Trailer Park Boys Quotes
(Julian and Ricky are having a stand-off with Cyrus)
Cyrus: And give me those fucking guns too boys I gave those to Terry and Dennis for their birthday.
Julian: Guess what?
Cyrus: What?
Julian: (waves the gun in his face) This is my gun now so fuck off!
Cyrus: No, *you* fuck off!
Julian: No, *you* fuck off!
Cyrus: No, *you* fuck off!
Ricky: Cyrus, you fuck of first and then we'll fuck off!
Bubbles: Ricky. Just everybody - we'll all fuck off at the same time, calm down.
Ricky: I'm not fuckin' off.
Cyrus: Well then I guess we're gonna fucking stand still. Aren't we Ricky?
Ricky: Yeah, I know how to fix that.
Cyrus: How?!
Ricky: Fuck off!
Cyrus: And give me those fucking guns too boys I gave those to Terry and Dennis for their birthday.
Julian: Guess what?
Cyrus: What?
Julian: (waves the gun in his face) This is my gun now so fuck off!
Cyrus: No, *you* fuck off!
Julian: No, *you* fuck off!
Cyrus: No, *you* fuck off!
Ricky: Cyrus, you fuck of first and then we'll fuck off!
Bubbles: Ricky. Just everybody - we'll all fuck off at the same time, calm down.
Ricky: I'm not fuckin' off.
Cyrus: Well then I guess we're gonna fucking stand still. Aren't we Ricky?
Ricky: Yeah, I know how to fix that.
Cyrus: How?!
Ricky: Fuck off!
TV Show: Trailer Park Boys
(upon seeing his shed piled with liquor bottles)
Bubbles: It's a liquor lanch!
Bubbles: It's a liquor lanch!
TV Show: Trailer Park Boys
Ray: Cory and Trevor fucked you guys over big time, okay? That's what's going on. They fucked you over big time. They took all your money, it's all gone, you don't own the park, everything is fucking gone. They took everything boys.
[brief pause]
Ricky: [dumbfounded] Dad. I don't know if I understand you right here. You're saying Cory and Trevor... th-they fucked up?
[brief pause]
Ricky: [dumbfounded] Dad. I don't know if I understand you right here. You're saying Cory and Trevor... th-they fucked up?
TV Show: Trailer Park Boys
Ricky: (to Lahey when he says he's sorry) Oh, you're fuckin' sorry are you? What do you wanna do, play a big song on the Magdalene? (imitates someone playing a violin with a bow) You're fuckin' sorry? Bullshit you're sorry. (Ricky appears to be confusing a mandolin with Mary Magdalene).
TV Show: Trailer Park Boys
Ricky: I'm sick of looking after everybody. I mean right now, I mean, everyone's at my Dad's place. Fucking using my car. Now he's borrowing my fucking gun. It's bullshit. You know if he thinks he's better then me, wants to go down, take care of himself then good 'cause I don't want to look after him anymore, and I'll look after myself. And when he gets back here he's gonna see who...fuckin' looks after who...better than...the other person.
TV Show: Trailer Park Boys
Bubbles: Lucy got fake boobs. I mean...its obvious. I don't mean I was staring at them, but I can't exactly control what direction my eyes go in all the time. I mean obviously she used our money to buy them anyway so, if you think about it, I sorta own one third of them.
TV Show: Trailer Park Boys
Ricky: Actually, Sarah, lets go with the milk.
Sarah: Let's go with the milk? What the fuck's that?
Ricky: Sorry...would you welcome me with a little bit of your precious milk, please? Is that better?
Sarah: Why, so that you can welcome yourself to all the cereal that I bought?
Sarah: Let's go with the milk? What the fuck's that?
Ricky: Sorry...would you welcome me with a little bit of your precious milk, please? Is that better?
Sarah: Why, so that you can welcome yourself to all the cereal that I bought?
