30 Rock Quotes

Floyd: I feel more confused and betrayed than those people that worked with Tootsie.

TV Show: 30 Rock
Jack Donaghy: I need your help, We were having sex at The Palace, she told me she loved me.
Liz Lemon: You did it, again?
Jack Donaghy: Well it was quick and in the meat locker, that's ok, right?
Liz Lemon: What is it with you men, you're like you are junkies or something. Why can't you just say no?
Jack Donaghy: Lemon, let me explain something to you that you could have no way of knowing. Emotionally unstable women are fantastic in the sack, I mean their self-loathing translates into... nevermind. I've got to get out of this. What do other guys do?
Liz Lemon: Well, one guy died, Scotty Pippen requested a transfer to Houston.
Jack Donaghy: Jack Donaghy: Houston is too humid, what about this dying thing?
Liz Lemon: Where is she now?
Jack Donaghy: Chained to the radiator at her hotel room. It was her idea, she's an amazing woman.

TV Show: 30 Rock
Jack: Well, it's really quite simple: men seek out the company of other men they admire and want to be like. Floyd is me 20 years ago, I'm Don Geiss 30 years ago. 20 years from now, Floyd'll be me, I'm gonna be Don Geis and Don Geiss will be dead.

TV Show: 30 Rock
Kenneth Parcell: [Kenneth finds Pete dancing with a very attractive woman at an impromptu party Tracy has thrown in the office] What are you doing? You are a married man!
Pete Hornberger: Hey, I'm not doing anything wrong. Just... I'm just dancing, Kenneth.
Kenneth Parcell: Do you remember the movie "Footloose," where those evil kids won in the end? You're going to make a mistake tonight.
Tracy Jordan: [sleazy] You're going to make a mistake tonight!
Kenneth Parcell: Remember the vows you and your wife took in that church.
Pete Hornberger: Botanical garden.
Kenneth Parcell: Botanical garden. You promised fidelity -
Tracy Jordan: Lick her face!
Kenneth Parcell: Think of God!
Pete Hornberger: Look, both of you calm down. I'm just trying to have some fun for the first time in, like, ten years.

TV Show: 30 Rock
Liz Lemon: [feeling jittery before the blind date set up for her by Jack] Hey, Frank! What do guys like?
Frank: Porn.
Liz Lemon: No, I mean if you are gonna go on a date with a woman, how would yo want her to act?
Frank: Like she is in porn.

TV Show: 30 Rock
Tracy Jordan: I'm gonna make you a mix tape. You like Phil Collins?
Jack: I've got two ears and a heart, don't I?

TV Show: 30 Rock
Jack: Lemon, the grown-up dating world is like your haircut. Sometimes, awkward triangles occur.
Liz: I feel like you've been saving that one.

TV Show: 30 Rock
Jenna: Jerem! Look how drunk I am and how full of cheese my mouth is!
Jerem: That's not that much cheese.

TV Show: 30 Rock
Jerem: I'm Jerem! I collect posters!

TV Show: 30 Rock
Jack: She’s courting the youth vote. That means she’s desperate.
Jonathan: My generation never votes. It interferes with talking about ourselves all the time.

TV Show: 30 Rock
Liz: Well, you were right about Brooklyn Without Limits: crunchy on the outside, right wing nutjob on the inside.
Jack: Like Ann Coulter's underwear.

TV Show: 30 Rock
Jack: [to Liz] I like you. You have the boldness of a much younger woman.

TV Show: 30 Rock
Jack: That's where Donaghy Estates comes in. Now as you may have read in Robert Parker's Wine Newsletter, "Donaghy Estates tastes like the urine of Satan after a hefty portion of asparagus."

TV Show: 30 Rock
Tracy: Yeah yeah yeah, I like risky. See, me and you, we play the game. We know how to be acceptable. Hello great meeting, I drink coffee please. This show is our chance to break the shackles cause the white dudes want to see us fail.
Liz: What white dudes?
Tracy: All of 'em. Jack Donaghy. General Electric. George Bush. Karl Robe.
Liz: Karl Robe, you say?
Tracy: Affirmative action was designed to keep women and minorities in competition with each other to distract us while white dudes inject AIDS into our chicken nuggets. That's a metaphor.
Liz: Sure.

TV Show: 30 Rock
[Jenna and Liz are discussing actor Tracy Jordan.]
Liz: How you doin'?
Jenna: There is no way that I am working with that guy. Do you know that he once got arrested for walking naked through LaGuardia?
Liz: Yeah.
Jenna: And that he once fell asleep on Ted Danson's roof?
Liz: Yeah, Tracy has mental health issues.
Jenna: He bit Dakota Fanning on the face.
Liz: When you hear his version, she was kinda askin' for it.

