Becker Quotes

Dr. John Becker: Uh-Linda?
Linda, Lynda: Yes?
Dr. John Becker: I meant Linda.
Linda, Lynda: Yes?
Margaret: You're both named Linda?
Linda, Lynda: Yes.
Dr. John Becker: I just had that creepy feeling I had in medical school watching the cell divide.

TV Show: Becker
Dr. John Becker: ...everybody at Harvard used to stand in line for days to get into one of his classes
Bob: Who said Harvard students don't know how to party?

TV Show: Becker
Dr. John Becker: I never told you to shut up.
Mr. Humphries: You hung up on me once.
Dr. John Becker: So I didn't have to tell you to shut up.

TV Show: Becker
Margaret: [on the phone] I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. [hangs up the phone and Becker walks in]
Margaret: What did you do?
Becker: I don't know.

TV Show: Becker
[Becker's patient is Richard Hatch, winner of Survivor: Borneo]
Dr. John Becker: [checking his clipboard] Okay, uh, Mr. Hatch. I'm Dr. Becker. [he and Richard shake hands]
Richard Hatch: Hey, Doc. Want me to take my clothes off? 'Cause that's no problem.
Dr. John Becker: Uh, why don't we just talk first.
Richard Hatch: Okay.
Dr. John Becker: [checking his clipboard] All right. It says you're here for... stomach distress. Any, uh, recent changes in your diet?
Richard Hatch: No, but, uh, several months ago, I was out of the country.
Dr. John Becker: Oh, yeah, I've seen that before. Mexico?
Richard Hatch: No, I was on this island. My diet was very exotic. I pretty much existed on stingray, dog food, beetle larvae...
Dr. John Becker: Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Stop. What the hell's wrong with you?
Richard Hatch: Hey, some of the *other* people there ate rats.
Dr. John Becker: Rats? Well, why in the world would anyone do that?
Richard Hatch: It was for "Survivor."
Dr. John Becker: "Survivor?"
Richard Hatch: You know, the contest? The show? It was on television.
Dr. John Becker: Television? Oh, my God! You know, what is this world coming to? People are eating bugs and rats on a stupid television show? I swear to God! You know, TV has become nothing more than the... the Petri dish where this country grows its idiots! Don't they have better things to do than to debase themselves coast to coast?
Richard Hatch: Well, I won.
Dr. John Becker: Oh, yeah, won. Yeah, please. I me

TV Show: Becker
[Linda stands up with a post-it note stuck on her forehead]
Linda: I had a message for Margaret but I can't find it.
Dr. John Becker: Was it to tell her Mrs. Cooper called?
Linda: Wow, it's like you read my mind.
Dr. John Becker: Some are easier than others. [Becker walks away and Margaret comes in]
Linda: I have a message for you.
Margaret: Was it to tell me Mrs. Cooper called?
Linda: Wow, you people are freaky. [Linda goes in the back]
Dr. John Becker: I won't tell her if you won't tell her.

TV Show: Becker
Jake Malinak: (first lines) Becker's here!
(three people run out the door as Becker comes in)
Dr. John Becker: What I like about this place is that anytime I walk in, there's always a seat.

TV Show: Becker
Dr. John Becker: You know what's killing this country? TV talk shows. I watched one last night. I should've just stuck a fork in my eye. You know, it's like America stepped in something and is scraping it off its shoe directly over my TV set. I'm telling you. Jerry Springer, Jenny Jones, they're all broadcasting straight from Hell! When I watched one the other day... I don't even know what the hell it was. Apparently, some guy wanted to be a woman, so he chops it off. Then he decides he likes chicks after all, so he becomes a lesbian. Tell me there's not a wasted step in there somewhere.

TV Show: Becker
Regina "Reggie" Kostas: You know, Becker, you could've changed the channel.
Dr. John Becker: I did. I ran across a bisexual guy having a three-way with his aunt and uncle. I tell you, if I were his dog, I'd be on my toes.
Regina "Reggie" Kostas: Well, here's a wacky idea: turn it off!
Jake Malinak: Don't you see it, Reggie? He leaves the TV on so he can get upset!
Dr. John Becker: Nobody called on you. It doesn't matter if you turn the set off. The people are still in there! And, frankly, I like knowing what they're up to. Trust me on this one. White trash is the only natural resource this country will never run out of!