TV Show: Trailer Park Boys
Ricky: Well I was plannin' on takin' the blame, cuz I mean there is a pretty good chance that I did it. Well, I mean I did do it. But Bubbles took the blame, so once someone takes the blame, whaddya do? I couldn't take it then, he had already taken it.
TV Show: Trailer Park Boys
[Ricky is making bacon on the stove in Ray's burnt-down trailer]
Ricky: Hey, Dad!
Ray: Hey, buddy.
Ricky: Cookin' some bacon for you, buddy.
Ray: Smells good, buddy.
Ricky: There's only three pieces left, but I'll give it to you so long as I can have the grease.
Ray: You can have the grease, buddy.
Ricky: Cool.
Ray: Bacon frying and the sparrows chirpin', Rick. It's all about the bacon and the sparrows, buddy.
Ricky: Dad, what the fuck are you talking about?
Ray: I'm talking about the sparrows, Rick. The sparrows in the Bible, buddy. You know, nothing to worry about. I'm not worried, the trailer's burned down, the sparrows aren't worried, nobody's worried.
Ricky: Sparrows are stupid, Dad. They don't give a fuck about anything.
Ray: Exactly my point, Rick. Maybe God forgives you for burning down my trailer, Rick. That's the point I'm trying to make this morning.
Ricky: Does ol' Goddy-boy forgive you for getting lap dances and playing VLTs?
Ray: I don't... What's your point, Rick? There's nothing wrong with playing VLTs and gettin' drunk.
Ricky: You want some fuckin' bacon or not?
Ray: Yes, Rick. I do. Rick, there's another point: We should be thankful for the bacon we're having this morning, because where do you think the bacon came from, Rick?
Ricky: From a cow.
Ricky: Hey, Dad!
Ray: Hey, buddy.
Ricky: Cookin' some bacon for you, buddy.
Ray: Smells good, buddy.
Ricky: There's only three pieces left, but I'll give it to you so long as I can have the grease.
Ray: You can have the grease, buddy.
Ricky: Cool.
Ray: Bacon frying and the sparrows chirpin', Rick. It's all about the bacon and the sparrows, buddy.
Ricky: Dad, what the fuck are you talking about?
Ray: I'm talking about the sparrows, Rick. The sparrows in the Bible, buddy. You know, nothing to worry about. I'm not worried, the trailer's burned down, the sparrows aren't worried, nobody's worried.
Ricky: Sparrows are stupid, Dad. They don't give a fuck about anything.
Ray: Exactly my point, Rick. Maybe God forgives you for burning down my trailer, Rick. That's the point I'm trying to make this morning.
Ricky: Does ol' Goddy-boy forgive you for getting lap dances and playing VLTs?
Ray: I don't... What's your point, Rick? There's nothing wrong with playing VLTs and gettin' drunk.
Ricky: You want some fuckin' bacon or not?
Ray: Yes, Rick. I do. Rick, there's another point: We should be thankful for the bacon we're having this morning, because where do you think the bacon came from, Rick?
Ricky: From a cow.
TV Show: Trailer Park Boys
[Bubbles smells the bacon cooking in his sleep]
Bubbles: Yes, can I order pancakes please...with syrup...and...butter...bacon...hash browns...toast...with...butter...
[A cat meows, waking him up]
Bubbles: Aw, fuck! That was gonna be delicious!
Bubbles: Yes, can I order pancakes please...with syrup...and...butter...bacon...hash browns...toast...with...butter...
[A cat meows, waking him up]
Bubbles: Aw, fuck! That was gonna be delicious!
TV Show: Trailer Park Boys
Mr. Lahey: That video game is the key to Shitty City, Randy, and Julian is muscular mayor.
TV Show: Trailer Park Boys
Ricky: Well it's quite a...step up in the world from bangin' Randy and Lahey to bangin' Julian, isn't it?
Bubbles: That's a weird thought, Ricky.
Bubbles: That's a weird thought, Ricky.
