The Raccoons Quotes
Computerised Cyril: (Responding to a phone call) Listen Leech, if I do not see some cold hard cash pronto, you will hear from so many lawyers that latin will become your second language!
TV Show: The Raccoons
Pig Three: There's no one here!
Cyril: I've been kept waiting for nothing! Who does this guy think he is?
Pig Three: Maybe he just stepped out to, er, freshen up before your meeting!
Cyril: I want to buy his company, not go out on a date with him!
Cyril: I've been kept waiting for nothing! Who does this guy think he is?
Pig Three: Maybe he just stepped out to, er, freshen up before your meeting!
Cyril: I want to buy his company, not go out on a date with him!
TV Show: The Raccoons
Schaeffer: Alright class, we shall begin at the beginning; breathing.
Bert: Ha ha ha! Ah, come on Schaeffer we know how to breathe already! We've been doing it for years!
Schaeffer: You must be the advanced class, heh heh heh!
Bert: Ha ha ha! Ah, come on Schaeffer we know how to breathe already! We've been doing it for years!
Schaeffer: You must be the advanced class, heh heh heh!
TV Show: The Raccoons
Schaeffer: I'm not teaching you boys how to fight. Martial arts teaches self-defense, and there's a big difference. Do you understand?
TV Show: The Raccoons
Nicole: Bentley, for the last time you cannot have a puppy, until, you've proven your responsible enough to take care of it!
Bentley: I just did the dishes didn't I? And you didn't even have to ask me. I AM responsible.
Nicole: Hu-uh, and what happened to your gold fish?
Bentley: But, I was just a kid then, if I had a puppy, I walk him and be the best friend a puppy ever had.
George: You've heard your mother, Bentley.
Bentley: I just did the dishes didn't I? And you didn't even have to ask me. I AM responsible.
Nicole: Hu-uh, and what happened to your gold fish?
Bentley: But, I was just a kid then, if I had a puppy, I walk him and be the best friend a puppy ever had.
George: You've heard your mother, Bentley.
TV Show: The Raccoons
Bert: Bentley, where's Broo?
Bentley: I left him outside. I told him to wait by the door.
Bert: You left him outside? Alone? You call that looking after a puppy?
Bentley: But it's only for a few minutes! And what could happen to him anyway?
Bert: That's not the point Bentley, you said you'd look after him!
Bentley: I left him outside. I told him to wait by the door.
Bert: You left him outside? Alone? You call that looking after a puppy?
Bentley: But it's only for a few minutes! And what could happen to him anyway?
Bert: That's not the point Bentley, you said you'd look after him!
TV Show: The Raccoons
Bentley: So Mom and Dad said I wasn't ready to take responsibility for a puppy.
Bert: Well...
Bentley: Yeah, yeah. You don't have to say it. They're right.
Bert: However,it seems to me that admitting you're not ready for responsibility shows a certain amount of responsibility!
Bert: Well...
Bentley: Yeah, yeah. You don't have to say it. They're right.
Bert: However,it seems to me that admitting you're not ready for responsibility shows a certain amount of responsibility!
TV Show: The Raccoons
Schaeffer: It's on every channel!
Ralph: (wails) All 340! No hockey, no football, no championship darts! No divisional synchronised swimming finals!
Schaeffer: I don't think this is going to be very good for business Ralph.
Ralph: (tearful) I think I'm going to cry Schaeffer!
Ralph: (wails) All 340! No hockey, no football, no championship darts! No divisional synchronised swimming finals!
Schaeffer: I don't think this is going to be very good for business Ralph.
Ralph: (tearful) I think I'm going to cry Schaeffer!
TV Show: The Raccoons
Cyril: Well, thanks to our late arrival, there's going to be trouble getting a table!
Knox: Might I suggest we dine at my new private club, Lock Links?
JD: Well then we could eat right away! Mmm! I can almost smell the food!
Cyril: I smell something too and it's a bit fishy.
Knox: Might I suggest we dine at my new private club, Lock Links?
JD: Well then we could eat right away! Mmm! I can almost smell the food!
Cyril: I smell something too and it's a bit fishy.
TV Show: The Raccoons
Bert: They can't tear down our clubhouse! Why, we're not even on their land!
Cedric: You're right Bert. But we can fix it up a bit! After all they're our neighbours now, and we should try to get along.
Bert: Yeah I guess you're right. With a little work we could spruce this place up in no time. But we better be careful or those stuffed shirts at Lock Links will be over here wanting to join our club!
Cedric: You're right Bert. But we can fix it up a bit! After all they're our neighbours now, and we should try to get along.
Bert: Yeah I guess you're right. With a little work we could spruce this place up in no time. But we better be careful or those stuffed shirts at Lock Links will be over here wanting to join our club!
TV Show: The Raccoons
Bert: Hi George! Hard at work on another pecan pie?
George: Er, no, not exactly Bert.
