Buffy the Vampire Slayer Quotes

Buffy: I gotta stop him before he unleashes unholy havoc and it's just another Tuesday night in Sunnydale.

TV Show: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Buffy: Giles, there has to be some sort of spell to reverse the invitation, right? Like a barrier; a no shoes, no pulse, no service kind of thing.

TV Show: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Gage Petronzi: What a psycho bitch, man.
Angelus: [Angelus comes out from behind a pile of crates] Gotta be talking about Buffy.
Gage Petronzi: [stops and faces him] How'd you know?
Angelus: Uh, she and I... had this thing once. Biggest mistake of my life.
Gage Petronzi: Yeah. My condolences, dude. [turns and goes]
Angelus: [follows] She's a real head-tripper.
Gage Petronzi: Tell me about it. Girl acts like she's God's gift or something.
Angelus: Who is she? The Chosen One?
Gage Petronzi: Exactly.
Angelus: You know, what she really needs is for someone to really knock her down off her notches.
Gage Petronzi: Yeah, that'd be sweet. Anyone in mind?
Angelus: You're in luck, my friend. [Gage turns to look at Angelus and sees that he has disappeared]
Angelus: Just so happens... [Gage turns back quickly and sees Angelus standing there in front of him in his game face]
Angelus: ... I'm recruiting. [Gage looks horrified as Angelus grabs him and bites his neck]
Gage Petronzi: No! [Buffy strolls out of the Bronze and hears Gage's screams]
Gage Petronzi: Ah! Somebody! Help! Ah! Help! Ah! Ah! Get him off me! Help! Ah! [She rushes to his aid. Cut to Angelus. He drops Gage and begins to spit out his blood. He wipes his mouth and spits some more. Buffy comes running around the corner, and just as he looks up she does a roundhouse kick to his face. He isn't fazed, and just looks at her. She pulls out the stick holding her hair up and holds it ready to stake him as her hair falls down around her face]

TV Show: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Lothos: [Buffy holds up a cross] This is your defense? Puh-lease. Your puny faith?
Buffy: No. [the cross ignites in flames and she tosses the cap off a hairspray can]
Buffy: My keen fashion sense. [she sprays the flames, shooting them at his face]

TV Show: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Riley Finn: Hey, Buffy. What's up?
Buffy: Riley, look. Aren't they beautiful?
Riley Finn: Yeah, they're nice. A little dressy maybe, for school, but...
Buffy: Riley.
Riley Finn: Buffy?
Buffy: I really like you. I hope you know that you mean a lot to me, and if things were different...
Buffy: Different than what?
Buffy: I want you to promise me that we can always be friends. And I'd really like you to be there on the day.
Riley Finn: The day when...
Buffy: The wedding.
Riley Finn: The wedding. What wedding?
Buffy: My wedding. I'm getting married. Can you believe it?
Riley Finn: I don't think no is a strong enough word.
Buffy: I know. It's crazy.
Buffy: I mean, we fought for all these years and then... Sometimes you just look at someone and you know, you know?
Riley Finn: No.
Buffy: I think maybe we fought because we couldn't admit how we really felt about each other.
Riley Finn: Can we start again?
Buffy: You'll really like him. Well, nobody really likes him.
Riley Finn: I need to clear a few things up.
Buffy: I don't even really like him.
Riley Finn: Buffy.
Buffy: But I love him. I do.

TV Show: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
[Xander, Anya, Riley and Buffy are watching a kung-fu movie]
Xander: Incompetently dubbed kung fu. Our most valuable Chinese import.

TV Show: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Willow: The smell will lead us to the potential.
Xander: Or some poor soul who ate too many chimichangas.

TV Show: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
See Buffy the Vampire Slayer/Format for suggested formatting and inclusion guidelines.

TV Show: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Buffy: I'm Buffy. I'm new.
Xander: Xander. Is - is me. Hi.
Buffy: Um, thanks.
Xander: Well, uh, maybe I'll see you around... maybe at school... since we... both... go there.
Buffy: Great! It was nice to meet you. [walks away]
Xander: We both go to school. Very suave. Very not pathetic.

TV Show: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Buffy: [to Giles] To make you a vampire they have to suck your blood. And then you have to suck their blood. It's like a whole big sucking thing. Mostly they're just gonna kill you. Why am I still talking to you?

TV Show: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Giles: The influx of the undead, the... supernatural occurrences, it's been building for years. There's a reason why you're here and a reason why it's now!
Buffy: Because now is the time my mom moved here.
Giles: Something's coming, something, something, something is - is gonna happen here. Soon!
Buffy: Gee, can you vague that up for me?

TV Show: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Willow: Well... when I'm with a boy I like, it's hard for me to say anything cool, or, or witty. Or at all. I-I can usually make a few vowel sounds, and then I have to go away.
Buffy: It's not that bad.
Willow: No, i-it is. I think boys are more interested in a girl who can talk.
Buffy: You really haven't been dating lately.

