Veronica Mars Quotes

Keith: Guess who stopped by today?
Veronica: If you say Josh Hartnett, I'm gonna be so bummed.

TV Show: Veronica Mars
[Veronica enters the house after kissing deputy Leo goodnight.]
Keith: Veronica, we need to talk.
Veronica: [in Southern accent] He's a fine gentleman, Pa. He'll come up with the dowry to marry me, just you wait.

TV Show: Veronica Mars
Veronica: Dear Seventeen, how can I tell if the really cute boy in my class has a crush on me? No, strike that. Dear Seventeen, how can I tell if the really cute boy in my class murdered his sister?

TV Show: Veronica Mars
Wallace: He's not gropin' her, is he?
Veronica: No, but earlier I saw him cutting a hole in the bottom of the popcorn bucket.

TV Show: Veronica Mars
Ben: [talking to Veronica] Is it okay if he goes outside? [referring to Logan] I would like to talk to you.
Logan: Dream on, Jump Street, I'm not leaving you alone with her.

TV Show: Veronica Mars
[Veronica calls Mac for yet another computer-tech favor.]
Mac: What did you ever do before you met me?
Veronica: Ever see the first 10 minutes of 2001: A Space Odyssey? It was a lot like that.

TV Show: Veronica Mars
Logan: So, what do you think?
Veronica: Like, in general? Or is there a specific area on which you'd like my opinion?

TV Show: Veronica Mars
Trina: Pop Tart?
Logan: Hmmm, a Tart from a tart.
Trina: Ye of the sickle wit. Can I ask you something?
Logan: Hmm, would you look at that? [mimics pulling something from his mouth] There was a string attached to my Pop Tart. [tosses away imaginary string]
Trina: Yeah. Well, I'm in a little bit of a jam, and I could use a loan.
Logan: [stops his stopwatch] Twelve hours to hit me up for my dead mother's money. Hmmm, I wonder who had that in the pool.
Trina: You know I wouldn't ask if it wasn't important.
Logan: Oh, I do. I do.
Trina: Could I just borrow ten grand? Just for a little while.
Logan: Ten grand?!
Trina: Will you just hear me out, please? My boyfriend Dylan spotted me some cash a few months ago, and now he's bugging me about it. I — I can't get him off my back.
Logan: Did you try standing up?

TV Show: Veronica Mars
Trina: Is Dad still at dinner?
Logan: Yeah, but he's not far. I'm sure if you really tried, you could blow smoke up his ass from here. [pauses] Hey, Trin — if you take your top off before you get on the mechanical bull, you won't fall off.

TV Show: Veronica Mars
Logan: Hey, I need your help.
Veronica: Would it be weird for me to start my own drinking game? Like, I have to do a shot every time someone asks for my help?

TV Show: Veronica Mars
Veronica: [to Madison Sinclair] Buck up, Maddy. Senior trip is back on, sister. Six grand! We're Magic Mountain bound. [turns to leave] Oh, you know there's a ride called the Viper, right? Isn't that like...your mothership?

TV Show: Veronica Mars
Veronica: Why can't the evil just get jobs like the rest of us?

TV Show: Veronica Mars
Logan: Do you think Lilly loved Weevil?
Veronica: I don't know. Um, Lilly never mentioned anything to me about Weevil. I was wondering when you were going to ask me about that.
Logan: Yeah, well… I don't know. When he's caught in her bedroom, you know, I guess you gotta think.
Veronica: You're handling it a lot better than I thought you would.
Logan: I loved Lilly. And Lilly loved guys.
Veronica: Logan, you know that —
Logan: You know, she used to say that her… her parents worshiped Duncan and tolerated her. And if she couldn't please 'em, she was going to go out of her way to piss 'em off. Weevil must have been perfect for that.
Veronica: I know Lilly loved you.
Logan: Just not like I loved her. [pauses] It's okay. No, you know, it kinda lets me off the hook. You know, I… You know, I don't have to feel guilty anymore.
Veronica: Feel guilty about what?
Logan: Movin' on. [he kisses her]
Veronica: What are we doing? [they giggle]
Logan: No idea. [resume kissing]
Veronica: We need to talk about this.
Logan: I know.
Veronica: Maybe we should just keep it to ourselves for awhile and see what happens.
Logan: Meet in mop closets? Pass each other secret notes in the hallway? [pauses] Come on, I'll drive you home on the back streets.

TV Show: Veronica Mars
Veronica: I'll be at home. With the only sane member of the Mars family.
Keith: The one who eats from the garbage and keeps bringing me dead birds?
Veronica: That's the one.

TV Show: Veronica Mars
[Mandy just got prank called and they see the group of boys laughing about the prank call they just made.]
Mandy: Don't do it Veronica, it's not worth it!
Veronica: It so is!
Veronica: You prank called Mindy?
Lenny Sopher: So what if I did
Veronica: I just wanna congratulate you, shake your hand. Congratulations, you've been named World's Biggest Cockroach! This award is given in recognition of you unparalleled lack of humanity. Bravo. You're going to die friendless and alone
Lenny Sopher: Everyone knows you're.....
Veronica: Shut up! If I want you to speak, I'll wave a snausage over your nose.If you ever use Mandy again to try to convince yourself you're not a loser, I will ruin your life! Got it? You got it?
Lenny Sopher: Okay, jeez.
Mandy: I can't believe you did that.
Veronica: I can't believe you didn't.

