Trailer Park Boys Quotes
Ricky: You know, I may not of done all the right stuff in my life or done smart stuff. But guys, maybe I shouldn't be commenting here, but that was pretty fuckin' dumb. Alright? You're robbing a fucking grocery store, you didn't even tell me. I'm fuckin' on video tape now, firing handguns, with no mask on! You guys are fucking dumb!
Julian: [grunting] Okay. Would you calm down.
Ricky: No, I'm not gonna calm down Julian!
Julian: Calm down!
Ricky: I'm pissed off! I'm pissed off at you (points to Bubbles), and especially you two dicks! (points to Cory and Trevor). You guys are really fuckin' stupid!
Julian: Ricky.
Trevor: Sorry man, but you were shooting at us too.
Ricky: I'm drunk! I'm really drunk, and I don't need this shit!
Julian: Ricky! Would you..
Ricky: I'm gettin' married tomorrow!
Julian: Would you shut up?! Everything's gonna be cool! Trust me!
Bubbles: [crying] Can everyone just please stop it.
Julian: Oh look, you're making Bubbles cry, Ricky!
Julian: [grunting] Okay. Would you calm down.
Ricky: No, I'm not gonna calm down Julian!
Julian: Calm down!
Ricky: I'm pissed off! I'm pissed off at you (points to Bubbles), and especially you two dicks! (points to Cory and Trevor). You guys are really fuckin' stupid!
Julian: Ricky.
Trevor: Sorry man, but you were shooting at us too.
Ricky: I'm drunk! I'm really drunk, and I don't need this shit!
Julian: Ricky! Would you..
Ricky: I'm gettin' married tomorrow!
Julian: Would you shut up?! Everything's gonna be cool! Trust me!
Bubbles: [crying] Can everyone just please stop it.
Julian: Oh look, you're making Bubbles cry, Ricky!
TV Show: Trailer Park Boys
Levi: You're all dressed up today.
Bubbles: Yeah. Got my tuxedo on. Hey, maybe you can fix my tie for me.
Levi: Yeah.
Bubbles: Tricked ya!
[Levi laughs]
Bubbles: It's not even real! 150 bucks for one of those real fuckers!
Bubbles: Yeah. Got my tuxedo on. Hey, maybe you can fix my tie for me.
Levi: Yeah.
Bubbles: Tricked ya!
[Levi laughs]
Bubbles: It's not even real! 150 bucks for one of those real fuckers!
TV Show: Trailer Park Boys
[while getting arrested at his wedding]
Ricky: Oh, for fuck's sakes. I can't beleive this shit. Julian, look at this shit! My wedding's all fucked up! Frig off! This is bullshit! Julian, what the fuck's goin' on here? This isn't my fault. There's a lot more people here that are guiltier then I am, Trevor and Cory!
Ricky: Oh, for fuck's sakes. I can't beleive this shit. Julian, look at this shit! My wedding's all fucked up! Frig off! This is bullshit! Julian, what the fuck's goin' on here? This isn't my fault. There's a lot more people here that are guiltier then I am, Trevor and Cory!
TV Show: Trailer Park Boys
[while being taken away by the police]
Ricky: There's some illegal procedures going on here! I want this fucking camera crew arrested! I want you arrested for this. I want that sound man arrested. I want everyone arrested! Lahey, you're fucking going down for this, you jackass!
[brief pause]
Ricky: I'm pissed off over here!
Donny: WHAT IN THE FUCK?!
Ricky: There's some illegal procedures going on here! I want this fucking camera crew arrested! I want you arrested for this. I want that sound man arrested. I want everyone arrested! Lahey, you're fucking going down for this, you jackass!
[brief pause]
Ricky: I'm pissed off over here!
Donny: WHAT IN THE FUCK?!
TV Show: Trailer Park Boys
[Ricky and Julian in jail]
Ricky: For the first couple weeks that I came back to jail, I was still pissed off because, you know, they used all this documentary footage against us to convict us, and I was pissed off about the whole courtroom scene, and I shouldn't of defended myself, I know that now.
Ricky: For the first couple weeks that I came back to jail, I was still pissed off because, you know, they used all this documentary footage against us to convict us, and I was pissed off about the whole courtroom scene, and I shouldn't of defended myself, I know that now.
TV Show: Trailer Park Boys
[Cat looking at Ricky]
Ricky: (to the cat) What the fuck are you looking at, huh? Don't fuckin' stare at me!
