Sons of Anarchy Quotes

Bachman: [having disposed of the caregiver's body] All done.
Tara Knowles: Where is she?
Bachman: Where's who?

TV Show: Sons of Anarchy
Jackson 'Jax' Teller: [after Tig has pulled down his pants and shown two female doctors the dog bite on his butt] Distract 'em, I said distract 'em, not scar 'em for life!
Tig: No shit, man, I'm serious, I think it's infected.

TV Show: Sons of Anarchy
Kid 'Half Sack' Epps: Think you guys can double up and let me take one of your bikes?
Jackson 'Jax' Teller: [Points towards Chibs] Not unless he grows tits.
Filip 'Chibs' Telford: Big tits. Huge tits. [Jax slaps Chibs's hand with his his and they both smirk]

TV Show: Sons of Anarchy
[Half-Sack tows in a BMW with a deer in the windshield]
Jax: Some days you're the Beamer, some days you're the goddamn deer.
Chibs: Some yuppie creamed it out by the streams.
Jax: He run into it or hit a tree while it was giving him head?
Half-Sack: How the hell you want me to get it out of there? [Jax gets a chainsaw] Come on. Jesus, man.
Jax: Just pretend its carve your own steak night at the sizzler.
Half-Sack: I don't eat meat, man.
Jax: Figure it out, grunt.

TV Show: Sons of Anarchy
Gemma: Looks like the boy might actually see his first birthday.
Wendy: He made it? Oh, Abel, thank God!
Gemma: Yes. Thank you, God. Maybe we should say a little prayer?
Wendy: Okay. That'd be good.
Gemma: Dear God, thank you for saving this boy... from his murderous junkie mom, who cared more about a $40 rush than she did her own flesh and blood.
Wendy: Don't you dare...
Gemma: Don't I dare? You pathetic whore. Guess the D.A. was impressed with your Bible studies. Here they're not gonna press charges.
Wendy: When I check out of here, I'm going to Promises.
Gemma: Let's just throw money at those 12-step freaks. How long's it gonna last this time? Six months? Three? Couple of weeks?
Wendy: It's gonna be different this time. This time I have my baby to live for.
Gemma: That's where you're wrong. You have no baby. You lost that privilege. [Grabs Wendy by the throat] You so much as cast a shadow on that kid, try to turn some legal screw and get custody, I will finish this job. He will never call you "mommy". [Releases Wendy, and throws a Bible on her table] I suggest you turn to Jesus. [Gemma exits]
[Wendy opens the Bible, to find a needle filled with crank inside]

TV Show: Sons of Anarchy
Hale: Anger clouds judgment and it makes us do things that we end up regretting-things we can never take back.
Elliot: The only thing I can never take back is what happened to that little girl.

TV Show: Sons of Anarchy
Gemma: [about Abel] You gotta go see him, Jax.
Jax: I can't.
Gemma: Why? He'll break your heart? It's called being a father.
Jax: For how long? A day? A week?
Gemma: You know, you were born with that same heart defect your little brother had. [She lightly punches his chest] Seems pretty sturdy to me. I've been through hell, landed on my feet. Your father was hit by a goddamn semi, dragged 178 yards. And that bastard lived for two more days. Teller's do not die easy.
Jax: No, we just die bloody.

TV Show: Sons of Anarchy
Clay: I never sold gun one to the Mexicans. Now I need for you to show me a little respect, and give me a few more days for delivery.
Laroy: Don't give a shit about history, or respect. This is about business, old man.
Clay: And I'm telling you, brotha. Give me some more time: really smart business.

TV Show: Sons of Anarchy
John Teller: [voiceover] Most of us were not violent by nature. We all had our problems with authority, but none of us were sociopaths. We came to realize that when you move your life off the social grid you give up the safety that society provides. On the fringe, blood and bullets are the rule of law and if you're a man with convictions violence is inevitable.

TV Show: Sons of Anarchy
Hale: How you doing Jax? I heard about Wendy and the baby. I'm sorry.
Jax: Thanks.
Hale: You know I took a ride out to the streams today. Saw that warehouse that burned down.
Jax: Outside your jurisdiction, ain't it?
Hale: You ever heard of a Bluebird Supply Company? Apparently they hold the title on that parcel.
Jax: Never heard of them.
Hale: Whole area was littered with casings and gun parts. That warehouse was a weapons depot.
Jax: No kidding?
Hale: Chief Unser's retiring at the end of this month. I'll be stepping into those shoes. Unser's always had a look the other way policy with the Sons of Anarchy.
Jax: Unser's a lazy drunk.
Hale: I will not look the other way, Jax. Just a friendly heads up.
Jax: We're all free men, protected by the Constitution. You look any way you want, Chief.

TV Show: Sons of Anarchy
Clay: So your boys not really a team player. I've made several gestures of friendship. He's declined everyone.
Unser: Hale's not interested in friends. He thinks Charming's stuck in 1969. Want's to bring it into the 21st century.
Clay: Hale is a half-bright clerk with a Wyatt Earp complex. Hardly seems like a guy with a vision.
Unser: Don't underestimate him. He's tight with city council and his old man's got deep political ties in Northern Cali.

TV Show: Sons of Anarchy
Tig: I got to tell you something, man. I mean it could be bad.
Clay: It already is.
Tig: Those two dead Mexicans in the warehouse hole. I was hitting them.
Clay: Jesus Christ. Both of them?
Tig: Oh yeah. Kind of a taco twofer thing.

TV Show: Sons of Anarchy
Clay: So you're just gonna stroll outta there with two dead Mexi whores draped over your shoulders?
Tig: I'll gut them dead bitches. I'll flush their bellies with bleach. No DNA.
Clay: What kinda nasty shit did your momma do to you?
Tig: What do you mean?