TV Show: Veronica Mars
Logan: I am beyond tardy for my physics class. If I remember right, time travel is not yet possible.
Veronica: So try petty corruption. Tardy excuse slips, date-stamped, untraceable. [pauses] I know people

TV Show: Veronica Mars
Veronica: No offense, but you look... odd.
Wallace: I just watched our parents cuddle on the couch last night. My eyes - they burn.
Veronica: Any idea what our parents do Mondays and Wednesdays from 6: 00 to 10: 00 that requires an overnight bag?
Wallace: As far as I'm concerned, they play bingo at the V.F.W. That's my story. I'm sticking with it.

TV Show: Veronica Mars
Keith: How was school?
Veronica: You know - mean kids, indifferent teachers, crumbling infrastructure.

TV Show: Veronica Mars
Seth: "Get Marooned." Great. Another island-centric prom theme. Another year of double-digit IQ jocks laughing at their own jokes about getting "lei'd" as freshman hula girls put flowers around their necks.
Tad: I don't see anybody forcing you to buy tickets, queer bait.
Seth: I'm sorry. Am I giving away your best material?
Tad's Lackey: Isn't the gay prom next Friday in the Dog Beach men's room?
Seth: So I guess I'll see you there, sailor. [flicks Tad's collar]
Tad: Yo, what did you just say to me, Boy George?
Seth: Come on. The Navy? Cover my back, wingman. The rear admiral wants us to pound away with the 10-inch gun. I mean, isn't just joining the Navy alone gay enough to get you thrown out of the Navy?

TV Show: Veronica Mars
Logan: So, the place is ours. Dad's at class. Trina's at an extremely important purse-store opening in Beverly Hills.
Veronica: Your Dad is taking classes?
Logan: Exploring the world outside himself. All part of the new Aaron Echolls. Spanish, ceramics, tae kwon do and today, glassblowing with Silvio Pirelli, master of Old World crystal. [points to glass piece] Nice, huh? Just two lessons.
Veronica: And he made a bong?
Logan: An urn for my mom. You know, since there was no body and thus no ashes, he filled it with seawater. Because she jumped into the ocean. Get it? At least it gets him out of the house. [they kiss]
Veronica: Hey. Do you think this thing... will ever get more normal?
Logan: What, like, will we ever hang at the mall and hold hands and buy each other teddy bears with hearts that say "I wuv you beary much?"
Veronica: Yes. Exactly that. Except I want my bear won through some sort of demonstration of ring-tossing ability.
Logan: Secrets are kinda hot, too. [they kiss]

TV Show: Veronica Mars
Logan: Ah, mass transit. But why take the bus when you can drive your very own rust bucket? I had my dad's driver pick it up. Full of fresh stolen parts, ready to go.
Veronica: Wow. I'll just try to keep this little gesture in mind this weekend when you and Dick and the Beaver are off getting blasted and scamming cheerleaders.
Logan: Yeah. Yeah, actually I had to tell Dick I'm not available. Because I have other plans.
Veronica: There are cheerleaders with low self-esteem available domestically?

TV Show: Veronica Mars
[Veronica working on her car, with the hood up, because it stalled, Dick, Beaver, and Logan walk up.]
Dick: Uh-oh, someone's got their eye on that Miss White Trash title.
Beaver: Yeah, and making a solid effort in the talent competition, but I'd like to see that car up on some cinder blocks.
Logan: Guys, come on.
Veronica: I know... "Guys, come on! The talent is making a grilled cheese sandwich on the engine block." "Guys, come on, you can't put your car up on blocks in the yard if you don't have a yard."
[She grabs the pocket knife Logan is using to cut his apple, and uses it to cut a tube in the engine and hooking it up to some other part of the machine.]
Veronica: You know I think I can do both sides of this little act now.
[Turns the key and the car starts.]
Veronica: So how 'bout next time you don't bother; I got it covered.
[Throws Logan's pocket knife back to him, and shuts the hood of her car]

TV Show: Veronica Mars
Logan: You do not want to start today with me, Paco.
Weevil: Are you sure? It was in my day planner under "Goals."

TV Show: Veronica Mars
Dick: Look at that. Beaver's getting all the love, and Dick's flapping out in the breeze.
Luke: Please. You have like, the hottest girlfriend ever.
Dick: Much like fake boobs - great to look at, but they don't do as much as you'd like them to.

TV Show: Veronica Mars
Veronica: You can keep asking, but you're not the fairest. Trust me.
Madison: Well, I can tell you who the pastiest is. What's the deal - can't buy bronzer with food stamps?
Veronica: You wrote "slut" on my car last year at Shelly's party. Why?
Madison: Because "whore" had too many letters.

TV Show: Veronica Mars
Meg: You don't want to drink that.
Veronica: Why?
Meg: I'm betting Madison gave you a trip to the dentist. It's her thing. She does it to people she doesn't like. She spits in a cocktail and calls it a trip to the dentist. 'Cause we're in eighth grade.

TV Show: Veronica Mars
Madison: Regular soda? Why didn't you just fill the cup with lard?

TV Show: Veronica Mars
Dick: [upon seeing Veronica] Dude, what the hell are you doing? Please tell me this is like, some new reality show called My Skank.
Logan: Goodbye, Dick.
Dick: What?
Logan: Get out of my house. You have a problem with Veronica, you leave. Actually, you have a problem with Veronica, you're pretty much dead to me, so just, like, evaporate or something, I dunno. That's pretty much a general invitation. If you don't like my girlfriend, then start heading towards the big rectangle with the knob.

TV Show: Veronica Mars
Logan: Hey, I have to tell you something.
Veronica: I'm sorry, we're past the confessional portion of this program. We're on to the make out.

TV Show: Veronica Mars
Cliff: Tell me this is a joke. You want to sue the Kane family?
Keith: Yes.
Cliff: Please tell me there's another Kane family in town. Maybe a Boris and Gilda Kane?

TV Show: Veronica Mars