Everybody Loves Raymond Quotes

Frank Barone: Holy crap!

TV Show: Everybody Loves Raymond
"Raymond "Ray" Barone: Dad, let me ask you somthin'. When was the last time you ever said "I love you" to... anyone?
Frank Barone: "I love you"? Raymond "Ray" Barone: Yeah.
Frank Barone: What do you live in, a freckin' Fairy Land or something?

TV Show: Everybody Loves Raymond
Debra Barone: What happened? Raymond "Ray" Barone: He passed!
Debra Barone: HE PASSED? J-Just the writen part. Raymond "Ray" Barone: No. EVERYTHING. The driving, the turning, the seeing.
Debra Barone: What kind of government is THIS!

TV Show: Everybody Loves Raymond
Eileen: We do have counselors. Father Hubley is very good.
Ray Barone: No, no. That's the last thing that we need.
Eileen: Why do you say that?
Ray Barone: Because then everybody's talking about it and...
Debra Barone: Look what are you... Why do you have to be so closed minded? You see this is the attitude.
Ray Barone: I'm not close minded.
Debra Barone: Ugh! What are you doing? Right now? This is who you are! Why can't you just talk about things? Huh? Talk!
Eileen: You know I have to say that you're actually exhibiting some of the very traits that seemed to jump off the page in Michael's book.
Debra Barone: Who?
Eileen: Um. well, uh, you.
Debra Barone: Wait a minute. Wait a minute. Wait a minute. First of all, it's not a book. It's pieces of construction paper.
Ray Barone: You sound a bit close minded.
Debra Barone: Hey! [she turns towards Eiieen and throughout the next statement grows increasingly upset]
Debra Barone: Eileen, you have no idea what I have to put up with. When I got married I didn't just get a husband. I got an entire freak show that put up their tent right across the street. And that would be fine if they stayed there. But every day, *every* day. They drop a truckload of their insane family drek into my lap. How would you like to sit through two people in their sixties fighting over who invented the lawn? The lawn! And then the brother! [She starts imitating Robert]
Debra Barone: I live in an apartment. I don't even have a lawn. Raymond has a lawn.
Debra Barone: [as herself again] But

TV Show: Everybody Loves Raymond
Frank Barone: You send your little lady out into a man's world with a naked finger? It's like banana time in the monkey cage!

TV Show: Everybody Loves Raymond
[after Raymond sees Deborah crying all alone]
Raymond: Do you cry because I'm stupid?
Deborah: No, I eat ice cream because you are stupid.

TV Show: Everybody Loves Raymond
[Frank is eating lasagna from the platter]
Marie Barone: Frank! What are you doing? You can't eat it from there! Your fork was in there! Now nobody can eat it!
Frank Barone: That's all I have to do? In that case, the fork's been in the ice cream, too!
Ray Barone: [comes in] Hey.
Marie Barone: Hi, Raymond. Are you hungry? Do you want something to eat? Only you can't have lasagna... Or ice cream.
Frank Barone: [sticks his fork in cake] Or chocolate cake.
Marie Barone: Look at him! He's like an animal, marking his territory! [Frank sticks Marie with the fork]
Marie Barone: Hey!
Frank Barone: What? That's a compliment.
Ray Barone: God, how I wish I could say this is the wrong house...

TV Show: Everybody Loves Raymond
Ray: Time to leave, Dad. Buckle up... What're you doing?
Frank: [sniffing the twins' heads] I'm sucking the youth!
Debra: The twins' heads smell like Old Spice. Your dad was here. Sucking the youth.

TV Show: Everybody Loves Raymond
Ray: Okay, alright, I'm gonna ask you quickly and quietly to move to your nearest exit.

TV Show: Everybody Loves Raymond
Debra: How did he ever become a police sergeant?
Ray: Cause he's a good cop, and they didn't make him count. Or eat.

TV Show: Everybody Loves Raymond
Ray: Listen, Ma, I want to talk about Debra's birthday...
Marie: My god, talk about birthdays. Your birthday gift to me finally came this morning. Did you know they sent me a box of pears?
Ray: Yeah.
Marie: From a place called "Fruit Of The Month"?
Ray: That's right, how are they?
Marie: They're very nice pears. But, there are so many of them. There are over a dozen pears. What am I supposed to do with all those pears?
Ray: I think you're supposed to eat them.
Marie: Myself?
Ray: You and Dad and Robert.
Marie: How many pears can Robert eat? I appreciate the thought, but please, don't ever send us any more fruit again. Thanks.
Ray: Another box is coming next month.
Marie: What??!! More pears??!!
Ray: No, it's a different fruit every month.
Marie: Every month??!!
Ray: Yes, that's why it's called "Fruit Of The Month" Club.
Marie: It's a club??!! Oh, my god! What do I do with all this fruit?
Ray: Most people like it, Ma, they share it with their friends.
Marie: Which friends?
Ray: I don't know. Lee and Stan?
Marie: Lee and Stan buy their own fruit. Why did you do this to me? I can't talk, there's too much fruit in the house.
[Frank walks in.]
Marie: [to Frank] Do you know the fruit keeps coming, month after month? [pointing at Ray] He's got us in some kind of a cult.
Ray: It's not a cult, it's a club.
Frank: What do you mean, month after month? For how long?
Ray: A year.
Frank: My god, are you out of your mind? What do you think we are? Invalids? We can't go out and get our own fruit?
Marie: I tried to tell him.
Ray: Alright, I'll cancel