Ricky: (to the cat) What the fuck are you looking at, huh? Don't fuckin' stare at me!
TV Show: Trailer Park Boys
Bubbles: Ricky just waltzes in there and becomes the king of the carts. The fuck does he expect me to do for a living? What does he want me to do, go to EI and say
TV Show: Trailer Park Boys
Mr. Lahey: (Drunk) Oooh, nice Mall-Cop uniform, Ricky!
Ricky: Don't even fuckin' start with me today, Lahey! I'm not in the mood.
Mr. Lahey: I beg your pardon; I was only a real cop. I was never an important Mall-Cop like you, Rick.
Ricky: Knock knock.
Mr. Lahey: Who's there, Rick?
Ricky: Somebody.
Mr. Lahey: Somebody who?
Ricky: Somebody whose ex-wife owns the fuckin' trailer park is the only reason you got the job as trailer park supervisor; 'cause you got fired from the police force 'cause you fucked up big time, but we're not gonna' talk about that, are we? And now, you're gonna get fired from this job 'cause you're nothin' but a drunk fuckin' idiot who can't even run the trailer park! You're drunk right now, I can smell the fuckin' liquor on ya' from here. Go away for 18 months to jail and everything goes to fuckin' shit, doesn't it, Lahey? Let your little buddy with the no fuckin' shirt move in with my girlfriend and ruin my whole fuckin' life; now there's fuckin' shit everywhere in this fuckin' trailer park! Fuckin' idiot!
Ricky: Don't even fuckin' start with me today, Lahey! I'm not in the mood.
Mr. Lahey: I beg your pardon; I was only a real cop. I was never an important Mall-Cop like you, Rick.
Ricky: Knock knock.
Mr. Lahey: Who's there, Rick?
Ricky: Somebody.
Mr. Lahey: Somebody who?
Ricky: Somebody whose ex-wife owns the fuckin' trailer park is the only reason you got the job as trailer park supervisor; 'cause you got fired from the police force 'cause you fucked up big time, but we're not gonna' talk about that, are we? And now, you're gonna get fired from this job 'cause you're nothin' but a drunk fuckin' idiot who can't even run the trailer park! You're drunk right now, I can smell the fuckin' liquor on ya' from here. Go away for 18 months to jail and everything goes to fuckin' shit, doesn't it, Lahey? Let your little buddy with the no fuckin' shirt move in with my girlfriend and ruin my whole fuckin' life; now there's fuckin' shit everywhere in this fuckin' trailer park! Fuckin' idiot!
TV Show: Trailer Park Boys
Bubbles: Somebody's got their hand on the cart then--Whoopsies! (as he "accidentally" drops the cart down the hill) and somebody comes along and picks it up later.
TV Show: Trailer Park Boys
Mr. Lahey: Listen, I was unaware that I had an appointment with you fine people today. As it turns out I have another engagement: I plan to get DRUNK!
TV Show: Trailer Park Boys
[Ricky and Sam arguing]
Ricky: Knock knock.
Sam: Who's there?
Ricky: (gives Sam two middle fingers) Fuck off!
Ricky: Knock knock.
Sam: Who's there?
Ricky: (gives Sam two middle fingers) Fuck off!
TV Show: Trailer Park Boys
Julian: What are you guys doing?
Trevor: We're helping Sam.
Cory: Yeah man. We're gonna get a chance to screw Lahey over.
Bubbles: You guys aren't doin' well in the thinking department, are ya? Sam's a caveman, and he's a dick.
Ricky: And that makes you guys dicks, 'cause you're promoting him.
Trevor: He's gonna give us homemade hot dogs when we're finished putting the signs up.
Ricky: Well, I'm gonna give you some homemade fuck-offs right now.
[Ricky gives Trevor two middle fingers]
Trevor: We're helping Sam.
Cory: Yeah man. We're gonna get a chance to screw Lahey over.
Bubbles: You guys aren't doin' well in the thinking department, are ya? Sam's a caveman, and he's a dick.
Ricky: And that makes you guys dicks, 'cause you're promoting him.
Trevor: He's gonna give us homemade hot dogs when we're finished putting the signs up.
Ricky: Well, I'm gonna give you some homemade fuck-offs right now.
[Ricky gives Trevor two middle fingers]
TV Show: Trailer Park Boys
Ricky: Hey, Sam, knock knock.
Sam: ...Who's there?
