SpongeBob SquarePants Quotes

Sandy Cheeks: Well, hello there, little dude.
Female fish: Don't stand too close to a squirrel, Billy. You'll catch its stupid.
Kid Fish: All right, mommy.
Sandy Cheeks: Stupidity isn't a virus, but it sure is spreading like one.

TV Show: SpongeBob SquarePants
SpongeBob SquarePants: There it is. The finest eating establishment ever established for eating. The Krusty Krab, home of the Krabby Patty, with the Help Wanted sign on the front. I've waited years for this moment. I'm gonna go in there, march straight up to the manager, look at him straight in the eye, lay it on the line, and - I can't do it! [turns away, but is stopped by Patrick]
SpongeBob SquarePants: Patrick!
Patrick: Where do you think you're going?
SpongeBob SquarePants: I was just...
Patrick: No, you're not. You go in there and get that job.
SpongeBob SquarePants: No, I can't! Don't you see?
Patrick: Who's first words were May I take your order?
SpongeBob SquarePants: Mine were.
Patrick: Who made a spatula out of toothpicks in shop class?
SpongeBob SquarePants: I did.
Patrick: Who's a... who... Ungh... Who's a big, yellow cube with holes?
SpongeBob SquarePants: I am!
Patrick: Who's ready?
SpongeBob SquarePants: I'm ready!
Patrick: Who's ready?
SpongeBob SquarePants: I'm ready!
Patrick: Who's ready?
SpongeBob SquarePants: *I'm ready!*

TV Show: SpongeBob SquarePants
SpongeBob: Talk about pretty rock formations, Patrick. This one's a beaut! [laughs]

TV Show: SpongeBob SquarePants
SpongeBob SquarePants: Patrick, your genius is showing!
Patrick: WHERE? [covers his shorts]

TV Show: SpongeBob SquarePants
SpongeBob SquarePants: A customer asked for a medium drink, and I gave him a large. I gave him a large! I've soiled the good Krusty Krab name! Soiled it! Soiled it! Soiled it! Soiled it!...

TV Show: SpongeBob SquarePants
SpongeBob SquarePants: Mystery, you ate my hat. [Mystery burps out half-eaten spatula]
SpongeBob SquarePants: Mystery, you ate my spatula! You ate all the Krabby Patties! You ate the stove! You ate old man Jenkins!
Old Man Jenkins: [from inside Mystery] I don't want to be a burden.

TV Show: SpongeBob SquarePants
French Narrator: Ah, the sea. So fascinating. So wonderful. Here, we see Bikini Bottom, teeming with life. Home to one of my favorite creatures, SpongeBob SquarePants. Yes, of course he lives in a pineapple, you silly.

TV Show: SpongeBob SquarePants
Spongebob: I’M READY! [runs outside] I’m ready, I’m ready, I’m not ready, I’m ready, I’m ready, I’m ready, I’m ready, I’m ready, I’m ready, I’m ready.

TV Show: SpongeBob SquarePants
[Spongebob arrives at the Krusty Krab]
SpongeBob: Permission to come aboard, captain! [deep voice] I've been training my whole life for the day I could finally join the Krusty Krew, [normal voice] And now I'm ready.
[SpongeBob trips on a nail stuck in the floorboard. His fall causes him to bounce against the ceiling, SpongeBob shouts and blurts incomprehensibly while his bounces and ricochets around the building accelerate. He then rolls to a stop at the feet of Squidward and Mr. Krabs]
Spongebob: SO, UH, WHEN DO I START?
Mr. Krabs': Well lad, it seems like you don't even have your sea legs.
[Mr. Krabs and Squidward quickly walk away from SpongeBob]
Squidward': [deep breath] NO.

TV Show: SpongeBob SquarePants
[Buses surround the Krusty Krab and the doors open]
Mr. Krabs: That sounded like hatch doors! [sniffs repeatedly] Do you smell it? That smell. A kind of smelly smell. The smelly smell that smells... smelly. [opens eyes wide] Anchovies.
Squidward: WHAT?
[Anchovies get out of the buses and rush inside the Krusty Krab, crowding, repeating the word "eat" over and over again]

TV Show: SpongeBob SquarePants
SpongeBob: [to a fish roasting marshmallows] Could I borrow a couple of these?
Fish: [with his mouth full] Mm-hmmm. [crams another marshmallow into his mouth]
[SpongeBob is trying to lift "weights" to impress the crowd]
SpongeBob: And now, with the addition of two-count 'em-two...marshmallows.

TV Show: SpongeBob SquarePants
[Fish hits a volleyball in the air]
SpongeBob: I got it! Incoming! [SpongeBob tries to hit it, but it just hits his hand and slides down]
Crowd: Boo!
SpongeBob: [reaches down to get volleyball and rips his pants] Whoops... I guess I ripped my pants again! [crowd laughs]
Surfer Fish: [laughs] Once again, dude, you have split my sides! [laughs again]

TV Show: SpongeBob SquarePants
SpongeBob: Hey Sandy, how about throwing it to me?
Sandy: Okay, here it comes! [throws Frisbee, which knocks SpongeBob out]
SpongeBob: I could use a hand here!
Sandy: [runs over to SpongeBob and helps him up] You okay, SpongeBob?
SpongeBob: I guess so...except I ripped my pants!
Surfer Fish: [laughs] You still got it, dude!

