Whose Line Is It Anyway? Quotes

Drew Carey: Welcome to 'Who's Line Is It Anyway' the show where everything's made up and the points don't matter. That's right the points are just like Blair Witch 2.

TV Show: Whose Line Is It Anyway?
Drew Carey: [after a mysterious figure appeared out of nowhere and poured some more drink into his cup] What the **** was that? [everyone laughs, Drew holds up the cup]

TV Show: Whose Line Is It Anyway?
Drew Carey: Let me tell you about Wayne, Colin, and Ryan's... and Brad's newest movie, they all have a movie coming out, it's a combination of Coyote Ugly, Scary Movie, and X-Men. It's called 'It's Scary How Ugly Those Men Are'.

TV Show: Whose Line Is It Anyway?
Drew Carey: Welcome to Whose Line Is It Anyway the show where everything's made up and the points don't matter. That's right, the points are just like the plot line of a porno film. They just don't matter.

TV Show: Whose Line Is It Anyway?
Kathryn Greenwood: [Clueless teenage girl on the phone to her friends] So like I got this job doing like the news or something, and like, what is that anyway? Like politics or wars or something? I just wanna chill, and y'know sometimes I just wish I was a goat y'know? How easy would life be then y'know, you wouldn't even have to read things or understand things or... hey, why's everybody staring at me?

TV Show: Whose Line Is It Anyway?
Ryan Stiles: [Narrate-Barbershop-about Colin] I knew he wasn't here for a haircut. Though, if he was, it wasn't going to take that long.

TV Show: Whose Line Is It Anyway?
Stephen Fry
Dawn French
Lenny Henry
John Sessions
Cullen Donahue

TV Show: Whose Line Is It Anyway?
Lenny Henry:
Hey. Feel GAY!
I went to the zoo, walked down the street,
Opened the door, and guess who I should meet?
A tiger came, and bit off my Head,
And now I'm gonna walk back home again.
It's the animal rap.

TV Show: Whose Line Is It Anyway?
Dawn French:
I like animals, I like Pekinese,
I like them a lot, cause their stupid knees.
I like everything, I like a snake,
And it.. I don't, if it's a fake.

TV Show: Whose Line Is It Anyway?
Stephen Fry:
(talking out of time with beat) Yeah um, oh...
I find it rather hard to get to sleep,
So I tend to spend my time counting sheep.
Um, I've got, ah, plenty in my bedroom, um, one on the walls,
Um, one in bed and one curled up on my lap.

TV Show: Whose Line Is It Anyway?
John Sessions:
I like the Man from U.N.C.L.E, like the Man From Atlantis,
But I like to make love to a praying mantis,
Get down on your legs, down on your feet,
And go after those sheep till they bleat bleat bleat.
I said damn.

TV Show: Whose Line Is It Anyway?
Lenny Henry:
Oh yeah.
Feel good!
Oh y... Sorry, I'm enjoying this too much.
I like to go hunting, there's no denyin',
I like to stick my gun into a big lion.
I'd like to get down with a big fat sheep,
I'd like to do something else, and then go to sleep.

TV Show: Whose Line Is It Anyway?
Dawn French:
I like all sorts of animals, especially cats,
I like them if they're thin, I like them if they're fat.
I like other animals, I like a dog,
But one thing I wouldn't do with a dog is snog.

TV Show: Whose Line Is It Anyway?
Stephen Fry:
(speaks out of time... again) I once went to bed with a baby llama,
But it didn't matter 'cause he didn't tell his mamma.
I then went to bed with a bird from Carolina,
But it did matter 'cause it was a minah.

TV Show: Whose Line Is It Anyway?
Paul: Please help me!
Jim: Quicksand is it?
Paul: R... (errr...) yes.
Jim: Say nothing, say nothing, I'll pull you out.
Paul: Today if you could!
Jim: Undoubtedly. Grab my hand then.
Paul: Verily I will.
Jim: Well here we go, well, pull... (Jim tries to pull Paul out)
Paul: ...X-rays, I need x-rays! My arm's broken!
Jim: Yes, it feels like it is!
Paul: Zor, Zorro was my favourite children's doh... I think the quicksand is seeping into my brain!
Jim: Are you a sad little man? You are aren't you?
Paul: Basically, yes!
Jim: Come on, I'll get you back out here on dry land. (Jim pulls Paul out)
Paul: Damn! I nearly died in that quicksand.
Jim: Everybody does, you know.
Paul: Finally yes, they do.
Jim: Goodbye to the quicksand then.
Paul: Hello to a new life.
Jim: I love you!
Paul: Just saying that!
Jim: Kinky little devil!
Paul: Love me?
Jim: Much, much, much, much, much.
Paul: ...Noooo!
Jim: Oh yes!