TV Show: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Buffy: [about the mausoleum] Well, this is nice. I-it's a little bare, but a dash of paint, a few throw pillows... call it home!
Darla: Who the hell are you?
Buffy: You mean there's actually someone in this town who doesn't know already? Whew, that's a relief! I'm telling you, having a secret identity in this town is a job of work.
Xander: Buffy, we bail now, right?
Thomas: Not yet!
Buffy: Okay, first of all, what's with the outfit? Live in the now, okay? You look like DeBarge!
[The vampires close in on Buffy. She turns to Darla.]
Buffy: Now, we can do this the hard way, or... well, actually there's just the hard way.
Darla: That's fine with me!
Buffy: Are you sure? Now, this in not gonna be pretty. We're talking violence, strong language, adult content...

TV Show: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Giles: For as long as there have been vampires, there has been the Slayer. One girl in all the world, a Chosen One...
Buffy: He loves doing this part.
Giles: Alright. The Slayer hunts vampires, Buffy is a Slayer, don't tell anyone. Well, I think that's all the vampire information you need.

TV Show: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Giles: [To Willow] Well then help me in researching this Harvest affair. It seems to be some sort of preordained massacre. Rivers of blood, hell on Earth. Quite charmless. I'm a bit fuzzy, however, on the details. [about a computer] It may be that you can wrest some information from that dread machine. [everyone stares] That was a bit, um, British, wasn't it?
Buffy: Welcome to the New World.

TV Show: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Xander: This is just too much. I mean, yesterday my life's like, 'Uh-oh, pop quiz.' Today it's 'Rain of Toads'.
Willow: I know. And everyone else thinks it's just a normal day.
Xander: Nobody knows. It's like we've got this big secret.
Willow: We do. That's what a secret is, when you know something other guys don't.

TV Show: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Luke: [onstage at The Bronze] Ladies and gentlemen... there is no cause for alarm. Actually, there is cause for alarm. It just won’t do any good.

TV Show: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
[Vampires are terrorizing The Bronze, including a sired Jesse McNally]
Xander: We've gotta get in there before Jesse does something stupider than usual.
Giles: Listen to me... Jesse is dead. You have to remember that when you see him, you're not looking at your friend. You're looking at the thing that killed him.

TV Show: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Buffy: Well, I gotta look on the bright side. Maybe I can still get kicked out of school.
Xander: Oh, yeah, that's a plan. Cause lots of schools aren't on Hellmouths.
Willow: Maybe you could blow something up. They're really strict about that.
Buffy: I was thinking of a more subtle approach, ya know, like excessive not studying.
Giles: [to himself] The Earth is doomed.

TV Show: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Giles: Why should someone want to harm Cordelia?
Willow: Maybe because they met her? Did I say that?

TV Show: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Willow: You're the Slayer, and we're, like, the Slayerettes!

TV Show: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Xander: I laugh in the face of danger! Then I... hide until it goes away.

TV Show: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Joyce: Look what I found. It's my yearbook from junior year. [finds her picture] Oh, look! There I am.
Buffy: Mom, I've accepted that you've had sex. I am not ready to know that you had Farrah hair.
Joyce: This is Gidget hair. Don't they teach you anything in history?

TV Show: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Giles: This is madness. What could you have been thinking? You are the Slayer. Lives depend upon you. I make allowances for your youth, but I expect a certain amount of responsibility, instead of which you enslave yourself to this-this... cult.
[we see Buffy is wearing a cheerleading outfit]
Buffy: You don’t like the color?

TV Show: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Giles: God, every day here is the same.
Buffy: Bright, sunny, beautiful. However can we escape this torment?

TV Show: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Xander: It's funny how the Earth never opens up and swallows you when you want it to.

TV Show: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Giles: This computer invasion that Willow's performing on the coroner's office... One assumes it is entirely illegal?
Buffy: Of course.
Willow: Entirely.
Giles: Right. Wasn't here. Didn't see it. Couldn't have stopped you.

TV Show: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Principal Flutie: We all need help with our feelings. Otherwise we bottle them up, and before you know it, powerful laxatives are involved. I really believe if we all reach out to one another we can beat this thing. I'm always here if you need a hug, [jumps back] but not a real hug! Because there's no touching, this school is sensitive to wrong touching.

TV Show: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Cordelia: I'm just saying when tragedy strikes, we have to look on the bright side. You know? Like how even used Mercedes still have leather seats.

TV Show: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
The Master: [reading from the writing of Aurelius] "There will be a time of crisis, of worlds hanging in the balance. And in this time shall come the Anointed, the Master's great warrior. And the Slayer will not know him, will not stop him. And he will lead her into Hell." As it is written, so shall it be. "Five will die, and from their ashes the Anointed shall rise. The Brethren of Aurelius shall greet him, and usher him to his immortal destiny." As it is written, so shall it be. "And one of the Brethren shall go out hunting the night before and get himself killed, because he couldn't wait to finish his job before he ate." Oh, wait...
[He grabs one of the Brethren by the throat]
The Master: That's not written anywhere. The Anointed will be my greatest weapon against the Slayer. If you fail to bring him to me... If you allow that girl to stop you...
[He throws the vampire into a coffin]
The Master: Here endeth the lesson.

TV Show: Buffy the Vampire Slayer