Trailer Park Boys Quotes
[Bubbles hears some rustling at his shed door]
TV Narrator: ...is nocturnal by nature, so logically there would be relatively few sightings.
[Bubbles sees a hairy hand trying to unlatch the door of his shed]
TV Narrator: Yet there have been literally hundreds of sightings all across North America for generations now.
Bubbles: (mouths but does not vocalize) Oh my fuck! (grabs his phone and dials)
TV Narrator: Can all these people be wrong?
[Ricky's phone rings]
Ricky: Trevor, stop fuckin' calling me, I got no dope...Oh, hey Bubbs! Man, are you watching that documentary on Saskatchewans?
Bubbles: It's "Samsquamtch" Ricky, and there's one right outside my fuckin' door right now, he's trying to get into my shed!
TV Narrator: ...is nocturnal by nature, so logically there would be relatively few sightings.
[Bubbles sees a hairy hand trying to unlatch the door of his shed]
TV Narrator: Yet there have been literally hundreds of sightings all across North America for generations now.
Bubbles: (mouths but does not vocalize) Oh my fuck! (grabs his phone and dials)
TV Narrator: Can all these people be wrong?
[Ricky's phone rings]
Ricky: Trevor, stop fuckin' calling me, I got no dope...Oh, hey Bubbs! Man, are you watching that documentary on Saskatchewans?
Bubbles: It's "Samsquamtch" Ricky, and there's one right outside my fuckin' door right now, he's trying to get into my shed!
TV Show: Trailer Park Boys
Lahey: If I can't play, Randy, no one can.
[Lahey shuts off power to the trailer park]
[Lahey shuts off power to the trailer park]
TV Show: Trailer Park Boys
Bubbles: Boys, I feel like I got hit by a fuckin' dump truck. How much would a massage thing cost me, do you figure?
Julian: Massage...
Ricky: Look, Julian, I know I'm dumb as fuck and stuff, but why can't we just steal more furniture and fill up these trailers with furniture and fuckin' open like a used furniture store or some shit?
Bubbles: Used furniture store's not a bad idea, Julian. Keep Lahey and Randy distracted, make a few bucks...
Ricky: Exactly. Get two birds stoned at once.
Julian: We're gonna fill the trailers up with furniture all right, boys, but we're gonna rent them out by the hour.
Bubbles: Aw, that's greasy.
Ricky: That's really fuckin' greasy.
Julian: Yeah, it's greasy.
Bubbles: Gree-hee-hee-heasy!
Julian: Massage...
Ricky: Look, Julian, I know I'm dumb as fuck and stuff, but why can't we just steal more furniture and fill up these trailers with furniture and fuckin' open like a used furniture store or some shit?
Bubbles: Used furniture store's not a bad idea, Julian. Keep Lahey and Randy distracted, make a few bucks...
Ricky: Exactly. Get two birds stoned at once.
Julian: We're gonna fill the trailers up with furniture all right, boys, but we're gonna rent them out by the hour.
Bubbles: Aw, that's greasy.
Ricky: That's really fuckin' greasy.
Julian: Yeah, it's greasy.
Bubbles: Gree-hee-hee-heasy!
TV Show: Trailer Park Boys
Ricky: Holy fuck boys! Cyrus #1!
[The boys start vandalizing Cyrus' car]
Bubbles: It says "Dick" and there's an arrow pointing right to Cyrus.
[The boys start vandalizing Cyrus' car]
Bubbles: It says "Dick" and there's an arrow pointing right to Cyrus.
TV Show: Trailer Park Boys
Julian: What do you think, Bubbs?
Bubbles: Well, I don't know much about this stuff, Julian.
DVS: They're good hos, man. They're good hos, I'm tellin' ya.
Bubbles: What other choice do we have? He says they're good hos...
Julian: All right, all right, done. Three o'clock.
DVS: I'll see you then. I'll be waitin' here, with the hos, homey.
J-Roc: Peace out, slingblade!
Bubbles: It's not a sling, J-Roc, it's duct tape. Just get the hos!
Bubbles: Well, I don't know much about this stuff, Julian.
DVS: They're good hos, man. They're good hos, I'm tellin' ya.
Bubbles: What other choice do we have? He says they're good hos...