TV Show: SpongeBob SquarePants
Lou: May I help you?
SpongeBob: I'll take a banana split.
Lou: Uh, we don't have that.
SpongeBob: That's okay, I already split my pants! Get it?
Lou: [sarcastically] Tee hee. Anything else?
SpongeBob: How about...ripple?! [shows the rip in his pants] No thanks, already got one!

TV Show: SpongeBob SquarePants
SpongeBob: Is that a burger you're eating?
Customer: Why, yes it is.
SpongeBob: You know what would go good with that?
Customer: No, what?
SpongeBob: Ripped...pants! [shows the rip in his pants and runs around store] Ripped Pants a la mode! [rips pants]

TV Show: SpongeBob SquarePants
SpongeBob: Delivery!
[The chef looks at SpongeBob]
SpongeBob: Did you order twenty cases of...ripped pants?! [shows the rip in his pants through a cardboard box]

TV Show: SpongeBob SquarePants
Perch Perkins: Surf's up at the Goo Lagoon! And there goes Larry, doing his trademark layback! There goes Sandy hanging ten! Fingers that is! There goes Spongebob! [rip sound is heard] Ripping his...pants again...

TV Show: SpongeBob SquarePants
Lifeguard: Hey look, a cardboard box washed up on the beach. [looks at him through a telescope] Holy fish paste, IT'S A GUY!!! [runs to SpongeBob and turns him over] Why! Why! Why-hy-hy!
Sandy: SpongeBob!
SpongeBob: [to Lifeguard] C-come closer. I need...I need...
Lifeguard: [tearfully] What do you need?
SpongeBob: [whispers] A tailor...[shouting] because I ripped my pants!

TV Show: SpongeBob SquarePants
Spongebob: [consulting list] Let's see...'lifting weights, big laugh'...'frisbee in face, kills'...'surfing, knocks 'em dead'...'pretending to drown'... [writes as he says it] 'NO.'

TV Show: SpongeBob SquarePants
SpongeBob: [comes out of tent] Not ripped pants... [pulls off pants] Pants ripped off! Ah? Ah? Someone call the police, there's a pants thief on the loose! [realizes that the crowd is on the other side off the beach] Oh no! Everybody's gone, even Sandy! She'd rather hang out with Larry! Oh no, no, no, no. We blew it, pants.
Pants: What do you mean "we"? [walks away]

TV Show: SpongeBob SquarePants
[Lyrics to the song "Ripped Pants"]
SpongeBob: [spoken] I thought that I had everybody on my side
But I went and blew it all sky-high
And now she won't even spare a passing glance
All just because I ripped my pants

TV Show: SpongeBob SquarePants
Band Members: [singing]When Big Larry came 'round just to put him down
SpongeBob turned into a clown
And no girl ever wants to dance
With a fool who went and ripped his pants

TV Show: SpongeBob SquarePants
SpongeBob: [singing in a beautiful, heart-stopping voice]
I know I shouldn't mope around, I shouldn't curse
But the pain feels so much worse
Cause windin' up with no one is a lot less fun
Than a burn from the sun

TV Show: SpongeBob SquarePants
Band Members: [singing]Or sand in your buns

TV Show: SpongeBob SquarePants
SpongeBob: [singing]Now I learned a lesson I won't soon forget
So listen and you won't regret
Be true to yourself, don't miss your chance

TV Show: SpongeBob SquarePants
All: [singing]And you won't end up like the fool who ripped his pants

TV Show: SpongeBob SquarePants
[Crowd cheers]
Sandy: SpongeBob!
SpongeBob: Sandy!
[Sandy and SpongeBob hug]
Sandy: Your song was true. If you wanna be my friend, just be yerself.
Larry the Lobster: SpongeBob! That song was so righteous! Would you...sign my pants?
SpongeBob: Sure thing, buddy. [starts to sign Larry's pants, but his underwear rips off. He covers his private part, blushing. There is a sexy whistle]

TV Show: SpongeBob SquarePants
[SpongeBob is too busy staring at his driver's license to pay attention to his actual driving, and he crashes into a big rock and gets thrown out of the car]
SpongeBob: [as he flies through the air] How could I have forgotten the most important rule of driving? Always wear your seat belt!

TV Show: SpongeBob SquarePants
'[SpongeBob and Patrick are welcoming Squidward home from the hospital]
SpongeBob: Welcome home, Squidward!
Patrick: Merry Christmas!

TV Show: SpongeBob SquarePants
[SpongeBob and Patrick are trying to think of ways to make Squidward's day the "best day ever"]
Patrick: How 'bout some soup on you're best day ever?
[Squidward scowls at his bowl of soup, in which the letters spell "BEST DAY EVER". Patrick picks up a spoon]
Patrick: Here we go!
[Patrick scoops up a spoonful of soup and offers it to Squidward, who refuses]
Patrick: Oh, it's a little hot.
[He blows a little too hard on the soup, and the soup ends up flying into Squidward's bandaged face. Realizing that the spoon is empty, Patrick scoops up more soup and inadvertently blows it into Squidward's face again. This continues until finally SpongeBob takes the bowl away]
SpongeBob: Uh, I don't think soup is the best thing for him on his best day ever... [motioning towards Squidward's prized clarinet] How 'bout some music on your best day ever, played on your very own clarinet?
[SpongeBob takes Squidward's clarinet and blows hard, only to produce a terrible, ear-splitting noise]
SpongeBob: Sorry. My lips are a little dry...
[He spends the next few moments licking his lips, until they are completely wet with his saliva. Just as SpongeBob is about to have another go on the clarinet, Patrick snatches the clarinet away]

TV Show: SpongeBob SquarePants