Freakazoid! Quotes
Super-teen extraordinaire!
Freakazoid! Freakazoid!
Runs around in underwear!
Freakazoid! Freakazoid!
Rescues Washington, D.C.
Freakazoid! Freakazoid!
Unless something better’s on TV!
Freakazoid! Freakazoid!
His brain's overloading!
It has a chocolate coating!
Textbook case for Sigmund Freud!
Freakazoid! Freakazoid!
Freakazoid! Freakazoid!
Runs around in underwear!
Freakazoid! Freakazoid!
Rescues Washington, D.C.
Freakazoid! Freakazoid!
Unless something better’s on TV!
Freakazoid! Freakazoid!
His brain's overloading!
It has a chocolate coating!
Textbook case for Sigmund Freud!
Freakazoid! Freakazoid!
TV Show: Freakazoid!
Check out Dexter Douglas, nerd computer ace;
Went surfing on the internet and was zapped to cyberspace!
He turned into the Freakazoid! He’s strong and super-quick!
He drives the villains crazy, ‘cause he’s a lunatic!
Went surfing on the internet and was zapped to cyberspace!
He turned into the Freakazoid! He’s strong and super-quick!
He drives the villains crazy, ‘cause he’s a lunatic!
TV Show: Freakazoid!
His home-base is the Freaka-lair!
Freakazoid! Fricassee!
Floyd the Barber cuts his hair!
Freakazoid! Chimpanzee!
Rides around in the Freak-mobile!
Freakazoid! Freaka-zoo! (sometimes 'Free kazoo!')
Hopes to make a movie deal!
Freaka-me! Freaka-you!
He’s here to save the nation,
So stay tuned to this station!
If not, we’ll be unemployed!
Freakazoid! Freakazoid!
Freakazoid!!!
Freakazoid! Fricassee!
Floyd the Barber cuts his hair!
Freakazoid! Chimpanzee!
Rides around in the Freak-mobile!
Freakazoid! Freaka-zoo! (sometimes 'Free kazoo!')
Hopes to make a movie deal!
Freaka-me! Freaka-you!
He’s here to save the nation,
So stay tuned to this station!
If not, we’ll be unemployed!
Freakazoid! Freakazoid!
Freakazoid!!!
TV Show: Freakazoid!
Announcer: Terror grips a peaceful city. Terror that wears a loin cloth. His real name is Royce Mumphry, but police in five states know him as Cave Guy. Yes, Cave Guy: hostile, powerful, but also highly intelligent.
Cave Guy: I subscribe to The New Yorker. (laughs snootily)
Announcer: Only one hero can track down Cave Guy. Only one hero has the heart to fight this fiend. That hero is... (silhouette of Batman appears on the screen) on another network. Thus, we have no choice but to turn to this fellow. A teenage nerd, or is he...?
Cave Guy: I subscribe to The New Yorker. (laughs snootily)
Announcer: Only one hero can track down Cave Guy. Only one hero has the heart to fight this fiend. That hero is... (silhouette of Batman appears on the screen) on another network. Thus, we have no choice but to turn to this fellow. A teenage nerd, or is he...?
TV Show: Freakazoid!
Freakazoid: [in tough guy voice] Nothing will stand in my way!
Cosgrove: Hey, Freakazoid! Wanna get a mint?
Freakazoid: [in normal voice] OK!
Cosgrove: Hey, Freakazoid! Wanna get a mint?
Freakazoid: [in normal voice] OK!
TV Show: Freakazoid!
Freakazoid: Low Bridge! Everybody Down, Low Bridge! Cave guy's underwear is brown!!! Brown, Brown, It looks like he's got the cooties, ootie! Goodbyyyyyye! Stop ya singing now! End the singing songs, stop, go. Enough with the songs, stop, (In quite voice) Bring it down, come down...(The people come down) Everybody "Shh, Shh" On this side of the room. Everybody, Shh Shh Shh... EVERYBODY DOWN!