Bert: (looking in oven) Ah, a luxurious lime mousse!
George: Bert, I'm cleaning the oven.
George: Er, no, not exactly Bert.
Bert: (looking in oven) Ah, a luxurious lime mousse!
George: Bert, I'm cleaning the oven.
TV Show: The Raccoons
Bert: What's going on Lisa? You've never smoked before!
Lisa: I don't need a lecture Bert Raccoon!
Lisa: I don't need a lecture Bert Raccoon!
TV Show: The Raccoons
Cyril: (On the phone) I know you're just the secretary at Lock Links, but if you were to shuffle things around a bit I'm sure we can find a way to get into that club of yours. (pauses) I've got a pile of paper here, tens and twenties actually! That might... hello? Hello!? (Hangs up) Hah! I don't know if want to belong to a club that won't even take a bribe!
TV Show: The Raccoons
Lisa: Bentley Raccoon!
Bentley: Lisa!
Lisa: Take that thing out of your mouth right now buster!
Bentley: Hey, I was only fooling around!
Lisa: You don't fool around with cigarettes! Do you have any idea what they can do to your health? You can't breathe, they smell awful, they're expensive and once you start smoking it's almost impossible to stop! Bentley, cigarettes are NOT cool!
Bentley: I know that stuff already. And you know that I don't smoke. Brother! Sisters can be so dumb!
Bentley: Lisa!
Lisa: Take that thing out of your mouth right now buster!
Bentley: Hey, I was only fooling around!
Lisa: You don't fool around with cigarettes! Do you have any idea what they can do to your health? You can't breathe, they smell awful, they're expensive and once you start smoking it's almost impossible to stop! Bentley, cigarettes are NOT cool!
Bentley: I know that stuff already. And you know that I don't smoke. Brother! Sisters can be so dumb!
TV Show: The Raccoons
Cyril: Ahem! Something wrong kid?
Lisa: Oh, Mr Sneer! I guess this looks weird to you, huh?
Cyril: No, I've done this before. With cigars. You know, they don't break nearly as nicely but they're just as hard to quit.
Lisa: Oh I've already quit!
Cyril: Great! But why the tears? I'd be hilariously happy if I could quit.
Lisa: But your friends wouldn't dump you if you did! I just lost a friend. She said I wouldn't fit in with her crowd.
Cyril: Listen kid, some crowds just are not worth belonging to.
Lisa: Yeah, but I wanted to belong.
Lisa: Oh, Mr Sneer! I guess this looks weird to you, huh?
Cyril: No, I've done this before. With cigars. You know, they don't break nearly as nicely but they're just as hard to quit.
Lisa: Oh I've already quit!
Cyril: Great! But why the tears? I'd be hilariously happy if I could quit.
Lisa: But your friends wouldn't dump you if you did! I just lost a friend. She said I wouldn't fit in with her crowd.
Cyril: Listen kid, some crowds just are not worth belonging to.
Lisa: Yeah, but I wanted to belong.
TV Show: The Raccoons
Cyril: Crowds, clubs, it's all the same deal. You do what they want, they let you join up. Pretty soon you're just like them. I was almost a Lock Links lemming! You don't want to be one of those do you?
Lisa: I guess not.
Cyril: Dare to be different. And never mind what the crowd thinks! Because as long as they're talking about you, they'll never forget about you!
Lisa: I guess you're right! You know Mr Sneer, you're a lot different from what people have told me. You're okay!
Cyril: What people? What did they say? Were there three of them? Short little fat guys with flat noses and squeaky voices?
Lisa: I guess not.
Cyril: Dare to be different. And never mind what the crowd thinks! Because as long as they're talking about you, they'll never forget about you!
Lisa: I guess you're right! You know Mr Sneer, you're a lot different from what people have told me. You're okay!
Cyril: What people? What did they say? Were there three of them? Short little fat guys with flat noses and squeaky voices?
TV Show: The Raccoons
Pig One: Ladies and gentlemen, we are here to tell you to vote for Cyril Sneer!
Pig Two: Because he promises open government behind closed doors!
Pig Two: Because he promises open government behind closed doors!
TV Show: The Raccoons
Pig One: Things are worse than we thought. Let's face it boys, if the boss loses, we lose. No cushy job as the mayor's assistants, no big office, no three hour lunches!
Pig Three: (sobbing) What are we gonna to do?
Pig One: Get a grip on yourselves guys! There's only one honourable thing we can do...
Pigs: (in unison) Cheat like crazy!
Pig Three: (sobbing) What are we gonna to do?
Pig One: Get a grip on yourselves guys! There's only one honourable thing we can do...
Pigs: (in unison) Cheat like crazy!
TV Show: The Raccoons
Pig Two: The boss is gonna dump us and hire Lady Baden-Baden!
Pig Three: They always said politics was a dirty business!
Pig One: Well it's going to get a lot dirtier!