Julian: All right, all right, done. Three o'clock.
DVS: I'll see you then. I'll be waitin' here, with the hos, homey.
J-Roc: Peace out, slingblade!
Bubbles: It's not a sling, J-Roc, it's duct tape. Just get the hos!
TV Show: Trailer Park Boys
J-Roc: Like, I'll go to fuckin' jail, you know what I'm sayin', 'cause I'm hard, right? I ain't shook about goin' to jail. But it's like, I kinda like my freedom, too, at the same time, know what I mean?
TV Show: Trailer Park Boys
[The drawers drop out of a dresser as they're stealing it from a hotel]
Bubbles: AW YEAH! WHO'S YOUR DADDY?!
Bubbles: AW YEAH! WHO'S YOUR DADDY?!
TV Show: Trailer Park Boys
Donny: GET YOUR HANDS OF IT! I PAID FOR A LADY, NOT FUCKING CORY AND TREVOR!
TV Show: Trailer Park Boys
Julian: J-Roc, where's this guy at anyway?
J-Roc: Chill out, Julian. Cyrus'll be here in a minute, ya know what I'm sayin'?
Julian: Cyrus?!
Ricky: What the fuck are you doing working with Cyrus?
Cyrus: Well well well... If it isn't the big, tough Julianne... and the Hubble-bubble telescope... and Helmet Head.
Bubbles: (under his breath) Fuckin' call me a telescope...
Cyrus: Ladies! The boss is home...It's been a long time no see, dickweeds. (pulls a gun)
Ricky: Why don't you take your little gun and fuck off, Cyrus.
Cyrus: (chambers a round) Why don't we fuck on?!
J-Roc: Chill out, Julian. Cyrus'll be here in a minute, ya know what I'm sayin'?
Julian: Cyrus?!
Ricky: What the fuck are you doing working with Cyrus?
Cyrus: Well well well... If it isn't the big, tough Julianne... and the Hubble-bubble telescope... and Helmet Head.
Bubbles: (under his breath) Fuckin' call me a telescope...
Cyrus: Ladies! The boss is home...It's been a long time no see, dickweeds. (pulls a gun)
Ricky: Why don't you take your little gun and fuck off, Cyrus.
Cyrus: (chambers a round) Why don't we fuck on?!
TV Show: Trailer Park Boys
Cyrus: I bet one of you isn't even man enough, to knock this chip off my shoulder.
[Randy comes through the car door and marches up to Cyrus]
Randy: I am, Cyrus. And I'm more of a man than you'll ever be, you dirty bitch!
[Randy comes through the car door and marches up to Cyrus]
Randy: I am, Cyrus. And I'm more of a man than you'll ever be, you dirty bitch!
TV Show: Trailer Park Boys
Julian: Listen, why don't you try focusing on the weed a bit more, OK? Instead of being trailer park supervisor. You're fuckin' up, man.
Ricky: Sounds like someone's a little bit jealous about me being supervisor.
Julian: No, no, those plants are getting huge, Rick, OK? They're starting to scare me a bit.
Ricky: Sounds like someone's a little bit jealous about me being supervisor.
Julian: No, no, those plants are getting huge, Rick, OK? They're starting to scare me a bit.
TV Show: Trailer Park Boys
Bubbles: I can't wait to start fuckin' hammerin' people! (shoulder-checks his shed door)
TV Show: Trailer Park Boys
Bubbles: (as The Green Bastard) Boys! Green Bastard! Parts unknown! Cory and Trevor? Get the fuck in the ring!
Ricky: You look good, buddy!
Bubbles: Green Bastard!
Ricky: You look good, buddy!
Bubbles: Green Bastard!
TV Show: Trailer Park Boys
Ricky: You don't wanna move the cars? Fine, boys! Well, I'm just gonna start pissin' in this general direction and if this car's illegally parked, it might accidentally get pissed on! Everybody want to see some pissin'?
Barb: Don't! Richard!
[Ricky climbs on the hood and pisses on the car's windshield]
Barb: RICHARD!
Berney Sanford: My car!
Ricky: I fuckin' warned them three times, Barb, and they wouldn't listen to me! They don't even believe I'm the trailer park supervisor, all right?!
