It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia Quotes
Dennis: Margaret, you like sweat, don't you. Margaret--it is Margaret, isn't it? Of course it is. You know, your eyebrow drives me crazy. It's so thick, i'ts so dark, so very...connected. You're a stone cold fox, Margaret. You're a stone cold fox, and I want you. I gotta have you--I need you. I want you inside me. But you know that, don't you, Margaret?
TV Show: It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
Frank: When we get out of this, I'm gonna shove my fist right into your ass, hard and fast...Not in the sexual way! In the 'I am pissed off' sort of way.
TV Show: It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
Dennis: Dude, I swear to god if you try and give me a noogie I will yank your underwear over your head so hard your asshole will rip in half.
Mac: (walks in from the office) Helloooo!!! What's up bitches?
Charlie: Mac, can an asshole rip in half?
Mac: Like tissue paper.
Mac: (walks in from the office) Helloooo!!! What's up bitches?
Charlie: Mac, can an asshole rip in half?
Mac: Like tissue paper.
TV Show: It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
Dee: What is this thing?
Charlie: That's Dennis' prototype. Be careful with that.
Dee: No, I know it's the prototype but I don't get how it works.
Charlie: Dee, you're asking a million questions. All right, look, I'm just going to walk you through it, so pay attention. OK, look, the pretty lady gets naked, of course, and I help her into the prototype, yes? My hands sort of guiding along her body making sure that it fits properly. Now the dress is starting to look fantastic, you know? And she feels very excited, she feels very sensual and I feel very sensual about her because she looks so good. And then, you know, we chit-chat a little bit, no big deal but she asks me back to her place. Where did that come from? I accept, you know? And then we chit-chat at her place, it's no big deal, but eventually she says, "Do you want to make love, Charlie?"
Dee: Oh God.
Charlie: And I say, "Are you serious? Because yes, I do." And then just boom, we're into it and it's hot and it's passionate.
Dee: Charlie...
Charlie: And then it's just you and me babe...
Dee: Oh my God.
Charlie: That's Dennis' prototype. Be careful with that.
Dee: No, I know it's the prototype but I don't get how it works.
Charlie: Dee, you're asking a million questions. All right, look, I'm just going to walk you through it, so pay attention. OK, look, the pretty lady gets naked, of course, and I help her into the prototype, yes? My hands sort of guiding along her body making sure that it fits properly. Now the dress is starting to look fantastic, you know? And she feels very excited, she feels very sensual and I feel very sensual about her because she looks so good. And then, you know, we chit-chat a little bit, no big deal but she asks me back to her place. Where did that come from? I accept, you know? And then we chit-chat at her place, it's no big deal, but eventually she says, "Do you want to make love, Charlie?"
Dee: Oh God.
Charlie: And I say, "Are you serious? Because yes, I do." And then just boom, we're into it and it's hot and it's passionate.
Dee: Charlie...
Charlie: And then it's just you and me babe...
Dee: Oh my God.
TV Show: It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
Mac: Dee, can I talk to you for a second? Look, I know what you're trying to do. You wanna show this girl what's what. I get that. And I think if you just buckle down and join the team--
Dee: Mac, I'm gonna stop you right there. First of all, your breath smells like an old-lady fart passing through an onion. Secondly, I know you're trying to manipulate me. And it's not going to work. Get your hand off my shoulder because I've got a fatty to burn.
Dee: Mac, I'm gonna stop you right there. First of all, your breath smells like an old-lady fart passing through an onion. Secondly, I know you're trying to manipulate me. And it's not going to work. Get your hand off my shoulder because I've got a fatty to burn.
TV Show: It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
Charlie: Ohhhhhhhh shit! Look at that door, dude. See that door there? The one marked "Pirate"? You think a pirate lives in there?
Dennis: I see a door marked "Private." Is that the door you're talking about?
Charlie: Nah, I was talking abou...I didn't say...did you...what did you hear?
Dennis: I heard you say "There was a door marked pirate living in there."
Charlie: Well are we gonna talk about pirates all day or are we gonna see what's living in there?
Dennis: You're the one that....Jesus Christ man, shit.
Dennis: I see a door marked "Private." Is that the door you're talking about?
Charlie: Nah, I was talking abou...I didn't say...did you...what did you hear?
Dennis: I heard you say "There was a door marked pirate living in there."