Pig Three: They always said politics was a dirty business!
Pig One: Well it's going to get a lot dirtier!
TV Show: The Raccoons
Bert: Hey, where are they all going?
Ralph: That's the trouble with the press Bert. Good news is no news.
Ralph: That's the trouble with the press Bert. Good news is no news.
TV Show: The Raccoons
Mr Knox: I never thought I'd see the day Mr Sneer. You and me working together for a better world.
Cyril: Well as long as a better world means better profits, I'm all for it!
Cyril: Well as long as a better world means better profits, I'm all for it!
TV Show: The Raccoons
Bert: Somebody just dumped this... this poison! How could they do it?
Cedric: They just didn't care Bert.
Cedric: They just didn't care Bert.
TV Show: The Raccoons
Cyril: Boys, we're going to find out who did this if it's the last thing we do.
Pig One: Uh... we did it boss.
Cyril: YOU WHAT?
Pig One: It was just a job boss!
Pig Two: We don't even know who hired us!
Pig Three: We didn't know what was in the barrels boss.
Pig One: He wouldn't tell us.
Pig Two: He just told us to dump them!
Pig Three: He... he paid us a lot of money.
Cyril: He paid you a lot of money. You want money? Here! Here's lots of money! Take it all. Take some more! Just give me back the fishing hole! Can you do that? Can you give me a price on that?! CAN YOU?!
Pig One: Uh... we did it boss.
Cyril: YOU WHAT?
Pig One: It was just a job boss!
Pig Two: We don't even know who hired us!
Pig Three: We didn't know what was in the barrels boss.
Pig One: He wouldn't tell us.
Pig Two: He just told us to dump them!
Pig Three: He... he paid us a lot of money.
Cyril: He paid you a lot of money. You want money? Here! Here's lots of money! Take it all. Take some more! Just give me back the fishing hole! Can you do that? Can you give me a price on that?! CAN YOU?!
TV Show: The Raccoons
Milton Midas: Gentlemen! Gentleman! I sure we can come to some accomodation here!
Mr Knox: Oh I know we can, sir!
Cyril: In fact we've arranged some accomodation for you! (Cuts to two police officers with handcuffs)
Milton Midas: No! Wait! You've got it all wrong! It was an accident! Trust me! NOOOO!
Cedric: That's my Pop. The environmental crusader!
Mr Knox: Oh I know we can, sir!
Cyril: In fact we've arranged some accomodation for you! (Cuts to two police officers with handcuffs)
Milton Midas: No! Wait! You've got it all wrong! It was an accident! Trust me! NOOOO!
Cedric: That's my Pop. The environmental crusader!
TV Show: The Raccoons
Cyril: (about the fishing hole) It was a good place. At least we've got our memories.
Bentley: I don't. I never got the chance.
Cedric: Maybe not Bentley. But feeling sorry about it won't change anything.
Bentley: You're right Cedric. It's up to us. We've got to change things.
Bentley: I don't. I never got the chance.
Cedric: Maybe not Bentley. But feeling sorry about it won't change anything.
Bentley: You're right Cedric. It's up to us. We've got to change things.
TV Show: The Raccoons
Narrator: The sun has risen on another day in the Evergreen Forest. And while some folks have to struggle to get out of bed, Cyril Sneer has no such problem. He never went to bed!
TV Show: The Raccoons
Lisa: Why are you quitting?
Bert: Because!
Lisa: What kind of answer is that? Are you quitting because you might lose to me?
Bert: Of course not! I just don't feel like racing right now.
Lisa: Bert Raccoon, you're acting like a child!
Bert: Because!
Lisa: What kind of answer is that? Are you quitting because you might lose to me?
Bert: Of course not! I just don't feel like racing right now.
Lisa: Bert Raccoon, you're acting like a child!
TV Show: The Raccoons
Cyril: This is one million dollars we're talking about!
Cedric: No, it's you we're talking about! 'Cause if you don't slow down... well, all the money in the world wouldn't buy me another pop.
Cedric: No, it's you we're talking about! 'Cause if you don't slow down... well, all the money in the world wouldn't buy me another pop.
TV Show: The Raccoons
Bert: (after the giant raccoon roaring) Being the raccoon is easy, if you remember these simple rules. Raccoons gets the cans, (Giant raccoon eats the can.) Raccoons catches rocks, (Maggie Pesky untied the rope and rock fling at the giant raccoon, but he catched by Bert's baseball glove.) Raccoons stomp flies. (Maggie Pesky was stomped by a giant raccoon, Bert laughs.)
Maggie Pesky: And here's what's you forgot, raccoons gets nothing to next week unlease you cause up the good.
[Later]
Bert: Mybe... it's no so easy. (faints.)
Maggie Pesky: And here's what's you forgot, raccoons gets nothing to next week unlease you cause up the good.
[Later]
Bert: Mybe... it's no so easy. (faints.)
TV Show: The Raccoons