The Venture Bros. Quotes
Lincoln's Ghost: (knocks over a tiny statue of himself) Damnation! Forcefield, I didn't see that one coming! Sorry, Dean. Okay, okay! New plan...
Hank: (points at statue) Well, you just KO'd Uncle Sam! Why can't you just do that to an astronaut and his mom?
Lincoln's Ghost: That's not Uncle Sam, it's me! Wouldn't lay a glove on it if it weren't. I can only move things in the material world that bear my image. Wait! That penny in your pocket, Dean! I was able to get that through the forcefield! That's it!
Hank: We build a gun made out of pennies!
Lincoln's Ghost: Exactly! Wait, no, that's insane! But I have another idea! Boys, I need five dollar bills. Scores of them, 10 score at least!
Dean: How are we gonna find that many.
Hank: How, how. What are you, an owl? He can make it with his magic!
Ghost of Abraham Lincoln: For the last time, Hank, I'm a ghost, not a genie. You two must find a way!
Hank: Wait, does it matter if it's the new fives or the old ones.
Lincoln's Ghost: I... prefer the new ones? But, whatever! Go! Go!!
Hank: (points at statue) Well, you just KO'd Uncle Sam! Why can't you just do that to an astronaut and his mom?
Lincoln's Ghost: That's not Uncle Sam, it's me! Wouldn't lay a glove on it if it weren't. I can only move things in the material world that bear my image. Wait! That penny in your pocket, Dean! I was able to get that through the forcefield! That's it!
Hank: We build a gun made out of pennies!
Lincoln's Ghost: Exactly! Wait, no, that's insane! But I have another idea! Boys, I need five dollar bills. Scores of them, 10 score at least!
Dean: How are we gonna find that many.
Hank: How, how. What are you, an owl? He can make it with his magic!
Ghost of Abraham Lincoln: For the last time, Hank, I'm a ghost, not a genie. You two must find a way!
Hank: Wait, does it matter if it's the new fives or the old ones.
Lincoln's Ghost: I... prefer the new ones? But, whatever! Go! Go!!
TV Show: The Venture Bros.
Lincoln's Ghost: Oh, FDR. He was a real president. I loved to watch him sleep. Weight of the world on his little polio shoulders. The depression. World War II. He slept like a baby. Now that is a clear conscience. This Breyer guy, though, he's the worst president I've ever seen!
TV Show: The Venture Bros.
Lincoln's Ghost: My Lincoln sense is tingling! Manstrong's making his move!
TV Show: The Venture Bros.
Bud Manstrong: Svengali!
Brock: No, no, this is not what it looks like!
Bud Manstrong: First Anna, and now my mother? Have you no shame, you... you Mandingo? (takes of blazer and gets into fighting stance) Okay, get up! Were doing this! You and me, Samson! Right now! Let's go!
Brock: Come on, man. You know I'm just gonna beat you stupid. I've done it before.
Bud Manstrong: A sucker punch! This time, "schoolyard rules." No cheap shots!
Brock: This is ridiculous! Your mother just...
Bud Manstrong: No mothers!
Brock: No, no, this is not what it looks like!
Bud Manstrong: First Anna, and now my mother? Have you no shame, you... you Mandingo? (takes of blazer and gets into fighting stance) Okay, get up! Were doing this! You and me, Samson! Right now! Let's go!
Brock: Come on, man. You know I'm just gonna beat you stupid. I've done it before.
Bud Manstrong: A sucker punch! This time, "schoolyard rules." No cheap shots!
Brock: This is ridiculous! Your mother just...
Bud Manstrong: No mothers!
TV Show: The Venture Bros.
Lincoln's Ghost: (after getting shot in the head by Mrs. Manstrong) AHHH! DAMMIT!! NOT AGAIN!!! WHY IN THE HEAD???
TV Show: The Venture Bros.
Doctor Venture: (seeing replay of crashing Gargantua-1) I knew it! Told you this clown was no hero. He just blacked out in the middle of a hand job.
Lincoln's Ghost: Uh oh.... Someone's playing with his Lincoln Log!
Lincoln's Ghost: Uh oh.... Someone's playing with his Lincoln Log!
TV Show: The Venture Bros.
Bud Manstrong: MY GOD IT'S FULL OF STARS!! (passes out)
Lincoln's Ghost: Penny for his thoughts.
Lincoln's Ghost: Penny for his thoughts.
TV Show: The Venture Bros.
Dean: (to the Ghost of Abraham Lincoln) You're still here. Shouldn't you have crossed over?
Doctor Venture: Apparently stopping my bodyguard from beating up a repressed masturbator just isn't enough to get you into Heaven these days. Go figure.
Lincoln's Ghost: You're one to judge, Rusty... I seem to remember a certain fast-handed little red-head, sleeping in the Lincoln bedroom, score and a half years back?
Doctor Venture: All right...
Lincoln's Ghost: (sing-song) Not that you did much sleeping.
Doctor Venture: (covers ears) Okay!
Doctor Venture: Apparently stopping my bodyguard from beating up a repressed masturbator just isn't enough to get you into Heaven these days. Go figure.
Lincoln's Ghost: You're one to judge, Rusty... I seem to remember a certain fast-handed little red-head, sleeping in the Lincoln bedroom, score and a half years back?
Doctor Venture: All right...
Lincoln's Ghost: (sing-song) Not that you did much sleeping.
Doctor Venture: (covers ears) Okay!
TV Show: The Venture Bros.
The Monarch continues to rebuild his villainous empire with the aid of his shadowy new Number 2, Dr. Henry Killinger, but #21 is suspicious of the deadly foreigner’s unctuous charms. Meanwhile, as Dr. Orpheus attempts to exorcise a Japanese demon from Dr. Venture, a mysterious woman from Doc’s past resurfaces...and she’d kill to find out where Hank and Dean are.
TV Show: The Venture Bros.
The Monarch: (evil laughter, grabs an office worker) Where is he?! WHERE IS VENTURE?!
Office Worker: Venture?
#21: Dude, no, stop!! There's been a mistake!
The Monarch: Oh, what now?!
#21: This isn't the secret Venture compound. It's your accountant's office.
The Monarch: Wha... Are you kidding?? That was like my best entrance ever!!
#21: Yeah, it was excellent!
#24: Very impressive!
The Monarch: This sucks! (calls to other henchmen) Alright. Wrong address, wrong address. Everybody back in the cocoon!
#21: So, uh... Should we, uh...
The Monarch: Yeah, yeah, yeah. Take the pens, and the post-its, and the, uh, copy paper! You always need copy paper. And get that security tape!! I want a Quicktime of my minty-fresh entrance posted on my homepage BY TOMORROW!!
Office Worker: Venture?
#21: Dude, no, stop!! There's been a mistake!
The Monarch: Oh, what now?!
#21: This isn't the secret Venture compound. It's your accountant's office.
The Monarch: Wha... Are you kidding?? That was like my best entrance ever!!
#21: Yeah, it was excellent!
#24: Very impressive!
The Monarch: This sucks! (calls to other henchmen) Alright. Wrong address, wrong address. Everybody back in the cocoon!
#21: So, uh... Should we, uh...
The Monarch: Yeah, yeah, yeah. Take the pens, and the post-its, and the, uh, copy paper! You always need copy paper. And get that security tape!! I want a Quicktime of my minty-fresh entrance posted on my homepage BY TOMORROW!!
TV Show: The Venture Bros.
Dr. Orpheus: I must consort a higher power!! Wait here while I go to my daughter's closet.
TV Show: The Venture Bros.
Dr. Killinger: Forgive me, but the problem is one of planning, not one of armament. Mr. The Monarch already has a dazzling armory. What he needs is a strategist. A man of his prestige cannot simply go after an enemy all willy-nilly.
#21: You can't give an enema a free willy what?
The Monarch: Shut up, 21. You might learn something from this guy.
Dr. Killinger: What you need is a second-in-command who understands the intricacies of organized villiany. This I can offer you.
The Monarch: Perfect! You're hired, uh... number...
Dr. Killinger: Number Killinger. Doctor Henry Killinger. And this is my Magic Murder Bag.
#21: You can't give an enema a free willy what?
The Monarch: Shut up, 21. You might learn something from this guy.
Dr. Killinger: What you need is a second-in-command who understands the intricacies of organized villiany. This I can offer you.
The Monarch: Perfect! You're hired, uh... number...
Dr. Killinger: Number Killinger. Doctor Henry Killinger. And this is my Magic Murder Bag.
TV Show: The Venture Bros.
Brock: Hey, have you seen the boys? They were supposed to be practicing for their road test but it looks like they forgot the car part. What, uh... what are you guys, uh... into there?
Dr. Venture: Orpheus is making me follow that magic head thing I told you about.
Dr. Orpheus: We're very close to divining its will!!
Brock: Aww, he's got you doin' it now. You guys are cute together. I'm going to go look for the boys. (to himself) Story of my life.
Dr. Venture: Orpheus is making me follow that magic head thing I told you about.
Dr. Orpheus: We're very close to divining its will!!
Brock: Aww, he's got you doin' it now. You guys are cute together. I'm going to go look for the boys. (to himself) Story of my life.
TV Show: The Venture Bros.
Dr. Orpheus: It stopped! It seems interested in this automobile. Tell me, is it associated with some recent sin of yours?
Dr. Venture: Pfft. I wish. I can't remember the last time I got lucky in that car. Unless you count the dollar I found under the seat.
Dr. Venture: Pfft. I wish. I can't remember the last time I got lucky in that car. Unless you count the dollar I found under the seat.
TV Show: The Venture Bros.
Dr. Killinger: The Venture problem is very volatile. We must approach it with caution, but first we need to address other drastic issues. The floating cocoon is in bad need of...
#24: The cocoon's fine! I think the problem is you!
#21: He's right! Yeah, everybody just thinks you're sooo great, but you're just sooo not!
#24: Yeah! Who do you think you are?
#21: I mean, come on! This guy just waltzes in here with his huge baby-bearing hips and he starts changing everything.
Dr. Killinger: That's not fair. I never chose my belly.
#24: The cocoon's fine! I think the problem is you!
#21: He's right! Yeah, everybody just thinks you're sooo great, but you're just sooo not!
#24: Yeah! Who do you think you are?
#21: I mean, come on! This guy just waltzes in here with his huge baby-bearing hips and he starts changing everything.
Dr. Killinger: That's not fair. I never chose my belly.
TV Show: The Venture Bros.
[H.E.L.P.E.R. beeps a comment while "When the Levee Breaks" is playing.]
Brock: Jock rock my ass! Listen to those lyrics, man. It's all about love and longing!
[H.E.L.P.E.R. responds.]
Brock: Yes.... and hobbits too. Look, it's a metaphor! They wrote about a lot of other stuff! Why am I arguing with a robot?
[H.E.L.P.E.R. responds.]
(Brock looks at his waistwatch)
Brock: Right up ahead.
(Brock gets out of the car)
Brock: Don't think we're done talking about this.
Brock: Jock rock my ass! Listen to those lyrics, man. It's all about love and longing!
[H.E.L.P.E.R. responds.]
Brock: Yes.... and hobbits too. Look, it's a metaphor! They wrote about a lot of other stuff! Why am I arguing with a robot?
[H.E.L.P.E.R. responds.]
(Brock looks at his waistwatch)
Brock: Right up ahead.
(Brock gets out of the car)
Brock: Don't think we're done talking about this.
TV Show: The Venture Bros.
Myra Brandish: Oh, you're up! You can relax. The nightmare's finally over!
Hank: Um... no it isn't.
Hank: Um... no it isn't.
TV Show: The Venture Bros.
[Hank awakens tied up on a dirty old mattress inside an abandoned motel room.]
Hank: Well isn't this new and different!
Hank: Well isn't this new and different!
TV Show: The Venture Bros.
Dr. Venture: Wait... I know what you're doing! You're trying to get me in sack!
Dr. Orpheus: (genuinely taken aback) I beg your pardon?!
Dr. Venture: No wonder nobody but you can see that head!
Dr. Orpheus: Wha... How dare...
Dr. Venture: The tights, the jewelry, always tagging along... 'Oh, let me get my big gay cloak and I'll join you!'
Dr. Orpheus: I'm trying to help you!!
Dr. Venture: Help me out of my Speed Suit!!
Dr. Orpheus: (genuinely taken aback) I beg your pardon?!
Dr. Venture: No wonder nobody but you can see that head!
Dr. Orpheus: Wha... How dare...
Dr. Venture: The tights, the jewelry, always tagging along... 'Oh, let me get my big gay cloak and I'll join you!'
Dr. Orpheus: I'm trying to help you!!
Dr. Venture: Help me out of my Speed Suit!!
TV Show: The Venture Bros.
Dr. Orpheus: Master! Master, are you here? I have need of your counsel. Ooohh...
The Master: Orpheus, you’re going to love this, check me out, huh? I’m Catherine the Great’s horse, to teach you a lesson about biting off more then you can chew! My partially-lovely assistant, Miss Manyface, will be playing the part of Catherine.
Miss Manyface: Hi.
The Master: Enough with the chatter. Get under there...Don't wince!
Dr. Orpheus: Master, far be it from me to question the relevance of your symbolism, but I'm very certain the whole "horse" thing was an urban legend...
The Master: Orpheus, you’re going to love this, check me out, huh? I’m Catherine the Great’s horse, to teach you a lesson about biting off more then you can chew! My partially-lovely assistant, Miss Manyface, will be playing the part of Catherine.
Miss Manyface: Hi.
The Master: Enough with the chatter. Get under there...Don't wince!
Dr. Orpheus: Master, far be it from me to question the relevance of your symbolism, but I'm very certain the whole "horse" thing was an urban legend...
TV Show: The Venture Bros.
Dr. Venture: Sorry about earlier...I'm probably just still jet lagged, and you know, floating demon head and all.
Dr. Orpheus: Apology accepted. Just...stay on your side of the room! [Trying to Joke] Tiger!
[An Awkward Silence]
Dr. Orpheus: ...Yes.
[Another Awkward Silence]
Dr. Venture: You, uh... wanna go halfsies on a skin flick?
Dr. Orpheus: 'Kay.
Dr. Orpheus: Apology accepted. Just...stay on your side of the room! [Trying to Joke] Tiger!
[An Awkward Silence]
Dr. Orpheus: ...Yes.
[Another Awkward Silence]
Dr. Venture: You, uh... wanna go halfsies on a skin flick?
Dr. Orpheus: 'Kay.
TV Show: The Venture Bros.
#21: You can silence me but there will be others. Semper FidelisTyrannosaurus!
Dr. Killinger: It's Sic Semper Tyrannis. You said, "Ever faithful terrible lizard."
#21: I did? Cool.
Dr. Killinger: It's Sic Semper Tyrannis. You said, "Ever faithful terrible lizard."
#21: I did? Cool.
TV Show: The Venture Bros.
Dr. Girlfriend: Well, I hope you're as good at fighting as you are at talking.
#21: Hell no, look at me! You're the weapons expert. [Watches her defeat the Black Guard effortlessly.]
#21: Hell no, look at me! You're the weapons expert. [Watches her defeat the Black Guard effortlessly.]
TV Show: The Venture Bros.
[Dr. Orpheus is trying to check out of a motel in his usual attire, and meets the catsuited owner, Myra Blandish]
Dr. Orpheus: Isn't it a bit early for a costume party?
Myra Blandish: Why, are you throwing one, Dracula?
Dr. Orpheus: Isn't it a bit early for a costume party?
Myra Blandish: Why, are you throwing one, Dracula?
TV Show: The Venture Bros.
The Monarch: What the hell is she doing here?!
Dr. Killinger: This woman has come to rescue you.
The Monarch: From what?!
Dr. Killinger: From loneliness, you silly billy.
Dr. Killinger: This woman has come to rescue you.
The Monarch: From what?!
Dr. Killinger: From loneliness, you silly billy.
TV Show: The Venture Bros.
Dr. Killinger: (to the Monarch and Dr. Girlfriend) Love is not private. Love is to be shared. I've locked you in. Neither of you may leave until you have reached compromise. Good luck, and may love show you the way. [opens his umbrella and begins to ascend toward the ceiling] Say goodbye to all your pretty children for me.
Dr. Girlfriend: Can you understand what he's saying?
The Monarch: Like... half the time.
Dr. Killinger: (out of frame) My umbrella is stuck on something. I require assistance.
Dr. Girlfriend: Can you understand what he's saying?
The Monarch: Like... half the time.
Dr. Killinger: (out of frame) My umbrella is stuck on something. I require assistance.
TV Show: The Venture Bros.
Dr. Killinger: Compromise, my friend, is the essence of diplomacy, and diplomacy is the cornerstone of love. [Singin] Sweeeeeet looooove.
TV Show: The Venture Bros.
Hank: So is she or isn't she?
Brock: OK, Hank, look! She used to be Power Cat on American Gladiators. Show gets tanked, she checks herself into the nuthouse. Every couple of years, she puts on the old costume, kidnaps you, or tries to kill your dad or burns down the compound. Depends on what meds she's coming off of.
Dean: How come we don't remember her then?
Brock: Look. You don't remember because you're cl--
(Brock & Dr. Venture both say "Cl-cl-cl--" trying not to reveal that both of them are clones)
Hank: I can't help feeling like we're not getting the whole story.
Dean: Right! Maybe she was telling the truth.
Dr. Venture: All right! So I fucked her! What of it?
Brock: OK, Hank, look! She used to be Power Cat on American Gladiators. Show gets tanked, she checks herself into the nuthouse. Every couple of years, she puts on the old costume, kidnaps you, or tries to kill your dad or burns down the compound. Depends on what meds she's coming off of.
Dean: How come we don't remember her then?
Brock: Look. You don't remember because you're cl--
(Brock & Dr. Venture both say "Cl-cl-cl--" trying not to reveal that both of them are clones)
Hank: I can't help feeling like we're not getting the whole story.
Dean: Right! Maybe she was telling the truth.
Dr. Venture: All right! So I fucked her! What of it?
TV Show: The Venture Bros.