Ricky: Get the fuck off the stage, ya idiot!
Sam: ...Who's there?
Ricky: Get the fuck off the stage, ya idiot!
TV Show: Trailer Park Boys
J-Roc: (to Randy) You better back off, you no-shirt, lawn-mowing, 15-cheeseburger-eating prick.
TV Show: Trailer Park Boys
Ricky: I've met cats and dogs smarter than Cory and Trevor, in fact most cats and dogs are smarter than Cory and Trevor.
TV Show: Trailer Park Boys
Julian: (to Cory and Trevor) What was the name of the bar where you guys put up those flyers?
Cory: Uh...The Empty Closet....Yeah that was it.
Julian: You guys don't have a clue, do you?
Cory: Uh...The Empty Closet....Yeah that was it.
Julian: You guys don't have a clue, do you?
TV Show: Trailer Park Boys
[Bubbles finds Ricky and Julian's dope plants in his burnt-to-the-ground shed]
Bubbles: Oh, I think that's yours, Ricky. Stupid f- (trying to hold back tears), stupid fucking dope plants!
Ricky: They're not dope plants, they're just...some vegetables we were growing.
Bubbles: (sarcastically) Oh yeah. Yeah, I fuckin' believe that, Ricky.
Bubbles: Oh, I think that's yours, Ricky. Stupid f- (trying to hold back tears), stupid fucking dope plants!
Ricky: They're not dope plants, they're just...some vegetables we were growing.
Bubbles: (sarcastically) Oh yeah. Yeah, I fuckin' believe that, Ricky.
TV Show: Trailer Park Boys
[Bubbles finds his bubble maker melted]
Bubbles: Oh, for fuck's sakes! Look at that! That's my fucking bubble maker! That was the only thing I had, that my parents gave me before they fucking deserted me in this shed, which I don't have anymore! Now it's just a big melted, fuckin' blob of shit!
Bubbles: Oh, for fuck's sakes! Look at that! That's my fucking bubble maker! That was the only thing I had, that my parents gave me before they fucking deserted me in this shed, which I don't have anymore! Now it's just a big melted, fuckin' blob of shit!
TV Show: Trailer Park Boys
Bubbles: (to the camera crew) You guys wanna see some shit? Come watch this.
[Bubbles fires his sling shot at Sam]
Sam Losco: What the fuck?
Bubbles: Alright arsehole, clean up this fucking garbage!
Sam Losco: Now listen, get your fuckin' cats off my property, or I'm gonna call Animal Control and have 'em all put to fuckin' sleep.
Bubbles: Oh yeah? You think you could do it if you're fuckin' knocked out? Huh?!
[Bubbles swings a pair of nunchucks at Sam]
[Bubbles fires his sling shot at Sam]
Sam Losco: What the fuck?
Bubbles: Alright arsehole, clean up this fucking garbage!
Sam Losco: Now listen, get your fuckin' cats off my property, or I'm gonna call Animal Control and have 'em all put to fuckin' sleep.
Bubbles: Oh yeah? You think you could do it if you're fuckin' knocked out? Huh?!
[Bubbles swings a pair of nunchucks at Sam]
TV Show: Trailer Park Boys
Tania: Have you read the Bible?
Bubbles: Maybe I have, maybe I haven't. What's it to you?
Hampton: Can you read, my son?
Bubbles: Well, that depends. Can you go fuck yourself?
Bubbles: Maybe I have, maybe I haven't. What's it to you?
Hampton: Can you read, my son?
Bubbles: Well, that depends. Can you go fuck yourself?
TV Show: Trailer Park Boys
Julian: I've had a lot of time to think about this, and I know Ricky and I really crossed the line. I just wanted to say I'm sorry, buddy.
[Julian hands Bubbles a jar of pickled eggs]
Bubbles: Yeah? Well, my whole life was in that shed, Julian. Did you and Ricky think of that before you barged in and burned the fuckin' thing right to the ground?
Julian: Come on. This is getting ridiculous.
Bubbles: Yeah, it is ridiculous, Julian.
Julian: Listen. Why don't you stop living in cars and vans and sheds and stuff and come stay at my place? A real home for once.
Bubbles: That shed was a real home, Julian. I loved that place. It was mine, it wasn't yours. You know what I mean? And guess what? I don't think I should be hangin' around with you and Ricky anymore either. Till you're done growing that dope. And don't think you can buy me off with a jar of those delicious things.
