YuYu Hakusho Quotes

Narrator: "And so it all begins. This boy's name is Yusuke. He's 14 years old and is supposed to be the hero of the story...but oddly enough, he's dead."

TV Show: YuYu Hakusho
Yusuke: "Well, that wasn't normal. Okay Yusuke, just think; it's not like this is the first time you've been in a jam. Today did start off different. I went to school..."

TV Show: YuYu Hakusho
Yusuke: "Hey, nice skirt."
Keiko: "All the girls have to wear these." [Yusuke throws a piece of gum up to catch it in his mouth, but Keiko catches it] "Just like all the boys have to wear blue jumpsuits, which I notice you're not."
Yusuke: "Oh gimme a break Keiko; I look better in green."
Keiko: "Maybe I'd be more tolerant, Yusuke, if I could see you in school more than once every ten days! You give our class a horrible attendance average, which gets me in trouble as a class representative, and plus you won't even be able to graduate middle school! Sometimes I think you don't care about anyone but yourself, and then you don't even do that right. You hear me?"
[Yusuke is behind Keiko, lifting up her skirt]
Yusuke: "Nice uniform. It's lacy."
[Keiko slaps Yusuke, sending him flying]
Keiko: [yelling] "Yusuke, you perv! People like you should be strung up in the street! Dumb boy! Hasn't grown up a bit since he was 4 years old!"

TV Show: YuYu Hakusho
Keiko's Friend 1: "Aren't you just terrified of what he might do to you? Or even worse, what people might say of it?"
Keiko: "Not really. He just wants you to think he's dangerous. On the inside he's more like a lamb."
Keiko's Friend 2: "Yeah, but you haven't heard the latest news about him, Keiko. He's super tough, and he kills for fun!"
Keiko's Friend 1: "Yeah, and if you cross him, he'll whistle for 2,000 bad guys...with guns!"
Keiko: "C'mon, Yusuke doesn't even know how to whistle."
Keiko's Friend 2: "What?"
Keiko: "Besides, Yusuke couldn't order around two people, let alone 2,000. He doesn't have many friends."
Keiko's Friend 1: "Not what I heard."
Keiko's Friend 2: "Yeah, I think we would know."

TV Show: YuYu Hakusho
Yusuke: "It figures that the one day I feel like going to school everyone wants to push on me and give me their stupid lectures! I hate that school. I hate this town!" [walks into his apartment and sees his mother, smoking in her pajamas] "Oh great, Mother of the Year."
Atsuko: "Get me coffee."

TV Show: YuYu Hakusho
Yusuke: "Hey Kuwabara, you're conscious. I'm not used to that!"
Kuwabara: "That was a cheap shot last time and I was only knocked out for a little bit, okay? Now I'm back and I'm gonna beat your face up so bad even kittens won't look at you!"

TV Show: YuYu Hakusho
Yusuke: "Plus, if you were a real messenger of death, you'd take this more seriously. Like, how grim can you be when you say 'bingo?' You're supposed to wear a big black robe and look like a skeleton!"
Botan: "Now I understand what kind of person you are; it's in my guidebook! Rather than be scared or surprised, you yell a lot and tell me I don't know what I'm talking about."

TV Show: YuYu Hakusho
Botan: "It's funny, Yusuke...none of us were expecting you to die today; you've thrown us all for a loop. Run someone with your credentials through that scenario a thousand times and they never would've saved a kid like that. No one saw it coming and quite frankly, we haven't prepared a place for you yet."
Yusuke: "Oh, gimme a freakin' break! Are you telling me you guys were expecting that little boy to die?"
Botan: "Well, I wasn't going to tell you this because I knew it would make you even more irritable, but without the confusion caused by you running into the street, that boy would've actually missed the car and escaped with one less scrape on his right shoulder."
Yusuke: "What? But he was headed right for him!"
Botan: "Yes...well, the driver would have veered to the left. In other words, your death was a complete and utter waste!"

TV Show: YuYu Hakusho
Yusuke: [attending his own wake] "Whoa, all my classmates are here. Just like I thought, look at 'em laughing! They probably just came over here 'cause they were getting extra credit!"