TV Show: Sons of Anarchy
John Teller: [voiceover] When we take action to avenge the ones we love personal justice collides with social and divine justice. We become judge, jury, and God. With that choice comes daunting responsibility. Some men cave under that weight. Others abuse the momentum. The true outlaw finds the balance between the passion in his heart and the reason in his mind. His solution is always an equal mix of might and right.

TV Show: Sons of Anarchy
Gemma: Let's go into the photo booth. Come on; let me give you a quick hand job.
Clay: I already got a picture of that.
Gemma: This time it'll be my hand.
[After Gemma collects the photos and looks at them]
Gemma: Ahh, I can barely see it.

TV Show: Sons of Anarchy
Elliot: I want you to find him. You bring him to me first. I'll pay anything you want.
Clay: Who do you think we are, Elliot?
Elliot: Oswald's have been in this town a lot longer than SAMCRO. I know what you are.
Clay: I don't want your money. Nobody comes into my town, and does this to a little girl. We'll find the sick bastard. But, when I deliver him to you, I'm gonna need to know that justice will be served.

TV Show: Sons of Anarchy
Clay: You think a Son had something to do with that rape?
Hale: Half of 'em have violent crimes on their rap sheets. Just following logic.
Jax: Wasn't it just last week four Oakland cops were busted for prostitution and rape? Logic tells me we should ask where your dick was at last night.
Clay: And don't say in your mama.

TV Show: Sons of Anarchy
Gemma: Jax is in a real strange place. He doesn't need any outside voices in his head. Stay clear of him.
Tara: We're not 19 years old anymore. You can't dictate what he does, who he sees-
Gemma: I'm his mother, and until I am dead and cold, I am going to do anything I have to do to protect him.

TV Show: Sons of Anarchy
Juice: I am not happy about being here either. At least you and I, you know-we can try to have a decent conversation.
Tig: What? What do you want? You want to bond? You want to get closer? Fine.
Tig undoes his belt.]
Juice: What are you doing?
Tig: I'm gonna dunk my balls in your mouth. You're gonna gag. I'm gonna laugh. We'll be best friends forever.

TV Show: Sons of Anarchy
Jax: [to guy sitting on his bike] Say 'Cheese.'
Guy: Cheese.
[Jax takes picture]
Bobby: That's before.
Guy: Before?
[Jax punches him]
Jax: Don't ever sit on another man's bike, asshole…
[Bobby takes picture]
Bobby: That's after.

TV Show: Sons of Anarchy
Bobby: You are the James T. Kirk of the MC world.
Jax: Boldly going?
Bobby: I think quite a few have been there before.

TV Show: Sons of Anarchy
Half-Sack: [about Gemma] Hey, I gotta admit. Clay's old lady gave me a serious MILF chubby. [notices Clay]…Hey, I brought the car out of the garage. It's clear now…so, uh…
Clay: Clip a truck from Unser's tonight. Make it look like you stole it. Cancer boy wants deniability. : [Clay leaves]
Tig: MILF Chubby?
Half-Sack: It's like a compliment, you know? Cause, she's hot.

TV Show: Sons of Anarchy
[After Tig was bitten by the dog]
Tig: I thought you said you drugged the meat?
Juice: I did.
Tig: Fuck, there was foam in its mouth.
Juice: That thing should be dead. I dosed it like two grams.
Tig: Grams of what?
Juice: Crank.
Tig: You fed crystal to a killer dog, man? Are you retarded?
Juice: No.

TV Show: Sons of Anarchy
Opie: Well I'd better get back to the fireworks or your mom's gonna be stuffing gun powder up my ass.
Jax: Ya, I'm sure we're all on the Gemma shit list by now.
Clay: I live on that shit list.

TV Show: Sons of Anarchy
Clay: The hand on the dick thing. What's the deal?
Chuck: I'm sorry, man. I'm sorry. Sorry. I have this condition. I'm not even aware of it.
Clay: Condition?
Chuck: CMD. Compulsive Masturbation Disorder. I couldn't get the right meds in Stockton so it's a little out of control right now.
Piney: You know, I used to have that. And then, uh, hell, I turned 13.

TV Show: Sons of Anarchy
Clay: I step outside for five minutes, you can't watch him?
Piney: I was in the can.
Half-Sack: I was getting him the soft toilet paper. He hates the scratchy kind.
Clay: Well I'm glad your ass is feeling loved.

TV Show: Sons of Anarchy
Gemma: I love you.
Clay: That love's gonna kill me.

TV Show: Sons of Anarchy
Clay: Hey, you all better be at that fundraiser tomorrow, unless you want a size nine high-heel boot up your ass.
Bobby: You coming?
Clay: I'd rather have my balls cut off.
[everyone laughs and groans]
Clay: What? What? Too soon for that joke?

TV Show: Sons of Anarchy
Stahl: [grabs Hale and Kohn's butts] Mmm! Mother's little helpers. Get me my goddamn warrant.

TV Show: Sons of Anarchy
Clay: [as Gemma is led into the police station] What the hell did you do?
Gemma: Same thing you did. Nailed some little tart from Nevada.
Clay: Like I don't have enough shit oozing out of my ears. You gotta go and do this.
Gemma: You should've thought of that before your dick went on a cheerleader hunt.
Clay: Hey! I didn't tell her to come here.
Gemma: But she's here!
Clay: Well, it's not my fault!
Gemma: And it's not my pussy.
Stahl: And that's why I'm single

TV Show: Sons of Anarchy