Charlie: Well are we gonna talk about pirates all day or are we gonna see what's living in there?
Dennis: You're the one that....Jesus Christ man, shit.
TV Show: It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
Dee(furious): I can't believe you guys! I could have been killed!
Charlie: Well, somebody had to do it!
Mac: Yeah, those kittens were in a burning building, Deandra!
Dee: You set me on fire!
Frank': We set the building on fire, you just happened to catch on fire!
Mac: Just barely!
Frank: We put you out!
Charlie: Exactly! (Dee emerges from the building. As Frank is blasting her with the extinguisher, she throws the box of kittens to one side.)
Dee: Well, I do look kinda heroic--
Mac: What?! What are you talking about?! You threw the box of kittens!
Dee: I WAS ON FIRE!
Charlie(mimicking Dee): I was on fire!
Frank(annoyed): We gotta shoot this shit again!
Charlie(dismissively): Yeah, like fire hurts...
Charlie: Well, somebody had to do it!
Mac: Yeah, those kittens were in a burning building, Deandra!
Dee: You set me on fire!
Frank': We set the building on fire, you just happened to catch on fire!
Mac: Just barely!
Frank: We put you out!
Charlie: Exactly! (Dee emerges from the building. As Frank is blasting her with the extinguisher, she throws the box of kittens to one side.)
Dee: Well, I do look kinda heroic--
Mac: What?! What are you talking about?! You threw the box of kittens!
Dee: I WAS ON FIRE!
Charlie(mimicking Dee): I was on fire!
Frank(annoyed): We gotta shoot this shit again!
Charlie(dismissively): Yeah, like fire hurts...
TV Show: It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
Dee(from inside the warehouse): It smells overwhelmingly like kerosene in here!
Frank: Uh-huh! (he tosses the match into the warehouse and runs)
Frank: Uh-huh! (he tosses the match into the warehouse and runs)
TV Show: It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
Frank: People love well stories!
Dee: Really?
Frank: Yeah!
Dee: I don't know. That well thing seems a little played-out. I mean, who gets stuck in a well anymore?
Mac: Kittens do!
Dee: Kittens? You put those kitties down there?
Mac: Well...
Dee(annoyed): Oh, man, okay, I'll do it! Just don't set it on fire, okay? I think this is dangerous enough!
Frank: Deandra, use your head! How are we gonna set a well on fire?
Mac: It's filled with water. Save the kittens!
Dee: I'm going!(She gets into the well)
Mac: Save the day! (Frank and Mac start to walk away.)
Frank(motioning to Mac): Gimme the matches.
Mac(handing Frank the matchbox): Yep...
Dee: Really?
Frank: Yeah!
Dee: I don't know. That well thing seems a little played-out. I mean, who gets stuck in a well anymore?
Mac: Kittens do!
Dee: Kittens? You put those kitties down there?
Mac: Well...
Dee(annoyed): Oh, man, okay, I'll do it! Just don't set it on fire, okay? I think this is dangerous enough!
Frank: Deandra, use your head! How are we gonna set a well on fire?
Mac: It's filled with water. Save the kittens!
Dee: I'm going!(She gets into the well)
Mac: Save the day! (Frank and Mac start to walk away.)
Frank(motioning to Mac): Gimme the matches.
Mac(handing Frank the matchbox): Yep...
TV Show: It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
Dee I found the kittens! (Frank tosses something into the well and runs. Annoyed)Oh,comeon!(Another explosion, and Dee starts screaming again.)
TV Show: It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
Mac: She throws the kittens in every take!
Charlie: Aw, man, she loves to ruin, and ruin, and ruin, and ruin!
Charlie: Aw, man, she loves to ruin, and ruin, and ruin, and ruin!
TV Show: It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
Mac: You promised you wouldn't bring up the helicopter!
Charlie: Dude, you're not the boss of me, okay?
Mac: Technically, Charlie, I am the boss of you, because I own half your shares!
Charlie: Since when?
Mac: You sold me half your shares of the bar for "goods and services"!
Dennis: Wait, you've definitely given me half your shares too, dude!
Charlie: Maybe I gave you guys a couple of shares when my back was against the wall and I needed a little breathing room--
Mac: Bro, you gave me a shitload of shares one time for half a sandwich!
Charlie: What're you guys doing? Is this a hose job, where you're hosing me down?