Barb: Gentlemen, I am so very sorry about this!
Lahey: You're right Berney, he's the epitome (pronounced "epi-toam") of refractory!
Ricky: Tell 'em, Julian! I'm the trailer park supervisor here! You guys won't believe me! It's bullshit!
Berney Sanford: Jim, let me take this one. Ricky, you and me. Come on! (grabs Ricky's arm and leads him away)
Ricky: What the fuck do you wanna talk about?
Berney Sanford: You'll find out! What you've just done, pissin' on my car, you have crossed the line with me! I've had guys throw barbecues at me! They've broke the windows out of my car! They've cursed and sworn at me! But the bottom line is: I ain't shook! 'Cause if the Right Hook comes out, crazy motherfuckers like you get knocked out! Don't be lookin' me in the eyes, boy! I ain't got no candy for you! NO CANDY! Except for the Right Hook!
Barb: Don't! Richard!
[Ricky climbs on the hood and pisses on the car's windshield]
Barb: RICHARD!
Berney Sanford: My car!
Ricky: I fuckin' warned them three times, Barb, and they wouldn't listen to me! They don't even believe I'm the trailer park supervisor, all right?!
Barb: Gentlemen, I am so very sorry about this!
Lahey: You're right Berney, he's the epitome (pronounced "epi-toam") of refractory!
Ricky: Tell 'em, Julian! I'm the trailer park supervisor here! You guys won't believe me! It's bullshit!
Berney Sanford: Jim, let me take this one. Ricky, you and me. Come on! (grabs Ricky's arm and leads him away)
Ricky: What the fuck do you wanna talk about?
Berney Sanford: You'll find out! What you've just done, pissin' on my car, you have crossed the line with me! I've had guys throw barbecues at me! They've broke the windows out of my car! They've cursed and sworn at me! But the bottom line is: I ain't shook! 'Cause if the Right Hook comes out, crazy motherfuckers like you get knocked out! Don't be lookin' me in the eyes, boy! I ain't got no candy for you! NO CANDY! Except for the Right Hook!
TV Show: Trailer Park Boys
Bubbles: (as The Green Bastard) Cory Braidhead... He gets him set up for the clothesline... URRRH!! (clotheslines Cory) Oh my GOD! He fuckin'... Devastating! You all right, Cory?
Cory: Yeah, I'm fine.
Bubbles: I don't give a fuck, actually. (bodyslams Cory onto the mat) Get in here, Trevor! Come on!
Trevor: Forget that, Bubbles! I'm goin' home! (Cory sneaks out of the ring and they run away)
Bubbles: (puts his hand up for a high-five) Aw, come on, boys! Boys!
Cory: Yeah, I'm fine.
Bubbles: I don't give a fuck, actually. (bodyslams Cory onto the mat) Get in here, Trevor! Come on!
Trevor: Forget that, Bubbles! I'm goin' home! (Cory sneaks out of the ring and they run away)
Bubbles: (puts his hand up for a high-five) Aw, come on, boys! Boys!
TV Show: Trailer Park Boys
Donny: NO, YOU POUND SAND UP THE EYE O' YOUR COCK! CALM DOWN? YOU FUCKIN' CALM DOWN! WHO'S RUNNING THIS FUCKIN' TRAILER PARK?!
TV Show: Trailer Park Boys
Bubbles: (talking to his cats) Listen up, guys. I need to talk to you. I'm sorry I haven't been able to look after you properly lately, but there's just to many of yas around, your parents have been banging like crazy... There's just so many of yas around right now and I've been losing focus because I'm in a lot of fucking pain! But the pain I'm about to feel is nothing compared to what I've been feeling by neglecting you little guys. (sighs)
TV Show: Trailer Park Boys
Ricky: (upon arriving at Bubbles' shed) Cory and Trevor are fucking lazy! At least if we ask Bubbles to fuckin' fertilize the plants we know it'll get done.
Bubbles: (moans)
Julian: Shhh! Listen!
Bubbles: (distressed moan)
Ricky: What the fuck's he doing in there?
Bubbles: YOU COCKSUCKER!!!!
(the door flings open and hits Ricky in the face)
Bubbles: Oh my God, what happened?
Ricky: Bubbles, you just broke my fuckin' nose!
