It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia Quotes
Charlie: My god, there's not enough salt in the world for her.
TV Show: It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
Charlie: But if I'm being honest my problem is less with the fact he is drinking and more that he is doing it without me. And then I start thinking, what's wrong with me? Am I not fun to drink with?
Dennis: Oh, no, no. Don't do that to yourself. You're plenty of fun to drink with. Trust me Charlie, you really get drunk and then you get reckless. Its a lot of fun.
Dennis: Oh, no, no. Don't do that to yourself. You're plenty of fun to drink with. Trust me Charlie, you really get drunk and then you get reckless. Its a lot of fun.
TV Show: It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
Tabitha: You know I do offer group therapy.
Charlie: Yeah, okay.
Dee: What is this? What are you doing?
Dennis: What? What is that?
Tabitha: With all due respect, you're talking about bringing guns to an intervention and you're drinking wine out of a soda can.
Dee: Yeah.
Dennis: Oh. you put wine in the soda can?
Dee: You didn't know did you?
Dennis: That is good.
Charlie: Ahh, you stole Frank's idea.
Dee: Yeah yeah yeah. Its actually is a pretty good idea.
Charlie: Well its a good idea. I mean the guy has great ideas.
Dee: He is a smart man, that is not what we're here about.
Charlie: Yeah, okay.
Dee: What is this? What are you doing?
Dennis: What? What is that?
Tabitha: With all due respect, you're talking about bringing guns to an intervention and you're drinking wine out of a soda can.
Dee: Yeah.
Dennis: Oh. you put wine in the soda can?
Dee: You didn't know did you?
Dennis: That is good.
Charlie: Ahh, you stole Frank's idea.
Dee: Yeah yeah yeah. Its actually is a pretty good idea.
Charlie: Well its a good idea. I mean the guy has great ideas.
Dee: He is a smart man, that is not what we're here about.
TV Show: It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
Charlie: Well I guess my letter would be about how Frank and I aren't really making memories together anymore. And you know how when we don't make memories together that's a hurtful thing for me.
Dennis: Okay. Uhh, you know let's just dive right in I'm not even going to try and suss out where you're going with that one.
Charlie: Right. Um, number one, when was the last time we played Night Crawlers together, Frank?
Dennis: Oh, uh, okay. Wha-what is that?
Charlie: Well, its not about you... why don't you just right it down and then... ?
Dennis: Yeah, but you said it... you said Night Crawlers. Now... now I feel like I can't... move past it. I gotta know what that is.
Charlie: It... its no big deal, you know. If I were you I'd just write it down cause its not really a big deal.
Dennis: What is it?
Charlie: Its... what it sounds like.
Dennis: What it sounds like is that you two crawl around like worms at night. That's what it sounds like.
Charlie: This is not about you.
Dennis: Okay. Uhh, you know let's just dive right in I'm not even going to try and suss out where you're going with that one.
Charlie: Right. Um, number one, when was the last time we played Night Crawlers together, Frank?
Dennis: Oh, uh, okay. Wha-what is that?
Charlie: Well, its not about you... why don't you just right it down and then... ?
Dennis: Yeah, but you said it... you said Night Crawlers. Now... now I feel like I can't... move past it. I gotta know what that is.
Charlie: It... its no big deal, you know. If I were you I'd just write it down cause its not really a big deal.
Dennis: What is it?
Charlie: Its... what it sounds like.
Dennis: What it sounds like is that you two crawl around like worms at night. That's what it sounds like.
Charlie: This is not about you.
TV Show: It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
Dennis: As a matter of fact I'm starting to think think we need to intervene on you for your goddamn illiteracy.
Dee: Yeah, Charlie, you are getting real dumb.
Charlie: Come on, alright, this is what I'm talking about. Illiteracy. You know, what does that word even mean?
Dee: Yeah, Charlie, you are getting real dumb.
Charlie: Come on, alright, this is what I'm talking about. Illiteracy. You know, what does that word even mean?
TV Show: It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
Dee & Dennis: Intervention! Intervention!
Charlie: Whoop! Whoop!
Charlie & Dennis: You're trapped! You're trapped! You're trapped!
Charlie: Whoop! Whoop!
Charlie & Dennis: You're trapped! You're trapped! You're trapped!
TV Show: It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
Charlie: Hyah! Hyah! Get out of here snail! Hyah! Go snail! Go! Hyah!
