Family Guy Quotes
Jaws: Hey. I'm gonna eat 'cha. I'm gonna eat that hairy leg. I'm gonna eat that other one, too. I can see right up in them shorts. Got lots of rows of teeth to chew you with. Dun-na, Dun-na, Dun-na. Oh, I did eat a fat kid on a raft earlier. That's OK though, I have been swimming a lot. [eats the swimmers]
Jaws: . Yummy.
Jaws: . Yummy.
TV Show: Family Guy
News Reporter: Tom, tonight the stars are out for a special sneak preview of a straight to DVD feature that will soon be in the 3.99 bin at your local car wash!
TV Show: Family Guy
Olivia: You *are* the weakest link. Goodbye.
Stewie Griffin: Aha ha ha. Oh, gosh that's funny. That's really funny. Do you write your own material? Do you? Because that is so fresh. You are the weakest link goodbye. You know, I've never heard anyone make that joke before. Mmm. You're the first. I've never heard anyone reference, reference that outside the program before. Because that's what she says on the show right? Isn't it? You are the weakest link goodbye. And yet, you have taken that and used it out of context, to insult me in this everyday situation. God what a clever, smart girl you must be, to come up with a joke like that all by yourself. Mmm, that's so fresh too. Any titanic jokes you want to throw at me while we're hitting these at the height of their popularity? Hmm? Cause... I'm here. God you're SO funny.
Stewie Griffin: Aha ha ha. Oh, gosh that's funny. That's really funny. Do you write your own material? Do you? Because that is so fresh. You are the weakest link goodbye. You know, I've never heard anyone make that joke before. Mmm. You're the first. I've never heard anyone reference, reference that outside the program before. Because that's what she says on the show right? Isn't it? You are the weakest link goodbye. And yet, you have taken that and used it out of context, to insult me in this everyday situation. God what a clever, smart girl you must be, to come up with a joke like that all by yourself. Mmm, that's so fresh too. Any titanic jokes you want to throw at me while we're hitting these at the height of their popularity? Hmm? Cause... I'm here. God you're SO funny.
TV Show: Family Guy
Peter Griffin: Lois, come see what I did with the money your dad gave me.
Lois Griffin: Oh my God. You turned the den into Pee-Wee's Playhouse?
Peter Griffin: [singing] Come on, get up / Knock off your napping / It's a crazy, messed up place where anything can happen / There's a chair that freakin' talks. Hey look! / There's some fish that give advice. Holy crap / It's screwey at Peter's Playhouse. Ha ha ha. Watch this, Lois. [imitates Pee-Wee]
Peter Griffin: Hewy Jambi.
Brian Griffin: [as Jambi the Genie] Mekka-lekka-hi, mekka-hinie - God, I hate you so much.
Lois Griffin: Peter, that reparation money should be going to worthy black charity.
Peter Griffin: Lois, the King of Cartoons will be here in 5 minutes. I will not have you embarrass me.
Lois Griffin: Peter, you're acting ridiculous.
Peter Griffin: [everyone screams, Ridiculous flashes at the bottom of the screen] You said the secret word!
Lois Griffin: Oh my God. You turned the den into Pee-Wee's Playhouse?
Peter Griffin: [singing] Come on, get up / Knock off your napping / It's a crazy, messed up place where anything can happen / There's a chair that freakin' talks. Hey look! / There's some fish that give advice. Holy crap / It's screwey at Peter's Playhouse. Ha ha ha. Watch this, Lois. [imitates Pee-Wee]
Peter Griffin: Hewy Jambi.
Brian Griffin: [as Jambi the Genie] Mekka-lekka-hi, mekka-hinie - God, I hate you so much.
Lois Griffin: Peter, that reparation money should be going to worthy black charity.
Peter Griffin: Lois, the King of Cartoons will be here in 5 minutes. I will not have you embarrass me.
Lois Griffin: Peter, you're acting ridiculous.
Peter Griffin: [everyone screams, Ridiculous flashes at the bottom of the screen] You said the secret word!
TV Show: Family Guy
Peter Griffin: If you could be stranded on a desert island with any woman in the world, who would it be?
Glen Quagmire: Taylor Hanson.
Joe Swanson: Taylor Hanson is a guy.
Glen Quagmire: [Laughs] You guys are yankin' me. Hey, let's put one over on Quagmire.
Peter Griffin: No, he's actually a guy, Quagmire.
Glen Quagmire: What? That's insane. That's impossible. [pause]
Glen Quagmire: Oh god. Oh my god. I've got all these magazines. Oh god.
Glen Quagmire: Taylor Hanson.
Joe Swanson: Taylor Hanson is a guy.
Glen Quagmire: [Laughs] You guys are yankin' me. Hey, let's put one over on Quagmire.
Peter Griffin: No, he's actually a guy, Quagmire.
Glen Quagmire: What? That's insane. That's impossible. [pause]
Glen Quagmire: Oh god. Oh my god. I've got all these magazines. Oh god.
TV Show: Family Guy
Tom Tucker: Due to an accident today at the Quahog Cable Company, all television transmissions will be out for an undetermined ammount of time. Of course no one can see this news program so it doesn't really matter what we say. I'm the lord Jesus Christ. I think I'll go get drunk and beat up some midgets. How about you, Diane?
Diane Simmons: Well Tom, I just plain don't like black people. [they laugh]
Cameraman: You guys, we're still on in Boston. [Tom and Diane stare in horror]
Diane Simmons: Well Tom, I just plain don't like black people. [they laugh]
Cameraman: You guys, we're still on in Boston. [Tom and Diane stare in horror]
TV Show: Family Guy
Family Guy and all related characters, episodes and quotes are a copyright of 20th Century FOX. The users, editors, administrators, nor founders of the Wikimedia Foundation DO NOT claim ownership nor authorship of the contents on this page. The contents of this page are meant for reference purposes only. Neither Wikiquote nor its parent company, The Wikimedia Foundation, have any affiliation with 20th Century FOX, or its parent company, News Corp, in any way, shape, or form.
TV Show: Family Guy
Gold represents Volume 1
Turquoise represents Volume 2
Orange represents Volume 3
Green represents Volume 4
Red represents Volume 5
Blue represents Volume 6
Yellow represents Volume 7
Grey represents Volume 8
Black represents individual releases
Turquoise represents Volume 2
Orange represents Volume 3
Green represents Volume 4
Red represents Volume 5
Blue represents Volume 6
Yellow represents Volume 7
Grey represents Volume 8
Black represents individual releases
TV Show: Family Guy
Herbert: Get your fat ass back here.
Herbert: hmmm
Herbert: Hey there little boy, you want a Popsicle?
Herbert: I got a freezer full of Popsicles!
Herbert: hmmm
Herbert: Hey there little boy, you want a Popsicle?
Herbert: I got a freezer full of Popsicles!
TV Show: Family Guy
Family Guy and all related characters, episodes and quotes are a copyright of 20th Century FOX. The users, editors, administrators, nor founders of the Wikimedia Foundation DO NOT claim ownership nor authorship of the contents on this page. The contents of this page are meant for reference proposes only. Wikiquote, nor it's parent company, The Wikimedia Foundation, has no affiliation to 20th Century FOX, or it's parent company, News Corp, in any way, shape, or form.
TV Show: Family Guy
[Family is sitting at Table. After Apocalypse. Eating eggs on random pieces of metal]
Lois Griffin: It's Ok. Right before the Apocalypse, Peter bought a year's worth of food. [Camera Goes to Peter. He's just finishing off the last of the food]
Lois Griffin: PETER. You just finished off a years supply of food.
Peter Griffin: What a waste. I'm still hungry. [Peter drinks a glass of water and gets really bloated]
Peter Griffin: Everyone leave. I have to poop. [Everyone looks at him]
Peter Griffin: NOW.
Lois Griffin: It's Ok. Right before the Apocalypse, Peter bought a year's worth of food. [Camera Goes to Peter. He's just finishing off the last of the food]
Lois Griffin: PETER. You just finished off a years supply of food.
Peter Griffin: What a waste. I'm still hungry. [Peter drinks a glass of water and gets really bloated]
Peter Griffin: Everyone leave. I have to poop. [Everyone looks at him]
Peter Griffin: NOW.
TV Show: Family Guy
[Family is talking about Peter's Drinking problem]
Brian Griffin: And remember the time when you had an Irish Coffee before we went to see "Philadelphia"? [Shows them in a movie theater]
Peter Griffin: Ah, yeah. It's the guy from "Big". Tom Hanks Everything he says is a Riot.
Tom Hanks: I have AIDS. [Peter starts laughing uncontrollably]
Brian Griffin: And remember the time when you had an Irish Coffee before we went to see "Philadelphia"? [Shows them in a movie theater]
Peter Griffin: Ah, yeah. It's the guy from "Big". Tom Hanks Everything he says is a Riot.
Tom Hanks: I have AIDS. [Peter starts laughing uncontrollably]
TV Show: Family Guy
[Family is trying to hide from mobsters]
Peter Griffin: Don't worry, I got it all worked out. We'll move to England, huh? Worst they got there is, you know, drive-by... arguments... [Meanwhile, in England]
Englishman: I say, Jeremy, isn't that Reginald B. Stifworth, the young upstart chap who's been touting the merits of a united European commonwealth?
Jeremy: Why yes, I daresay it is.
Englishman: Oh, let's get him. [They drive up]
Englishman: Oh Reginald... I disagree. [drives off]
Peter Griffin: Don't worry, I got it all worked out. We'll move to England, huh? Worst they got there is, you know, drive-by... arguments... [Meanwhile, in England]
Englishman: I say, Jeremy, isn't that Reginald B. Stifworth, the young upstart chap who's been touting the merits of a united European commonwealth?
Jeremy: Why yes, I daresay it is.
Englishman: Oh, let's get him. [They drive up]
Englishman: Oh Reginald... I disagree. [drives off]
TV Show: Family Guy
[Hanson has showed up, asking to use the phone]
Peter Griffin: Oh my god. It's the Children of the Corn.
Peter Griffin: Oh my god. It's the Children of the Corn.
TV Show: Family Guy