It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia Quotes
(Dennis is walking through the fair while pushing an old lady in a wheelchair.)
Gladys: What's happening?
Dennis: Well, Gladys, we are at a fair, and you're going to pretend to be my grandmother.
Gladys: My grandmother had an affair with Susan B. Anthony.
Gladys: What's happening?
Dennis: Well, Gladys, we are at a fair, and you're going to pretend to be my grandmother.
Gladys: My grandmother had an affair with Susan B. Anthony.
TV Show: It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
Frank: See, I would have gone in and bought a box of magnum condoms, thus demonstrating I have a monster dong.
Dennis: Right, that comes off a little bit desperate, Frank.
Dennis: Right, that comes off a little bit desperate, Frank.
TV Show: It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
Frank: I got my magnum condoms and a wad of hundreds; I'm ready to plow!
TV Show: It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
Dennis: You mean to tell me you got you face painted like a god damn frog person with no ulterior motive?
Ben: I'm a lizard!
Ben: I'm a lizard!
TV Show: It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
Dennis: D: Demonstrate Value
Dennis: E: Engage Physically
Dennis: N: Nurture Dependence
Dennis: N: Neglect Emotionally
Dennis: I: Inspire Hope
Dennis: S: Separate Entirely
Dennis: E: Engage Physically
Dennis: N: Nurture Dependence
Dennis: N: Neglect Emotionally
Dennis: I: Inspire Hope
Dennis: S: Separate Entirely
TV Show: It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
Dennis: What are you doing here?
Mac: Oh, I'm doing the MAC.
Dennis: The MAC?
Mac: Yeah, The MAC: Move in After Completion.
Mac: Oh, I'm doing the MAC.
Dennis: The MAC?
Mac: Yeah, The MAC: Move in After Completion.
TV Show: It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
Charlie: What if he can smell crime??
Mac: ...what if he smells crime?
Charlie: Dude dude dude dude dude dude dude! What if he can smell crime before it even happens?
Mac: Holy shit dude, that's amazing! Smells crime before it even happens! Yes, dude!
Charlie: WHAT IF HIS ENTIRE HEAD IS JUST ONE BIG NOSE! Write that down, I like that.
Mac: (Disappointed and looking down) Ah, shit....
Mac: ...what if he smells crime?
Charlie: Dude dude dude dude dude dude dude! What if he can smell crime before it even happens?
Mac: Holy shit dude, that's amazing! Smells crime before it even happens! Yes, dude!
Charlie: WHAT IF HIS ENTIRE HEAD IS JUST ONE BIG NOSE! Write that down, I like that.
Mac: (Disappointed and looking down) Ah, shit....
TV Show: It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
Dennis: And then he smells crime again, he's out busting heads. Then he's back to the lab for some more full penetration. Smells crime. Back to the lab, full penetration. Crime. Penetration. Crime. Full penetration. Crime. Penetration. And this goes on and on and back and forth for 90 or so minutes until the movie just sort of ends.
(pause for 7 seconds whilst Dennis seeks comments from the gang)
Frank: That is brilliant, that is the most brilliant movie I've ever heard in my life!
Charlie: I think the audience is gonna be very uncomfortable seeing Dolph Lundgren's naked penis going in to this young girl that you're talking about.
Dennis: Yeah, just to be clear though, I don't care either way.
(pause for 7 seconds whilst Dennis seeks comments from the gang)
Frank: That is brilliant, that is the most brilliant movie I've ever heard in my life!
Charlie: I think the audience is gonna be very uncomfortable seeing Dolph Lundgren's naked penis going in to this young girl that you're talking about.
Dennis: Yeah, just to be clear though, I don't care either way.
TV Show: It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
Frank: I'm doing this jerk-off's taxes. Next year, the IRS will audit the piss out of him!
TV Show: It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
Charlie: I'll pull a Good Will Hunting. (To the frat boys) What's your major dude?
Frat Boy: Economics
Charlie: (In Boston accent) Oh, I bet you read a lotta Gordon Wood, huh? You read your Gordon Wood and you regurgitate it from a textbook and you think you're wicked awesome doin' that, And how 'bout 'dem apples? And all that Gordon Wood business.
Frat Boy: I have no idea what you're talking about.
Other Frat Boy: You are an idiot.
Mac: You are an idiot.
Charlie: Does no one know who Gordon Wood is?
Frat Boy: Economics
Charlie: (In Boston accent) Oh, I bet you read a lotta Gordon Wood, huh? You read your Gordon Wood and you regurgitate it from a textbook and you think you're wicked awesome doin' that, And how 'bout 'dem apples? And all that Gordon Wood business.
Frat Boy: I have no idea what you're talking about.
Other Frat Boy: You are an idiot.
Mac: You are an idiot.
Charlie: Does no one know who Gordon Wood is?
TV Show: It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
Mac: Based off the story you just told me Charlie.......I believe those Santas were running a train on your mom.....based off that story you just told me.
TV Show: It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
Dennis: You know guys, I think this means that we've been relying on our parents too much, and we need to stick together and make our own Christmas good!
Mac: Dude you're right! Listen I got something to do, but we're gonna do it together!
Mac: Dude you're right! Listen I got something to do, but we're gonna do it together!
TV Show: It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
Frank: Well what about me?
Dennis: Oh you can go fuck yourself in your fat fucking ass.
Dennis: Oh you can go fuck yourself in your fat fucking ass.
TV Show: It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
Charlie: ...Did you fuck my mom?
Santa: Uhh..
Charlie: Did you fuck my mom, Santa Claus? Did you fuck my mom? Did you fuck her? DID YOU FUCK MY FUCKING MOM? DID YOU FUCK MY MOM, SANTA?
Mac: Charlie what the hell?
Santa: Uhh..
Charlie: Did you fuck my mom, Santa Claus? Did you fuck my mom? Did you fuck her? DID YOU FUCK MY FUCKING MOM? DID YOU FUCK MY MOM, SANTA?
Mac: Charlie what the hell?
TV Show: It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
Charlie: DID YOU FUCKING FUCK MY FUCKING MOM?!?!?! AHH!!! ('Starts to bite Santa's neck)
TV Show: It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
Kids: Mommy!!
Mac: Oh shit, are you..? Oh shit we gotta go Charlie we gotta go!
Charlie: (Blood on his mouth dripping onto Santa) Fuck my mom?!
Mac: C'mon man!!
Charlie: (Getting dragged away by Mac) DID YOU FUCK MY MOM?! DID YOU FUCKING FUCK MY MOM?!? DID YOU?! AHHH! FUCK MY MOM?!
Mac: Oh shit, are you..? Oh shit we gotta go Charlie we gotta go!
Charlie: (Blood on his mouth dripping onto Santa) Fuck my mom?!
Mac: C'mon man!!
Charlie: (Getting dragged away by Mac) DID YOU FUCK MY MOM?! DID YOU FUCKING FUCK MY MOM?!? DID YOU?! AHHH! FUCK MY MOM?!
TV Show: It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
Mac: Where's our bible?
Dee: Seriously..
Mac: God damnit Dee, where is our bible?!
Frank: This is a bar!
Dee: Seriously..
Mac: God damnit Dee, where is our bible?!
Frank: This is a bar!
TV Show: It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
Uncle Jack: Now this guy seems to think you don't have a case...and I'm inclined to agree with him!
TV Show: It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
Uncle Jack: Hey Mac, do you mind snapping a photo of us for the website? Now, and could you just put your hands over my hands, so they look like my hands?
TV Show: It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
Dennis: The whole purpose of buying the boat in the first place was to get the ladies nice and tipsy top side, so we can take them to a nice comfortable place below deck, and you know, they can't refuse...because of the implication.
Mac: Okay you had me goin' there for the first half. The second half kinda threw me.
Dennis: Well dude, think about it. She's out in the middle of nowhere, with some dude she barely knows. She looks around and what does she see? Nothing but open ocean. "Ah there's nowhere for me to run! What am I gonna do, say no?"
Mac: Okay. That seems really dark.
Dennis: It's not dark, you're misunderstanding me, bro.
Mac: I think I am.
Dennis: Yeah, you are. Because if the girl said 'no', then the answer is obviously 'no'. But the thing is she is not gonna say no. She would never say 'no', because of the implication.
Mac: Ok, now that's the second time you've said that word, what implication?
Dennis: The implication that things might go wrong for her if she refuses to sleep with me. Not that things are gonna go wrong for her, but she's thinking that they will.
Mac: ... But it sounds like she doesn't want to have sex with you..
Dennis: Why aren't you understanding this?
Mac: Okay you had me goin' there for the first half. The second half kinda threw me.
Dennis: Well dude, think about it. She's out in the middle of nowhere, with some dude she barely knows. She looks around and what does she see? Nothing but open ocean. "Ah there's nowhere for me to run! What am I gonna do, say no?"
Mac: Okay. That seems really dark.
Dennis: It's not dark, you're misunderstanding me, bro.
Mac: I think I am.
Dennis: Yeah, you are. Because if the girl said 'no', then the answer is obviously 'no'. But the thing is she is not gonna say no. She would never say 'no', because of the implication.
Mac: Ok, now that's the second time you've said that word, what implication?
Dennis: The implication that things might go wrong for her if she refuses to sleep with me. Not that things are gonna go wrong for her, but she's thinking that they will.
Mac: ... But it sounds like she doesn't want to have sex with you..
Dennis: Why aren't you understanding this?
TV Show: It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
Mac: Let's talk needs first. Now I have the need for speed. It's very important, it's inherent, there is nothing I can do about it. So speed is a must.
Dennis: Absolutely, but we are also looking to entertain guests on this boat.
Mac: Yeah, we're gonna throw some P-Diddy style parties up on the deck.
Charlie: Can we talk shrimp for a minute. I'd like the boat to be able to haul in a tremendous amount of shrimp. Sort of a Forrest Gump amount of shrimp.
Mac: You should be writing this down.
Dennis: Why are you not writing this down?
Boat Salesman: Let me just see if i have this right here. Correct me if I'm wrong. It seems like what you guys are looking for P. Diddy style of shrimping vessel.
Charlie: You're a really good listener and I didn't peg you for one when we came in here because of the pinky ring.
Dennis: Absolutely, but we are also looking to entertain guests on this boat.
Mac: Yeah, we're gonna throw some P-Diddy style parties up on the deck.
Charlie: Can we talk shrimp for a minute. I'd like the boat to be able to haul in a tremendous amount of shrimp. Sort of a Forrest Gump amount of shrimp.
Mac: You should be writing this down.
Dennis: Why are you not writing this down?
Boat Salesman: Let me just see if i have this right here. Correct me if I'm wrong. It seems like what you guys are looking for P. Diddy style of shrimping vessel.
Charlie: You're a really good listener and I didn't peg you for one when we came in here because of the pinky ring.
TV Show: It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
Charlie: (Concerned) What the hell happened down there; some kind of horse massacre?
TV Show: It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
Charlie: You keep on using this word "jabroni" and... it's awesome.
TV Show: It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
Radio host: Please don't curse.
Mac: You can't censor me bro, I'm kind of a bad ass.
Mac: You can't censor me bro, I'm kind of a bad ass.
TV Show: It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
Radio host: "Reggie Leech" is... the correct answer!
Charlie: AAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH!
Charlie: AAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH!
TV Show: It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia