Trailer Park Boys Quotes
[Ricky slams on the brakes in front of the bank]
Bubbles: (to camera) Did you see that fuckin' skid?
Bubbles: (to camera) Did you see that fuckin' skid?
TV Show: Trailer Park Boys
[Ricky lights a cigarette in the bank]
Bubbles: Ricky, you can't fuckin' light up in the bank!
Ricky: I can do whatever the fuck I want now, buddy! I'm rich as fuck now! Thirty-eight grand in unmarked bills, I don't give a fuck!
Bubbles: Ricky, you can't fuckin' light up in the bank!
Ricky: I can do whatever the fuck I want now, buddy! I'm rich as fuck now! Thirty-eight grand in unmarked bills, I don't give a fuck!
TV Show: Trailer Park Boys
[standing in line in the bank]
Ricky: I grew the fuckin' dope, it's my fuckin' money!
Bubbles: You can't scream 'dope' out in the bank.
Ricky: Dope! Dope! Dopety-fuckin'-dope-dope!
Bubbles: Here's security.
Ricky: Fuck.
Julian: Nice. Listen, I can walk out on my own, guys.
Bubbles: Perfect!
Julian: I can explain this.
Ricky: Fuck off, salamander head! Give me my fuckin' cigarette back! Fuck off! Let go of me!
Bubbles: Everybody calm down! We're leavin'!
Ricky: I grew the fuckin' dope, it's my fuckin' money!
Bubbles: You can't scream 'dope' out in the bank.
Ricky: Dope! Dope! Dopety-fuckin'-dope-dope!
Bubbles: Here's security.
Ricky: Fuck.
Julian: Nice. Listen, I can walk out on my own, guys.
Bubbles: Perfect!
Julian: I can explain this.
Ricky: Fuck off, salamander head! Give me my fuckin' cigarette back! Fuck off! Let go of me!
Bubbles: Everybody calm down! We're leavin'!
TV Show: Trailer Park Boys
[Ricky pulls up next to Randy and Lahey]
Ricky: Hey, guys. Don't want any trouble. Just got out of jail, I'm a new man. I got lots of money, all right? So I don't want to start any bullshit. What I do want is a brand-new double-wide trailer. The nicest one you got.
Lahey: That'll cost you, Ricky.
Ricky: Yeah? Well, here's a thousand dollars down, for hook-up fees and six month's lease up front.
Lahey: Where the hell'd you get that kind of money?
Ricky: I got lots of money, Lahey.
[Julian rolls past in a new Ford Mustang convertible, stereo thumping]
Lahey: Oh, I get it. Never mind.
Ricky: Lahey, I've got my own money, all right? I got lots of it in an endless supply. I want a double-wide trailer by 5: 00 tomorrow or I'm calling Barbara. Simple as that.
Lahey: Ricky, I'm not hauling anything in this park unless I get $5000 down.
Ricky: Believe me, I'd give you the money right now, but I don't trust either one of you fuckronauts.
Lahey: Yeah? And I don't trust you, shitbat. Collateral, Rick, or no trailer.
Ricky: Fine. I'll give you some collateral. Why don't you go around and tell everybody in this park that I'll kiss your bare ass if I don't have the money by five o'clock tomorrow. That's some fuckin' collateral, isn't it?
Ricky: Hey, guys. Don't want any trouble. Just got out of jail, I'm a new man. I got lots of money, all right? So I don't want to start any bullshit. What I do want is a brand-new double-wide trailer. The nicest one you got.
Lahey: That'll cost you, Ricky.
Ricky: Yeah? Well, here's a thousand dollars down, for hook-up fees and six month's lease up front.
Lahey: Where the hell'd you get that kind of money?
Ricky: I got lots of money, Lahey.
[Julian rolls past in a new Ford Mustang convertible, stereo thumping]
Lahey: Oh, I get it. Never mind.
Ricky: Lahey, I've got my own money, all right? I got lots of it in an endless supply. I want a double-wide trailer by 5: 00 tomorrow or I'm calling Barbara. Simple as that.
Lahey: Ricky, I'm not hauling anything in this park unless I get $5000 down.
Ricky: Believe me, I'd give you the money right now, but I don't trust either one of you fuckronauts.
Lahey: Yeah? And I don't trust you, shitbat. Collateral, Rick, or no trailer.