TV Show: Freakazoid!
Jeepers: You want to see something strange and mystical?
Freakazoid: NOOOOOOO!!!!! GET OUTTA HERE WITH THAT WATCH!!! LAY OFF THE POOR BEAVERS, WILL YA?!? SHEEEESH!!! YOU'RE A CREEP! GO AWAY! WE WERE HAVING A GOOD TIME UNTIL YOU SHOWED UP, JEEPERS!!! UUUUUUUUGH! GO HAVE SOME COFFEE, WITH CREAM, OR SOMETHING! BECAUSE I'LL TELL YOU SOMETHING: THIS IS A HAPPY PLACE!!!!!!
Freakazoid: NOOOOOOO!!!!! GET OUTTA HERE WITH THAT WATCH!!! LAY OFF THE POOR BEAVERS, WILL YA?!? SHEEEESH!!! YOU'RE A CREEP! GO AWAY! WE WERE HAVING A GOOD TIME UNTIL YOU SHOWED UP, JEEPERS!!! UUUUUUUUGH! GO HAVE SOME COFFEE, WITH CREAM, OR SOMETHING! BECAUSE I'LL TELL YOU SOMETHING: THIS IS A HAPPY PLACE!!!!!!
TV Show: Freakazoid!
The Lobe: No one can save you this time, Freakazoid!
Freakazoid: That's where you're wrong, Lobe! My new sidekick will save me.
The Lobe: Oh yeah? Well, where is he?
Handman: I'm right here!
Freakazoid: Handman! You've come in the nick of time!
Handman: I wouldn't let you down, Freakabazaal! Oh, I'm sorry, it's Freakazee. Uh, Freakabee.
Freakazoid: No. Freakazoid.
Handman: Freakazoy.
Freakazoid: No. Freakazoid.
Handman: Freakazee! Freeballoo! Meemalar!
Freakazoid: No. Say it with me. Frea.
Handman: Frea.
Freakazoid: Ka.
Handman: Ka.
Freakazoid: Zoid.
Handman: Peterson! No! Freakazoid! Freakazoid. [kisses up to Freakazoid]
Freakazoid: Hey, stop it! Pardon me, my mouth is a bit parched. [drinks a glass of water while Handman makes gulping noises] Aaaaaahhhh! Thank you. That was a-very refreshing!
The Lobe: Oh, just stop!
Freakazoid: What?
The Lobe: This is stupid.
Freakazoid: You're calling my sidekick stupid?
The Lobe: That's not a proper sidekick; that's just your hand.
Freakazoid: No it isn't.
The Lobe: Yes it is!
Freakazoid: No it isn't!
The Lobe: Yes it is! It's just your hand, you simpleton!
Handman: No, take a closer look. [The Lobe does so] Closer... Closer still... Hold it right there. [punches The Lobe, knocking him into his artillery]
Freakazoid: That's where you're wrong, Lobe! My new sidekick will save me.
The Lobe: Oh yeah? Well, where is he?
Handman: I'm right here!
Freakazoid: Handman! You've come in the nick of time!
Handman: I wouldn't let you down, Freakabazaal! Oh, I'm sorry, it's Freakazee. Uh, Freakabee.
Freakazoid: No. Freakazoid.
Handman: Freakazoy.
Freakazoid: No. Freakazoid.
Handman: Freakazee! Freeballoo! Meemalar!
Freakazoid: No. Say it with me. Frea.
Handman: Frea.
Freakazoid: Ka.
Handman: Ka.
Freakazoid: Zoid.
Handman: Peterson! No! Freakazoid! Freakazoid. [kisses up to Freakazoid]
Freakazoid: Hey, stop it! Pardon me, my mouth is a bit parched. [drinks a glass of water while Handman makes gulping noises] Aaaaaahhhh! Thank you. That was a-very refreshing!
The Lobe: Oh, just stop!
Freakazoid: What?
The Lobe: This is stupid.
Freakazoid: You're calling my sidekick stupid?
The Lobe: That's not a proper sidekick; that's just your hand.
Freakazoid: No it isn't.
The Lobe: Yes it is!
Freakazoid: No it isn't!
The Lobe: Yes it is! It's just your hand, you simpleton!
Handman: No, take a closer look. [The Lobe does so] Closer... Closer still... Hold it right there. [punches The Lobe, knocking him into his artillery]
TV Show: Freakazoid!
Boy: The scariest thing in the world would be... if all the air in the world turned to WOOD!
[The children gasp]
Girl: Okay, like, the scariest thing in the world would be... if like you went to grab something and it wasn't there!
[The children stare blankly]
Girl: .... Because it turned to WOOD!
[The children gasp]
Freakazoid: [grinning] The scariest thing in the world would be... if they gave Sinbad another TV show! [All the children scream and flee in terror.]
[Later]
Other Kid: You don't really believe in that stuff, about Sinbad getting another TV show, do you Buzz?
Buzz: Nah, the broadcasting industry has all sorts of safeguards to prevent that sort of thing.
[The children gasp]
Girl: Okay, like, the scariest thing in the world would be... if like you went to grab something and it wasn't there!
[The children stare blankly]
Girl: .... Because it turned to WOOD!
[The children gasp]
Freakazoid: [grinning] The scariest thing in the world would be... if they gave Sinbad another TV show! [All the children scream and flee in terror.]
[Later]
Other Kid: You don't really believe in that stuff, about Sinbad getting another TV show, do you Buzz?
Buzz: Nah, the broadcasting industry has all sorts of safeguards to prevent that sort of thing.
TV Show: Freakazoid!
[Freakazoid keeps trying to take flight to no avail.]
Freakazoid: Uhg! Hng! Up! UP! GO UP! FLY!
Steff: Freakazoid, you don't fly.
Freakazoid: Oh, right.
Freakazoid: Uhg! Hng! Up! UP! GO UP! FLY!
Steff: Freakazoid, you don't fly.
Freakazoid: Oh, right.
TV Show: Freakazoid!
Buzz: The guy you want to look out for is Candle Jack.
Other Kid: Candle Jack? Who's that?
Buzz: He's the Boogeyman. Y'know, the for-real one! He snatches kids from their bed and takes them away.... and they never come back.
Other Kid: Why does he do that?
Buzz: Because he's a nut.
Other Kid: Well, how does he get you?
Buzz: That's the thing. He can't, as long as you don't say his name. So just don't say it, okay?
Other Kid: Okay. Good night!
[They lie down and go to bed]
Other Kid: Hey, we did say his name!
Buzz: Well... maybe he didn't hear us.
[Candle Jack rises up from between them]
Candle Jack: Hello, boys!
Other Kid: Candle Jack? Who's that?
Buzz: He's the Boogeyman. Y'know, the for-real one! He snatches kids from their bed and takes them away.... and they never come back.
Other Kid: Why does he do that?
Buzz: Because he's a nut.
Other Kid: Well, how does he get you?
Buzz: That's the thing. He can't, as long as you don't say his name. So just don't say it, okay?
Other Kid: Okay. Good night!
[They lie down and go to bed]
Other Kid: Hey, we did say his name!
Buzz: Well... maybe he didn't hear us.
[Candle Jack rises up from between them]
Candle Jack: Hello, boys!
TV Show: Freakazoid!
Girls: Look! It's Candle Jack!
All: CANDLE JACK!!
Candle Jack: I'm gonna need more rope.
All: CANDLE JACK!!
Candle Jack: I'm gonna need more rope.
TV Show: Freakazoid!
Freakazoid: Well, if it isn't...
Steff and kids: NO!
Freakazoid: What? I was just gonna say...
Steff and kids: NO!
Dr. Hanker: Don't say it!
Freakazoid: Don't say what?
Steff: Don't say his name!
Freakazoid: You mean "don't say Candle Jack"?