Bubbles: (moans)
Julian: Shhh! Listen!
Bubbles: (distressed moan)
Ricky: What the fuck's he doing in there?
Bubbles: YOU COCKSUCKER!!!!
(the door flings open and hits Ricky in the face)
Bubbles: Oh my God, what happened?
Ricky: Bubbles, you just broke my fuckin' nose!
TV Show: Trailer Park Boys
Lahey: (to camera) U.N. president J. Edgar Hoover once said, "Ask not what your country can do for you, but what you can do for your country."
TV Show: Trailer Park Boys
Julian: Holy shit, Bubbles. Your face is fucked!
Bubbles: No, it's not that bad, Julian!
Julian: No no no no, you let that toothache go way too long. Here...
Bubbles: I can get 'er out, it's no pr...
Julian: No, open up, let me take a look.
Bubbles: No, it's no problem!
Julian: Let me take a look! Open up!
Bubbles: Julian!
Julian: Bubbles, open up!
Bubbles: (opens his mouth reluctantly, moaning)
Julian: Oh, yeah. Your jaw is totally infected, man. We gotta take you to the hospital, buddy!
Bubbles: No fucking way, Julian! I don't go to the hospital, you know that!
Ricky: You went to the hospital when you fucked your arm over fixing carts, Bubbles. You gotta go.
Bubbles: But, boys, I had Conky with me that time.
Ricky: Conky?! Don't even say that name! I hate that little fucker!
Bubbles: No, it's not that bad, Julian!
Julian: No no no no, you let that toothache go way too long. Here...
Bubbles: I can get 'er out, it's no pr...
Julian: No, open up, let me take a look.
Bubbles: No, it's no problem!
Julian: Let me take a look! Open up!
Bubbles: Julian!
Julian: Bubbles, open up!
Bubbles: (opens his mouth reluctantly, moaning)
Julian: Oh, yeah. Your jaw is totally infected, man. We gotta take you to the hospital, buddy!
Bubbles: No fucking way, Julian! I don't go to the hospital, you know that!
Ricky: You went to the hospital when you fucked your arm over fixing carts, Bubbles. You gotta go.
Bubbles: But, boys, I had Conky with me that time.
Ricky: Conky?! Don't even say that name! I hate that little fucker!
TV Show: Trailer Park Boys
Julian: In Grade 6, Bubbles made this puppet he called Conky.
Ricky: What a little asshole!!
Julian: He took it with him everywhere. It was kind of like his confidante.
Ricky: His what?
Julian: Never mind. Anyway, we had to take Conky away because it fucked Bubbles' mind up big time.
Ricky: Yeah, it was like, even though Bubbles was Bubbles, he was two people at the same time as being Bubbles. And you know, he'd try to act like this other person that wasn't Bubbles, but he was still Bubbles. It was...It was fucked!
Ricky: What a little asshole!!
Julian: He took it with him everywhere. It was kind of like his confidante.
Ricky: His what?
Julian: Never mind. Anyway, we had to take Conky away because it fucked Bubbles' mind up big time.
Ricky: Yeah, it was like, even though Bubbles was Bubbles, he was two people at the same time as being Bubbles. And you know, he'd try to act like this other person that wasn't Bubbles, but he was still Bubbles. It was...It was fucked!
TV Show: Trailer Park Boys
Julian: Bubbles, Bubbles, Bubbles! I got something for you!
Bubbles: Oh my God! Conky! Conky! Where have you been? Oh my God! Oh my God, I've missed you! I thought you were dead for sure!
Ricky: (to the puppet) I thought you were dead too, you little bastard!
Conky: Luckily I don't need oxygen to live under water like you do...STUPID!
Ricky: Julian, it's starting already. I'm telling you right now...(turns his attention back to the puppet) If you fuck with me, Conky, I'm gonna fuck with you! I'm outta here...
Julian: No no no...(pulls Ricky aside) Ricky, Ricky, I need your help here! We gotta get him to the hospital or he could go into a coma.
Bubbles: What! A coma! A coma? I'm going into a coma? Julian, I can't...
Julian: No no no, you're probably not gonna. You're gonna be fine, Bubbles!
Bubbles: What's it like in a coma?