Dennis: Dude, you hosed yourself down!
Mac: You hosed yourself up and down, Charlie!
Charlie: C'mon, what do you guys want me to do?
Mac: I don't care!
Dennis: Yeah, get a job!
Charlie: Oh, get a job?
Mac: Yeah!
Charlie: Just get a job? Why don’t I strap on my job helmet, and squeeze down into a job cannon, AND FIRE OFF INTO JOBLAND, WHERE JOBS GROW ON JOBBIES?!!!
Charlie: Dude, you're not the boss of me, okay?
Mac: Technically, Charlie, I am the boss of you, because I own half your shares!
Charlie: Since when?
Mac: You sold me half your shares of the bar for "goods and services"!
Dennis: Wait, you've definitely given me half your shares too, dude!
Charlie: Maybe I gave you guys a couple of shares when my back was against the wall and I needed a little breathing room--
Mac: Bro, you gave me a shitload of shares one time for half a sandwich!
Charlie: What're you guys doing? Is this a hose job, where you're hosing me down?
Dennis: Dude, you hosed yourself down!
Mac: You hosed yourself up and down, Charlie!
Charlie: C'mon, what do you guys want me to do?
Mac: I don't care!
Dennis: Yeah, get a job!
Charlie: Oh, get a job?
Mac: Yeah!
Charlie: Just get a job? Why don’t I strap on my job helmet, and squeeze down into a job cannon, AND FIRE OFF INTO JOBLAND, WHERE JOBS GROW ON JOBBIES?!!!
TV Show: It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
Charlie: I see what you're saying. I could go for some wood.
Mac: Uh, no, we're saying 'wooed'.
Charlie: Yeah, cool. We'll get some wood, we'll build something cool, then we'll go get the money.
Dennis: That doesn't have anything to do with what we're talking about, Charlie. We're talking about being wooed by this corporate guy...
Charlie: How are you going to be wood?
Mac: Uh, no, we're saying 'wooed'.
Charlie: Yeah, cool. We'll get some wood, we'll build something cool, then we'll go get the money.
Dennis: That doesn't have anything to do with what we're talking about, Charlie. We're talking about being wooed by this corporate guy...
Charlie: How are you going to be wood?
TV Show: It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
Dennis: Some gay guys are twinks, and others are bears. This gay guy's a bear. By the way we're totally cool with that. To each his own.
Frank: Wait, I'm a little confused here. What's a twink?
Dennis: A twink is small and slender, like Mac.
Mac: Oh no, I'm too muscular, I would be a bear.
Dennis: Ohh don't think so bro. Not hairy enough.
Frank: Smooth. I would be a bear.
Dennis: No no, see I don't think you'd be a bear either. As a matter of fact, I don't know what you would be, because you're definitely not a twink.
Frank: I'd be a top, that's for sure.
Mac: Can a twink be a top, or is that reserved for bears?
Dennis: I'm sure there's a great deal of switching back and forth, but I think more often than not bears are tops, unless they happen to be power-bottoms.
Frank: What's a power-bottom?
Mac: A power-bottom is a bottom that is capable of receiving an enormous amount of power.
Dennis: Actually Mac, you got it backwards. See, a power-bottom's actually generating all the power by doing most of the work.
Frank: Does the power have to do with the size or the strength of the bottom?
Mac: Now Dennis, I've heard that speed has something to do with it.
Dennis: Speed has everything to do with it. You see, the speed of the bottom informs the top how much pressure he's supposed to apply. Speed's the name of the game. Right, buddy?
(notices that Corporate Guy has left)
Mac: Goddammit!
Frank: Wait, I'm a little confused here. What's a twink?
Dennis: A twink is small and slender, like Mac.
Mac: Oh no, I'm too muscular, I would be a bear.
Dennis: Ohh don't think so bro. Not hairy enough.
Frank: Smooth. I would be a bear.
Dennis: No no, see I don't think you'd be a bear either. As a matter of fact, I don't know what you would be, because you're definitely not a twink.
Frank: I'd be a top, that's for sure.
Mac: Can a twink be a top, or is that reserved for bears?
Dennis: I'm sure there's a great deal of switching back and forth, but I think more often than not bears are tops, unless they happen to be power-bottoms.
Frank: What's a power-bottom?
Mac: A power-bottom is a bottom that is capable of receiving an enormous amount of power.
Dennis: Actually Mac, you got it backwards. See, a power-bottom's actually generating all the power by doing most of the work.
Frank: Does the power have to do with the size or the strength of the bottom?
Mac: Now Dennis, I've heard that speed has something to do with it.
Dennis: Speed has everything to do with it. You see, the speed of the bottom informs the top how much pressure he's supposed to apply. Speed's the name of the game. Right, buddy?
(notices that Corporate Guy has left)
Mac: Goddammit!
TV Show: It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
Waitress: Dennis!
Dennis: Ooh, hey.
Waitress: [Flirtatiously] Hehe, hi.
Dennis: Ha, so listen, first let me apologize for never calling you back, ever. Second, I was applying here and maybe you could, you know, help me out.
Waitress: Ooh, hehe...well, um, why don't I just go get you an app...
Dennis: ...App...lication and uniform?
Waitress: Hehe, yeah!
Dennis: Ha ha, that's weird that we said that at the same time.
Waitress: Hehe, I know! Well I'll be back and, yeah.
Dennis: All righty.
Waitress: Hehe, um, yeah. Hehe, yeah, bye.
Dennis: Ha ha, bye.[Waitress walks out] What's her name again?
Charlie: I hate you.
Dennis: Ooh, hey.
Waitress: [Flirtatiously] Hehe, hi.
Dennis: Ha, so listen, first let me apologize for never calling you back, ever. Second, I was applying here and maybe you could, you know, help me out.
Waitress: Ooh, hehe...well, um, why don't I just go get you an app...
Dennis: ...App...lication and uniform?
Waitress: Hehe, yeah!
Dennis: Ha ha, that's weird that we said that at the same time.
Waitress: Hehe, I know! Well I'll be back and, yeah.
Dennis: All righty.
Waitress: Hehe, um, yeah. Hehe, yeah, bye.
Dennis: Ha ha, bye.[Waitress walks out] What's her name again?
Charlie: I hate you.
TV Show: It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
(Cut to the front of the bookstore. Frank and his gang buddies are playing jacks while Mac looks on in bewilderment and disgust.)
Mac(sarcastic): This is very intimidating, Frank.
Frank: Don't worry, we're sending out an strong message, Mac, don't you worry. (A man and his kids walk by.)
Man: Hey, look, kids, it's a 50's doo-wop group.
Mac(does a double take): What?! No, we're not a 50's doo-wop group!
Man: Hey, listen, would you sing us a song?
Mac(annoyed): We don't sing, guy!
Frank: Oh, yeah, we do. We'll sing, we'll sing for you. Right, boys?
Mac(dumbfounded): You guys sing?!
Frank: Of course, we sing! We're a gang!
Mac: No, no, no, no, gangsters don't sing!
Frank: What're you talking about? You ever hear of gangster rap?
Mac: we're not gonna intimidate anybody if we're entertaining the whole goddamn neighborhood!
Frank: Listen to this: (They break out into song.)
Mac(sarcastic): This is very intimidating, Frank.
Frank: Don't worry, we're sending out an strong message, Mac, don't you worry. (A man and his kids walk by.)
Man: Hey, look, kids, it's a 50's doo-wop group.
Mac(does a double take): What?! No, we're not a 50's doo-wop group!
Man: Hey, listen, would you sing us a song?
Mac(annoyed): We don't sing, guy!
Frank: Oh, yeah, we do. We'll sing, we'll sing for you. Right, boys?
Mac(dumbfounded): You guys sing?!
Frank: Of course, we sing! We're a gang!
Mac: No, no, no, no, gangsters don't sing!
Frank: What're you talking about? You ever hear of gangster rap?
Mac: we're not gonna intimidate anybody if we're entertaining the whole goddamn neighborhood!
Frank: Listen to this: (They break out into song.)
TV Show: It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
Coast on, Yellow Jacket Boys,
Buzz-Buzz-Bumble,
They don't pay for sodapop,
'Cause they really rumble
Buzz-Buzz-Bumble,
They don't pay for sodapop,
'Cause they really rumble
TV Show: It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
(As they sing, it slowly dawns on Mac that he's hitched his cart to the wrong star...again. One of the children puts money in the still-full cup of coffee he was drinking out of. He's had it.)
Mac: Goddammit! (He walks away.)Goddammit!
Mac: Goddammit! (He walks away.)Goddammit!
