Welcome Back, Kotter Quotes
Arnold Horshack: [frequent introduction] Hellooohhhh. How are ya? I am Arnold HorshAAAAAck.
TV Show: Welcome Back, Kotter
Gabe Kotter: Oh, Mr. Woodman, you'll be happy to know we have decided against the food fight. We Sweathogs are going to work through the system.
Mr. Michael Woodman: What system, Kotter? There's only one system here: you're free to do as you're told.
Mr. Michael Woodman: What system, Kotter? There's only one system here: you're free to do as you're told.
TV Show: Welcome Back, Kotter
Mr. Michael Woodman: Kotter, these kids couldn't pass a blood test without cheating.
TV Show: Welcome Back, Kotter
Vincent 'Vinnie' Barbarino: Love means never having to hear i'm pregnant
TV Show: Welcome Back, Kotter
Vinnie: I got my own idea of what God is like: I know he's a sharp dresser, and he's good-looking, and of course he's Italian.
Freddie: Yeah? Well, if you ask me, all that stuff about harps is a lot of jive. God is backed up by a jazz rhythm section. He got a piano, a bass guitar, and a drummer with a good right foot.
Freddie: Yeah? Well, if you ask me, all that stuff about harps is a lot of jive. God is backed up by a jazz rhythm section. He got a piano, a bass guitar, and a drummer with a good right foot.
TV Show: Welcome Back, Kotter
Woodman: Now, now, now, Juan, you hot-blooded young turk!
Epstein: I'm a Puerto Rican Jew!
Woodman: Same thing. Your blood is hot.
Epstein: I'm a Puerto Rican Jew!
Woodman: Same thing. Your blood is hot.
TV Show: Welcome Back, Kotter
Kotter: Newspapers mold people's minds.
Horshack: Who wants to make a moldy mind?
Horshack: Who wants to make a moldy mind?
TV Show: Welcome Back, Kotter
Kotter: Where's my wife?
Nurse: Well, she's in the labor room.
Horshack: Labor room? They're making her work at a time like this?
Nurse: Well, she's in the labor room.
Horshack: Labor room? They're making her work at a time like this?
TV Show: Welcome Back, Kotter
Julie: What are we going to name the babies?
Kotter: Well, what's wrong with 'this one' and 'that one?'
Julie: Too common.
Kotter: Well, what's wrong with 'this one' and 'that one?'
Julie: Too common.
TV Show: Welcome Back, Kotter
Woodman: Teaching this class is about as much fun as root canal work.
Epstein: I thought all the routes to your canal dried up a long time ago!
Epstein: I thought all the routes to your canal dried up a long time ago!
TV Show: Welcome Back, Kotter
Vinnie: I figure you only go 'round once in your life, right? So why go 'round the 11th grade twice?
TV Show: Welcome Back, Kotter
Epstein: When my mother was pregnant, she used to want hot peppers, you know? Every day, hot peppers, hot peppers, hot peppers. When we was born, the first thing we asked for was a glass of water!
TV Show: Welcome Back, Kotter
Epstein: Miss Holzgang said we could draw our favorite thing, so I drew this bea-utiful girl! Oh!
Horshack: I drew a picture of a cheese Whopper.
Freddie: Yeah, and I drew a picture of Arnold getting heartburn.
Vinnie: And I drew a picture of me.
Horshack: I drew a picture of a cheese Whopper.
Freddie: Yeah, and I drew a picture of Arnold getting heartburn.
Vinnie: And I drew a picture of me.
TV Show: Welcome Back, Kotter
Woodman: [about Epstein's drawing] At last I've got something to nail one of you Sweathogs!
Horshack: Oh, but Mr. Woodman, Rembrandt painted plenty of nudes.
Woodman: Well, I wanna see Rembrandt in my office, too!
Horshack: Oh, but Mr. Woodman, Rembrandt painted plenty of nudes.
Woodman: Well, I wanna see Rembrandt in my office, too!
TV Show: Welcome Back, Kotter
Kotter: If your contractions start, you time them.
Julie: Uh-huh.
Kotter: When they're four minutes apart, you call me.
Julie: Uh-huh.
Kotter: If your water breaks, don't touch the toaster.
Julie: Uh-huh.
Kotter: When they're four minutes apart, you call me.
Julie: Uh-huh.
Kotter: If your water breaks, don't touch the toaster.
TV Show: Welcome Back, Kotter
Woodman: I'm breaking up the Sweathogs. It's like breaking up the old Yankees. You thought you had me, didn't you? Two outs, bottom of the ninth, but old Woodman hit a home run, and I win! I win, Kotter!
Kotter: How long have you been without your medication, Mr. Woodman?
Kotter: How long have you been without your medication, Mr. Woodman?