TV Show: Everybody Loves Raymond
Frank: Marie--
Marie: I can't talk! There's too much fruit in the house!

TV Show: Everybody Loves Raymond
Ray: Let's see, when I proposed you were 23. You said no.
Debra: Right.
Ray: Then I proposed; you were 24
Ray & Debra: No again.
Ray: Right, then I took a year off to regroup then I came back with a job; BOOM, married. That would make you 32----ish.

TV Show: Everybody Loves Raymond
Robert: When did he get this?
Marie: Oh, that's an award your brother got for his sports-column.
Robert: Never ends for Raymond...
Marie: Oh, poor Robbie.
Robert: Everybody loves Raymond. I go to work people shoot at me, Ray goes to work and people do the wave. Then he sits down, has a hotdog, doodles on a piece of paper and they give him a trophy.

TV Show: Everybody Loves Raymond
Marie: I've got baking soda! I smelled something questionable in the fridge.
Ray: From across the street?
Marie: No, when I was here yesterday. Oh, It's worse!

TV Show: Everybody Loves Raymond
Ray: Why don't you go out with Linda tomorrow?
Debra: And leave the kids with your parents?
Ray: No, I'll do the kids
Debra: Pffff...
Ray: I can do it. What about the time when you went to your aunt's for three days?
Debra: I took the kids with me!
Ray: Yeah, but I fed myself.

TV Show: Everybody Loves Raymond
Marie: But where is Debra?
Ray: She went to the movies with Linda.
Marie: The movies? Some people get to live it up.

TV Show: Everybody Loves Raymond
Ray: Hey, look at this, Cal Ripken signed my hat!
Debra: Oh that's great, look at this, Gregory spit up on my shirt.
Ray: I'm not trading.

TV Show: Everybody Loves Raymond
Ray: Are you ok?
Debra: I'm fine.
Ray: Uh oh, fine is bad. What is it? What's the matter?
Debra: Nothing.
Ray: Nothing...nothing is worse!

TV Show: Everybody Loves Raymond
Debra: I love you
Ray: ...And I you
[Debra walks off]
Ray: Debra! DEBRA!

TV Show: Everybody Loves Raymond
Frank: [to Marie and Robert] This love stuff....we never mention it again.

TV Show: Everybody Loves Raymond
Ray: Oh, now I don't love you?
Debra: You don't say it.
Ray: I do.
Debra: No, you don't.
Ray: I do!
Debra: When do you say it?

TV Show: Everybody Loves Raymond
Ray: Listen dad, when was the last time you said I love you to someone?
Frank: What? Do you live in a freaking fairyland?

TV Show: Everybody Loves Raymond
Marie: When we first got married, I said "I love you" all the time.
Frank: When? When did you say it?
Marie: I said it all the time!

TV Show: Everybody Loves Raymond
Ray: Were you in my office, mom?
Marie: Yeah I was trying to get a pen to do the crossword puzzles. You know, your desk drawer is locked.
Debra and Ray: Yeah we lock it now. It keeps the kids out.
Marie: Oh, that's a good idea! I broke a knife in it.

TV Show: Everybody Loves Raymond
Robert: You know that shampoo that says "no more tears" on the bottle? There's tears.

TV Show: Everybody Loves Raymond
Waitress: Extra sauce!
Bernie: She's the saucy one.
Waitress: And the assorted fried cheeses plate.
Ray: He's the fat one!

TV Show: Everybody Loves Raymond
Ray: Hey, that's tongue. I thought you were a vegetarian.

TV Show: Everybody Loves Raymond
Ray: [on the phone] Yea, I miss you too. Okay, yea, I'll see you tomorrow. And honey, I love you. Good, well, get used to it because I'm gonna say it all the time. Okay. Now give the phone to mommy.

TV Show: Everybody Loves Raymond
Frank: Ray, I've got some news. I don't know the best way to break this... Your great-uncle Gus, dead!
Ray: Oh, no I liked him
Robert: Yeah me too... Hey nuts!(referring to a bowl of nuts on the table)

TV Show: Everybody Loves Raymond