TV Show: YuYu Hakusho
[at Yusuke's wake]
Komada: "Come on, let's go back! This isn't right!"
Kuwabara: "Shut up! Let go of me, wouldja?"
Yusuke: "What? Kuwabara?!"
Kuwabara: [entering Yusuke's apartment while being restrained by his friends and screaming at his picture]"Damn you! You think you can just back out 'cause you're scared!"
Okubo: "Kuwabara, this place is for mourning!"
Kuwabara: "I'm not gonna leave! Not until he comes out here and lets me fight him!"
Okubo: "He can't do that!"
Kuwabara: "I'm gonna beat you down, you punk! You hear me?" [his voice breaks as he tries to hit the picture] "Who do you think you are, huh? Dirty punk! Who am I gonna fight now? Who am I gonna fight?"
Okubo: "He's gone!"
Kuwabara: "No!" [throws a punch at the picture, but stops inches before he hits it, sobbing] "You're supposed to be here...for me."

TV Show: YuYu Hakusho
Takenaka: "At first I was so surprised, Yusuke...to hear you'd saved a kid at the cost of your own life. You've always acted more selfishly than that. Darn. Yusuke, I don't know why I don't feel like speaking well of you." [begins to cry] "Why didn't you stay? You could have made something great out of yourself!"

TV Show: YuYu Hakusho
Little Boy: "Mommy, do you think it'd be okay if I played with that boy tomorrow, if I'm good?"
Mother: "No, son."
Little Boy: "I know some people sounded angry at him, but he's really nice. He made really funny faces at me too, and he got me my ball! I don't know why those people were crying like that. It was probably because they wanted to play with him, too."

TV Show: YuYu Hakusho
Botan: "This is Yusuke Urameshi, and he's honored to meet you."
Koenma: "Mm-hmm."
Botan: [hitting Yusuke] "Hey, are you trying to make me look stupid? Tell him how honored you are!"
Yusuke: [laughing] "That's a good one, Botan, but let's be serious, okay?"
Botan: "Why would I lie about something like this, you moron?"
Yusuke: [still laughing, pointing at Koenma] "Why would the Spirit World be run by a toddler?"
Botan: [slapping Yusuke's hand] "Don't point your finger at him!"
Yusuke: "And to think I was scared of the mighty King Yama!"
Koenma: [clearing his throat] "Well to be more exact, I am the mighty Koenma, and I am the son of King Yama. Even though I appear to be a child, I have been around over fifty times longer than you have, so watch your mouth when you speak to me."
Yusuke: "So it takes hundreds of years to move past a diaper?"
Botan: [punching Yusuke in the head] "Can't you show an ounce of decency?!"
Koenma: "Actually, I'm proud to say that in addition to knowing the greatest secrets of the universe, I am also quite potty-trained."

TV Show: YuYu Hakusho
Koenma: [presenting a golden egg] "Yusuke Urameshi, I present you...your ordeal."
Yusuke: "My ordeal is a golden chicken egg?"
Koenma: "Your ordeal will be what is inside of it, and I assure you, it won't be a chicken. Hatch this egg, and face what comes out."
Yusuke: "So what's the trick? Do I do something to hatch it?"
Koenma: "No, no, not at all. You only have to keep it with you. This is a Spirit Beast, and it feeds off the energy emitted from your soul. This will be a true and constant test of your character. The things you do and feel will change the monster inside for better...or for worse. If, as would be expected from your files, your spirit is wicked and cruel, then the beast that hatches will be the same way. It will devour you, and you'll be lost forever. This, as you might imagine, is a very painful experience. However, if the energy you emit is good and true, then so will be the Spirit Beast. It will take care of you and guide you back into your living body. Of course, if it sounds too risky, you can opt out and remain as a ghost. The choice, Yusuke Urameshi, is yours."
[Yusuke reaches out, hesitates, then takes the proffered egg]

TV Show: YuYu Hakusho
Keiko: [dreaming that Yusuke's leaving and she's running to catch up with him] "Yusuke! Yusuke, wait!"
[Outside Keiko's dream, Yusuke watches her crying in her sleep]
Keiko: "Wait. Yusuke, wait."
Yusuke: [his ghost sitting on Keiko's chest] "Listen to me, Keiko. I need you to pull yourself together. I'm coming back! It's hard to explain, but I'm a ghost right now and I have to take care of this egg, and then I--"
Keiko: [mumbling] "Yusuke..."
Yusuke: "Hey, are you hearing me? This is important!"
Keiko: "You're heavy."
[Yusuke floats off of her in surprise]
Yusuke: [in Keiko's dream] "I need you to take care of my body until I come back. You've got to tell them not to cremate me. And tell my mom not to waste her life away because we're gonna be fine!"
Keiko: [nods, teary-eyed] "Mm-hmm."
Yusuke: "Well...I guess that's it, Keiko. I'm coming back." [wipes tears off of Keiko's cheek] "I don't wanna see you crying anymore."
Keiko: [waking up] "Oh, Yusuke!" [realizes he's not there] "But he was...I thought...was all that really just a dream?"
[Keiko gasps and places a hand on the cheek Yusuke touched]
Keiko: "No...I'm sure I felt him."