TV Show: Welcome Back, Kotter
Horshack: We are all here to witness a miracle, the miracle of birth. And Mr. Kotter, miracles cannot be rushed.
Kotter: Look, Arnold, I am... Arnold, what you just said, that was beautiful. It made a lot of sense.
Horshack: Of course! Births cannot be rushed. For example, first, the stork has to be notified.
Kotter: Look, Arnold, I am... Arnold, what you just said, that was beautiful. It made a lot of sense.
Horshack: Of course! Births cannot be rushed. For example, first, the stork has to be notified.
TV Show: Welcome Back, Kotter
Vinnie: You scratch my back, I scratch yours.
Kotter: I can't do that. You see, my wife has an exclusive on my entire body. She'd be disturbed if I came home with a pre-scratched back.
Kotter: I can't do that. You see, my wife has an exclusive on my entire body. She'd be disturbed if I came home with a pre-scratched back.
TV Show: Welcome Back, Kotter
Kotter: Do I look like Miss Fishbeck, the art teacher?
Epstein: Only around the moustache.
Epstein: Only around the moustache.
TV Show: Welcome Back, Kotter
Kotter: James Buchanan is not anywhere. It's in Bensonhurst, which is in Brooklyn, which is where I spent four degenerate years as a student. You know how rough that is? The gangs there don't use guns. They insert the bullets manually.
TV Show: Welcome Back, Kotter
Kotter: Just think of a debate as sort of a, um, rumble with words.
Vinnie: You mean like, 'Up your nose with a garden hose?'
Vinnie: You mean like, 'Up your nose with a garden hose?'
TV Show: Welcome Back, Kotter
Freddie: This coat was worn at the famous Lincoln-Douglas debate.
Kotter: This coat was worn at the famous Lincoln-Douglas debate?
Freddie: I wore this coat when my father, Lincoln, beat the daylights out of my brother, Douglas!
Kotter: This coat was worn at the famous Lincoln-Douglas debate?
Freddie: I wore this coat when my father, Lincoln, beat the daylights out of my brother, Douglas!
TV Show: Welcome Back, Kotter
Epstein: Hey, look, we can't stay long, we got a cab waiting downstairs.
Kotter: You took a cab?
Epstein: We're gonna give it back.
Kotter: You stole a cab?
Vinnie: No, no, no, no. It's Horshack's father's cab. You can't steal a guy's father's cab. You can't.
Horshack: Then why'd we tie him up, Vinnie?
Kotter: You took a cab?
Epstein: We're gonna give it back.
Kotter: You stole a cab?
Vinnie: No, no, no, no. It's Horshack's father's cab. You can't steal a guy's father's cab. You can't.
Horshack: Then why'd we tie him up, Vinnie?
TV Show: Welcome Back, Kotter
Kotter: So nobody did it. I think we should put a candle in the window, because the last time this happened, three wise men came from the east.
TV Show: Welcome Back, Kotter
[Kotter comes in the class after the bell rings]
Vinnie: You're late.
Freddie: That's your fourth tardy this semester.
Epstein: Did you bring a note from your mommy? [Horshack laughs]
Gabe: Boy, what an honor, in my class, all four Marx brothers: Wacko, Stupo, Jerko, and Dummo.
Vinnie: You're late.
Freddie: That's your fourth tardy this semester.
Epstein: Did you bring a note from your mommy? [Horshack laughs]
Gabe: Boy, what an honor, in my class, all four Marx brothers: Wacko, Stupo, Jerko, and Dummo.
TV Show: Welcome Back, Kotter
Vinnie: I feel like this is just the beginning. Today, Buchanan, tomorrow, who knows? Governor Barbarino, Senator Barbarino, Emperor Barbarino! [Sweathogs cheer] You know, Julius Caesar was an Italian.
TV Show: Welcome Back, Kotter
Kotter: Vinnie's not the first Sweathog who ever ran.
Woodman: No, that's right. Back in 1962, Jerry Slater was disqualified for stuffing the ballot box... with his opponent.
Woodman: No, that's right. Back in 1962, Jerry Slater was disqualified for stuffing the ballot box... with his opponent.
TV Show: Welcome Back, Kotter
Kotter: Can anybody tell me who settled New Jersey?
Horshack: Ooh! Ooh ooh! Is New Jersey settled?
Kotter: Arnold, New Jersey's been settled for more than 250 years.
Epstein: Ha! You never been to Newark on a Saturday night!
Horshack: Ooh! Ooh ooh! Is New Jersey settled?
Kotter: Arnold, New Jersey's been settled for more than 250 years.
Epstein: Ha! You never been to Newark on a Saturday night!
TV Show: Welcome Back, Kotter