TV Show: Trailer Park Boys
Lahey: "Ready for a lil B & E Randy?"
Randy: "Bacon N Eggs?"
Lahey: "Evidence gathering."
Randy: "Bacon N Eggs?"
Lahey: "Evidence gathering."
TV Show: Trailer Park Boys
Ricky: Hey, Bubbs.
Bubbles: Hey, Ricky. Holy fuck that bacon smells good! Is there any extra?
Ricky: Only had a few piece, bud. I gave it to, ah, gave it to the old man.
[Bubbles looks to Ray, Ray shakes his head no]
Ricky: I'm doin' bread heels and grease, it's pretty good. You want half?
Bubbles: Of an old bread heel?
Ricky: Yeah, just dip it in the bacon grease. It's fuckin' awesome.
[Ricky holds out the pan, Bubbles reluctantly dips his half of bread heel in the grease]
Bubbles: You do it, too. You're not trickin' me, are ya?
[Bubbles takes a bite, a disgusted look crosses his face]
Bubbles: It's kinda fuckin' dry, Ricky. Have you anything to drink?
Ricky: A little bit left in that.
[Ricky hands Bubbles a burnt and melted plastic pint of liquor; Bubbles takes a sip and an even more disgusted look crosses his face, he hands it back to Ricky and Ricky downs the rest]
Ricky: You still pissed off?
Bubbles: Well, kind of.
Bubbles: Hey, Ricky. Holy fuck that bacon smells good! Is there any extra?
Ricky: Only had a few piece, bud. I gave it to, ah, gave it to the old man.
[Bubbles looks to Ray, Ray shakes his head no]
Ricky: I'm doin' bread heels and grease, it's pretty good. You want half?
Bubbles: Of an old bread heel?
Ricky: Yeah, just dip it in the bacon grease. It's fuckin' awesome.
[Ricky holds out the pan, Bubbles reluctantly dips his half of bread heel in the grease]
Bubbles: You do it, too. You're not trickin' me, are ya?
[Bubbles takes a bite, a disgusted look crosses his face]
Bubbles: It's kinda fuckin' dry, Ricky. Have you anything to drink?
Ricky: A little bit left in that.
[Ricky hands Bubbles a burnt and melted plastic pint of liquor; Bubbles takes a sip and an even more disgusted look crosses his face, he hands it back to Ricky and Ricky downs the rest]
Ricky: You still pissed off?
Bubbles: Well, kind of.
TV Show: Trailer Park Boys
Randy: I can't believe Trinity was throwing bottles, Mr. Lahey.
Lahey: Shitapple.
Lahey: Shitapple.
TV Show: Trailer Park Boys
Randy: Well, it's... it's a little bit stressful, you know? I mean, Mr. Lahey's been doing really good. He hasn't had a drink since the day that he tried to kill Ricky and he had about forty-nine drinks that day. But lately, you know, he's been talking about liquor and calling me 'Bobandy' which he normally only does when he's drunk. So, just the thought of him drinking again, it scares the shit out of me.
TV Show: Trailer Park Boys
[Over a department store loudspeaker]
Ricky: Mr. Lahey and Randy to the Fuck Off Department. Mr. Lahey and Randy to the Fuck Off Department and hurry the fuck up! Thank you.
Ricky: Mr. Lahey and Randy to the Fuck Off Department. Mr. Lahey and Randy to the Fuck Off Department and hurry the fuck up! Thank you.
TV Show: Trailer Park Boys
[After getting caught stealing a rocket kit from a department store]
Ricky: I want to press charges, number one, for the front door out there. It's dangerous and I could have been killed going into the store.
Mall Cop: You can press charges when the cops get here. They're on their way.
Ricky: Alright, I will. We don't need to call the cops, I mean, you guys are smarter than real cops. You guys are mall cops! Why do we need real cops?
Ricky: I want to press charges, number one, for the front door out there. It's dangerous and I could have been killed going into the store.
