here to nail Margaret Trudeau.
Mountie #1: Been there.
Mountie #2: Done that.
Eric: Beer. [Pause] Beer! BEER!
Kelso: Are those snowshoes hard to walk in? They're tennis rackets, aren't they?
Fez: Wee foobie dibbie doobie.
Mountie #1: Wee foobie...
Mountie #2: Dibbie doobie...
TV Show: That '70s Show
Kelso: A promise ring is not only a gift from the heart, but it also means more sex and less mouthin' off.
TV Show: That '70s Show
[At the Forman house garage, Eric and Donna talk about their relationship, which has taken a bad turn.]
Donna: If we're meant to be together, then we'll end up together.
Eric: No. The way we end up together is by saying we'll be together and then...being together.
Donna: Eric come on, we're together now. Isn't that enough?
Eric: NO! I mean [walks away then faces Donna] I mean, DAMN Donna! If you can see a future for yourself without me, and that doesn't, like, break your heart, then we're not doing what I thought we're doing here and you know what? Maybe we shouldn't even be together at all!
Donna: [after short pause] Are you breaking up with me?
Eric: Are you giving back that ring?
Donna: Yes.
Eric: Then, yes. [Donna leaves ring on hood.]
Donna: If we're meant to be together, then we'll end up together.
Eric: No. The way we end up together is by saying we'll be together and then...being together.
Donna: Eric come on, we're together now. Isn't that enough?
Eric: NO! I mean [walks away then faces Donna] I mean, DAMN Donna! If you can see a future for yourself without me, and that doesn't, like, break your heart, then we're not doing what I thought we're doing here and you know what? Maybe we shouldn't even be together at all!
Donna: [after short pause] Are you breaking up with me?
Eric: Are you giving back that ring?
Donna: Yes.
Eric: Then, yes. [Donna leaves ring on hood.]
TV Show: That '70s Show
[A little kid punches the Alternate Eric at Donna and Hyde's wedding]
Alternate Eric: Ow!
Alternate Kitty: Oh, oh, Jake, honey, honey. Be nice to your big brother. He's not strong like you.
Eric: Brother? What the hell?
Angel: Your parents finally had the son they always wanted.
Alternate Red: Now, son, what do we call Eric?
Jake: Dumbass!
Alternate Red: There's my boy! [Red and Kitty laugh]
Alternate Eric: Ow!
Alternate Kitty: Oh, oh, Jake, honey, honey. Be nice to your big brother. He's not strong like you.
Eric: Brother? What the hell?
Angel: Your parents finally had the son they always wanted.
Alternate Red: Now, son, what do we call Eric?
Jake: Dumbass!
Alternate Red: There's my boy! [Red and Kitty laugh]
TV Show: That '70s Show
Alternate Eric: [hears real-life version of himself, who just witnessed the alternate Eric and Donna admit their feelings] Oh, wait a minute. You actually had a relationship with Donna?
Eric: Wait, I thought you said he couldn't hear me.
Angel: I'm loose with the rules, so sue me.
Alternate Eric: No, seriously, you had Donna?
Eric: Look, we broke up. You're much better off.
Alternate Eric: Says you! Look at me. I'm 28 years old! I've only had sex with Big Rhonda, and all three times, believe me, she did not look like that! [Points to Big Rhonda, who has a very sexy body]
Eric: Idiot. You're sad you were never with Donna? Well, you got off light, man! I had her and I lost her, and believe me, you don't wanna know how bad that hurts! [storms out of reunion hall]
Alternate Eric: So, you're an angel, right? Is there any thing you can do to help me?
Angel: Alright, listen closely: NO!
Eric: Wait, I thought you said he couldn't hear me.
Angel: I'm loose with the rules, so sue me.
Alternate Eric: No, seriously, you had Donna?
Eric: Look, we broke up. You're much better off.
Alternate Eric: Says you! Look at me. I'm 28 years old! I've only had sex with Big Rhonda, and all three times, believe me, she did not look like that! [Points to Big Rhonda, who has a very sexy body]
Eric: Idiot. You're sad you were never with Donna? Well, you got off light, man! I had her and I lost her, and believe me, you don't wanna know how bad that hurts! [storms out of reunion hall]
Alternate Eric: So, you're an angel, right? Is there any thing you can do to help me?
Angel: Alright, listen closely: NO!
TV Show: That '70s Show
[Donna is cleaning up the garden, when she walks to the hedge and runs into Eric]
Eric: Hey.
Donna: 'Hey'? Is that all you have to say to me?
Eric: Well, what do you have to say to me?
Donna: Huh. How about this? 'Hey.'
Eric: I'm not wrong!
Donna: You are wrong, you dill-hole! [walks off]
Eric: Oh, great. That's nice. That's really mature. Double dill-hole! [to himself] Double dill-hole?!
Eric: Hey.
Donna: 'Hey'? Is that all you have to say to me?
Eric: Well, what do you have to say to me?
Donna: Huh. How about this? 'Hey.'
Eric: I'm not wrong!
Donna: You are wrong, you dill-hole! [walks off]
Eric: Oh, great. That's nice. That's really mature. Double dill-hole! [to himself] Double dill-hole?!
TV Show: That '70s Show
[Red and Eric talk about their breakups over beer]
Red: There were times that I thought I would never get over her, but time passed. I moved on, and then the day came when I didn't think about her as much, then a couple more days came along when I thought of her even less. Then one day I didn't think about her at all... and then that made me sad.
Eric: We've got a little Irish in us, don't we, Dad?
Red: Yes, we do.
Eric: It's just... hurts.
Red: Listen, I'm gonna give you a few days to pull yourself together. You could stay in bed, watch TV, whatever you need to do.
Eric: Thank you, Dad. Not that it matters, but... Donna didn't dump me. I broke up with her.
Red: Whatever you need to tell yourself to make it better.
Red: There were times that I thought I would never get over her, but time passed. I moved on, and then the day came when I didn't think about her as much, then a couple more days came along when I thought of her even less. Then one day I didn't think about her at all... and then that made me sad.
Eric: We've got a little Irish in us, don't we, Dad?
Red: Yes, we do.
Eric: It's just... hurts.
Red: Listen, I'm gonna give you a few days to pull yourself together. You could stay in bed, watch TV, whatever you need to do.
Eric: Thank you, Dad. Not that it matters, but... Donna didn't dump me. I broke up with her.
Red: Whatever you need to tell yourself to make it better.
TV Show: That '70s Show