Law and Order - Special Victims Unit Quotes

Stabler: What do you think we're looking for, a rock, a brick, maybe?
Uniform: Who's going to look for that?
[Stabler and Benson look at him.]
Uniform: Me?
Benson: Yes.

TV Show: Law and Order - Special Victims Unit
Benson: Blood alcohol level was .27.
Cragen: Wow. Triple the limit. There was a time I yearned for a girl who could drink like that.

TV Show: Law and Order - Special Victims Unit
[Munch and Cassidy interview Mosley, a college basketball player.]
Munch: So you and Jean studied French literature?
Mosley: Yeah, why?
Munch: Well, I mean, "Communications," "Basics of Broadcasting..." But Rimbaud?
Mosley: Sure. I know that "First Blood" speaks of the existential angst of being jerked around by forces beyond your control.
[Cassidy looks bewildered. Munch and Cassidy leave the interrogation room.]
Cassidy: ...What did he say?
Munch: What a wonderful job he thinks the police are doing.

TV Show: Law and Order - Special Victims Unit
[On being ordered to produce a semen sample.]
Basketball player: I can't do this.
Stabler: What, you have a fight with your right hand?

TV Show: Law and Order - Special Victims Unit
Stabler: I never lived in a dorm. That's what I wanted to do. I even knew where.
Benson: Where?
Stabler: Are you ready for this? Everglades University.
Benson: Everglades?
Stabler: Yeah. Playboy magazine rated universities by their sexual temperature. E.U., always at the top of the list.
Benson: Beautiful. I can see you had your priorities in order.
Stabler: Thank you.

TV Show: Law and Order - Special Victims Unit
[Reporting on a sperm count of the two suspects.]
Jeffries: Cougar and Mosley's little swimmers were shipshape.
Munch: No kidding.
Jeffries: Yeah- remember when, John?
Munch: I could say the same thing to you, babe.

TV Show: Law and Order - Special Victims Unit
Carmichael: What did they call it before we invented the terms "date rape" and "sexual harassment?"
Cragen: "Boys will be boys?"

TV Show: Law and Order - Special Victims Unit
Carmichael: I need physical evidence on the murder.
Cragen: We'll need to recanvass the crime scene.
Carmichael: Do that. Meanwhile, search his home and office.
Cragen: I think I'm falling in love with you, Abby.

TV Show: Law and Order - Special Victims Unit
Lawyer: C'mon, miss, you're badgering my client.
Benson: It's "Detective," not "miss."

TV Show: Law and Order - Special Victims Unit
Mrs. Mosley: [welcoming Cassidy and Munch into her home] Charles. It's Mutt and Jeff.
Cassidy: [to Munch] Which one's Mutt?

TV Show: Law and Order - Special Victims Unit
[The SVU team is hit hard by the molestation and murder of an 8 year old boy, and attention focuses on a registered sex offender living in the neighborhood.]

TV Show: Law and Order - Special Victims Unit
Cassidy: You ever think about having kids?
Munch: Why, when I have you?

TV Show: Law and Order - Special Victims Unit
Munch: Look, when something out of the ordinary happens, you look for what else is out of the ordinary before the out of ordinary happens.
Mark: Don't patronize (pronouncing it patron-ize) me.
Munch: Actually, it's pat-ronize.

TV Show: Law and Order - Special Victims Unit
Munch: When I was a little kid, my parents told me never to eat sweets.
Cragen: So as an adult you overcompensate?
Munch: Yeah.
Cassidy: I'm guessing your parents also said you should never get married.

TV Show: Law and Order - Special Victims Unit
Advocate: Not all sex offenders are repeat offenders.
Stabler: You show me a first time offender, I'll show you a guy who's never been caught before.

TV Show: Law and Order - Special Victims Unit
[An rape-homicide hits close to home when the victim is an Assistant District Attorney, and SVU rallies when the murderer fixates on Benson.]

TV Show: Law and Order - Special Victims Unit
[Munch gestures to Cassidy.]
Munch: We've only been partners a few months but the man is starting to think like me. Only slower.

TV Show: Law and Order - Special Victims Unit
Cassidy: Yeah, go ahead. Rain on my parade.
Munch: I don't just want to rain on your parade. I want to blow up all the floats.

TV Show: Law and Order - Special Victims Unit
[Munch wiggles his finger through a doughnut at a parolee who was convicted of forcible sodomy and is currently working at a doughnut bakery.]
Munch: Does this turn you on?
Parolee: What do you want?
Munch: Isn't it a little dangerous for you to be around all these helpless doughnuts?

TV Show: Law and Order - Special Victims Unit
Munch: Guys, check this out. Teddy Kennedy lands in the water at Chappaquiddick on July 18th. Neil Armstrong lands on the moon July 20th. Think about that.
Jeffries: And?
Munch: You don't find that amazing?
Jeffries: Nope.
Stabler: You're learning, Jeffries.

TV Show: Law and Order - Special Victims Unit
Benson: He's stalking her.
Cragen: Impossible. We don't have a stalking statute in New York, ergo there's no way to stalk anyone.

TV Show: Law and Order - Special Victims Unit
[Upon hearing news that one of their suspects was found dead of an overdose in a small town by the Canadian mounties.]
Munch: Poor guy.
Benson: Poor guy?
Munch: Imagine trying to score smack in a place called Moosonee. Must've been hell. Easier to cop yak turds.

TV Show: Law and Order - Special Victims Unit
Benson: I sure as hell wouldn't drive to Queens to save your ass.
Stabler: Yeah you would.
Benson: Well, that's only because you have a wife and kids.

TV Show: Law and Order - Special Victims Unit
[The puzzling death of a heavily pierced and scarred investment analyst could be suicide, accident, or homicide. But the course of the investigation opens up a whole different can of worms when the victim's employer comes under scrutiny.]

TV Show: Law and Order - Special Victims Unit
Cassidy: I don't get S&M. I mean, "Hurt me, that turns me on?" Come on, what's up with that?
Munch: It starts with the tattoos. Once you get the ink, it's just a matter of time before you're begging to be tied up and spanked.
Cassidy: Yeah, tattoos are just the gateway to the sexual dark side, my friend.
[Stabler slings his arm around Cassidy's shoulders and bares his tattooed arm.]
Stabler: You guys have finally figured me out, huh?
Jeffries: Seriously. Did you get off on the tiny little pinpricks of pain?
Stabler: No, I get that from working with you.

TV Show: Law and Order - Special Victims Unit
Munch: The powers that be always protect themselves and the FBI are their hired guns-
Cassidy: [finishes for him] -fronting for the Trilateral Council, the World Bank, and the Mansons.
Cragen: Masons.

TV Show: Law and Order - Special Victims Unit
Stabler: How long you been sleeping with Cassidy?
Benson: Uh, I'm not.
Stabler: Your stomach just dropped two floors, Olivia. The unconscious does not lie.
Benson: I'm not lying. (beat)Not much.

TV Show: Law and Order - Special Victims Unit
Benson: Is it that obvious?
Stabler: I'm your partner. For better or worse.

TV Show: Law and Order - Special Victims Unit
Cassidy: When you get married-
Benson: If I get married.
Cassidy: As long as you have this job, your marriage will be an affair.

TV Show: Law and Order - Special Victims Unit
Cragen: Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, I ask that you smell the defendant.

TV Show: Law and Order - Special Victims Unit