The Raccoons Quotes

Bert: What's the difference between Cyril Sneer and a canoe? (pauses) That's right! A canoe tips!

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Bert: We've got more customers than Cyril Sneer's got bank accounts!

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Pig Two: It's a bill from the Mammoth Power Company!
Pig Three: So what? (opens locker full of bills) We have hundreds of those!

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Ralph: Aunt Gertie! You weren't supposed to be here till the 18th!
Bert: It's the 18th today, Ralphie-boy!
Ralph: Uh-oh...!

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Bert: (To Aunt Gertie) Can I get you a wheelchair... I mean, chair?

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Aunt Gertie: Hiking is my middle name!
Cedric: Mine is Sydney!

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Pig One: When we unleash this water tomorrow, there'll be enough electricity to make the lights on Broadway look like a 10-watt bulb!

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Cyril: Get the lead out! You bears are slower than the service at a French restaurant!

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Melissa: Hey! I don't remember pitching the tent this close to the water! Something strange is going on here.
Ralph: Nonsense Melissa! It must have been a heavy dew!

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Pig One: Phew! Just in time!
Pig Two: Now we can unleash the water of Phase One.
Pig Three: But first thing's first!
All: Right! Lunch!

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Bert: So what do you think of the view of the Evergreen River?
Aunt Gertie: What river?
Bert: Well you can't miss it, it's right over... What?! The river! It's gone!

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Cyril: YOU IDIOT! I wanted to push that! You blundering bacon buffoon!

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Aunt Gertie: Hang on Bert!
Bert: To what?!

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Bert: (to Gertie who's driving the motorcycle he's sitting in) Do you have your pilot's licence for this thing?!

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Cyril: This is your first and final notice Mammoth. When the Sneer name goes up in lights, Mammoth Power will be snuffed out like a birthday candle!

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Cedric: Bert and I got this for you.
Aunt Gertie: Wow! A brand new pair of hiking boots!
Cedric: It's the ultra deluxe model. Good for 100,000 miles!
Bert: Yeah, we figured these should last you a few weeks anyway!

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Aunt Gertie: I've got to get to the 60th annual stunt motorcycle and shuffleboard tourney.

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Bert: Well, we'd better start napping. We've gotta store a LOT of energy for Aunt Gerties' next visit!

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Cyril: The search for the fountain of youth? What's this all about?
Pig One: According to this book sir, one sip from this legendary elusive fountain can give someone eternal youth!
Cyril: Eternal youth? Proposterous! Ridiculous! Ludicrous! (pauses) Find it immediately!

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Bert: Hi! You must be Bentley?
Bentley: And you must be hurt!
Bert: (chuckles) That's er... Bert! How was your trip?
Bentley: Fine! How was yours?
Melissa: Bentley, you're gonna be sharing Bert's room.
Bentley: Hey! Smart kid! And he knows foreign languages!

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Melissa: How was your run Bert? (Bert pants then faints) That's nice!

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Cedric: Pop, can I borrow your old track shoes and Varsity sweater? It's for the track meet.
Cyril: These shoes and I have seen a lot of good years together. And this sweater, it went great with my old raccoon-skin coat!
Cedric: (appauled) Pop!
Cyril: (chuckles) Just a joke, son...

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Bert: Gee Bentley, I thought you had that ball for sure. Uh, you were right under it. Oh well, that's okay. Tomorrow, uh... we're gonna play football. Yeah, football is so much easier to catch. And uh... after that, you can help me practice for the Forest Games!
Bentley: Bert, enough! I'd prefer that tomorrow weren't like today.
Bert: Huh? What does that mean?
Bentley: Today, I tried everything you wanted me to. (He takes the hot water bottle off his head, showing a large bump) And what have I got to show for it?
Melissa: Gee Bentley, Bert was just trying to show you how much fun games can be. He meant well.
Bentley: He made me feel unwell. I just wanna sleep now. Okay?
Bert: Okay, okay. Good night Bentley.
Melissa: Good night.

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Bert: Hey Melissa, what am I doing wrong? What've I got to do to get through to that kid?

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Cyril: If I gave out as much as my back does, I'd be broke!

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Cyril: This stuff tastes terrible! It must be good for me! (He gulps more) Ha! Strange taste. Would go well with jelly!

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Cyril: You call that a jump? Now lift that bar. I want it higher!
Pig Two: Higher sir?
Cyril: Higher! Higher than my bank's interest rates!

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Pig Three: I love your use of visual imagery!
Pig Two: Thanks. It's an existential statement.
Pig Three: I thought it was a tree.

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Cyril: Ah, the secret to great art. Buy cheap, and sell expensive!

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Pig Three: Stop the presses! I've always wanted to say that!

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