Julian: Bubbles, why don't you ask Conky if it's OK to go to the hospital?
Bubbles: Conky, do you think...Do you think it would be a good idea for me to go to the hospital and get that fixed?
Conky: Well I think it might be a good idea to go on an adventure with Julian and...RICKY! (disturbed giggle)
Ricky: (to the puppet) Final warning there, fuckface. Final warning.
Bubbles: Oh my God! Conky! Conky! Where have you been? Oh my God! Oh my God, I've missed you! I thought you were dead for sure!
Ricky: (to the puppet) I thought you were dead too, you little bastard!
Conky: Luckily I don't need oxygen to live under water like you do...STUPID!
Ricky: Julian, it's starting already. I'm telling you right now...(turns his attention back to the puppet) If you fuck with me, Conky, I'm gonna fuck with you! I'm outta here...
Julian: No no no...(pulls Ricky aside) Ricky, Ricky, I need your help here! We gotta get him to the hospital or he could go into a coma.
Bubbles: What! A coma! A coma? I'm going into a coma? Julian, I can't...
Julian: No no no, you're probably not gonna. You're gonna be fine, Bubbles!
Bubbles: What's it like in a coma?
Julian: Bubbles, why don't you ask Conky if it's OK to go to the hospital?
Bubbles: Conky, do you think...Do you think it would be a good idea for me to go to the hospital and get that fixed?
Conky: Well I think it might be a good idea to go on an adventure with Julian and...RICKY! (disturbed giggle)
Ricky: (to the puppet) Final warning there, fuckface. Final warning.
TV Show: Trailer Park Boys
Nurse: [To Ricky] Sorry sir, there's no smoking [to Julian] and is this gentleman with you too?
Ricky: Yeah I'm fucking with him. Whadaya mean there's no smoking?
Nurse: [to Ricky] Uh, what is your problem sir?
Ricky: Well, now I can't smoke. That's my first problem, I got a busted nose which I now got a rag glued to, and a fucking truck glued to my hand. How's that for a start?
Conky: And he's fucked in the head! He needs a brain transplant!
Ricky: Hey, fuck you, Conky!!!
Nurse: Do you have any other form of identification?
Ricky: Actually, yes I do..[sticks up both middle fingers on both his hands, with the truck glued to his hand] That's called a double whammy! I only use that on special occasions. So you and your whole hospital can fuck off!
Ricky: Yeah I'm fucking with him. Whadaya mean there's no smoking?
Nurse: [to Ricky] Uh, what is your problem sir?
Ricky: Well, now I can't smoke. That's my first problem, I got a busted nose which I now got a rag glued to, and a fucking truck glued to my hand. How's that for a start?
Conky: And he's fucked in the head! He needs a brain transplant!
Ricky: Hey, fuck you, Conky!!!
Nurse: Do you have any other form of identification?
Ricky: Actually, yes I do..[sticks up both middle fingers on both his hands, with the truck glued to his hand] That's called a double whammy! I only use that on special occasions. So you and your whole hospital can fuck off!
TV Show: Trailer Park Boys
Orderly: Crazy octo-eyed motherfuckers!
Conky: Frig off, Washington! (to Ricky and Julian) Are you happy now, Julian? Bubbles is gonna go into a coma and die probably, ya idiots!
Bubbles: Conky, please, just don't taunt...
Julian: Bubbs, don't worry about it. I'll get that tooth out somehow, all right?
Ricky: (pissing on the side of the hospital) Who can go fuck whose self? No, you fuck off, you little fucker!
Julian: Rick, who the hell are you talking to?
Ricky: Fuckin' squirrel on my shoulder just told me to fuck off!
Bubbles: Ricky, you're hallucinating!
Julian: (pulls Ricky away from the wall) Listen, get a hold of yourself, Ricky... Ricky, you just pissed on me!
Ricky: Well you pulled me away!
Julian: Listen, just pretend you're on mushrooms, all right? Just go with it. Come on, let's go!
Conky: Frig off, Washington! (to Ricky and Julian) Are you happy now, Julian? Bubbles is gonna go into a coma and die probably, ya idiots!
Bubbles: Conky, please, just don't taunt...
Julian: Bubbs, don't worry about it. I'll get that tooth out somehow, all right?