Mall Cop: You can press charges when the cops get here. They're on their way.
Ricky: Alright, I will. We don't need to call the cops, I mean, you guys are smarter than real cops. You guys are mall cops! Why do we need real cops?
TV Show: Trailer Park Boys
Ricky: The fake cheque trick works every fuckin' time. Basically, you figure out how much something costs, you just fill out one of the old man's cheques like this, and that way if you get caught, you just say everybody who's gonna pay. I mean, mall cops are really dumb compared to real cops, it's gonna be easy. In the worst case Ontario, if you get caught, you just cancel the cheque. You never have to pay. It's awesome!
TV Show: Trailer Park Boys
Mall Cop: Alright, I'm gonna have to get some names, here.
Trevor: I'm Cory Lahey.
Cory: Um, Trevor Lahey.
Mall Cop: Are those your real names, boys?
Trevor: Yes, sir.
Mall Cop: Are they really?
Trevor: No...I'm Trevor and he's Cory. We were lyin'.
Trevor: I'm Cory Lahey.
Cory: Um, Trevor Lahey.
Mall Cop: Are those your real names, boys?
Trevor: Yes, sir.
Mall Cop: Are they really?
Trevor: No...I'm Trevor and he's Cory. We were lyin'.
TV Show: Trailer Park Boys
[Bubbles finds a spacesuit in his rocket kit]
Bubbles: What's this? HOLY FUCK, a spacesuit! DEE-CENT!!
Ricky: No way! Fuckin' decnals, man! Check those out!
[Julian brings a coffee cup and dog dish to toast with]
Julian: Drinks, boys! Drinks!
[Ricky takes the dog dish]
Ricky: Well let's make toast, boys!
Julian: To a good fuckin' time today.
Bubbles: This is a good time! (takes a drink) I'm gonna go put my spacesuit on boys, then lets get this dirty cocksucker in the air!
Bubbles: What's this? HOLY FUCK, a spacesuit! DEE-CENT!!
Ricky: No way! Fuckin' decnals, man! Check those out!
[Julian brings a coffee cup and dog dish to toast with]
Julian: Drinks, boys! Drinks!
[Ricky takes the dog dish]
Ricky: Well let's make toast, boys!
Julian: To a good fuckin' time today.
Bubbles: This is a good time! (takes a drink) I'm gonna go put my spacesuit on boys, then lets get this dirty cocksucker in the air!
TV Show: Trailer Park Boys
Ricky: Bubbles, are you sure we gotta play space here? This is kind of stupid.
Bubbles: Come on, Ricky, look at this! This is awesome! Mission control this is Commander Bubbles. I'm getting an NPS warning light on the link monitor control subsystem. I'm requesting reallocation to main OMS firing to CDS at level six, please advise.
Julian: Copy there, Commander. Reallocating there, Commander Bubbles.
Bubbles: Try some, Ricky!
Ricky: (sighs) Breaker breaker, come in Earth. This is rocket ship 27. Aliens fucked over the carbinator in engine number 4, I'm gonna try to refuckulate it and land on Juniper. Uh, hopefully they got some space weed, over... How's that buddy? I don't fuckin' know!
Bubbles: Ricky, that's not very good. Use space words, real ones, not talkin' about space weed!
Bubbles: Come on, Ricky, look at this! This is awesome! Mission control this is Commander Bubbles. I'm getting an NPS warning light on the link monitor control subsystem. I'm requesting reallocation to main OMS firing to CDS at level six, please advise.
Julian: Copy there, Commander. Reallocating there, Commander Bubbles.
Bubbles: Try some, Ricky!
Ricky: (sighs) Breaker breaker, come in Earth. This is rocket ship 27. Aliens fucked over the carbinator in engine number 4, I'm gonna try to refuckulate it and land on Juniper. Uh, hopefully they got some space weed, over... How's that buddy? I don't fuckin' know!