TV Show: 30 Rock
Tracy: So, how you doing over there, Theo Huxtable.
Toofer: I'm doing good.
Tracy: Nah-uh. Superman does good; you're doing well. You need to study your grammar, son.
[Tracy leaves the room.]
Frank: [to Toofer] Wow, that was embarrassing for you.

TV Show: 30 Rock
Liz: Kenneth, why did you bet that terrible hand?
Kenneth: Why? Because I believe life is for the living. I believe in taking risks and biting off more than you can chew. And also, people were yelling and I got confused about the rules.

TV Show: 30 Rock
Liz: [about Kenneth] Well, it was nice of you to let him keep his job.
Jack: The Italians have a saying, Lemon. "Keep your friends close and your enemies closer." And although they've never won a war or mass-produced a decent car, in this area they are correct. In five years we'll all either be working for him... [Kenneth happily bikes away] or be dead by his hand.

TV Show: 30 Rock
Tracy: But I want you to know something... You and me, it's not gonna be a one-way street. 'Cause I don't believe in one-way streets. Not between people, and not while I'm driving.
Kenneth: Oh, okay.
Tracy: So, here's some advice I wish I woulda got when I was your age: Live every week like it's Shark Week.

TV Show: 30 Rock
Tracy: Dress every day like you're going to get murdered in those clothes.

TV Show: 30 Rock
Pete: So, first you thought he was illiterate and now you think he's lazy? Liz, you are racist.
Liz: No, Tracy took advantage of my white guilt, which is supposed to be used only for good, like over-tipping and supporting Barack Obama.

TV Show: 30 Rock
[Jack in an internal GE training video being shown to the writers.]
Jack: All you have to do as the writing staff of an NBC show is incorporate positive mentions, or "POS-MENS" of GE products into your program. For example you could write an episode where one of your character purchases, and is satisfied with one of GE's direct current drilling motors for off-shore or land-based projects.

TV Show: 30 Rock
Jack: Good God. Lemon, those jeans make you look like a Mexican sports reporter.

TV Show: 30 Rock
Liz: [My jeans] are from Brooklyn Without Limits, this very cool store with locations in Gaytown, White Harlem, and the Van Beardswick section of Brooklyn.

TV Show: 30 Rock
Liz: Usually everyone around here makes me feel like Hitler, but today I feel like... Hitler in Germany.

TV Show: 30 Rock
Jack: Pete and I are having a little college night.
Liz: Oh yeah you want to see me shotgun this?
[Liz begins shoving an entire pizza into her mouth]
Jack: Oh God! She means the pizza!
Pete: She’s unhinging her jaw!

TV Show: 30 Rock
Jack: That's a sharp tie you've got there, Dennis.
Dennis: That douchebag up front made me wear it.
Jack: Does he know you're the Beeper King?
Dennis: I don't think so.
Liz: This is clearly the nicest restaurant we've ever been to.
Dennis: Hold on a second, this place ain't that nice, alright. It's got rats and roaches like every other restaurant.
Liz: No rat talk tonight, okay.
Dennis: [to Jack] You know there are 17 million rats per person in Manhattan. You eat a pound of rat crap every year without even knowing it, huh?
Jack: I think I read about that in The New Yorker. [pause] Um, anyway, we'll leave you two to your meal. I hope you enjoy the choices that you've made.

TV Show: 30 Rock
Tracy: I need to protect my reputation. You take away my street cred, and I am Wayne Brady.
Liz: Nuh-uh. Wayne Brady has three Emmys. You have a People's Choice Award that you stole from Wayne Brady.

TV Show: 30 Rock
Jack: Conan, Tracy’s really excited to be back on your show.
Conan: I don’t know. He’s kind of a loose cannon, and I like to surround myself with people who don’t try to stab me.
Jack: Well, Tracy’s feeling a lot better now. He’s under a doctor’s care.
Conan: That’s what they said about Hasselhoff, then he tried to make out with me during a commercial break.
Jack: Conan, this is important to me. So, we can either do this the easy way or the hard way.
Conan: What’s the hard way?
Jack: You do a live Christmas Eve special from Kabul every year until the War on Terror is won.
Conan: Tell Tracy I’ll see him tonight, you Black Irish bastard.
Jack: Back at you, Red.

TV Show: 30 Rock
Liz: Why are you wearing a tux?
Jack: It's after six. What am I, a farmer?

TV Show: 30 Rock