TV Show: Whose Line Is It Anyway?
Paul: About them drugs you found in me spare garage.
Julian: But what are you trying to say, sir?
Paul: Copper, it's like this!
Julian: Don't call me a copper!
Paul: Even though you've got 'Copper' written on your lapel?
Julian: Five minutes and I'll take you down the nick.
Paul: Gordon Bennett!
Julian: I thought your name was Harry. Oh, that's wrong isn't it?Harry, you're under arrest!
Paul: I'm under arrest!
Julian: (asks Paul what the next letter is under his breath)Just wait a minute, then I'll arrest you.
Paul: Keep me here while you arrest me in just a minute? No, I shall scarper! I shall...
Julian: Life. Life's is what I'm threatening you with, sonny!
Paul: Mother?
Julian: No time for mother now!
Paul: (disappointed)Ohhhhhhh....
Julian: Policeman, that's what I am!
Paul: (Paul goes through the alphabet in his head and Julian tries to tell him it's Q)Queen Mother's good for her age, isn't she?
Julian: Right that's it, I've had enough! I'm gonna take you in now, to the police station.
Paul: So soon?
Julian: Yep... Terry Marshall looks like you with the lights out.
Paul: Ultra-violet light, probably.
Julian: Violent by nature, aren't you? I can see it in your eyes.
Paul: Windows of the soul... (Julian struggles to think of a word beginning with X) ...wanna see me X-rays?
Julian: Except in special circumstances.
Paul: ... Well... Yes.
Julian: Zoo.

TV Show: Whose Line Is It Anyway?
Ron West - DC Comics
Jimmy Mulville - Sigmund Freud
Paul Merton - Edgar Allan Poe
John Sessions - The Diaries of Andy Warhol

TV Show: Whose Line Is It Anyway?
Sandi: Alright are you ready?
Josie: But there's one thing I haven't told you...
Sandi: Cor, what?
Josie: Don't want to do it!
Sandi: (angrily)Every time we go anywhere you always say you don't want to do it!
Josie: (upset)Flippin' heck, don't shout at me!
Sandi: Good grief, we never do anything interesting!
Josie: ...(crying)Huh-huh-huh...
Sandi: I wish I'd thought of that!
Josie: Joking apart, I'm ready!
Sandi: Know what?
Josie: Let me know, what?
Sandi: My parachute's bigger than your parachute.
Josie: Nooo!
Sandi: Oh yes!
Josie: Perhaps that's 'cos you've got a big bum!
Sandi: Queen's Regiment are taking us up!
Josie: Ripping fellows, those soldiers!
Sandi: So are you not nervous or anything?
Josie: Touchy, touchy, but not nervous. Just touchy.
Sandi: Under the wing is a very bad place to land.
Josie: Very, very bad, so I've heard!
Sandi: Well you could end up in hospital. ((Josie can't think what letter comes next and Sandi makes an X with her hands)
Josie: X-rays! X-rays! I'm scared of X-rays!
Sandi: Yes it could be very serious. (draws a Z in the air with her finger)
Josie: Zoo! Zoo! Look - zoo! I hope we don't land in the zoo!

TV Show: Whose Line Is It Anyway?
Sandi: Ah! Hello!
Tony: Bloody hell, you're gorgeous.
Sandi: Cor, he's not bad!
Tony: Deary me, funny legs!
Sandi: Ever thought of going to a proper tailor?
Tony: Frankly no.
Sandi: Good, cos I quite like your suit.
Tony: Hoorah!.
Sandi: I was just passing, and I wondered if you would like to go out for a coffee?
Tony: Joffé? Did you say Roland Joffé?
Sandi: Koffee! Only it's Turkish and they spell it with a K.
Tony: Oh, Lumee.
Sandi: My, you're a nice looking boy.
Tony: Naughty vixen!
Sandi: Oh yes.
Tony: Pretty too!
Sandi: Really?
Tony: ... Queer, I am. Never mind. (Sandi nods as she realises she missed the Q)
Sandi: So are all the boys I meet.
Tony: Tony.
Sandi: U.
Tony: Ah! Venereal Disease!
Sandi: Well, wouldn't you know?
Tony: You? (Sandi makes X sign with hands)Xylophone?
Sandi: Yes, for many years now.
Tony: Zing went the strings of my heart!

TV Show: Whose Line Is It Anyway?
Mike: Lucky sod, you get off this weekend.
Tony: Michael, this is sudden. What causes jealousy?
Mike: Nepotism.
Tony: Ooooooh!
Mike: Perhaps your wife doesn't happen to be the best nurse on the hall.
Tony: Quite, she isn't!
Mike: Really, I thought you had more tact and morals than that.
Tony: Silly person! Can't you see you've just taken out his windpipe?
Mike: Tracheotomy time!
Tony: That goes under the neck. (realised his mistake) Under the neck, that goes!
Mike: Very good!
Tony: Whooo! We've done it.
Mike: The Xyvalogovu Ridge seems to be opening up.
Tony: Yes, that's right.
Mike: Zip that baby up and I'll break for all of us for lunch.
Tony: Awww, he's dead.
Mike: Big deal!
Tony: Careless butterfingers!
Mike: Doctor Cockup!
Tony: Every time!
Mike: Forget it, I'm hungry.
Tony: Good, me too.
Mike: Hell, let's go to that new salad bar.
Tony: I'd rather have a steak.
Mike: Well, jam it up my kaboga, I'll have a steak too!
Tony: Kaboga, what's that?
Mike: Linear tract of the ... forget it.