[Julian hands Bubbles a jar of pickled eggs]
Bubbles: Yeah? Well, my whole life was in that shed, Julian. Did you and Ricky think of that before you barged in and burned the fuckin' thing right to the ground?
Julian: Come on. This is getting ridiculous.
Bubbles: Yeah, it is ridiculous, Julian.
Julian: Listen. Why don't you stop living in cars and vans and sheds and stuff and come stay at my place? A real home for once.
Bubbles: That shed was a real home, Julian. I loved that place. It was mine, it wasn't yours. You know what I mean? And guess what? I don't think I should be hangin' around with you and Ricky anymore either. Till you're done growing that dope. And don't think you can buy me off with a jar of those delicious things.
TV Show: Trailer Park Boys
Mr. Lahey: Okay, boys. Rule #1: No living in a van in Sunnyvale Trailer Park.
Bubbles: J-Roc, you better straighten Panama Jack the fuck out right now.
J-Roc: Aight, here's what I'm talkin' about. You know'm sayin'? Know'm sayin'? Bubbles is renting this van for 12 dollars a month. You know'm sayin'? That makes this mafucka an income property. You know'm sayin'? And once me and T get power and water goin' on, then this mafucka gonna fall under the same jurisdictions as every other trailer up in this ma'. You know'm sayin'? So why don't you and that 15-cheeseburger eatin', Rico-Suave-lookin' mafucka go on 'cause you ain't beatin' nobody! Peace.
[Tyrone laughs, slaps J-Roc's hand]
Tyrone: That's cold, man! That's crazy! Suave-Rico cheesebuger!
J-Roc: Oh, hang on.
[J-Roc leans his ear to Randy's gut]
J-Roc: Can I get 15 half-eaten cheeseburgers to go?! You know'm sayin'?
Tyrone: Order me some too, man!
[Bubbles laughs]
Bubbles: Talking to his gut like it's a person.
Bubbles: J-Roc, you better straighten Panama Jack the fuck out right now.
J-Roc: Aight, here's what I'm talkin' about. You know'm sayin'? Know'm sayin'? Bubbles is renting this van for 12 dollars a month. You know'm sayin'? That makes this mafucka an income property. You know'm sayin'? And once me and T get power and water goin' on, then this mafucka gonna fall under the same jurisdictions as every other trailer up in this ma'. You know'm sayin'? So why don't you and that 15-cheeseburger eatin', Rico-Suave-lookin' mafucka go on 'cause you ain't beatin' nobody! Peace.
[Tyrone laughs, slaps J-Roc's hand]
Tyrone: That's cold, man! That's crazy! Suave-Rico cheesebuger!
J-Roc: Oh, hang on.
[J-Roc leans his ear to Randy's gut]
J-Roc: Can I get 15 half-eaten cheeseburgers to go?! You know'm sayin'?
Tyrone: Order me some too, man!
[Bubbles laughs]
Bubbles: Talking to his gut like it's a person.
TV Show: Trailer Park Boys
[Ricky spots Julian with Tania across from his car]
Ricky: Julian? What the fuck's he doin' here? Julian what's this bullshit?! Fuck.
[Ricky and Julian get out of their cars]
Ricky: Why aren't you watching the dope plants, you asshole?!
Julian: Calm down, Ricky. We're just grabbing some takeout.
Ricky: Takeout, my ass. It looks like you're on a date with Cinnamon-Roll-fuckin'-Head!
Ricky: Julian? What the fuck's he doin' here? Julian what's this bullshit?! Fuck.
[Ricky and Julian get out of their cars]
Ricky: Why aren't you watching the dope plants, you asshole?!
Julian: Calm down, Ricky. We're just grabbing some takeout.
Ricky: Takeout, my ass. It looks like you're on a date with Cinnamon-Roll-fuckin'-Head!
TV Show: Trailer Park Boys
Electric Worker: Whoever did this is really stupid. You're dealing with a dangerous moron.
Randy: We know a guy who fits that description to a T, don't we, Mr. Lahey?
Lahey: We sure do. Call me crazy, but do guys who grow dope ever do this kind of thing?
Electric Worker: You're not crazy, I see it all the time. Guys bypassing the meters so the cops don't notice the surge in the power bills.
Lahey: Bingo.
Randy: Cops and dope don't mix, do they, Mr. Lahey?
Lahey: Like shit and strawberry shortcake, Randy.