TV Show: Becker
Regina "Reggie" Kostas: You're really a miserable human being.
Dr. John Becker: Doesn't mean I'm not right.

TV Show: Becker
Regina "Reggie" Kostas: Why don't you get a nicotine patch like the rest of the world.
Dr. John Becker: I tried one. They're too hard to light.

TV Show: Becker
Dr. John Becker: Jake.
Jake Malinak: (combing his hair) Yeah?
Dr. John Becker: If you don't want people to know you're blind, you might want to try staring into the shiny metal part instead of directly at the napkin.
Jake Malinak: (touches the napkin dispenser, of which the napkins are facing) Oh, damn.

TV Show: Becker
Man: You sure he's really a doctor? I mean, he's such an ass.
Regina "Reggie" Kostas: He's not just a doctor. He's a brilliant doctor. As far I as I can tell, that's his only flaw, otherwise he'd be a perfect ass.

TV Show: Becker
(talking to a patient who wasn’t following the diet he put him on)
Dr. John Becker: Kind'a thought what? That I'll give a pat on that continent you call a butt, tell you everything is gonna be fine and send you home?
Mr. Capelli: Wow wow, aren’t doctors supposed to be nice?
Dr. John Becker: Check out the Hippocratic Oath, it doesn’t mention nice.

TV Show: Becker
Annette Johnson: You just may go to Heaven whether you like it or not.
Dr. John Becker: Thanks. It's the first time someone suggested I go in that direction.

TV Show: Becker
Regina "Reggie" Kostas: So, what kind of car are you looking for?
Dr. John Becker: Basic transportation. Something to get me from here to there.
Regina "Reggie" Kostas: Get a bicycle.
Jake Malinak: Uh-oh.
Regina "Reggie" Kostas: What? They're inexpensive, great exercise, and pollution-free.
Dr. John Becker: Oh, yeah. That's just what I want to be. Another schmuck riding down the street with a little bell and stupid helmet trying to save the environment. Like my little two-wheeler's going to make a difference in a city with fifty-million cabs belching out toxic smoke. "Oh, little Timmy can't breathe! But don't worry! Becker's riding a bike!"
Jake Malinak: (to Reggie) I tried to warn you.

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(repeated line)
Multiple Characters: What's that?
Dr. John Becker: It's my air horn.

TV Show: Becker
Dr. John Becker: My car broke down, so I had to take the bus. Have you done that lately? It's like being in an ethanol-powered Fellini film. The first thing I see is some woman breastfeeding her son- her ADULT son. Behind them is someone in this lovely Chanel evening gown who's either an unattractive man or really unattractive woman. The only seat I could find was next to some guy who claims he's Moses. He may well have been, too. He smelled like some guy who'd been dead for 3,000 years.

TV Show: Becker
Dr. John Becker: Hey, M.J. How are you doing?
Marvin Johnson: Where do babies come from?
Dr. John Becker: (pause) Europe.

TV Show: Becker
Margaret: Mrs. Cooper called at 11: 00 last night. She didn't want to alarm us, but she wasn't sure she would make it through the night. 7: 00 this morning, Mrs. Cooper called again. Apparently, she made it. 8: 15, Mrs. Cooper called...
Dr. John Becker: She's here, isn't she?
Margaret: Room two.
Dr. John Becker: All right, give me the TV Guide. Let's see what we're dealing with.
Margaret: Already checked. There were two movies of the week last night. Lindsey Wagner had kidney failure and Patty Duke was going deaf. Usual bet?
Dr. John Becker: Fine. I'll take deafness, you've got renal shutdown. [Enters exam room] Mrs. Cooper, how are we doing today?
Patient: Excuse me, doctor. Could you speak up?
Dr. John Becker: (yells out to Margaret) Patty Duke!
Margaret: Damn!

TV Show: Becker
Linda: (to a patient) Oh, they're sending you up for and MRI. Hope you're not claustrophobic. 'Cause, you know, they slide you into this long, dark tube, and you can't move. It's like, the walls are closing in, and then, there's this horrible, deafening, pounding noise, and you scream, and you scream but nobody can hear you. And then you wonder, 'what if there's a power failure, and I get stuck in here?!' It's like that movie where that guy was buried alive. What was that called? Oh, right! Buried Alive! And then, there's Buried Alive 2! How many movies must these people make before people learn?
Margaret: Linda, I'll finish up here. Why don't you go find something else to do?
Linda: Okay. (to the patient) Hope you make it.
Margaret: Mr. Lyles, relax. An MRI is nothing to be afraid of. (quietly) But you sure won't catch me in one.