Ricky: Fine. I'll give you some collateral. Why don't you go around and tell everybody in this park that I'll kiss your bare ass if I don't have the money by five o'clock tomorrow. That's some fuckin' collateral, isn't it?
TV Show: Trailer Park Boys
Randy: You'll kiss his bare ass?
Ricky: That's what I said, dumbass.
Lahey: Ricky, that would mean that you'd agree to play by Sunnyvale Trailer Park rules. You willing to put that in writing?
Ricky: Gimme a fuckin' pen!
Lahey: Get a lease agreement, Randy. Special clauses. Rick?
[Lahey hands Ricky a pen, Ricky gives Lahey a twenty dollar bill]
Ricky: That's for the pen. And you know what? I get out of jail, I try to start things off on the right foot. And you wouldn't do that, would you? So I'm gonna pay you $100 to fuck off. Leave me alone! Just give me my trailer and fuck off!
Ricky: That's what I said, dumbass.
Lahey: Ricky, that would mean that you'd agree to play by Sunnyvale Trailer Park rules. You willing to put that in writing?
Ricky: Gimme a fuckin' pen!
Lahey: Get a lease agreement, Randy. Special clauses. Rick?
[Lahey hands Ricky a pen, Ricky gives Lahey a twenty dollar bill]
Ricky: That's for the pen. And you know what? I get out of jail, I try to start things off on the right foot. And you wouldn't do that, would you? So I'm gonna pay you $100 to fuck off. Leave me alone! Just give me my trailer and fuck off!
TV Show: Trailer Park Boys
Bubbles: Well, Ricky's been living in the Shitmobile for...I don't know how many years now. Julian gave it to him when he had no place to go and...Ricky goes on about it, you know, how much he hates the fuckin' thing, but he's lived in it so long I think he really...he'd really miss it if he didn't have it.
Ricky: There's a lot of history, you know, in this car. I've been living in this car and its been a big part of my life, but... You know, its fucked me around quite a bit. Sometimes it stalls on you and it doesn't work right. You get to need to go somewhere and it's like 'No, you're not fucking going anywhere because I'm gonna fuckin' stall on ya' and it pisses you off!
Bubbles: It was Julian's grandmother who owned it originally and she left it to Julian. And that's probably how most of the damage got done because she used to drive around here drunk all the time, smashing into poles and stuff. You think Julian goes around with a drink a lot, you shoulda saw her!
[the Shitmobile stalls out]
Ricky: Yeah, you know what's comin', don't ya? You know what's gonna happen to you tonight!
Bubbles: You know, he's always kicking it and being mean to it, but he loves that ol' Yorker.
[Bubbles unwraps a Tootsie Pop]
Bubbles: Purple!
Ricky: There's a lot of history, you know, in this car. I've been living in this car and its been a big part of my life, but... You know, its fucked me around quite a bit. Sometimes it stalls on you and it doesn't work right. You get to need to go somewhere and it's like 'No, you're not fucking going anywhere because I'm gonna fuckin' stall on ya' and it pisses you off!
Bubbles: It was Julian's grandmother who owned it originally and she left it to Julian. And that's probably how most of the damage got done because she used to drive around here drunk all the time, smashing into poles and stuff. You think Julian goes around with a drink a lot, you shoulda saw her!
[the Shitmobile stalls out]
Ricky: Yeah, you know what's comin', don't ya? You know what's gonna happen to you tonight!
Bubbles: You know, he's always kicking it and being mean to it, but he loves that ol' Yorker.
[Bubbles unwraps a Tootsie Pop]
Bubbles: Purple!
TV Show: Trailer Park Boys
Lawyer: I suggest you turn that camera off right now. If I see my face on TV or reproduced in any way, I will sue.
Lucy: This is the guy, right here. The guy in the track suit.
Ricky: Who in the fuck are you?
Lucy: He's a fucking lawyer, Ricky.
Ricky: And I'm a Fuck Off-er.
Lawyer: Richard, hi, I've heard so much about you. (hands Ricky some papers)
Ricky: What the hell is this?
Lawyer: Well, I guess you could call it a bill for being an asshole.
Ricky: You better watch yourself, buddy. Bubbles, give me a hand with this reading stuff, please? (hands the papers to Bubbles) A lot of big words there, man.
Bubbles: Three years' child support payments you owe, Ricky.
Ricky: Child reports? What? Now you got suit dummies makin' up big fancy word papers about me being a bad father because I'm rich now? This is bullshit, Lucy! I'm not a bad father am I, Trinity?