Randy: We know a guy who fits that description to a T, don't we, Mr. Lahey?
Lahey: We sure do. Call me crazy, but do guys who grow dope ever do this kind of thing?
Electric Worker: You're not crazy, I see it all the time. Guys bypassing the meters so the cops don't notice the surge in the power bills.
Lahey: Bingo.
Randy: Cops and dope don't mix, do they, Mr. Lahey?
Lahey: Like shit and strawberry shortcake, Randy.
TV Show: Trailer Park Boys
Ricky: Randy, come back here for a second.
Randy: What's up, Rick?
Ricky: Listen man, if you go down to the store and pick me up some "ja-lap-ano" chips and $2 worth of pepperoni, I'll hang out with you for a bit.
Bubbles: Yeah, and get me some fuckin' Gummiworms and stuff.
Randy: Gummiworms, OK. Jalapeño chips. Pepperoni. You want anything, Julian?
Julian: (shakes his head no)
Randy: Does anyone else want anything while I'm down there?
Julian: (changes his mind) Yeah, pick me up a bag of "hal-a-peeno" chips.
Randy: All right.
Ricky: "Hal-a-peeno?" What flavor is that?
Julian: Ricky, the J is silent. You're saying it wrong.
Bubbles: The J is like an H, Ricky. "Hal-a-peeno," not "ja-lap-ano."
Ricky: What in the fuck are you guys talking about?
Bubbles: "Hal-a-peeno! Hal-a-peeno!" That's how you pronounce it.
Ricky: I know how to pronounce it! I ordered fuckin' "ja-lap-ano!"
Randy: What's up, Rick?
Ricky: Listen man, if you go down to the store and pick me up some "ja-lap-ano" chips and $2 worth of pepperoni, I'll hang out with you for a bit.
Bubbles: Yeah, and get me some fuckin' Gummiworms and stuff.
Randy: Gummiworms, OK. Jalapeño chips. Pepperoni. You want anything, Julian?
Julian: (shakes his head no)
Randy: Does anyone else want anything while I'm down there?
Julian: (changes his mind) Yeah, pick me up a bag of "hal-a-peeno" chips.
Randy: All right.
Ricky: "Hal-a-peeno?" What flavor is that?
Julian: Ricky, the J is silent. You're saying it wrong.
Bubbles: The J is like an H, Ricky. "Hal-a-peeno," not "ja-lap-ano."
Ricky: What in the fuck are you guys talking about?
Bubbles: "Hal-a-peeno! Hal-a-peeno!" That's how you pronounce it.
Ricky: I know how to pronounce it! I ordered fuckin' "ja-lap-ano!"
TV Show: Trailer Park Boys
[Bubbles as a lumberjack holding a camcorder, with a close up on his face, running through the woods breathing heavily stops]
Bubbles: UH UH UH...I ain't...I ain't never been so frisky in my entire life! UH UH UH!
J-Roc [off camera]: CUT!
Bubbles: How was that, J-Roc?
Bubbles: UH UH UH...I ain't...I ain't never been so frisky in my entire life! UH UH UH!
J-Roc [off camera]: CUT!
Bubbles: How was that, J-Roc?
TV Show: Trailer Park Boys
Ricky: I haven't seen Treena since her dysfunctional parents grounded her over something stupid.
Barb: How dare you speak to us like that!
Ricky: How dare you marry a money-hustlin' caveman.
Barb: How dare you speak to us like that!
Ricky: How dare you marry a money-hustlin' caveman.
TV Show: Trailer Park Boys
Barb: I just popped over to tell you that Sam Losco proposed last night.
Jim Lahey: You gotta be kidding.
Barb: No. I think it's about time one of us tried to provide the girl with a stable family atmosphere where she doesn't feel like she has to pawn her bike or deliver pepperoni to drug dealers.
Randy: And you think that you're the perfect parent?
Barb: Randy, you know, when I want advice on cheeseburgers or not wearing a shirt, you're the person I'll come to.
Jim Lahey: You gotta be kidding.
Barb: No. I think it's about time one of us tried to provide the girl with a stable family atmosphere where she doesn't feel like she has to pawn her bike or deliver pepperoni to drug dealers.
Randy: And you think that you're the perfect parent?
Barb: Randy, you know, when I want advice on cheeseburgers or not wearing a shirt, you're the person I'll come to.
TV Show: Trailer Park Boys