TV Show: Whose Line Is It Anyway?
Random person: Odd bit wouldn't you think

TV Show: Whose Line Is It Anyway?
Archie Hahn - Alice Walker
Jonathan Pryce - The diaries of Noël Coward
Paul Merton - Sir Arthur Conan Doyle
John Sessions - JRR Tolkien

TV Show: Whose Line Is It Anyway?
Ron West - Kurt Vonnegut Jr.
Sandi Toksvig - Enid Blyton Sr.
Tony Slattery - Marquis de Sade - "translated into Norwegian".
Rory McGrath - Desmond Morris III

TV Show: Whose Line Is It Anyway?
Josie Lawrence - Michelin Guide to Famous Buildings and Landmarks in London
Greg Proops - Jack Kerouac
Jim Sweeney - JRR Tolkien
Tony Slattery - My Little Pony

TV Show: Whose Line Is It Anyway?
Tony: Wait, there were two of you a minute ago
Greg: I'm back now
Ryan: Bonjour
Tony: Bonjour

TV Show: Whose Line Is It Anyway?
Mike: Ding-dong
Steve S: Hello?
Mike (sings) She's left you, she's left you, she's never coming back again, she's left you (kisses Steve)

TV Show: Whose Line Is It Anyway?
Mike: I'm here to buff Clive's head

TV Show: Whose Line Is It Anyway?
Jim: Just come in, son, come in and tell us your sins.
Paul: (deep breath)Kevin, my next door neighbour, I buried him up to his neck in sand.
Jim: Let's see if I've got this right - Kevin?
Paul: My, my, yes, that was his name, yes. Kevin, yes.
Jim: No, no, not Kevin!
Paul: Oh yes it was!
Jim: Please don't tell me it was Kevin!
Paul: Erm... Q? Erm... erm... What word begins with Q?
Clive: "Queue" does! The word "queue" begins with Q!
Paul: Queue! Gardens is where I buried him up to his neck!
Jim: Right, well that's a terrible sin, there may be no way that I can absolve you.
Paul: Surely Father, there must be something you can do.
Jim: Teddy, I could give you a little teddy! And you could cuddle it, it might make you feel better.
Paul: Urdu. I like your 'urdu.
Jim: Very kind of you to say so, thank you very much.
Paul: Er.. Windowlene?
Jim: Xylophones need this to make the look shine better.
Paul: Youngsters know best.
Jim: Zee, zee, zee, zee! (presses on his watch) I'm Jimmy Olsen calling Superman! Zee, zee, zee, zee!
Paul: About time too! I wondered when Superman was gonna turn up!
Jim: Big git, Superman!
Paul: Yeah. Er... Chair. Chair. Can you tell me when he's gonna get here?
Jim: Don't know but he could be here any minute. Look, there he is!
Paul: Everyone's looking at up the sky! Is it a bird? Is it a plane?
Jim: Frankly I don't know!
Paul: Good heavens! Look at the way he's soaring towards us!

TV Show: Whose Line Is It Anyway?
Mike: Quentin, can you open up the flaps? We're coming in pretty fast.
Tony: Right.
Mike: Sure is wild the way you work those wing flaps.
Tony: Terrance, there's something I've been meaning to tell you and I'd like to tell you before we land.
Mike: Under duress, I hope.
Tony: Very duress, yes.
Mike: Well, spit it out.
Tony: Xerxes is my name, it's not Quentin after all.
Mike: Y'know, I'd suspected that for quite some time.
Tony: (mimed reaching for the radio) Zero Foxtrot Bravo, we're going to bank around the airport a couple of times.
Mike: Altitude seems to be holding up.
Tony: Bloody hell, the petrol's falling out of the back of the plane!
Mike: Cor, blimey, guv. We're going to crash!
Tony: Die, die, we're gonna die!
Mike: Enough of this folderol, quick, get back in the emergency fuel tank, try to get some speed up, we'll come back in slow.
Tony: Fuel tanks fractured!
Mike: Great Leaping Lungfish, we're gonna toast!
Tony: Help! Help! Help!
Mike: In case of an emergency scream real camp. Yeah, that's gonna do a lot of good.
Tony: Jeanette, Jeanette, serve us some coffee!
Mike: Knowledge of her name is not going to help us out of any situation for crying out loud.
Tony: Leave her alone, she's my wife as if you didn't know.
Mike: My woman, as if you didn't know.
Tony: Nanette, what are you doing here? I thought you were in Switzerland?
Mike: Oh, Nanette, you've been down there the whole time.
Tony: Please, Nanette, not now, we're going to crash.
Mike: Question...

TV Show: Whose Line Is It Anyway?
Mike McShane - Louis L'Amour
Josie Lawrence - The Brothers Grimm
Tony Slattery - Dr. Alex Comfort
John Sessions - William Faulkner

TV Show: Whose Line Is It Anyway?