Lucy: Ricky, a good father doesn't go to jail every year, OK?
Ricky: Some do!
Lawyer: I think you'll find those papers in order, Richard. See you in court.
Ricky: (over megaphone) Think you're so big with your little suit and all your little college readin' and stuff like that. Go fuck yourself! Lucy, you better not be bangin' him!
Lucy: This is the guy, right here. The guy in the track suit.
Ricky: Who in the fuck are you?
Lucy: He's a fucking lawyer, Ricky.
Ricky: And I'm a Fuck Off-er.
Lawyer: Richard, hi, I've heard so much about you. (hands Ricky some papers)
Ricky: What the hell is this?
Lawyer: Well, I guess you could call it a bill for being an asshole.
Ricky: You better watch yourself, buddy. Bubbles, give me a hand with this reading stuff, please? (hands the papers to Bubbles) A lot of big words there, man.
Bubbles: Three years' child support payments you owe, Ricky.
Ricky: Child reports? What? Now you got suit dummies makin' up big fancy word papers about me being a bad father because I'm rich now? This is bullshit, Lucy! I'm not a bad father am I, Trinity?
Lucy: Ricky, a good father doesn't go to jail every year, OK?
Ricky: Some do!
Lawyer: I think you'll find those papers in order, Richard. See you in court.
Ricky: (over megaphone) Think you're so big with your little suit and all your little college readin' and stuff like that. Go fuck yourself! Lucy, you better not be bangin' him!
TV Show: Trailer Park Boys
Ricky: Trevor and Cory, what the fuck are you guys doing? I spent two grand on fireworks and I want to see some fuckin' fireworks! Come on!
[standing on the hood of the Shitmobile with fireworks going off behind him]
Ricky: All right everybody, fuck it! We're gonna get drunk, we're gonna eat donairs tonight! And I plan on getting drunk as fuck tonight! Drunk as fuck!
[standing on the hood of the Shitmobile with fireworks going off behind him]
Ricky: All right everybody, fuck it! We're gonna get drunk, we're gonna eat donairs tonight! And I plan on getting drunk as fuck tonight! Drunk as fuck!
TV Show: Trailer Park Boys
Julian: So, Luce, can I ask you something?
Lucy: Yeah, what?
Julian: What's up with this lawsuit thing?
Sarah: Look, Ricky doesn't even understand what child support is, Julian. He doesn't get the fucking concept.
Lucy: I figure that a lawsuit will sorta clear his head a little, make him a little bit more responsible.
Sarah: No, I don't fucking think so. The only way Ricky is gonna get any smarter is if he dies and comes back as a turnip. He just keeps on getting stupider, Julian.
Lucy: Yeah, what?
Julian: What's up with this lawsuit thing?
Sarah: Look, Ricky doesn't even understand what child support is, Julian. He doesn't get the fucking concept.
Lucy: I figure that a lawsuit will sorta clear his head a little, make him a little bit more responsible.
Sarah: No, I don't fucking think so. The only way Ricky is gonna get any smarter is if he dies and comes back as a turnip. He just keeps on getting stupider, Julian.
TV Show: Trailer Park Boys
[Bubbles is vacuuming the dirt off of Ricky with a Dustbuster]
Ricky: Just a second, buddy.
[Ricky walks into Bubbles' shed to pee]
Bubbles: Ricky, Jesus. You might want to close the door.
Ricky: (to camera crew, drunkenly) Hey, stop fuckin' filming me in here!
[The camera crew zooms in on Bubbles]
Bubbles: The fuck are you filmin' him pee for?
Ricky: Turn off the fuckin' camera!
[Bubbles starts vacuuming Ricky's back while he pees]
Ricky: (to camera) Fuck off!
Ricky: Just a second, buddy.
[Ricky walks into Bubbles' shed to pee]
Bubbles: Ricky, Jesus. You might want to close the door.
Ricky: (to camera crew, drunkenly) Hey, stop fuckin' filming me in here!
[The camera crew zooms in on Bubbles]
Bubbles: The fuck are you filmin' him pee for?
Ricky: Turn off the fuckin' camera!
[Bubbles starts vacuuming Ricky's back while he pees]
Ricky: (to camera) Fuck off!