TV Show: YuYu Hakusho
Botan: "This dream your mother had seems to give her comfort, and Keiko doesn't want to take that from her."
Yusuke: "Well, while she's being comforted, I'm gonna be a barbecue!"

TV Show: YuYu Hakusho
Yusuke: [yelling at Botan and pointing at Kuwabara] "You can forget it, Botan! There is no way I'm taking control of that lamebrain!"
Botan: "Here's my impression of Yusuke: 'Look at me, I'm burning!'"

TV Show: YuYu Hakusho
Yusuke: [after beating up some thugs while possessing Kuwabara's body] "Darn, I'm giving Kuwabara a good name."

TV Show: YuYu Hakusho
Yusuke: [while possessing Kuwabara's body] "Pull it together, Yusuke! You found her, but now you've gotta convince her quick that you're not just some ugly weird guy with bruises on his face! No time, no time...okay, I've known her all my life. There's got to be something between us that only I would do!" [realizes what needs to be done] "Yeah!"
[Yusuke, still in possession of Kuwabara's body, sneaks up behind Keiko]
Yusuke: "Keiko! Nice uniform!" [grabs her breasts from behind] "They're so squishy!"

TV Show: YuYu Hakusho
Keiko: "Whether or not I believe isn't the question. I knew it was you from the first time you spoke! I know! And it's not just your stupid gags or how you laugh. There's ways you move and speak that in a hundred years I wouldn't forget!"

TV Show: YuYu Hakusho
Yusuke: [while possessing Kuwabara's body] "I know I've been a bum to you at times, but please wait for me!"
Keiko: "I will! I'd wait forever, Yusuke!"

TV Show: YuYu Hakusho
Keiko: "Atsuko! Please, open the door!"
[Yusuke's mother opens the door, dressed in a black kimono]
Keiko: "Atsuko! I have to tell you about Yusuke! He...he might be coming back!"
Atsuko: "He already has."
Keiko: "Huh?"
Atsuko: "I opened his coffin again because, well, I was going to smack him one more time for leaving me, but then I saw...Yusuke's cheeks have some color! His skin is slightly warm! His heart is beating. It's slow, but...my boy's alive!"

TV Show: YuYu Hakusho
Akashi: [addressing Kuwabara and his gang] "Mm-hmm! As far as causing trouble's concerned, you boys keep topping yourselves! Attacking a trio of older boys from Kazenaga Junior High who, according to their mothers, were quite harmless!" [slamming his hand down on the desk] "Unacceptable! Here at Sarayashiki Junior High we have a thing called accountability!"

TV Show: YuYu Hakusho
Komada: [after Akashi tells them that they cannot fight for one full week or Okubo will lose his part-time job] "Can you make it shorter? How about two hours?" [is pushed back by Kuwabara] "That seems fair, right?"
Kuwabara: "If you want one week, then you got it!"
Kirishima: "But can you do that, Kuwabara?"
Komada: "Three hours! Ask for three!"

TV Show: YuYu Hakusho
Akashi: "I don't know which boost to the school's reputation I like best: kicking out Kuwabara or having Yusuke die on his own!"
Yusuke: "I always said those teachers were out to get me! I'm surprised they didn't run me over themselves!"

TV Show: YuYu Hakusho
Botan: "Kuwabara's so loyal to his friends; I'll have to make a note."
Yusuke: [mocking Botan] "Oh yes, he's so brave." [normally] "You just wait, Botan. This little promise of his won't last for long."
Botan: "You don't think that Kuwabara--"
Yusuke: "Huh?"
[the pair see Akashi trailing Kuwabara on his way home]
Akashi: "Those boys should be arriving any minute now."
Yusuke: "Mr. Akashi? Gee, doesn't this guy have a life besides tormenting kids?"
[the three punks from Kazenaga accost Kuwabara]
Kazenaga Punk 1: "Kuwabara, we've been waiting!"
Kuwabara: "Now's really not the time!" [starts running away]
Kazenaga Punk 1: "What is this, Kuwabara? Are you actually running away like a sissy?"
Kuwabara: [stopping and turning to face them] "Oh, no. I'm not goin' anywhere!"
Kazenaga Punk 2: "He does have the guts to face us without his slave boys!"
Kazenaga Punk 1: "Especially with the ass-kicking we're about to give him!"
Kuwabara: [running back over to them] "Talk all you want! Let's see what you can do!"
Yusuke: "See? What'd I tell ya?"
Botan: "Hmm..."
Akashi: [laughing] "It couldn't be more perfect!"
Kuwabara: "But I'm not gonna fight back, so you just hit me as much as you're gonna and let me get out of here!"
Yusuke and Akashi: "What did he say?!"
Botan: [admiringly] "He's so cool!"
[the three thugs from Kazenaga clobber Kuwabara without resistance]

