The Raccoons Quotes
Bert: I'll be on my way as soon as I get my refund like it says in your ad - "Money cheerfully refunded if not completely satisfied".
Milton Midas: I said that?
Bert: That's right!
Milton Midas: I said that?
Bert: That's right!
TV Show: The Raccoons
Cyril: Why those idiotic oinkers! If I lose this land, I'll fire them... out of a cannon!
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Pig Three: Oh, do something Lloyd!
Pig One: What can I do?
Pig Two: Do what the boss would do if he were here!
Pig Three: He'd get really mad if he were here.
Pig One: What can I do?
Pig Two: Do what the boss would do if he were here!
Pig Three: He'd get really mad if he were here.
TV Show: The Raccoons
Pig One: My bid certainly made an impression on that big shot, didn't it?
Pig Two: Oh it certainly did! And when the boss hears about this he'll impress us!
Pig Three: Six feet into the ground.
Pig Two: Oh it certainly did! And when the boss hears about this he'll impress us!
Pig Three: Six feet into the ground.
TV Show: The Raccoons
Pig One: Careful! Think of your stress level boss!
Pig Two: Oh yeah, you don't want to end up back in the hospital!
Cyril: Hospitals don't bother me anymore but you clowns do! And when I get to the bottom of this, that's just where you'll be - in the hospital! Come back here you pork rinds! Stop!
Pig One: Run for it boys!
Pig Two: Oh yeah, you don't want to end up back in the hospital!
Cyril: Hospitals don't bother me anymore but you clowns do! And when I get to the bottom of this, that's just where you'll be - in the hospital! Come back here you pork rinds! Stop!
Pig One: Run for it boys!
TV Show: The Raccoons
George: Ah Nicole, what if I bomb? What if I don't get the job? I wish none of this had ever happened.
Nicole: Well it did happen, and we'll get through it. We're all going to be out there rooting for you George.
Nicole: Well it did happen, and we'll get through it. We're all going to be out there rooting for you George.
TV Show: The Raccoons
Mr Willow: Hello boys! What can I do for you?
Pig One: I'm glad you asked Mr Willow. As a result of our recent cutbacks, we find ourselves available for gainful employment.
Pig Two: Or we could use a job.
Pig One: I'm glad you asked Mr Willow. As a result of our recent cutbacks, we find ourselves available for gainful employment.
Pig Two: Or we could use a job.
TV Show: The Raccoons
Pig Two: More pies sir?
Cyril: Ha ha! I haven't had this much fun since my last tax refund!
Pig Two: We'd make a pretty good team, right boss?
Cyril: I've seen worse!
Cyril: Ha ha! I haven't had this much fun since my last tax refund!
Pig Two: We'd make a pretty good team, right boss?
Cyril: I've seen worse!
TV Show: The Raccoons
Pig One: Boss? About that little accident with the shredder...
Cyril: It's coming out of your salary!
Pigs (In unison): You mean... we can have our old jobs back?
Cyril: Might as well. I wouldn't wish you three messed up meatballs on anyone else!
Cyril: It's coming out of your salary!
Pigs (In unison): You mean... we can have our old jobs back?
Cyril: Might as well. I wouldn't wish you three messed up meatballs on anyone else!
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Bert: I could introduce a new recipe. Dare-deviled eggs! (Laughs)
Ralph: That sounds about right, coming from a canned ham!
Ralph: That sounds about right, coming from a canned ham!
TV Show: The Raccoons
Bert: Your not saying much Lisa! so er, how was your day?
Lisa: Lousy! as if you care!
Melissa: What's wrong Lisa?
Lisa: Everything! Everything's wrong! I've got no friends anymore, I miss my school, I HATE THIS HOUSE!
George: That's enough, Young Lady! We've all got a little adjusting to do!
Lisa: Oh sure, everyone else is happy! Nobody care what I think! None of this would have happened if you hadn't have lost your job!
Nicole: LISA!
Lisa: (Running away Crying) It's all your fault! I hope you don't get that stupid job at the station!
Lisa: Lousy! as if you care!
Melissa: What's wrong Lisa?
Lisa: Everything! Everything's wrong! I've got no friends anymore, I miss my school, I HATE THIS HOUSE!
George: That's enough, Young Lady! We've all got a little adjusting to do!
Lisa: Oh sure, everyone else is happy! Nobody care what I think! None of this would have happened if you hadn't have lost your job!
Nicole: LISA!
Lisa: (Running away Crying) It's all your fault! I hope you don't get that stupid job at the station!
TV Show: The Raccoons
Cyril: Factory 1-9-8-4 made a lot of money producing this stuff - Sneer Snake Oil!
Cedric: (Reading the bottle) "Guaranteed to prevent dandruff, aging, arthritis, hairloss and the common cold. Pop, no one would believe all this!
Cyril: That doesn't matter now I'm shutting this place down!
Cedric: (Reading the bottle) "Guaranteed to prevent dandruff, aging, arthritis, hairloss and the common cold. Pop, no one would believe all this!
Cyril: That doesn't matter now I'm shutting this place down!
TV Show: The Raccoons
Cyril: Someone shipped this garbage to us, so we ship it to someone else!
Ralph: But that's not solving the problem! That's just passing it along!
Cyril: It solves our problem!
Ralph: But that's not solving the problem! That's just passing it along!
Cyril: It solves our problem!
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Cyril: There's big bucks in this recycling business, so I only think it's fair that you boys get to do some profit sharing of your own!
Pig One: That's great boss!
Cyril: I want you to go through this dump and recycle everything you can.
Pig Two: But... but boss, what about the profit sharing?
Cyril: You two porkers can share the work, 50/50. And I'll take all the profits!
Pig One: That's great boss!
Cyril: I want you to go through this dump and recycle everything you can.
Pig Two: But... but boss, what about the profit sharing?
Cyril: You two porkers can share the work, 50/50. And I'll take all the profits!
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Cyril: (To the Pigs) Snag is gonna get the best in show, or you'll get the worst from me!
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Lisa: Bentley, you little idiot, just wait 'till I tell mom and dad, well, I....... (She catches herself) Boy, am I glad to se you!
Bentley: You're looking pretty good, yourself, sis.
Cedric: What are you three doing here?
Pig One: Drowning! What's it look like?!
Bentley: You're looking pretty good, yourself, sis.
Cedric: What are you three doing here?
Pig One: Drowning! What's it look like?!
TV Show: The Raccoons
Cedric: Hi Pop! What's up?
Cyril: Larceny! Grand theft pooch napping! That's what's up! I want this plastered all over the front page of your alleged newspaper.
Bert: "Wanted, three pigs for the theft of one blue-point ridgeback retriever. Answers to the name of Snag. Generous reward for any information"?
Cyril: Larceny! Grand theft pooch napping! That's what's up! I want this plastered all over the front page of your alleged newspaper.
Bert: "Wanted, three pigs for the theft of one blue-point ridgeback retriever. Answers to the name of Snag. Generous reward for any information"?
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Bentley: Oh Lisa...
Lisa: No way!
Bentley: You didn't know what I was gonna say!
Lisa: You wanted me to lend you the money to replace Bert's car and fix the window, so no way!
Lisa: No way!
Bentley: You didn't know what I was gonna say!
Lisa: You wanted me to lend you the money to replace Bert's car and fix the window, so no way!
TV Show: The Raccoons
Bert: So uh, how you feeling Bentley?
Bentley: How do you think? I just got fired from my very first job!
Bert: Aww cheer up little buddy! You'll be fired from other jobs! (chuckles)
Bentley: You're not helping Bert...
Bentley: How do you think? I just got fired from my very first job!
Bert: Aww cheer up little buddy! You'll be fired from other jobs! (chuckles)
Bentley: You're not helping Bert...
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Pig Three: Are you crazy? Aren't our lives miserable enough? Anything else you'd like to confess while you're at it? How about the dent we punt into the limo hmm? Oh, why don't you tell him about the time we sold his cigars!
Cyril: Well now! Do go on...
Pig Three: Ohohoho, come on! Tell all!
Pig Two: But you... you said you wanted to confess...
Pig One: ALMOST! We said we ALMOST wanted to confess, we didn't say we actually wanted to confess!
Cyril: Well now! Do go on...
Pig Three: Ohohoho, come on! Tell all!
Pig Two: But you... you said you wanted to confess...
Pig One: ALMOST! We said we ALMOST wanted to confess, we didn't say we actually wanted to confess!
TV Show: The Raccoons
Cyril: Of all the two-faced filthy lying twisted things I have done, I have never stooped as low as you three malicious mudwallowers!
Pigs: No boss.
Cyril: Poor little Bentley, he must feel lousy... and the things I said to him! I hope you're proud of yourselves!
Pigs: We're not boss...
Pigs: No boss.
Cyril: Poor little Bentley, he must feel lousy... and the things I said to him! I hope you're proud of yourselves!
Pigs: We're not boss...
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Cyril: I haven't done that since I was a kid! Speaking of which Bentley, you are off the hook! That whole computer mess wasn't your fault at all.
Bentley: It wasn't? I can have my old job back?
Cyril: Of course not. Never should have hired you in the first place! You're supposed to enjoy the summer. You'll have plenty of time to be a grown up!
Bentley: It wasn't? I can have my old job back?
Cyril: Of course not. Never should have hired you in the first place! You're supposed to enjoy the summer. You'll have plenty of time to be a grown up!
TV Show: The Raccoons
Pig Three: The instructions say to boil fruit in the pressure cooker at 10lbs for twenty minutes. So I figure if we make it to 200lbs for one minute it'll be twice as good!
Pig Two: You know, your math's getting better everyday Lloyd!
Pig Two: You know, your math's getting better everyday Lloyd!
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Cyril: (To the Pigs) If you three were buildings you'd be condemned! I want this kitchen rebuilt perfectly and it's coming out of your salary now!
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Pig One: (On a PA) Attention! It seems not all of you are aware of the rules! Rule number 1 - all those with red labels on their jars... hands up!
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Pig Two: You're disqualified!
Pig One: Now don't get ugly!
Pig Two: We're just doing our jobs!
Pig One: Now don't get ugly!
Pig Two: We're just doing our jobs!
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Pig One: We're in deep this time guys!
Pig Two: With Mom judging, she's sure to recognise her own preserves!
Pig Three: And we'll be in a pickle.
Pig One: Oh what a jam!
Pig Two: With Mom judging, she's sure to recognise her own preserves!
Pig Three: And we'll be in a pickle.
Pig One: Oh what a jam!
TV Show: The Raccoons
Bert: I did a sloppy job on the fireworks. I should have worked harder on everything!
Melissa: You just worked too hard on too many things Bert.
Bert: Yeah, and I let all my friends down.
Ralph: Bert, we are your friends, and that's what makes it alright to say no to us.
Melissa: We don't expect you to be a superman.
Ralph: We understand.
Bert: Gee, thanks guys.
Melissa: You just worked too hard on too many things Bert.
Bert: Yeah, and I let all my friends down.
Ralph: Bert, we are your friends, and that's what makes it alright to say no to us.
Melissa: We don't expect you to be a superman.
Ralph: We understand.
Bert: Gee, thanks guys.
TV Show: The Raccoons
Narrator: Sometimes, trying to help out our friends, we make all sorts of promises. But the best promises of all are the ones we can keep.
TV Show: The Raccoons