TV Show: Trailer Park Boys
[after knocking Cory and Trevor off Julian's ice cream bikes]
Ricky: Tripped 'em up with a hockey stick, no big deal, and fired a few shots at them. the way I see it I bought the bikes, I own 'em. Just like owning a target. You shoot at that, I shot at the bikes. Then Julian's got this attitude and fires a bullet at my brand new car! Real nice! So I fired a shot at his new car. Spy for a spy, that's the way it works around here.
Ricky: Tripped 'em up with a hockey stick, no big deal, and fired a few shots at them. the way I see it I bought the bikes, I own 'em. Just like owning a target. You shoot at that, I shot at the bikes. Then Julian's got this attitude and fires a bullet at my brand new car! Real nice! So I fired a shot at his new car. Spy for a spy, that's the way it works around here.
TV Show: Trailer Park Boys
Mr. Lahey: All right everybody, clear the area! Hand over the weapons, Bubbles.
Bubbles: Go fuck yourself, Lahey!
Bubbles: Go fuck yourself, Lahey!
TV Show: Trailer Park Boys
Ricky: Well, I think somebody has been talking to Trinity and they've misleaded her around and basically they said that, you know, I'm drunk and stupid all the time, which isn't the case. Once in a while I get drunk, once in a while something comes out of my mouth that may not be the smartest thing in the world, but she shouldn't be worried about growing up drunk and stupid like me. That's not gonna happen. She's already smarter than me, you know, and she's only like 9 years old.
TV Show: Trailer Park Boys
Saleswoman: Hello? Hi! Excuse me? Um, I'm looking for a 'Ricky'? I have his encyclopedias.
Ricky: Trinity, come with me. Daddy bought you some encyclopedias so you can get smarter and you won't be stupid like Daddy when you get older!
Saleswoman: Hi, sweetie!
Ricky: So what's the damage?
Saleswoman: Well, with tax it is $4,728.33, and that is the cash price.
Ricky: What? For a bunch of fuckin' books?
Saleswoman: Well, if you don't have it that's fine, but I have to tell you, that's a one-time price only...
Ricky: Oh no, shhshhshh no no no...I've got lots of money, I've got the money right here. What are they, fuckin' printed in gold or something? Jesus Christ!
Lahey: Is that all the money you got, Ricky?
Ricky: Well, I got...I thought I had more than this. I could sell some stuff, Lahey. I'll have your money tomorrow. I gotta do one thing at a time here.
Lahey: Well, well, well. What's it gonna be, Rick? You gonna buy the trailer? Or are you gonna kiss my bare ass right now in front of all these good people?
[Ricky looks at Trinity, then gives the money to the encyclopedia saleswoman]
Cory: Oh my God, he's gonna do it, dude! Holy shit, it's ass kissin' time, man! Right on!
Trevor: You deserve this, Ricky!
Sarah: My God, Lucy let's...let's get Trinity out of here right now.
Lucy: Ricky, you did the right thing.
Ricky: Let's fuckin' get this over with, Lahey.
Lahey: (unbuckles his belt) It would be my pleasure, Ricky!
Ricky: Jesus Christ...
Lahey: Pucker up, boy! (pulls his pants down)
Randy: Make it a quick one, Ricky!
Ricky: Bite me, Randy.
[Ricky takes a big haul off of a wine bottle, gives Lahey a peck on the ass]
Randy:
Ricky: Trinity, come with me. Daddy bought you some encyclopedias so you can get smarter and you won't be stupid like Daddy when you get older!
Saleswoman: Hi, sweetie!
Ricky: So what's the damage?
Saleswoman: Well, with tax it is $4,728.33, and that is the cash price.
Ricky: What? For a bunch of fuckin' books?
Saleswoman: Well, if you don't have it that's fine, but I have to tell you, that's a one-time price only...
Ricky: Oh no, shhshhshh no no no...I've got lots of money, I've got the money right here. What are they, fuckin' printed in gold or something? Jesus Christ!
Lahey: Is that all the money you got, Ricky?
Ricky: Well, I got...I thought I had more than this. I could sell some stuff, Lahey. I'll have your money tomorrow. I gotta do one thing at a time here.
Lahey: Well, well, well. What's it gonna be, Rick? You gonna buy the trailer? Or are you gonna kiss my bare ass right now in front of all these good people?
[Ricky looks at Trinity, then gives the money to the encyclopedia saleswoman]
Cory: Oh my God, he's gonna do it, dude! Holy shit, it's ass kissin' time, man! Right on!
Trevor: You deserve this, Ricky!
Sarah: My God, Lucy let's...let's get Trinity out of here right now.
Lucy: Ricky, you did the right thing.
Ricky: Let's fuckin' get this over with, Lahey.
Lahey: (unbuckles his belt) It would be my pleasure, Ricky!
Ricky: Jesus Christ...
Lahey: Pucker up, boy! (pulls his pants down)
Randy: Make it a quick one, Ricky!
Ricky: Bite me, Randy.
[Ricky takes a big haul off of a wine bottle, gives Lahey a peck on the ass]
Randy:
TV Show: Trailer Park Boys
Bubbles: Nobody really knows Ricky the way I do. I just hope he's all right after putting his lips on Mr. Lahey's bum.
TV Show: Trailer Park Boys
[watching an episode of The Littlest Hobo]
Ricky: Every stop I make, I make a new friend...
Ricky: Every stop I make, I make a new friend...
TV Show: Trailer Park Boys
Bubbles: Well, when I was a little guy, I always wanted to go up into space, be a spaceman. But you gotta be able to see really fuckin' good to do that job. Some guy would take one look at me and say...'uhhh, sorry sir, you gotta be able to see a little better than that.' I don't give a fuck.
TV Show: Trailer Park Boys
Ricky: Knock knock
Bubbles: Who's there Ricky?
Ricky: A bootlegger...a bootlegger in the park and I hope it's not you that's doing it...'cause that would put me in an awkwardly situation
Julian: Putting you in an awkwardly situation?
Ricky: Yeah, I work for Lahey now. I just hope it's not you, Julian.
Julian: Well, of course it's me that's doing it, you bonehead!
Bubbles: Who's there Ricky?
Ricky: A bootlegger...a bootlegger in the park and I hope it's not you that's doing it...'cause that would put me in an awkwardly situation
Julian: Putting you in an awkwardly situation?
Ricky: Yeah, I work for Lahey now. I just hope it's not you, Julian.
Julian: Well, of course it's me that's doing it, you bonehead!
TV Show: Trailer Park Boys
Randy: Ricky, you better be careful with my walkie!
Ricky: It's not your walkie now, it's mine! You're suspended...so fuck off!!
Randy: It's still my walkie, Ricky!
Ricky: I guess you didn't hear what I just said. First thing I said was, "It's my walkie now", second thing is "You're suspended", and the fourth thing was, "FUCK OFF"!
Ricky: It's not your walkie now, it's mine! You're suspended...so fuck off!!
Randy: It's still my walkie, Ricky!
Ricky: I guess you didn't hear what I just said. First thing I said was, "It's my walkie now", second thing is "You're suspended", and the fourth thing was, "FUCK OFF"!
TV Show: Trailer Park Boys
Mr. Lahey: Strike 3, Ricky. It is my duty and pleasure to inform you that you are fired. Give me your walkie.
Ricky: I'm not fired, I fuckin' quit. You want your walkie back? No problem. Here Randy, you can go fuckin' get it.
Mr. Lahey: Ricky..
[Ricky throws Randy's walkie into the vodka pool, Bubbles laughs]
Randy: You just crossed the line, Ricky!
[Randy attacks Ricky, they tackle each other into the vodka pool, spilling it]
Ricky: I'm not fired, I fuckin' quit. You want your walkie back? No problem. Here Randy, you can go fuckin' get it.
Mr. Lahey: Ricky..
[Ricky throws Randy's walkie into the vodka pool, Bubbles laughs]
Randy: You just crossed the line, Ricky!
[Randy attacks Ricky, they tackle each other into the vodka pool, spilling it]
TV Show: Trailer Park Boys
[Ricky is sleeping on the hood of his car/home during the daytime. Trinity runs up to him.]
TV Show: Trailer Park Boys
Trinity: Daddy, wake up! Wake up, Daddy, wake up! Wake up! It's time to put my patch on, hurry up, Daddy!
TV Show: Trailer Park Boys
Ricky: Trinity has got to quit smoking, like I can't have her smoking anymore, it's ridiculous.
TV Show: Trailer Park Boys
Ricky: She had the idea that maybe me and her can quit together, and it's kind of like a good father-daughter thing, so we're going to quit together, we're going to go on the patch.
TV Show: Trailer Park Boys
Ricky: Unlead: blue container; supreme: red container; diesel: in the green. OK? Are we clear here, guys?
TV Show: Trailer Park Boys