TV Show: YuYu Hakusho
Akashi: "Kuwabara! Are those new bruises today?"
Kuwabara: "I got piled on by those guys you said were harmless, but I didn't touch 'em!"
Akashi: "I'm so impressed. But I talked to some of the other teachers yesterday about our arrangement, and they said I was too easy on you."
Kuwabara, Komada, Kirishima and Okubo: "What?!"
Akashi: "I was just as surprised as you are, but they were convinced! So, in addition to not fighting, you must all score fifty percent or higher on the Physical Science test!"
Okubo: "Hey! You can't just keep adding conditions!"
Akashi: "I'm afraid I just did...and if one of you fails, Okubo's job goes out the window." [walks away]
Kirishima: [scoffing] "Please! We can pass that test easy if we study a little! I got, like, a forty-five on my last Physical Science test!"
Komada: "No worries here; I scored a fifty-seven. How 'bout you, Okubo?"
Okubo: "Yeah, I got a thirty-nine, so if I try a little harder I'll be good. We're gonna be okay, right Kuwabara? What did you get?"
Kuwabara: "I got a...A SEVEN!"
[the other boys fall over in shock]
Yusuke: "Well what do you know, Kuwabara is stupider than I am!"
Botan: "What did you make on your last test?"
Yusuke: [proudly] "I got a twelve."

TV Show: YuYu Hakusho
Yusuke: [perched on the back of Kuwabara's chair] "It's a good thing I came over to check on him; he's fallen asleep in the final inning!" [gently shaking him] "Hey, Kuwabara! Kuwabara! Wake up and study, doofus! Your test is tomorrow! Ah, seems he's out for good...guess I'll have to show up in his dream."
[inside Kuwabara's dream]
Kuwabara: [seeing Yusuke] "Urameshi! You've come back for a fight, huh? Well, I'm gonna make cat food out of you!"
Yusuke: "Hey, whoa whoa whoa whoa!" [picking up Kuwabara's textbook] "You've gotta pass this test first!"
Kuwabara: [yanking the book out of Yusuke's hands] "Gimme! I was just studying this before you showed up."
[time passes, and Yusuke is holding the book now, quizzing Kuwabara]
Yusuke: "Why is the color of blood red?"
Kuwabara: "Because of all the red blood cells! They color it. That's easy."
Yusuke: "But what's the pigment?"
Kuwabara: "Hemoglobin! I forgot!"
[outside Kuwabara's dream]
Yusuke: "And what causes your blood to clot?"
Kuwabara: [mumbling in his sleep] "Plate...lets..."
Yusuke: [nodding] "Yes...good, good."

TV Show: YuYu Hakusho
Akashi: [grading Kuwabara's test] "This can't be right! That garbage-brain actually scored more than fifty points!" [to himself] "If that brat had only missed one more question...! Now he's thrown the whole plan into the sewer!"
Iwamoto: [tapping Akashi on the shoulder] "Let me show you a different method of grading." [erasing one of Kuwabara's answers] "You see, Mr. Akashi? There really wasn't an answer written there. You've made a mistake."
Akashi: "Yes, I see."

TV Show: YuYu Hakusho
[Akashi has just given back Kuwabara's doctored test]
Kuwabara: [in disbelief] "No! That's wrong!"
Akashi: "And what's really painful is that you were so close! But I'm afraid a promise is a promise, young man. I'll go notify Okubo's employers."
Kuwabara: "But I checked it!"
Akashi: "Oh well. I guess there are many things you can't do right." [walks away]
Kuwabara: [thinking] "I know this isn't right! I checked all the answers myself!" [notices the answer that Akashi erased] "I...I don't believe it! That no-good teacher erased my last answer! Who does he think he is?!" [runs after Akashi in a rage] "I'll show you!"
[Kuwabara charges Akashi and grabs him by his collar, cocking his fist back to strike]
Yusuke: [yelling and grabbing Kuwabara's wrist] "Kuwabara, stop! I don't know if you can hear me, but I'm gonna say this! Just remember Okubo! All the poundings you took for him! Punch this teacher, and all that's erased! Kuwabara!"
[Kuwabara hesitates, then lets go of Akashi]

TV Show: YuYu Hakusho