TV Show: It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
Charlie: Oh my god. That was a terrible experience for me by the way.
Dennis: Of course, no one likes salting the snail but she gives you no choice.
Dee: She doesn't leave you with any options.
Charlie: Horrible thing. I'm all worked up now. I feel bad I feel like maybe... I should have some more wine in a can.
Dennis: Of course, no one likes salting the snail but she gives you no choice.
Dee: She doesn't leave you with any options.
Charlie: Horrible thing. I'm all worked up now. I feel bad I feel like maybe... I should have some more wine in a can.
TV Show: It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
Charlie: Do wasps make honey?
Dennis: No wasps do not make honey.
Charlie: Alright well I'm gonna check it out anyway, there could be something delicious in here that wasps do make and I want that.
Dennis: No wasps do not make honey.
Charlie: Alright well I'm gonna check it out anyway, there could be something delicious in here that wasps do make and I want that.
TV Show: It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
Dennis: Hey yo! Hey what's..what...what are you doing there buddy?
Charlie: Argh! I'm trying to smoke these hornets to death so I can get their honey, but they keep flying up the tube, stinging me on my face and I think I just swallowed one.
Dennis: As I tried to explain before, you can not get honey from a hornet's nest.
Charlie: I just don't think there's any science to support that, buddy.
Dennis: There is some very basic science out there supporting that.
Charlie: No, no.
Dennis: Trust me, pal. Okay, it's actually a fact. It's not even science.
Charlie: Argh! I'm trying to smoke these hornets to death so I can get their honey, but they keep flying up the tube, stinging me on my face and I think I just swallowed one.
Dennis: As I tried to explain before, you can not get honey from a hornet's nest.
Charlie: I just don't think there's any science to support that, buddy.
Dennis: There is some very basic science out there supporting that.
Charlie: No, no.
Dennis: Trust me, pal. Okay, it's actually a fact. It's not even science.
TV Show: It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
Charlie: Tell you what, let me pop a quick H on this box this way we all know that it's filled with hornets.
TV Show: It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
Dennis: Let's talk about your likes and dislikes. Umm…how about your favorite food, what would that be?
Charlie: Oh, milk-steak.
Dennis and Mac: (simultaneously) Hmm?
Dennis: What?
Charlie: Milk-steak.
Dennis: I’m not putting milk-steak.
Mac: Just put regular steak and then-
Charlie: Don’t put regular steak, put milk-steak, she’ll know what it is.
Dennis: No she won’t know what it is! Nobody knows what that is. Okay, alright what’s your favorite hobby?
Charlie: Uhh…magnets.
Dennis: Wha-like making magnets, collecting magnets?
Mac: Playing with magnets?
Charlie: Just magnets.
Dennis: I’m just gonna put snowboarding. We’ll just put snowboarding.
Charlie: I don’t really snowboard.
Dennis: What are some of your likes?
Charlie: Uhh…ghouls
Mac: Son of a bitch. What are you talking about?
Charlie: Just funny little green ghouls.
Dennis: W-What like in movies, or in cartoons?
Charlie: Little green ghoul buddies!
Mac: Don’t write ghouls!
Dennis: I’m not! I’m putting travel! Jesus Christ, what are your dislikes?
Charlie: People's knees.
Dennis: Oh come on dude! Come on!
Mac: Bro, you gotta be kid-you know what we’ll just make it all up.
Dennis: We’ll make the whole thing up.
Mac: We’ll doctor the picture.
Dennis: We aren’t even going to use you for this.
Charlie: Cover your knees up if you're gonna be walking around everywhere.
Charlie: Oh, milk-steak.
Dennis and Mac: (simultaneously) Hmm?
Dennis: What?
Charlie: Milk-steak.
Dennis: I’m not putting milk-steak.
Mac: Just put regular steak and then-
Charlie: Don’t put regular steak, put milk-steak, she’ll know what it is.
Dennis: No she won’t know what it is! Nobody knows what that is. Okay, alright what’s your favorite hobby?
Charlie: Uhh…magnets.
Dennis: Wha-like making magnets, collecting magnets?
Mac: Playing with magnets?
Charlie: Just magnets.
Dennis: I’m just gonna put snowboarding. We’ll just put snowboarding.
Charlie: I don’t really snowboard.