TV Show: It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
(Cut to the restaurant.)
Dennis: Guess what? I just topped myself for most phone numbers in one day--nine.
Dee(high-fiving him): Nine? Come on. Six strawberry margaritas, please. (Charlie and the Waitress come up. Charlie is clearly gloating about something.)
Charlie: Uh, don't make 'em, 'cause you won't have your jobs much longer. Corporate's on their way down here right now to fire your asses!
Dee: What?! You told on us?
Dennis(hurt): Babe, don't do that to me! I feel like we were getting so close, sweet baby--
Charlie: He doesn't even know your name!
Dennis: Yes, I do!
Waitress: What's my name, what is it? (There is a pause while Dennis tries to figure out a way to bullshit his way out of this one.)
Dennis: Beautiful. (It didn't work.)
Waitress(disgusted): Oh, my God! You're a dick!
Dennis: That's what I call you all the time. Would you not want to be called "beautiful"? (Corporate Guy enters.)
Corporate Guy: Are one of you guys the one that called me? (Charlie turns to face him.)
Charlie(raising his hand): Uh, right here. These two (points to Dennis and Dee) are the ones who were stealing.
Corporate Guy: Hey, I know you...(points at Dennis)...and you. You're the ones who run that dive bar down the street!
Charlie: Yeah, and you're the corporate dude with the helicopter.
Corporate Guy: Right. Here's the thing--I had a really strange night last night. Your friends and their doo-wop group, they showed up at my house and tried to attack me. One of them died on my doorstep, and it sorta put me in a funk. So I'm gonna clean house, and you're all fired. (The Gang is taken aback, but the Waitress is incredibly sm
Dennis: Guess what? I just topped myself for most phone numbers in one day--nine.
Dee(high-fiving him): Nine? Come on. Six strawberry margaritas, please. (Charlie and the Waitress come up. Charlie is clearly gloating about something.)
Charlie: Uh, don't make 'em, 'cause you won't have your jobs much longer. Corporate's on their way down here right now to fire your asses!
Dee: What?! You told on us?
Dennis(hurt): Babe, don't do that to me! I feel like we were getting so close, sweet baby--
Charlie: He doesn't even know your name!
Dennis: Yes, I do!
Waitress: What's my name, what is it? (There is a pause while Dennis tries to figure out a way to bullshit his way out of this one.)
Dennis: Beautiful. (It didn't work.)
Waitress(disgusted): Oh, my God! You're a dick!
Dennis: That's what I call you all the time. Would you not want to be called "beautiful"? (Corporate Guy enters.)
Corporate Guy: Are one of you guys the one that called me? (Charlie turns to face him.)
Charlie(raising his hand): Uh, right here. These two (points to Dennis and Dee) are the ones who were stealing.
Corporate Guy: Hey, I know you...(points at Dennis)...and you. You're the ones who run that dive bar down the street!
Charlie: Yeah, and you're the corporate dude with the helicopter.
Corporate Guy: Right. Here's the thing--I had a really strange night last night. Your friends and their doo-wop group, they showed up at my house and tried to attack me. One of them died on my doorstep, and it sorta put me in a funk. So I'm gonna clean house, and you're all fired. (The Gang is taken aback, but the Waitress is incredibly sm
TV Show: It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
Charlie: OK, all right, I'm ready to rock.
Mac: And who are you supposed to be?
Charlie: Bob Dylan, man. Check this out [hands Mac a crudely drawn picture]
Mac: Jesus, we're all over the place. [looks at picture] Is this a page from a coloring book?
Charlie: No, dude, that's 'Night Man', those are lyrics.
Mac : Whatever, let's just rock.
Frank: Okay, this is what I'm talking about.
Charlie: All right, where's my curtain?
Mac: Charlie, don't worry about the curtain, you're not gonna need it.
Charlie: I want a curtain blocking my face.
Mac: You don't need one.
Frank: [to an unkempt man working on wiring] Go on, go have a beer, Ernie.
Charlie: All right, ready.
Frank: 5, 6, 7, 8!
Charlie: [singing] Night Man, sneaky and mean. Spider inside my dreams, I think I love you. You make me want to cry, you make me want to die. I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, Night Man. Every night you come into my room and pin me down with your strong arms, And pin me down and I try to fight you, You come inside me and fill me up and I become the Night Man.(At first, Mac and Frank appear to be cool with Charlie's lyrics, but when he starts in with the second part, they both stop playing and look at Charlie as if to say, "What the hell is this shit?")
Mac: Whoa, whoa, whoa, Charlie. Hang on a second. I mean the first half of that song was kind of cool, but what's with the second half?
Charlie: It's about the Night Man, like, you know, like filling me up, and I become him, I become the spirit of the Night Man.
Mac: But it sounds like a song where a man breaks into your house and rapes you.
Charlie: What, dude? Where are you getting that from? Alright
Mac: And who are you supposed to be?
Charlie: Bob Dylan, man. Check this out [hands Mac a crudely drawn picture]
Mac: Jesus, we're all over the place. [looks at picture] Is this a page from a coloring book?
Charlie: No, dude, that's 'Night Man', those are lyrics.
Mac : Whatever, let's just rock.
Frank: Okay, this is what I'm talking about.
Charlie: All right, where's my curtain?
Mac: Charlie, don't worry about the curtain, you're not gonna need it.
Charlie: I want a curtain blocking my face.
Mac: You don't need one.
Frank: [to an unkempt man working on wiring] Go on, go have a beer, Ernie.
Charlie: All right, ready.
Frank: 5, 6, 7, 8!
Charlie: [singing] Night Man, sneaky and mean. Spider inside my dreams, I think I love you. You make me want to cry, you make me want to die. I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, Night Man. Every night you come into my room and pin me down with your strong arms, And pin me down and I try to fight you, You come inside me and fill me up and I become the Night Man.(At first, Mac and Frank appear to be cool with Charlie's lyrics, but when he starts in with the second part, they both stop playing and look at Charlie as if to say, "What the hell is this shit?")
Mac: Whoa, whoa, whoa, Charlie. Hang on a second. I mean the first half of that song was kind of cool, but what's with the second half?
Charlie: It's about the Night Man, like, you know, like filling me up, and I become him, I become the spirit of the Night Man.
Mac: But it sounds like a song where a man breaks into your house and rapes you.
Charlie: What, dude? Where are you getting that from? Alright
TV Show: It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
Charlie: Cannibalism? Racism? Dude that's not for us...those decisions are better left to the suits in Washington. We're just here to eat some dude!
TV Show: It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
Mac: Your body quit, your bird quit, and unfortunately it's no longer legit.
TV Show: It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
Billboard contestant: So, there's no pay?
Mac: I just told you what the pay was!
Frank: He told you what the goddamn pay was!
Mac: I just told you what the pay was!
Frank: He told you what the goddamn pay was!
TV Show: It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
Charlie: [singing] They took you, Night Man, and you don't belong to them. They left me in a world of darkness without your sexy hands, and I miss you, Night Man, so bad... [hits piano, starts mumbling] stupid! Can't write anything. [huffs spray paint]
Dennis: [Enters Charlie's apartment without knocking] Charlie, let's join forces.
Charlie: Hello, come right in!
Dennis: I will.
Charlie: What happened to your band?
Dennis: Kicked me out.
Charlie: [laughs] Well, it hurts, doesn't it?
Dennis: Hm. What's with the curtains?
Charlie: I'm living in a world of darkness.
Dennis: Right. Let's get some light in here. [pulls curtains off, filling room with light, notices Charlie's face] Whoa, what's with the spray paint, man?
Charlie: Uhh...what's with your outfit man? [Dennis is wearing spandex]
Dennis: Why don't we put the curtains back up...
Charlie: No, no...what is going on up here, man? [laughing]
Dennis: I never know, man.
Dennis: [Enters Charlie's apartment without knocking] Charlie, let's join forces.
Charlie: Hello, come right in!
Dennis: I will.
Charlie: What happened to your band?
Dennis: Kicked me out.
Charlie: [laughs] Well, it hurts, doesn't it?
Dennis: Hm. What's with the curtains?
Charlie: I'm living in a world of darkness.
Dennis: Right. Let's get some light in here. [pulls curtains off, filling room with light, notices Charlie's face] Whoa, what's with the spray paint, man?
Charlie: Uhh...what's with your outfit man? [Dennis is wearing spandex]
Dennis: Why don't we put the curtains back up...
Charlie: No, no...what is going on up here, man? [laughing]
Dennis: I never know, man.
