The Mighty Boosh Quotes
Bob Fossil: I have a problem. It's to do with the little man, the squashed-in French man, the naked little squashed up hairy boy! You know! With the hand feet [shakes his hands to demonstrate]
Bob Fossil: The brown little hand foot man. [makes face]
Howard Moon: The gorilla.
Bob Fossil: Yer!
Bob Fossil: The brown little hand foot man. [makes face]
Howard Moon: The gorilla.
Bob Fossil: Yer!
TV Show: The Mighty Boosh
The Moon: When you are the moon, the best form you can be is a full moon. And then the half moon... he's all right. But the full moon is the famous moon. And then three-quarters, eh, no one gives a **** about him. When does he come, two days in, to the calendar month? He's useless. Full moon. The moon. The main moon.
TV Show: The Mighty Boosh
Vince Noir: C'mon, Howard, let's get out of here.
Howard Moon: Stop tugging at my mink!
Vince Noir: Mink? That's a bit off, isn't it? You're supposed to be a zookeeper.
Howard Moon: Yeah, well, it's a different law in the tundra, Vince. It's kill or be killed.
Vince Noir: What, by a mink?
Howard Moon: They get very big out here. [gesturing at floor-length mink coat]
Howard Moon: This whole thing is just one mink.
Vince Noir: That's not right. I know, I read a pamphlet.
Howard Moon: So? I once glanced at a hedge. What's your point?
Vince Noir: No, it was a mink pamphlet. Minky Monthly. There were millions of them on the front, dancing around. It said that it takes about ninety mink just to make a small ladies glove.
Howard Moon: That's 'cause they're really crap at sewing.
Howard Moon: Stop tugging at my mink!
Vince Noir: Mink? That's a bit off, isn't it? You're supposed to be a zookeeper.
Howard Moon: Yeah, well, it's a different law in the tundra, Vince. It's kill or be killed.
Vince Noir: What, by a mink?
Howard Moon: They get very big out here. [gesturing at floor-length mink coat]
Howard Moon: This whole thing is just one mink.
Vince Noir: That's not right. I know, I read a pamphlet.
Howard Moon: So? I once glanced at a hedge. What's your point?
Vince Noir: No, it was a mink pamphlet. Minky Monthly. There were millions of them on the front, dancing around. It said that it takes about ninety mink just to make a small ladies glove.
Howard Moon: That's 'cause they're really crap at sewing.
TV Show: The Mighty Boosh
Tommy: There are only two kinds of men who venture into the jungle at this time of night: a fool or an idiot.
TV Show: The Mighty Boosh
Vince: Who are you?
Rudi: I go by many names.
Vince: Well, what are they, then?
Rudi: I'm getting round to that in my own good mystical time.
Rudi: I go by many names.
Vince: Well, what are they, then?
Rudi: I'm getting round to that in my own good mystical time.
TV Show: The Mighty Boosh
Dennis: [believing Lester to have been with his wife] Prepare to die, you prancing tit! [he beheads Lester] And let that be a lesson to the lot of you!
Tony Harrison: Dennis, you dildo! What the fuck are you doing!? That's the wrong geezer!
Tony Harrison: Dennis, you dildo! What the fuck are you doing!? That's the wrong geezer!
TV Show: The Mighty Boosh
Tony Harrison: Feel my multi-hexagonal textured alien barbed penis inside of you!
TV Show: The Mighty Boosh
Bob Fossil: Hey, Moon, who are you? Zorro on Gay Night? [Howard says nothing.] Nice comeback.
TV Show: The Mighty Boosh
Montgomery Flange: Lesson 49: Object Animation. What do you see in front of you?
Howard Moon: A pencil.
Montgomery Flange: A pencil? No, no, no! Look, it's Niagara Falls, it's a seagull, it's cheese in the shape of a question mark! It's anything you bloody want it to be! You try!... Come on!
Howard Moon: I don't know what to do. I can't make it into anything else. It's just a pencil, you stupid old git!
Montgomery Flange: Yes! You've found the truth! You're an actor now and I'm as hard as the cobra!
Howard Moon: A pencil.
Montgomery Flange: A pencil? No, no, no! Look, it's Niagara Falls, it's a seagull, it's cheese in the shape of a question mark! It's anything you bloody want it to be! You try!... Come on!
Howard Moon: I don't know what to do. I can't make it into anything else. It's just a pencil, you stupid old git!
Montgomery Flange: Yes! You've found the truth! You're an actor now and I'm as hard as the cobra!
TV Show: The Mighty Boosh
Rudi: [to a heckler] Shut your mouth, or I shall fly at you like a bag of cocks.
Vince: And you will receive him like a satchel of vaginas. Tag team putdowns.
Vince: And you will receive him like a satchel of vaginas. Tag team putdowns.
TV Show: The Mighty Boosh
Vince: Where could she be? How do we find an old lady?
Howard: An old Comanche Indian saying; "The best place to hide a leaf is in the forest."
Vince: You think she's in the forest?
Howard: An old Comanche Indian saying; "The best place to hide a leaf is in the forest."
Vince: You think she's in the forest?
TV Show: The Mighty Boosh
Howard: I don't accessorize. I'm Howard Moon. There's a simple truth to me.
TV Show: The Mighty Boosh
Tony Harrison: I have bought not one, not two, but three crates of poppers! We are having it large!
Dennis: Where is Mrs. Harrison in all this?
Tony Harrison: She's staying with her sister in Bournemouth. I just have to find a quiet spot, tell her I'm going to bed at half nine and carte blanche! I am greenlit the whole way!
Dennis: Where is Mrs. Harrison in all this?
Tony Harrison: She's staying with her sister in Bournemouth. I just have to find a quiet spot, tell her I'm going to bed at half nine and carte blanche! I am greenlit the whole way!
TV Show: The Mighty Boosh
Howard: Just imagine the headlines; "Howard Moon, colon, Explorer." Got a nice ring to it, doesn't it?
Vince: "Colon explorer"? I think that's got the wrong ring to it.
Vince: "Colon explorer"? I think that's got the wrong ring to it.
TV Show: The Mighty Boosh
Dixon Bainbridge: I understand it took Howard Moon one month to grow that moustache. Check the insect cabinet, I think we're one caterpillar short!
TV Show: The Mighty Boosh
Howard: I'll take you out for a meal with Mr and Mrs. Pain. Order up some violent quiche.
TV Show: The Mighty Boosh
Both: Captain Cabinets, Trapped in cabinets. Can he get out? Will he get out? Course he will.
TV Show: The Mighty Boosh
Bob Fossil: [Addressing children] Why are you people so small? I can rest my drinks on your heads.
TV Show: The Mighty Boosh
Howard: Sometimes I wish I could just shed my skin and writhe about.
Mrs. Gideon: That's disgusting.
Howard: No, it's a metaphor.
Mrs Gideon: Still disgusting.
Mrs. Gideon: That's disgusting.
Howard: No, it's a metaphor.
Mrs Gideon: Still disgusting.
TV Show: The Mighty Boosh
Vince: Imagine that! A poncho-sombrero combo. I’ll be off my tits on happiness.
TV Show: The Mighty Boosh
Vince Noir: Sorry about earlier. I behaved like a tit. I was having problems coping with the stardom.
Howard Moon: Stardom? You've only been in the band since 10: 30 this morning.
Vince Noir: Yeah, but you know: the lifestyle, the drugs...
Howard Moon: The drugs?
Vince Noir: Yeah, well, you know, the coffees. I've had three lattes, and an Americano. I'm blazin'!
Howard Moon: Stardom? You've only been in the band since 10: 30 this morning.
Vince Noir: Yeah, but you know: the lifestyle, the drugs...
Howard Moon: The drugs?
Vince Noir: Yeah, well, you know, the coffees. I've had three lattes, and an Americano. I'm blazin'!
TV Show: The Mighty Boosh
[Howard shows up to play in the band.]
Howard Moon: Ladies...
Vince Noir: Howard!
Howard Moon: Hi.
Neon: No way... not the simpleton!
Vince Noir: He's a musical genius!
Ultra: Well, he better be. He looks like a paedophile.
Howard Moon: Ladies...
Vince Noir: Howard!
Howard Moon: Hi.
Neon: No way... not the simpleton!
Vince Noir: He's a musical genius!
Ultra: Well, he better be. He looks like a paedophile.
TV Show: The Mighty Boosh
Bob Fossil: Technically, you're not a Peeping Tom if it's one of your relatives.
TV Show: The Mighty Boosh
Naboo: Who are you?
Bryan Ferry: I am Bryan Ferry!
Naboo: Have you ever seen Bryan Ferry?
Bryan Ferry: Yeah, what's your point?
Naboo: You look like Terry Wogan.
Bryan Ferry: I am Bryan Ferry!
Naboo: Have you ever seen Bryan Ferry?
Bryan Ferry: Yeah, what's your point?
Naboo: You look like Terry Wogan.
TV Show: The Mighty Boosh