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Linda: (whispering) Dr. Becker, do you need any help?
Dr. John Becker: (whispers) No.
Linda: (still whispering) Are you sure?
Dr. John Becker: (whispers) Yes.
Patient: Oh, no. I am going deaf! I can hardly hear either one of you!
Dr. John Becker: That's because we were whispering.
Patient: What don't you want me to know?

TV Show: Becker
Patient: While I'm here, there was something on the news last night about five warning signs. I definitely have three of them: fatigue, sore joints, and disorientation.
Dr. John Becker: Hold on. Five warning signs for what?
Patient: I don't know. I walked into the room after the program started. I just have this feeling that something's terribly wrong with me.
Dr. John Becker: Well, no argument here.

TV Show: Becker
Dr. John Becker: (to Mr. Marino, who claims he "forgot" to take his medications) You remembered to keep smoking.
Mr. Marino: Who says I'm smoking?
Dr. John Becker: You're a lying, smoking bastard! I know because I'm one, too. Look, right now, you're being stupid. Do you want to be stupid and dead?
Mr. Marino: You use that mouth with all your patients?
Dr. John Becker: Only the stupid ones! It's real simple, Mr. Marino: You're walking across the street. A bus is coming at you. I'm trying to help you get out of the way. Even a five year-old is smart enough to do that. You think you might take directions as well as a five year-old?
Mr. Marino: You know what? I got some directions for you, pal! Why don't you go straight to Hell, take a left at Up Yours, and then make a right at Kiss my Ass!

TV Show: Becker
Dr. John Becker: (on the phone) Well, when Mr. Marino gets back to the office, tell him to call Dr. Becker, please. (pause) He told you to tell me that? Well, I'm a doctor, and that's not physically possible.

TV Show: Becker
Margaret: You're dealing with people, John. Sometimes you have to be a little tactful.
Dr. John Becker: I don't have time to be tactful, Margaret! Am I wrong, here? A guy's crossing the street, a bus is about to hit him, I yell at him to watch out!
Margaret: You keep yelling at me like that, I'm going to shove you in front of that bus, climb inside, get behind the wheel and back up over you again!

TV Show: Becker
Dr. John Becker: You'd really back over me?
Margaret: Only to put you out of your misery.

TV Show: Becker
Dr. John Becker: Hey, Jake. Let me ask you something. Say you're crossing the street and some guy yells at you because you're about to be hit by a bus.
Jake Malinak: What street?
Dr. John Becker: What's the difference?
Jake Malinak: Well, John, I'm tying to help you here, so...
Dr. John Becker: All right, fine, fine. Fourth and Road. You happy? The point is...
Jake Malinak: Is it a local or an express?
Dr. John Becker: What difference does it make?
Jake Malinak: Well, I want to know how fast it's going. Now, if it's a local, I know it's going to stop, but if it's an express, it's just going to come barreling through--
Dr. John Becker: I don't know what kind of bus it is, all right?
Jake Malinak: Okay, fine, fine. So, I'm crossing the street, and here comes some kind of bus which may or may not be going fast enough to hit me.
Dr. John Becker: Okay, you know what? The bus was going faster than I thought! You're dead!
Jake Malinak: Why does it always have to be the blind black guy crossing the street?
Dr. John Becker: Oh, all right! Fine, Jake! It's a white guy crossing the street!
Jake Malinak: Now we're talkin'! Is he big and slow?
Dr. John Becker: He's me! Okay?! I'm crossing the street!
Reggie: Oh, well that's easy. The bus hits you and nobody calls for help because everyone in this neighborhood knows you.

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Dr. John Becker: (to Mrs. Marino) I know why you want to kill him. (to Mr. Marino) And now I know why you want to die. Best of luck to both of you.

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Dr. John Becker: (answers phone) Hello? Excuse me? Am I interested in changing my long distance carrier? (blows air horn into the phone) Thanks for calling.

TV Show: Becker