Dennis: What are some of your likes?
Charlie: Uhh…ghouls
Mac: Son of a bitch. What are you talking about?
Charlie: Just funny little green ghouls.
Dennis: W-What like in movies, or in cartoons?
Charlie: Little green ghoul buddies!
Mac: Don’t write ghouls!
Dennis: I’m not! I’m putting travel! Jesus Christ, what are your dislikes?
Charlie: People's knees.
Dennis: Oh come on dude! Come on!
Mac: Bro, you gotta be kid-you know what we’ll just make it all up.
Dennis: We’ll make the whole thing up.
Mac: We’ll doctor the picture.
Dennis: We aren’t even going to use you for this.
Charlie: Cover your knees up if you're gonna be walking around everywhere.
TV Show: It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
Charlie: [trying to say that he is a philanthropist] I'm a full-on-rapist.
TV Show: It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
Charlie: Yes, my good man, I'll have the milk steak, boiled over hard, and your finest jelly beans...raw.
TV Show: It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
(After everything at the waitress's bachelorette party goes awful)"
Frank: This is depressing. (To Artemis) Want to go get sweaty in the bathroom?
Artemis: You know it.
Dee: (angrily) No! No one's getting sweaty in my bathroom! Just get out of here!
Frank: Alright fine! We'll go get sweaty in the Wendy's bathroom.
Dee: Great, go have sex at Wendy's! Wonderful! just get out of here!
Frank: This is depressing. (To Artemis) Want to go get sweaty in the bathroom?
Artemis: You know it.
Dee: (angrily) No! No one's getting sweaty in my bathroom! Just get out of here!
Frank: Alright fine! We'll go get sweaty in the Wendy's bathroom.
Dee: Great, go have sex at Wendy's! Wonderful! just get out of here!
TV Show: It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
Frank: So the Wendy's manager was like "You gotta clean dat up!" and I was like they're your hamburgers you clean them up. Artemis was all bummed out about something I did to myself with the onions and now she won't talk to me.
TV Show: It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
Charlie: Sorry about that, some guy in the bathroom wouldn't give me his shirt.
TV Show: It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
Dee: [reading a letter Mac wrote to baseball player Chase Utley] Alright, Oh shit there's stickers. "Dear Chase, I feel like I can call you Chase because you and me are so much alike." Really? "I would love to meet you some day, it would be great to have a catch. I know I can't throw as fast as you but I think you would be impressed with my speed. I love your hair. You run fast. Did you have a good relationship with your father? Me neither. These are all things we can talk about and more. I know you have not been getting my letters because I know you would write back if you did, and I hope you write back this time and we get to be good friends. I am sure our relationship would be a real 'home run.'"
TV Show: It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
Dennis: I hate to tell you this bro, but you do not have the core strength to scale the facade of Citizens Bank, you just don't.
Mac: What?! I work out all the time!
Dennis: Yeah but you only work out your glamour muscles and you know it.
Mac: I work out my core.
Dennis: No you do not work out your core. You're totally arm heavy, you're all bi's and tri's and everything else is just fat and, and ribs.
Mac: Bro I can do way more push ups than you and that's like 16 different muscle groups I think.
Dennis: That is beyond retarded what you're saying right now. I can do way more push ups then you even though I was just hit by a car...
Mac: What?! I work out all the time!
Dennis: Yeah but you only work out your glamour muscles and you know it.
Mac: I work out my core.
Dennis: No you do not work out your core. You're totally arm heavy, you're all bi's and tri's and everything else is just fat and, and ribs.
Mac: Bro I can do way more push ups than you and that's like 16 different muscle groups I think.
Dennis: That is beyond retarded what you're saying right now. I can do way more push ups then you even though I was just hit by a car...
TV Show: It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
Mac: I do not appreciate being paraphrased. I choose my words very deliberately.
TV Show: It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
Dennis: Can I stop you guys for one second? What you just described, now that just sounds like we are singing about about the lifestyle of an eagle.
Charlie: Yeah.
Mac: Mm-hmm.
Dennis: Well I was under the impression we were presenting ourselves as bird-MEN which, to me, is infinitely cooler than just sort of... being a bird.
Charlie: Yeah.
Mac: Mm-hmm.
Dennis: Well I was under the impression we were presenting ourselves as bird-MEN which, to me, is infinitely cooler than just sort of... being a bird.