[quick cut to Freakazoid now tied up]
Steff: Freakazoid, why did you say his name?!
Freakazoid: 'Cause I-I wanted to do one of those funny things, like on - you ever watch F Troop? - where Agarn says "There's no way I'm wearin' a dress! Absolutely not! No dress!" And Forrest Tucker's like, "Yeah, you're wearin' that dress! You're gonna wear that dress!" And they wipe - blblblblblblblb - and Agarn's wearin' a dress!
[quick cut to a clip from F Troop of Agarn in a dress]
Agarn: YOO-HOO!!! LOCO BROTHERS!!! LOOK WHO'S HERE FOR YOU!!!
Candle Jack: Oh, I love that bit!
Steff and kids: NO!
Freakazoid: What? I was just gonna say...
Steff and kids: NO!
Dr. Hanker: Don't say it!
Freakazoid: Don't say what?
Steff: Don't say his name!
Freakazoid: You mean "don't say Candle Jack"?
[quick cut to Freakazoid now tied up]
Steff: Freakazoid, why did you say his name?!
Freakazoid: 'Cause I-I wanted to do one of those funny things, like on - you ever watch F Troop? - where Agarn says "There's no way I'm wearin' a dress! Absolutely not! No dress!" And Forrest Tucker's like, "Yeah, you're wearin' that dress! You're gonna wear that dress!" And they wipe - blblblblblblblb - and Agarn's wearin' a dress!
[quick cut to a clip from F Troop of Agarn in a dress]
Agarn: YOO-HOO!!! LOCO BROTHERS!!! LOOK WHO'S HERE FOR YOU!!!
Candle Jack: Oh, I love that bit!
TV Show: Freakazoid!
[All the Dangers gasp when looking upon a photo of the villian.]
"Dash" O'Pepper: I knew it! It's some guy in a helmet!
"Dash" O'Pepper: I knew it! It's some guy in a helmet!
TV Show: Freakazoid!
Announcer: We interrupt our regularly scheduled program to bring you this special report from The WB Network.
Freakazoid: What exactly is The WB? Can someone tell me this? What's it mean, The WB? The Water Bucket? The Wimpy Boy? The Wet Bananas?! I don't know!! What, the Weird Butt?! What? I'm asking!!
Announcer: This has been a special report from The Weird Butt Network. We now join Freakazoid! already in progress.
Freakazoid: What exactly is The WB? Can someone tell me this? What's it mean, The WB? The Water Bucket? The Wimpy Boy? The Wet Bananas?! I don't know!! What, the Weird Butt?! What? I'm asking!!
Announcer: This has been a special report from The Weird Butt Network. We now join Freakazoid! already in progress.
TV Show: Freakazoid!
Lord Bravery: [talking to his mother-in-law] Most people your age die. Why won't you?
TV Show: Freakazoid!
Freakazoid: Now, now, ladies, there's plenty of me for everybody - if not, I'll just have 'em draw me bigger.
TV Show: Freakazoid!
Freakazoid: Hey, what is this place? Palm Trees. Hula girls! Pineapples. Hula girls! Surfboards. Hula girls!Hula girls!Hula girls! Of course, it all adds up! I've somehow landed in Norway!
TV Show: Freakazoid!
Voice Over: One day, while saving Air Force One, teen super hero Freakazoid was unexpectedly swept into both a time warp vortex and a T.V. show parody. From that point on and until the segment ends, Freakazoid is lost in time. He is... Quantum Freak!
TV Show: Freakazoid!
Alien: I have traveled many millions of lightyears across forty billion galaxies to come here for the answer to a vital question that concerns the entire universe.
Bill Clinton: And what is that question?
Alien: Please tell us - that doll Barbie... what's the name of her little sister?
[Freakazoid and Clinton look at each other, puzzled]
Bill Clinton: I think it was Pebbles.
Freakazoid: Lemme handle this. It's Skipper!
Alien: Skipper? Hmmm. [walks back inside his ship] Hey everyone, it's Skipper!
Bill Clinton: And what is that question?
Alien: Please tell us - that doll Barbie... what's the name of her little sister?
[Freakazoid and Clinton look at each other, puzzled]
Bill Clinton: I think it was Pebbles.
Freakazoid: Lemme handle this. It's Skipper!
Alien: Skipper? Hmmm. [walks back inside his ship] Hey everyone, it's Skipper!
TV Show: Freakazoid!
Freakazoid: If I wanna blitz myself into some papaya-induced hallucination that's MY business!
TV Show: Freakazoid!
Fan Boy: I've studied everything about you! Like you like to drown your sorrows in Papaya juice whenever you lose a sidekick!
Freakazoid: That's because I'm allergic to cranapple!
Freakazoid: That's because I'm allergic to cranapple!
TV Show: Freakazoid!
[pan shot of the Freaka-lair]
Fan Boy: Where are we?
Freakazoid: My Freaka-lair!
Fan Boy: I didn't know you had one!
Freakazoid: Yeah, we're trying a bunch of new stuff this week. Tryin' to see what sticks.
Fan Boy: Where are we?
Freakazoid: My Freaka-lair!
Fan Boy: I didn't know you had one!
Freakazoid: Yeah, we're trying a bunch of new stuff this week. Tryin' to see what sticks.
TV Show: Freakazoid!
Freakazoid: Please! Please leave my alone! I'll give you anything, anything you want if you'll just go away! How about the just written script of Batman IV?
Fan Boy: Plucked it off the internet last night.
Freakazoid: An autographed photo of Stan Lee?
Fan Boy: Who's that?
Freakazoid: No idea.
Fan Boy: Plucked it off the internet last night.
Freakazoid: An autographed photo of Stan Lee?
Fan Boy: Who's that?
Freakazoid: No idea.
TV Show: Freakazoid!
Fan Boy: Marrrrrrkk...... Hamillllll...
Freakazoid: Why settle for a mere sidekick, when Jedi Knighthood awaits?
Fan Boy: Yes! The Force is strong in this one!
[slowly approaching Mark Hamill]
Fan Boy: Luke! Join me!
Mark Hamill: Come again?
Fan Boy: Join me, and together we can rule the galaxy as Fan Boy and son!
Mark Hamill: No! I'll never join you!
Fan Boy: It is your destiny!
Freakazoid: Why settle for a mere sidekick, when Jedi Knighthood awaits?
Fan Boy: Yes! The Force is strong in this one!
[slowly approaching Mark Hamill]
Fan Boy: Luke! Join me!
Mark Hamill: Come again?
Fan Boy: Join me, and together we can rule the galaxy as Fan Boy and son!
Mark Hamill: No! I'll never join you!
Fan Boy: It is your destiny!
TV Show: Freakazoid!
Fanboy: Leonard Nimoy, Leonard Nimoy
Dear Mister Spock, oh golly gee boy
It sure would make me smile and laugh
If I could have your autograph
If I don't get it, I'll be blue
But then I know what I will do
I'll call you up on the telephone
And bother you when you're at home
You hang up, the line goes dead
But then a new idea pops in my head
I'll visit you right where you live
I'll ring on the doorbell and ask if you'll give
That autograph I've been waiting for
You give it to me, and so much more
(BOOM!)
Oh thank you, thank you, Mister Spock
Now please call Bones; I need a doc.
Dear Mister Spock, oh golly gee boy
It sure would make me smile and laugh
If I could have your autograph
If I don't get it, I'll be blue
But then I know what I will do
I'll call you up on the telephone
And bother you when you're at home
You hang up, the line goes dead
But then a new idea pops in my head
I'll visit you right where you live
I'll ring on the doorbell and ask if you'll give
That autograph I've been waiting for
You give it to me, and so much more
(BOOM!)
Oh thank you, thank you, Mister Spock
Now please call Bones; I need a doc.
TV Show: Freakazoid!