The Venture Bros. Quotes
When Dr. Venture finally succeeds in attaining the holy grail of superscience, the revivification of a human corpse for fun and profit, a washed up gang of wandering former teen sleuths is convinced that the Venture Compound is haunted. Their investigation uncovers something far creepier. Meanwhile, Orpheus shepherds Brock through a crisis of conscience with the help of a New Age shaman and a bizarre tea party.
[A POV shot of a Monarch Henchman's goggles. A strike force assembles by a crevasse near the Venture Compound]
#21: (to the POV) Hello, Texas! Ya staying frosty?
[POV nods in agreement]
#21: Better get your game face on, 'cause that's the Venture Compound over there! Yeah, we lost a lot of good men trying to take that place...
[#24 appears]
#24: 21! Why are you wasting your time talking to the new meat? 9 in 10 don't even last a month.
[A POV shot of a Monarch Henchman's goggles. A strike force assembles by a crevasse near the Venture Compound]
#21: (to the POV) Hello, Texas! Ya staying frosty?
[POV nods in agreement]
#21: Better get your game face on, 'cause that's the Venture Compound over there! Yeah, we lost a lot of good men trying to take that place...
[#24 appears]
#24: 21! Why are you wasting your time talking to the new meat? 9 in 10 don't even last a month.
TV Show: The Venture Bros.
Dr. Orpheus: [To Brock] Ah, but we two souls have shared a cheese sandwich more than twice!
TV Show: The Venture Bros.
Ted: Darn! Out of gas. (notices Venture Industries) Hey gang! Dig this!! Looks like some sort of secret, abandoned military base!
Val: Patriarchal white pig square's nest.
Ted: Far out, Val. But something's fishy in the state of Denmark. I can feel a mystery coming on!
Patty: Ted, you said I could see my parents.
Ted: This was on the way, Patty.
Patty: We've been driving to my parents' house for ten years. You promised.
Ted: Patty, being out of your box isn't a right, it's a privilege. Baby, you don't wanna go back in your box, do you?
Patty: No!
Val: Patriarchal white pig square's nest.
Ted: Far out, Val. But something's fishy in the state of Denmark. I can feel a mystery coming on!
Patty: Ted, you said I could see my parents.
Ted: This was on the way, Patty.
Patty: We've been driving to my parents' house for ten years. You promised.
Ted: Patty, being out of your box isn't a right, it's a privilege. Baby, you don't wanna go back in your box, do you?
Patty: No!
TV Show: The Venture Bros.
Dr. Orpheus: [with dramatic flourish] Who is Hector Molina?! And why do they keep sending me his Junk Mail?!?
Ted: Head's up, kids! Think we may have stumbled unto a Dracula factory!
Ted: Head's up, kids! Think we may have stumbled unto a Dracula factory!
TV Show: The Venture Bros.
Ted: (after seeing Venturestein) Correction! Dracula-Frankenstein factory!
TV Show: The Venture Bros.
Dr. Orpheus: Don Rio is a transcendent multidimensional genius, Brock. His every word an onion of infinite leaf! His every Pearl - [Vomits into a bucket] - Oh. Yes. This is coming on now.
TV Show: The Venture Bros.
Brock: Hey, you know what? I think I... I feel a little bad about killing that guy.
Dr. Orpheus: [Brock's POV, he is shimmering wildly as Brock begins to hallucinate] Yeees, my friend, a splendid first step indee- [vomits again]
Dr. Orpheus: [Brock's POV, he is shimmering wildly as Brock begins to hallucinate] Yeees, my friend, a splendid first step indee- [vomits again]
TV Show: The Venture Bros.
Ted: C'mon, Sonny. Mystery.
Sonny: Fuck your mystery, man...I...I'm sick!
Ted: [holds up a prescription bottle] Sonny... bet you'll come out for some Groovy Treats.
[Sonny scrambles out of the Mystery Van and falls in the mud, to the amusement of the gang]
Sonny: Fuck your mystery, man...I...I'm sick!
Ted: [holds up a prescription bottle] Sonny... bet you'll come out for some Groovy Treats.
[Sonny scrambles out of the Mystery Van and falls in the mud, to the amusement of the gang]
TV Show: The Venture Bros.
Dean: Why do we have to eat breakfast with your dead guy?
Dr. Venture: Venturestein's been through a lot, Dean.
Hank: Venturestein!
Dr. Venture: You like that?
Hank: Sure do, Pop!
Dr. Venture: Good boy, Hank. Dean, right now Hank is better than you.
Dr. Venture: Venturestein's been through a lot, Dean.
Hank: Venturestein!
Dr. Venture: You like that?
Hank: Sure do, Pop!
Dr. Venture: Good boy, Hank. Dean, right now Hank is better than you.
TV Show: The Venture Bros.
Brock: It's bad, Doc, real bad. The boys saw their own clones. Think they're in some kind of... saw your own clone...coma.
TV Show: The Venture Bros.
Dr. Venture: More power! I must have more power! Look Brock, his fingers! They're twitching!
Brock: Yeah, well, a stiff will do that if you shove a gigavolt up its ass.
Dr. Venture: : No, he's alive! ALIVE I tell you!
Brock: Uh, sure Doc.
Brock: Yeah, well, a stiff will do that if you shove a gigavolt up its ass.
Dr. Venture: : No, he's alive! ALIVE I tell you!
Brock: Uh, sure Doc.
TV Show: The Venture Bros.
Hank: Hey Pop, why's the top of that guy's head black?
Dr. Venture: Not black, Hank! African American. The top of that guy's head is African American.
Dean: Dad, why's the top of this guy's head African American?
Dr. Venture: Because Brock caved in his original cranium and I had to use whatever fits.
Dr. Venture: Not black, Hank! African American. The top of that guy's head is African American.
Dean: Dad, why's the top of this guy's head African American?
Dr. Venture: Because Brock caved in his original cranium and I had to use whatever fits.
TV Show: The Venture Bros.
Patty: I don't know about this, Ted...
Ted: Patty, if God didn't want us to solve this mystery, he wouldn't have had us run out of gas here.
Patty: But...what's the mystery?
Sonny: Hey, y'know, we're not out of gas, man...We got a five gallon tank in the back of the...
Ted: [hits Sonny] Why do you hate God so much?
Sonny: I don't hate God, man...
Ted: Well, God thinks you hate him, and that's just as bad as hating him. So how about you and Groovy go and start looking for some clues!
Sonny: Clues to what? What is your trip?
Ted: [Upbeat] Clues to why I don't chain you to the back of my van and road haul you until you're nothing but a pelvis - wearing a belt!
Groovy the Bloodhound: Guy's pissin' on your lawn, man.
Ted: Patty, if God didn't want us to solve this mystery, he wouldn't have had us run out of gas here.
Patty: But...what's the mystery?
Sonny: Hey, y'know, we're not out of gas, man...We got a five gallon tank in the back of the...
Ted: [hits Sonny] Why do you hate God so much?
Sonny: I don't hate God, man...
Ted: Well, God thinks you hate him, and that's just as bad as hating him. So how about you and Groovy go and start looking for some clues!
Sonny: Clues to what? What is your trip?
Ted: [Upbeat] Clues to why I don't chain you to the back of my van and road haul you until you're nothing but a pelvis - wearing a belt!
Groovy the Bloodhound: Guy's pissin' on your lawn, man.
TV Show: The Venture Bros.
Groovy the Bloodhound: Painted lips!... School-girl outfits!... And zer pretty hair, Sonny... zer hair needs to be punished, Sonny...
Sonny: Would ya give it a rest, Grooves?
Groovy the Bloodhound: Start doing zer Master's bidding! Yer already filthy wiz wrath and sin!
Sonny: Would ya give it a rest, Grooves?
Groovy the Bloodhound: Start doing zer Master's bidding! Yer already filthy wiz wrath and sin!
TV Show: The Venture Bros.
[Upon discovering the room filled with slug clones of the Venture Brothers]
Ted: You're not ghosts! You're the fucking Boys from Brazil!
Ted: You're not ghosts! You're the fucking Boys from Brazil!
TV Show: The Venture Bros.
The Monarch finally (for like the fourth time) has Team Venture in his clutches at the one time he doesn’t want them – smack dab in the middle of the social event of the supervillain season. The stage is set for a deadly, ultimate showdown between The Monarch and Phantom Limb for the hand of Dr. Girlfriend.
TV Show: The Venture Bros.
Dr. Venture: Brock, I need dead people. Lots and lots of dead people.
Brock: Uh-huh.
Dr. Venture: Now I've already got 12 from the henchmen you killed, not counting the black guy without the head, but we need like, uh, 100 something. We need like a full gross of dead people.
Brock: Right, and, uh... where are we gonna get all these dead people?
Dr. Venture: Well, I thought, seeing as you are... you know, you and all, I thought maybe... you could go out and--
Brock: No.
Dr. Venture: --make some...
Brock: No.
Dr. Venture: ...dead people.
Brock: No.
Dr. Venture: Well, fine. Thanks a lot for not helping.
Brock: Anything else?
Dr. Venture: HELP ME GET DEAD PEOPLE!
Brock: Uh-huh.
Dr. Venture: Now I've already got 12 from the henchmen you killed, not counting the black guy without the head, but we need like, uh, 100 something. We need like a full gross of dead people.
Brock: Right, and, uh... where are we gonna get all these dead people?
Dr. Venture: Well, I thought, seeing as you are... you know, you and all, I thought maybe... you could go out and--
Brock: No.
Dr. Venture: --make some...
Brock: No.
Dr. Venture: ...dead people.
Brock: No.
Dr. Venture: Well, fine. Thanks a lot for not helping.
Brock: Anything else?
Dr. Venture: HELP ME GET DEAD PEOPLE!
TV Show: The Venture Bros.
Dr. Orpheus: Ah, Mr. Venture. I caught you.
Dr. Venture: (unenthusiastic) Yay.
Dr. Orpheus: As per our landlord tenant agreement I've come to inform you of a small gathering I will host from, say, 5 in the post meridian until, question mark.
Dr. Venture: Whatever. Knock yourself out.
Dr. Venture: (unenthusiastic) Yay.
Dr. Orpheus: As per our landlord tenant agreement I've come to inform you of a small gathering I will host from, say, 5 in the post meridian until, question mark.
Dr. Venture: Whatever. Knock yourself out.
TV Show: The Venture Bros.
Dr. Orpheus: [Referring to Venturestein] Is that man dead?
Dr. Venture: Uh, no.
Dr. Orpheus: Once again Mr. Venture you cut decency to the quick and leave her to die in prostitute ally!
Venturestein: Prostituuuutes!
Dr. Venture: Uh, no.
Dr. Orpheus: Once again Mr. Venture you cut decency to the quick and leave her to die in prostitute ally!
Venturestein: Prostituuuutes!
TV Show: The Venture Bros.
Brock: Why's he gotta cry like that?
Hank: I think you scare him.
Brock: Well, I'm not the one who froze his corpse or nuked him back from the Great Beyond to be a half-dead short bus seat warmer.
Dr. Venture: But you did kill him. And then when I unkilled him you kind of did it again.
Hank: You hit him so hard he has an afro now!
Hank: I think you scare him.
Brock: Well, I'm not the one who froze his corpse or nuked him back from the Great Beyond to be a half-dead short bus seat warmer.
Dr. Venture: But you did kill him. And then when I unkilled him you kind of did it again.
Hank: You hit him so hard he has an afro now!
TV Show: The Venture Bros.
Brock: Yeah, he was just this guy... guy in a butterfly suit who got in over his head. And I could see it in his eyes that if I let him get away this one time he'd never come back...but then, I also thought...y'know...Kill 'im. What kind of way is that ta -
Shaman: Quanto! (Begins to Mumble)
Shaman's Interpreter: Wuh - one time, I am in the Amazon, on my canoe, and I see, swim, the dolphin, the, uh, the beautiful dolphin, so I slip out of my canoe, and I grab her, this...fish...(Shaman mimes a penis penetrating a vagina, placing one finger through two looped together)...and, uh, then I fucked it... the fish!
Brock: The Hell's that got to with anything?
Shaman: Kayho Hadaile!
Shaman's Interpreter: Hot dolphin!
Brock: [suddenly realizing] You're an idiot!
Shaman: Quanto! (Begins to Mumble)
Shaman's Interpreter: Wuh - one time, I am in the Amazon, on my canoe, and I see, swim, the dolphin, the, uh, the beautiful dolphin, so I slip out of my canoe, and I grab her, this...fish...(Shaman mimes a penis penetrating a vagina, placing one finger through two looped together)...and, uh, then I fucked it... the fish!
Brock: The Hell's that got to with anything?
Shaman: Kayho Hadaile!
Shaman's Interpreter: Hot dolphin!
Brock: [suddenly realizing] You're an idiot!
TV Show: The Venture Bros.
Dolphin: You see, Brock Samson, we're all one. We all share the same need for shelter, warmth, fulfillment. The secret of happiness lies not in conquest, but in empathy.
[The dolphin is speared in the back and ripped out from under Brock, then drawn up into the belly button of what appears to be a very large and very naked woman, though her face is obscured]
Brock: Wooooaaah. Better dolphin!
[The 'Woman' Leans forward, revealing 'Her' true face]
Col. Hunter Gathers: Samson!!
Brock: Hunter?!
Hunter: What is all this namby-pamby feel bad about good wet work bullshit?! You're beyond good and evil, Superman! You work for the government.
Brock: What about uhhh, humanity and empathy and all that garbage?
Hunter: Who cares? You're going to special ops heaven.
Brock: Really?
Hunter: Really! And it's god damned great! [He flies upwards, clutching Brock to him] The G-Man Valhalla! There's trim and guns everywhere. And we eat steak flavored clouds and poop secrets!
Brock: [Hugging one of Hunter's gigantic Breasts] But you're not even dead. You're a woman!
Hunter: And you're a tool, boy, a tool! Built for a single purpose by the United States of shut your third god damned eye for a good fucking reason! You can't teach a hammer to love nails, son. That dog don't hunt!
[Brock awakens]
Brock: DON'T! HUNT!
[The dolphin is speared in the back and ripped out from under Brock, then drawn up into the belly button of what appears to be a very large and very naked woman, though her face is obscured]
Brock: Wooooaaah. Better dolphin!
[The 'Woman' Leans forward, revealing 'Her' true face]
Col. Hunter Gathers: Samson!!
Brock: Hunter?!
Hunter: What is all this namby-pamby feel bad about good wet work bullshit?! You're beyond good and evil, Superman! You work for the government.
Brock: What about uhhh, humanity and empathy and all that garbage?
Hunter: Who cares? You're going to special ops heaven.
Brock: Really?
Hunter: Really! And it's god damned great! [He flies upwards, clutching Brock to him] The G-Man Valhalla! There's trim and guns everywhere. And we eat steak flavored clouds and poop secrets!
Brock: [Hugging one of Hunter's gigantic Breasts] But you're not even dead. You're a woman!
Hunter: And you're a tool, boy, a tool! Built for a single purpose by the United States of shut your third god damned eye for a good fucking reason! You can't teach a hammer to love nails, son. That dog don't hunt!
[Brock awakens]
Brock: DON'T! HUNT!
TV Show: The Venture Bros.
[The Groovy Gang are fleeing Venturestein when they run into Brock]
Ted: NO! Another one!
Brock: DON'T HUNT!
Ted: Not so fast, los—[Brock grabs his arm] Don't shoot me!
Sonny: Mine is the sword of Michael! [the gun fires, shooting Sonny] I'm bleeding all over!
[Brock head butts Ted, killing him]
Sonny: [dying] I'm so cold, man...I'm so fuckin' cold.
Ted: NO! Another one!
Brock: DON'T HUNT!
Ted: Not so fast, los—[Brock grabs his arm] Don't shoot me!
Sonny: Mine is the sword of Michael! [the gun fires, shooting Sonny] I'm bleeding all over!
[Brock head butts Ted, killing him]
Sonny: [dying] I'm so cold, man...I'm so fuckin' cold.
TV Show: The Venture Bros.
Val: The few remaining men will exist as studs, breeding in the cow pasture. Or they could go off to the nearest suicide center where they'll be quietly gassed to death.
Ted: Come on, guys!
[Val gropes Patty’s breasts]
Patty: Val, don’t.
Ted: Come on, guys!
[Val gropes Patty’s breasts]
Patty: Val, don’t.
TV Show: The Venture Bros.
Dr. Girlfriend: All right, I knew you couldn't handle this! It's crazy. We've been meeting in this crappy hotel, like, three times a week and it's going nowhere!
The Monarch: Alright fine, I'll do Thursdays too. But only for, like, an hour. Which means we have to get right to the dirty deed! I give you permission to begin without me!
Dr. Girlfriend: (sarcastically) Oh, gee, thanks. Look, I keep coming home with welts on my neck and the "I got jumped by a flying squid" excuse is starting to get Phantom Limb a wee bit suspicious.
The Monarch: Screw Phantom Limb! No, wait. No, don't!
The Monarch: Alright fine, I'll do Thursdays too. But only for, like, an hour. Which means we have to get right to the dirty deed! I give you permission to begin without me!
Dr. Girlfriend: (sarcastically) Oh, gee, thanks. Look, I keep coming home with welts on my neck and the "I got jumped by a flying squid" excuse is starting to get Phantom Limb a wee bit suspicious.
The Monarch: Screw Phantom Limb! No, wait. No, don't!
TV Show: The Venture Bros.
The Monarch: Marry me!
Dr. Girlfriend: You being serious?
The Monarch: Deadly serious.
Dr. Girlfriend: (dramatic pause) Yes.
The Monarch: Good! Done! Now get your ass back in that bed!
Dr. Girlfriend: But we need to make some ground rules first! (brings out a list) 1: No more of this "I need my space, you're crowding me" crap!
The Monarch: Fine, whatever. Wh... Where were you hiding that list?
Dr. Girlfriend: 2: I'm not your "number 2." I'm your partner.
The Monarch: Okay! I'll get you a crown or something. Anything else on that magic and probably moist list of yours?
Dr. Girlfriend: Yes! Number 3: This whole "Dr. Venture" thing is over!
The Monarch: Yes! We kill him once and for all!!! And we shall make slave of his sons and a lamp from the flesh of Brock Samson!
Dr. Girlfriend: NO! I want you to give up this insane grudge you have on Dr. Venture once and for all.
The Monarch: No way! Dr. Venture is my sworn enemy!
Dr. Girlfriend: Oh, nevermind then! I knew you weren't serious!
The Monarch: No, no! Don't go!!! Fine, I'll do it... No more arching Dr. Venture...
Dr. Girlfriend: Ever?
The Monarch: Never...
Dr. Girlfriend: Swear?
The Monarch: I pinkie swear!!
[The Monarch and Dr. Girlfriend pinkie swear]
The Monarch: 'Kay? You happy know?
Dr. Girlfriend: (Teary eyed) The happiest woman alive!
Dr. Girlfriend: You being serious?
The Monarch: Deadly serious.
Dr. Girlfriend: (dramatic pause) Yes.
The Monarch: Good! Done! Now get your ass back in that bed!
Dr. Girlfriend: But we need to make some ground rules first! (brings out a list) 1: No more of this "I need my space, you're crowding me" crap!
The Monarch: Fine, whatever. Wh... Where were you hiding that list?
Dr. Girlfriend: 2: I'm not your "number 2." I'm your partner.
The Monarch: Okay! I'll get you a crown or something. Anything else on that magic and probably moist list of yours?
Dr. Girlfriend: Yes! Number 3: This whole "Dr. Venture" thing is over!
The Monarch: Yes! We kill him once and for all!!! And we shall make slave of his sons and a lamp from the flesh of Brock Samson!
Dr. Girlfriend: NO! I want you to give up this insane grudge you have on Dr. Venture once and for all.
The Monarch: No way! Dr. Venture is my sworn enemy!
Dr. Girlfriend: Oh, nevermind then! I knew you weren't serious!
The Monarch: No, no! Don't go!!! Fine, I'll do it... No more arching Dr. Venture...
Dr. Girlfriend: Ever?
The Monarch: Never...
Dr. Girlfriend: Swear?
The Monarch: I pinkie swear!!
[The Monarch and Dr. Girlfriend pinkie swear]
The Monarch: 'Kay? You happy know?
Dr. Girlfriend: (Teary eyed) The happiest woman alive!
TV Show: The Venture Bros.
(Dr. Orpheus is firing magic bolts at Torrid, who teleports a foot away just before each blast hits him)
Dr. Orpheus: It's like playing Keep Away with the neighborhood spastic! I can't get a bead on him!
The Alchemist: You should give us the All Seeing Orb!
Jefferson Twilight: (sarcastically) "You should"? Nice, Al. Very polite.
The Alchemist: What? You catch more flies with honey.
Dr. Orpheus: Give us the Eye or face oblivion!!
The Alchemist: ...Please!
Dr. Orpheus: It's like playing Keep Away with the neighborhood spastic! I can't get a bead on him!
The Alchemist: You should give us the All Seeing Orb!
Jefferson Twilight: (sarcastically) "You should"? Nice, Al. Very polite.
The Alchemist: What? You catch more flies with honey.
Dr. Orpheus: Give us the Eye or face oblivion!!
The Alchemist: ...Please!
TV Show: The Venture Bros.
Dr. Venture: (To Dr. Girlfriend, flirtateously morose) I brought you something blue.... me....
TV Show: The Venture Bros.