TV Show: It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
Charlie: Look at this, dude. That's just a bucket of chestnuts.
Dennis: Who has-
Mac: What, is he just foraging for his food?
Charlie: I don't know, why the hell would you have a bucket of chestnuts, bro?!
Dennis: Who has-
Mac: What, is he just foraging for his food?
Charlie: I don't know, why the hell would you have a bucket of chestnuts, bro?!
TV Show: It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
The Gang: [singing] Stomp! Clap! Stomp! Stomp! Clap! Stomp! Clap! Stomp! Stomp! Clap! The eagle's born out of thunder. He flies through the night. Don't you mess with his eggs now, or you'll see us fight! Yes we have feathers, but the muscles of men. 'Cuz we're birds of war now, but we're also men! Birds of war! Ah ah ah ah!!
TV Show: It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
Dennis: You drew a man's buttocks on a towel!
Mac: Yeah. You get out of the shower in the college dorm, they got the butt, right, people are laughing --
Dennis: Oh, okay, yeah.
Mac: Your buddies are laughing. And then, and then you give 'em one of these. Boom.
Dennis: Oh, that is big.
Mac: That's a big monster dick.
Dennis: That's huge.
Mac: That's the biggest dick you ever seen.
Dennis: Yeah, that's really --
Mac: Right?
Dennis: That's not how you see yourself, though...
Mac: That's funny.
Dennis: That is funny.
Mac: That's funny.
Dennis: Yeah, people are gonna laugh at that.
Mac: But that's just a setup.
Dennis: What is it?
Mac: For this. Ding-ding-ding!
Dennis: Oh, it's a baby dick!
Mac: Yeah. We're gonna sell a million of these.
Dennis: We are gonna sell a million of those, dude.
Mac: We'll do black ones and yellow ones, for the Asians.
Dennis: Yeah, that...
Mac: This is probably more Asian than anything else.
Dennis: Dude, yeah, oh my gosh.
Mac: Maybe a little bit more bush.
Dennis: Well, you know what we should do? We should set up a website for it.
Mac: Already did it.
Dennis: What? You did?
Mac: Dick towel dot com.
Mac: Yeah. You get out of the shower in the college dorm, they got the butt, right, people are laughing --
Dennis: Oh, okay, yeah.
Mac: Your buddies are laughing. And then, and then you give 'em one of these. Boom.
Dennis: Oh, that is big.
Mac: That's a big monster dick.
Dennis: That's huge.
Mac: That's the biggest dick you ever seen.
Dennis: Yeah, that's really --
Mac: Right?
Dennis: That's not how you see yourself, though...
Mac: That's funny.
Dennis: That is funny.
Mac: That's funny.
Dennis: Yeah, people are gonna laugh at that.
Mac: But that's just a setup.
Dennis: What is it?
Mac: For this. Ding-ding-ding!
Dennis: Oh, it's a baby dick!
Mac: Yeah. We're gonna sell a million of these.
Dennis: We are gonna sell a million of those, dude.
Mac: We'll do black ones and yellow ones, for the Asians.
Dennis: Yeah, that...
Mac: This is probably more Asian than anything else.
Dennis: Dude, yeah, oh my gosh.
Mac: Maybe a little bit more bush.
Dennis: Well, you know what we should do? We should set up a website for it.
Mac: Already did it.
Dennis: What? You did?
Mac: Dick towel dot com.
TV Show: It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
Dennis: Oh,do me a favor. Peel this apple for me please.
Dee: No, no I'm not gonna peel an apple for you.
Dennis: But Mac always does it for me.
Dee: Why does Mac peel apples for you?
Dennis: He doesn't like for me to eat the apple with the skin on it. He said the skin is loaded with toxins.
Dee: Ok, well good news Mac's not here.
Dennis: I know he's not here and that's why I need you to do it for me please, please.
Dee: Ah! Jesus just eat it with the skin on.
Dennis: [panicking] I do not like it with the skin Dee! I'm not allowed to eat it with the skin, I'm not allowed!
Dee: Oh my god alright if you just shut up I will peel the apple for you the way Mac likes you to eat it. Give it to me, give it to me. I'll do it the way Mac insists, okay?
Dee: No, no I'm not gonna peel an apple for you.
Dennis: But Mac always does it for me.
Dee: Why does Mac peel apples for you?
Dennis: He doesn't like for me to eat the apple with the skin on it. He said the skin is loaded with toxins.
Dee: Ok, well good news Mac's not here.
Dennis: I know he's not here and that's why I need you to do it for me please, please.
Dee: Ah! Jesus just eat it with the skin on.
Dennis: [panicking] I do not like it with the skin Dee! I'm not allowed to eat it with the skin, I'm not allowed!
Dee: Oh my god alright if you just shut up I will peel the apple for you the way Mac likes you to eat it. Give it to me, give it to me. I'll do it the way Mac insists, okay?
TV Show: It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
Charlie: Cat in the wall, eh? Ok, now you're talking my language. I know this game.
TV Show: It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
Dennis: Heyo!
Mac: Yo, where you been?
Dennis: What do you mean? I was getting the movie.
Mac: Yeah, but you weren't answering any of my calls. I've been, I've been calling you sort of over and over again.
Dennis: I was having a conversation with the video store clerk.
Mac: Yeah, but I texted you 911, dude. That means it's an emergency.
Dennis: Yeah, I saw that. What was the emergency, Mac?
Mac: Well, I couldn't get in touch with you, dude. I almost called the police.
Dennis: The police? That's a bit of an overreaction. I was gone for what, an hour?
Mac: Yeah, but I thought we had a deal. You know, you would check in every once in a while and then that way I would know that you were okay.
Dennis: Okay, I'm okay. Uh, I'm sorry, can we watch the movie?
Mac: Yeah, great, sure. The Transporter 2 ?
Dennis: Yeah, I, look, man, I... , I know you wanted to see Predator again but I feel like we've seen that 30 times in the last two months and thought maybe we could mix things up. Video store clerk guy said this movie is awesome, so...
Mac: The video store clerk guy. I feel like you won't stop talking about him.
Dennis: I asked him for a movie recommendation, okay?
Mac: Yeah, you got one.
Dennis: It's really not that big of a deal.
Mac: Well, the big deal, Dennis, is that I wasn't even consulted on the decision, okay? And this is a big deal to me, as well. It's also my night. Plus, Transporter 2? We haven't seen Transporter 1 which means we'll be completely lost... Plus, Jason Statham's physique is nothing like the line-up in Predator.
Dennis: Okay, will you stop? I don't want to have conversations anymore about dudes' physiques and whether they can...
Mac: Dennis, in body mass alone...
Mac: Yo, where you been?
Dennis: What do you mean? I was getting the movie.
Mac: Yeah, but you weren't answering any of my calls. I've been, I've been calling you sort of over and over again.
Dennis: I was having a conversation with the video store clerk.
Mac: Yeah, but I texted you 911, dude. That means it's an emergency.
Dennis: Yeah, I saw that. What was the emergency, Mac?
Mac: Well, I couldn't get in touch with you, dude. I almost called the police.
Dennis: The police? That's a bit of an overreaction. I was gone for what, an hour?
Mac: Yeah, but I thought we had a deal. You know, you would check in every once in a while and then that way I would know that you were okay.
Dennis: Okay, I'm okay. Uh, I'm sorry, can we watch the movie?
Mac: Yeah, great, sure. The Transporter 2 ?
Dennis: Yeah, I, look, man, I... , I know you wanted to see Predator again but I feel like we've seen that 30 times in the last two months and thought maybe we could mix things up. Video store clerk guy said this movie is awesome, so...
Mac: The video store clerk guy. I feel like you won't stop talking about him.
Dennis: I asked him for a movie recommendation, okay?
Mac: Yeah, you got one.
Dennis: It's really not that big of a deal.
Mac: Well, the big deal, Dennis, is that I wasn't even consulted on the decision, okay? And this is a big deal to me, as well. It's also my night. Plus, Transporter 2? We haven't seen Transporter 1 which means we'll be completely lost... Plus, Jason Statham's physique is nothing like the line-up in Predator.
Dennis: Okay, will you stop? I don't want to have conversations anymore about dudes' physiques and whether they can...
Mac: Dennis, in body mass alone...
TV Show: It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
Dee: Whoa, there are a lot of cats in this wall.
Charlie: Yeah, I put a lot of cats in that wall.
Charlie: Yeah, I put a lot of cats in that wall.
TV Show: It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia