Veronica Mars Quotes

Veronica: Think I've got a future in the biz?
Keith: I think you've got a future as a highly paid Ivy League-educated executive of some sort who never thinks about private investigation again in her perfect life. Now... let's do something normal fathers and daughters do.
Veronica: Buy me a pony?
Keith: I was thinking I'd watch TV and you'd rub my feet.
Veronica: Hmm. Yeah, that's normal.

TV Show: Veronica Mars
[Meg]: Veronica? Did you find your clothes? [looks down at the toilet to see Veronica's clothes almost flushed]
Veronica: Well, does this towel make me look fat?
Meg: You need something to wear? [they walk out of school with Veronica wearing a cheerleading uniform] I usually have sweats in my locker. Sorry.
Veronica: No, this is perfect. I just have to resist the urge to do a cartwheel.

TV Show: Veronica Mars
Veronica: Is there any way to convert cyphertext to plaintext without initial knowledge of the cryptoalgorithms?
Computer Teacher: Excuse me?
Veronica: I'm trying to figure out how someone could have overridden the control framework on the school server in order to access everyone's password. Can you help me?
Computer Teacher: Yeah... uh, in real life... I'm actually a gym teacher.

TV Show: Veronica Mars
Veronica: You ready to put the hurt on that Pythagorean theorem?
Wallace: You don't even want to mess with me on that today. I just about merked my mom's crazy, no-rent-paying tenant this afternoon.
Veronica: That guy's sleazy, so I hope merked means something bad. You know, my dad's still got that sheriff sheen. He's great at scaring people away.
Wallace: No, I got it covered. [Keith enters the room]
Veronica: Seriously, you should talk to him.
Keith: Am I giving you the birds and bees again, Wallace?

TV Show: Veronica Mars
Veronica: [about Keith] Don't worry, it's his specialty. Busting heads and breaking hearts.

TV Show: Veronica Mars
Keith: Wallace's mom had a plan, and I didn't want to overstep.
Veronica: Overstepping is your main form of transportation.

TV Show: Veronica Mars
Veronica: Oh, God.
Mac: What?
Veronica: My outbox. There's an e-mail from me to my ex-boyfriend.
Mac: Duncan Kane? [Veronica looks at Mac] You used to be all anyone gossiped about. You still are. Just... a different way. So, what does it say?
Veronica: "Dear Duncan, I want you to know that I still love you very much, and I think about you constantly. Everytime I see you, my heart breaks. I need to tell you that when we were dating, I had VD. I hope you didn't catch anything from me." Am I naked? Because in my nightmares, I'm usually naked.

TV Show: Veronica Mars
Veronica: Listen to this. "Not that innocent? Buy the results of anyone's purity test. Ten dollars will let you know if you're dating an angel from Heaven or a hottie from Hell."
Wallace: That's crazy. You can go on there and buy anyone's test?
Veronica: I never thought I'd say this, but I kind of can't wait for school tomorrow.

TV Show: Veronica Mars
Veronica: Funny. No one's come running up to me.
Meg: It's because people are afraid of you.
Veronica: Then something's working.
Meg: Getting tough? Yeah, that was good advice. And I needed that. The getting even part? You might want to rethink that one. You do have friends, Veronica.

TV Show: Veronica Mars
Wallace: My mom thinks I'm staying at Norman's house.
Veronica: Who's Norman?
Wallace: Norman is my imaginary, straight-A, Eagle Scout (does air quotes gesture) mama's boy friend.
Veronica: He sounds boring for an imaginary friend.
Wallace: Mom seems to like him.

TV Show: Veronica Mars
Mrs. Murphy: (catches Veronica whispering to Meg) Veronica, you seem to be in a sharing mood. Why don't you tell us your position on this?
Dick: All fours.

TV Show: Veronica Mars
Veronica: Can I get you some coffee? A donut? Baked good of some sort?
Cliff: Aren't we pleasant. You're not going to try to sell me a raffle ticket, are you?
Veronica: Close. I want you to get me onto death row to meet with Abel Koontz.
Cliff: You crazy kids! The stuff you're into. Hula hoops, cramming into phone booths, visiting death row inmates...what's it gonna be next month?

TV Show: Veronica Mars
Keith: Wallace's mom had a plan, and I didn't want to overstep.
Veronica: Overstepping is your main form of transportation.

TV Show: Veronica Mars
'Meg: You believe me?
Veronica: Meg, you're the last good person at this school. I'd believe cartoon birds braided your hair this morning. If you want, I can find who posted that test for you. We'll clear your name and make somebody pay.
Meg: Really?
Veronica: Unless there is a Fairy Godmother already on it.

TV Show: Veronica Mars
Veronica: (voice-over) I admit it, I splurged and spent 10 bucks to read my own purity test. Apparently I've pleasured the swim team while jacked up on goof-balls.

TV Show: Veronica Mars
Meg: What did you score?
Cole: Ugh, 91...
Dick: Dude, Snow White took it and scored an 89!

TV Show: Veronica Mars
Keith: It's a waterbed.
Veronica: Alright.
Keith: Come on, you've wanted one of these things since, like, you were 5 years old.
Veronica: I also wanted to marry Vanilla Ice and build the world's largest collection of Z-bots.

TV Show: Veronica Mars
Wallace: Hackey sack? The final arena of unquestioned white domination.

TV Show: Veronica Mars
Veronica: Dad, you're an ex-cop. You know gangland-enforcer types. Can't you find someone to intimidate the maintenance supe into fixing the hot water problem?

TV Show: Veronica Mars
Veronica: [voiceover] Forbidden barn? Check. Implied polygamy? Check. Ladies and gentlemen, we have a cult.

TV Show: Veronica Mars
Veronica: [voiceover] Enough already with this mellow "Incense and Peppermints" vibe. Let's break out the mushrooms and dance naked, strap on the goatskull headgear, sacrifice a few infants. Come on people, you're cultists. Start acting like it.

TV Show: Veronica Mars
Veronica: [voiceover] Wow, it's bizzaro world. Out here I'm Miss Popular.

TV Show: Veronica Mars
Veronica: [voiceover] I can't get it out of my mind. Somewhere in Pennsylvania a lab tech is determining if I'm heir to a billion-dollar fortune. It's not about the money. It's about making Jake Kane pay. But if I am an heiress, [Southern accent] as God is my witness, I'll never take cold showers again!

TV Show: Veronica Mars
Veronica: I'm so ashamed of myself for my meltdown last night. I was a rampaging jackass.
Casey: Have you forgotten who you're talking to? I'm Casey Gant, okay? I wrote the jackass Bible, the jackass Qur'an, the jackass Talmud.

TV Show: Veronica Mars
Veronica: (voice-over) The attributes and style of crap teen poetry. Must be written in a funky color of ink. Must include dominant themes of alienation, sexual ambivalence, self-loathing, death, et cetera.

TV Show: Veronica Mars
Veronica: He [Casey Gant] joined a cult? What do they worship? Wedgies? Keggers? Their parents' platinum cards?

TV Show: Veronica Mars
Veronica: (to her dad) What is your deal? You're jacked up like some hillbilly kid who just stumbled into daddy's meth lab.

TV Show: Veronica Mars
Keith: You're covered in mud.
Veronica: See, that's why you make the big bucks. [edit]

TV Show: Veronica Mars
Veronica: You're saying that you don't want my mind, you don't want my body, you don't want me working in your ganja fields, you just want me to be happy. Strange. [edit]

TV Show: Veronica Mars
Keith: This is so endearing, my bad-ass action-figure daughter is afraid of drawing a teensy little drop of blood.

TV Show: Veronica Mars