Ricky: (pissing on the side of the hospital) Who can go fuck whose self? No, you fuck off, you little fucker!
Julian: Rick, who the hell are you talking to?
Ricky: Fuckin' squirrel on my shoulder just told me to fuck off!
Bubbles: Ricky, you're hallucinating!
Julian: (pulls Ricky away from the wall) Listen, get a hold of yourself, Ricky... Ricky, you just pissed on me!
Ricky: Well you pulled me away!
Julian: Listen, just pretend you're on mushrooms, all right? Just go with it. Come on, let's go!
TV Show: Trailer Park Boys
Randy: (while pouring Lahey a drink) Are you sure you want to use the community fund for this, Mr. Lahey?
Lahey: The cat population in the park is Malthusian in scope, Randy. We have no choice.
Lahey: The cat population in the park is Malthusian in scope, Randy. We have no choice.
TV Show: Trailer Park Boys
Conky: Well, well, well! What do we have here? Jim Lahey's car is at the vet!
Bubbles: What's Lahey doin' here?
Conky: Why don't you go find out, Bubbles? Or are you too scared?
Bubbles: Conky, you better fuck off, I'm tellin' ya!
Conky: Fuck off? You just remember I call the shots here, Bubbles. You got it?!
Bubbles: (submissively) Yes, Conky.
Conky: Good!
Bubbles: What's Lahey doin' here?
Conky: Why don't you go find out, Bubbles? Or are you too scared?
Bubbles: Conky, you better fuck off, I'm tellin' ya!
Conky: Fuck off? You just remember I call the shots here, Bubbles. You got it?!
Bubbles: (submissively) Yes, Conky.
Conky: Good!
TV Show: Trailer Park Boys
Conky/Bubbles: Why don't you just off shoot your gun some more, very recklessly like...AN IDIOT!
Ricky: Did you just call me an idiot, Conky, huh?
Conky: Maybe I did...REVEEN.
Ricky: All right, Reveen is taking it a little too far, all right...you little fucker!
Conky: He's the Fuckin' Man They Call....
Julian: Don't say it Bubbles!
Conky: ...REVEEEEEEEN!
Ricky: That's it! I have fuckin' had it with you! (whips out his gun and points it in the puppet's face)
Julian: Ricky, you're pointing a loaded handgun at a puppet!
Ricky: Yes I am.
Julian: Behind the puppet is our friend. The bullet will go through the doll and kill Bubbles. Give me the gun!
Ricky: I gotta kill this puppet, Julian.
Julian: Ricky, give me the gun. Give it to me!
Ricky: Did you just call me an idiot, Conky, huh?
Conky: Maybe I did...REVEEN.
Ricky: All right, Reveen is taking it a little too far, all right...you little fucker!
Conky: He's the Fuckin' Man They Call....
Julian: Don't say it Bubbles!
Conky: ...REVEEEEEEEN!
Ricky: That's it! I have fuckin' had it with you! (whips out his gun and points it in the puppet's face)
Julian: Ricky, you're pointing a loaded handgun at a puppet!
Ricky: Yes I am.
Julian: Behind the puppet is our friend. The bullet will go through the doll and kill Bubbles. Give me the gun!
Ricky: I gotta kill this puppet, Julian.
Julian: Ricky, give me the gun. Give it to me!
TV Show: Trailer Park Boys
Conky: Oh, those were excellent negotiation tactics you used...Patrick Swayze!
Julian: That's not funny, Bubbles!
Conky: (sings to the tune of Unchained Melody) Oh my Julian, my handsome Julian Patrick Swayze, (Julian pushes Conky away from Bubbles' face) you were so fuckin' sexy in Road House and fuckin' Dirty Dancing!
Julian: That's not funny, Bubbles!
Conky: (sings to the tune of Unchained Melody) Oh my Julian, my handsome Julian Patrick Swayze, (Julian pushes Conky away from Bubbles' face) you were so fuckin' sexy in Road House and fuckin' Dirty Dancing!
TV Show: Trailer Park Boys
Sam Losco: Smoking much dope lately boys? You guys are fucked!
Bubbles: Fuck off, Sam.
Bubbles: Fuck off, Sam.
TV Show: Trailer Park Boys