Bubbles: Ricky, that's not very good. Use space words, real ones, not talkin' about space weed!
TV Show: Trailer Park Boys
Randy: Hey, boys! We got a complaint that someone was gettin' high and drunk and playin' space in the middle of the street!
Ricky: Yeah, US! I'm fuckin' stoned right now! You got a problem with that?
Ricky: Yeah, US! I'm fuckin' stoned right now! You got a problem with that?
TV Show: Trailer Park Boys
Bubbles: You guys wanna stay and watch? You wanna see a rocket go, Randy?
Randy: Does it really launch, Bubbles?
Bubbles: Does it really launch? Does the tin man have a sheet metal cock?
Randy: Does it really launch, Bubbles?
Bubbles: Does it really launch? Does the tin man have a sheet metal cock?
TV Show: Trailer Park Boys
Ray: Randy, why don't you ask Jim where he's been for the last few nights between three and five or nine and eleven fifteen? Go ahead, ask him where he's going.
Randy: Well, he's playing bridge at the hospital, Ray!
Ray: Playin' bridge my arse! He's going down to the strip club gettin' drunk every night and tellin' everyone he's off the booze. And you know why, Randy? Because Jim Lahey is a fuckin' drunk and he always will be!
[Randy grabs Lahey's water bottle]
Randy: Gimme a drink!
Lahey: Randy...
Randy: Gimme a drink!
Lahey: Let it go, Randy!
[Randy lets go of the bottle and it splashes all over him as Lahey pulls away; Randy puts his tongue to the liquid that spilled on his hand]
Randy: It's vodka!
Lahey: Hundred and thiry-one proof, straight up. I'm fuckin' wasted!
Randy: Well, he's playing bridge at the hospital, Ray!
Ray: Playin' bridge my arse! He's going down to the strip club gettin' drunk every night and tellin' everyone he's off the booze. And you know why, Randy? Because Jim Lahey is a fuckin' drunk and he always will be!
[Randy grabs Lahey's water bottle]
Randy: Gimme a drink!
Lahey: Randy...
Randy: Gimme a drink!
Lahey: Let it go, Randy!
[Randy lets go of the bottle and it splashes all over him as Lahey pulls away; Randy puts his tongue to the liquid that spilled on his hand]
Randy: It's vodka!
Lahey: Hundred and thiry-one proof, straight up. I'm fuckin' wasted!
TV Show: Trailer Park Boys
Ricky: Dartmouth Regional Vocational School... Julian are you fucked in the head?
Julian: This is the perfect plan.
Ricky: Julian, this brain hardly got through grade 7!
Bubbles: The way I look at it, is you either go to school to learn things or to sell drugs. And Ricky is here to sell drugs.
Julian: This is the perfect plan.
Ricky: Julian, this brain hardly got through grade 7!
Bubbles: The way I look at it, is you either go to school to learn things or to sell drugs. And Ricky is here to sell drugs.
TV Show: Trailer Park Boys
Ray: Low profile, Julian? What, are you reading books again?
Julian: What's wrong with reading books?
Ray: Nothing wrong with reading books, but there's only one book that counts, it's the bible. It says to help your friends.
Julian: Does it say anything about you ripping off insurance companies, pretend you're in a wheelchair, then getting caught drunk dancing with hos making porn flicks?
Ray: It's open to interpretation Julian, it's the bible.
Julian: What's wrong with reading books?
Ray: Nothing wrong with reading books, but there's only one book that counts, it's the bible. It says to help your friends.
Julian: Does it say anything about you ripping off insurance companies, pretend you're in a wheelchair, then getting caught drunk dancing with hos making porn flicks?
Ray: It's open to interpretation Julian, it's the bible.
TV Show: Trailer Park Boys
Ricky: Why don't you suck my cock, Trevor? How 'bout that, you skinny little fuckin weasel?
TV Show: Trailer Park Boys