TV Show: It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
Charlie: [singing] Day...Day Man...Fighter of the...Night Man...Champion of the..
Dennis: [also singing] ...Sun!
Charlie: You're the master of karate...
Dennis: And friendship! For everyone.
Charlie: Day Man...
Dennis: Oooh-ahhhhhh!
Charlie: Fighter of the Night Man...
Dennis: Oooh-ahhhhhh!
Charlie and Dennis: [together] Champion of the sun...oooh-ahhhhhh. You're the master of karate and friendship to everyone...
Dennis: [also singing] ...Sun!
Charlie: You're the master of karate...
Dennis: And friendship! For everyone.
Charlie: Day Man...
Dennis: Oooh-ahhhhhh!
Charlie: Fighter of the Night Man...
Dennis: Oooh-ahhhhhh!
Charlie and Dennis: [together] Champion of the sun...oooh-ahhhhhh. You're the master of karate and friendship to everyone...
TV Show: It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
Dee: Well, I just broke up with Kevin!
Mac: Dee, we're trying to practice!
Dee: I can't do it! I can't get it out of my head! I don't know if he's retarded or not, but I can't stop thinking about it!
Dennis: Dee, we're trying to have band practice here!
Dee: I mean, I was gonna ride this guy to the top, you know what I mean? He was gonna put me in one of his rap videos!
Dennis: Look, the guy's not retarded, okay?
(beat)
Dee: What?!
Dennis: Yeah, I was just saying that to mess with you.
Dee: Why? Why would you do something like that?
Dennis: I thought it'd be funny.
Dee: It's not funny! It's not funny at all! This guy's perfect for me, and you've gone and blown it! You've ruined everything! You are a bad, bad person.
(points at Dennis' jumpsuit)
Dee: Ewww, (trounces out)
Dennis: All right! Ready, guys?
Mac: So, that guy's not retarded?
Dennis: Oh no, he's totally retarded.
Mac: Dee, we're trying to practice!
Dee: I can't do it! I can't get it out of my head! I don't know if he's retarded or not, but I can't stop thinking about it!
Dennis: Dee, we're trying to have band practice here!
Dee: I mean, I was gonna ride this guy to the top, you know what I mean? He was gonna put me in one of his rap videos!
Dennis: Look, the guy's not retarded, okay?
(beat)
Dee: What?!
Dennis: Yeah, I was just saying that to mess with you.
Dee: Why? Why would you do something like that?
Dennis: I thought it'd be funny.
Dee: It's not funny! It's not funny at all! This guy's perfect for me, and you've gone and blown it! You've ruined everything! You are a bad, bad person.
(points at Dennis' jumpsuit)
Dee: Ewww, (trounces out)
Dennis: All right! Ready, guys?
Mac: So, that guy's not retarded?
Dennis: Oh no, he's totally retarded.
TV Show: It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
Lil' Kev: [rapping] Let me tell y'all a story bout a girl I knew,
A broke-ass bitch with a gay-ass crew.
She said that I was cute, she said that I was funny,
But the honey couldn't stop lookin' at my money,
Busted old lady with a flat tiny ass,
Body like a skeleton in science class,
Face beat up by the School of Hard Knocks,
Hair so fried and bleached by Clorox,
Its like she's skinny, fat in all the wrong places,
Mothers gotta cover they babies faces,
When she walks by people think she's Godzilla,
Straight outa Compton y'all, naw, straight outa Thrilla,
Lookin' like a zombie, walkin' like a chicken,
Mouth full of shit, that's why her breath be stinkin',
Just one question Dee, before you take your bow:
"This gravy train's leavin, so who's retarded now?"
A broke-ass bitch with a gay-ass crew.
She said that I was cute, she said that I was funny,
But the honey couldn't stop lookin' at my money,
Busted old lady with a flat tiny ass,
Body like a skeleton in science class,
Face beat up by the School of Hard Knocks,
Hair so fried and bleached by Clorox,
Its like she's skinny, fat in all the wrong places,
Mothers gotta cover they babies faces,
When she walks by people think she's Godzilla,
Straight outa Compton y'all, naw, straight outa Thrilla,
Lookin' like a zombie, walkin' like a chicken,
Mouth full of shit, that's why her breath be stinkin',
Just one question Dee, before you take your bow:
"This gravy train's leavin, so who's retarded now?"
TV Show: It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia