SpongeBob SquarePants Quotes
Mr. Krabs: What did I tell you about those hooks, boy?
SpongeBob SquarePants: Well, I...
Patrick: I'll tell you about the hooks. You ride them up and up and up, and then you gently float back down.
Mr. Krabs: And do you know what happens when you don't float back down?
SpongeBob SquarePants: Gift shop!
Mr. Krabs: Worse! You end up vacuum-packed in a can of tuna, with nothing to look forward to but the smell of mayonnaise. [SpongeBob and Patrick gasp in horror]
Mr. Krabs: I want you to promise me you will never go near those hooks again.
SpongeBob SquarePants, Patrick: We promise, Mr. Krabs!
Mr. Krabs: I wanna hear a sailor's promise. Yo ho, yo ho. Near the hooks I'll never go.
SpongeBob SquarePants, Patrick: Yo ho, yo ho. Near the hooks I'll never go.
Mr. Krabs: [a hook gooses him] Yeow! Mother of pearl! Fire on the poopdeck!
SpongeBob SquarePants, Patrick: Yeow! Mother of pearl! Fire on the poopdeck!
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Squidward: [sighs] SpongeBob, I have a confession to make...
SpongeBob: [as Squidward takes off the towel on his head, he gasps] You're bald?
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Squidward: [To Krabs. ] Why don't you go and ask Cowbob Ranchpants and his friend sir Eat-a-lot.
Mr. Krabs: SpongeBob. What's with all the nicknames?
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Squidward: Okay, SpongeBob, I bet you can't play music on a piece of paper. [plays on his clarinet]
SpongeBob: [he claps] Hurray! That was great, Squidward! All those wrong notes you played made it sound more original.
Squidward: I didn't play any wrong notes. [plays again]
SpongeBob: Yeah, see, you're playing it like this... [plays like Squidward with the paper]
SpongeBob: when ordinarily it goes like this. [plays it right]
SpongeBob: [stops playing] I'm partial to playing in the key of A minor myself. [a huge piece of music appears in the background]
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Squidward: SpongeBob is the only guy I know who can have fun with a jellyfish, [shouting]
Squidward: for twelve hours!
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Squidward: Spongebob, are you trying to put me in the nuthouse?
SpongeBob: Nope, just into this hole
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Squidward: Why would anyone stay at a hotel in Bikini Bottom? It's in the middle of scenic nowhere. There's nothing to do here except get stung by jellyfish. [Jellyfish stings Squidward]
Squidward: See?
TV Show: SpongeBob SquarePants
Squidward: Will you please stop leaving your undergarments on my front lawn?
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Squidward: Years ago, at this very restaurant, the hatch-slinging slasher used to be a frycook, just like you. Only clumsier! And then, one night, when he was cutting the patties, it happened...
SpongeBob: He forgot the secret sauce?
Squidward: No.
SpongeBob: He didn't wash his hands?
Squidward: No!
SpongeBob: Irregular portions?
Squidward: NO! He cut off his own hand! By mistake!
SpongeBob: You mean like this? [At every 'this', SpongeBob removes his arm and a new one grows back]
SpongeBob: Or like this? Or this? Or this? But what about this? Or this? Or this? Or this?
Squidward: Except he wasn't a sponge!
SpongeBob: So?
Squidward: So it didn't grow back!
SpongeBob: OH NO!
Squidward: And he replaced his hand... with a rusty spatula. And then... he got hit by a bus! And, as funeral, they fired him! So now... every... What day is it?
SpongeBob: Tuesday.
Squidward: Tuesday night! His ghost returns to the Krusty Krab to wreak his horrible vengeance!
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Patrick: The inner machinations of my mind are an enigma [thought bubble for Patrick shows a carton of milk tipping over and spilling]
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SpongeBob Squarepants: [after waking up from a bad dream] Ah! [sees everyone hovering over his bed]
SpongeBob Squarepants: Hey. What's going on? Are we having a pajama party?
Squidward: No! We are not!
Sandy Cheeks: Just do us all a favor and stay out of our dreams!
Squidward: Don't we get enough of you in the day?
Gary: Meow!
Patrick: Does anybody have a quarter?
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SpongeBob SquarePants: [in a mattress store] Wow, look at all these mattresses! How many do you think here are?
Patrick: [looks around the store] Ten.
SpongeBob SquarePants: Cool.
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SpongeBob SquarePants: [patrolling the streets as hall monitor, he sees a couple inside a house] An open window!
Female Fish: More seaweed medley, dear?
SpongeBob SquarePants: They've left themselves susceptible to danger. I must teach them the error of their ways... through example. [SpongeBob jumps through the window wearing a ski mask]
SpongeBob SquarePants: Yaaah! I'm the open window maniac! [the couple run out the door]
SpongeBob SquarePants: I hope you learned a valuable lesson.
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SpongeBob SquarePants: [waiting for the bus] Getting hungry. Glove candy dispenser! Good thing I went to Glove World. [takes candy from dispenser, then spits it out]
SpongeBob SquarePants: Eww! Glove-flavored.
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SpongeBob SquarePants: Bye Squidward! Bye Mr. Krabs! Bye Squidward!
Patrick: You said bye to Squidward twice.
SpongeBob SquarePants: [grins huge, pauses, dreamily] I liiiike Squidward.
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SpongeBob SquarePants: Hey, everybody! Not ripped pants... [Rips out pants]
SpongeBob SquarePants: Pants ripped off. Someone call the police, there's a pants thief on the loose.
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SpongeBob SquarePants: Hi, Kevin. I'm your biggest fan.
Kevin the Sea Cucumber: That's nice. Security!
SpongeBob SquarePants: No, no! I'll do anything you want!
Kevin the Sea Cucumber: Go jump off a building. [SpongeBob jumps off building, returns]
SpongeBob SquarePants: Anything.
Kevin the Sea Cucumber: Punch yourself in the face. [SpongeBob punches himself with a boxing glove]
Kevin the Sea Cucumber: Doesn't that hurt?
SpongeBob SquarePants: [Puts on a metal gauntlet with spikes] Do you want it to hurt, Kevin?
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SpongeBob SquarePants: I guess Grampa SquarePants was right: Never run for a bus... [Imitates Grampa SquarePants]
SpongeBob SquarePants: ... especially one that's going up at a 90 degree angle.
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SpongeBob SquarePants: I'm every bit as good as Larry, and if I'm not, then may I be struck by... [rumble of thunder]
SpongeBob SquarePants: ... a flying ice cream truck. [a shadow forms over SpongeBob; chimes play]
SpongeBob SquarePants: And live! [the flying ice cream truck stops short of crushing Spongebob]
Larry the Lobster: [on megaphone] Please do not land flying ice cream trucks on the bathers.
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SpongeBob SquarePants: I'm sick, Patrick. I'm going to the doctor.
Patrick: What? Oh no, you can't go!
SpongeBob SquarePants: Why not?
Patrick: I know a guy who knows a guy who went to the doctor, and the doctor's office is a horrible, horrible place.
SpongeBob SquarePants: It can't be as horrible as the suds. [Sneezes]
Patrick: Oh, it is, SpongeBob. First, they make you sit in a... waiting room!
SpongeBob SquarePants: Is that the horrible part?
Patrick: No, it gets worse. They make you read... old magazines! [SpongeBob shrieks]
Patrick: Then the doctor pulls out his stethoscope.
SpongeBob SquarePants: No!
Patrick: Yes! It's a device so sinister, so icy cold when it touches your bare flesh that... Pssh!
SpongeBob SquarePants: Aaah! No doctor! No stethoscope! No magazines! No Pssh! Patrick, I don't want to go to the doctor.
Patrick: Exactly.
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SpongeBob SquarePants: Squidward smells. Hmm, This one's not finished. [writes on dumpster the word "good"]
SpongeBob SquarePants: Squidward smells good!
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SpongeBob SquarePants: There it is. The finest eating establishment ever established for eating. The Krusty Krab, home of the Krabby Patty, with the Help Wanted sign on the front. I've waited years for this moment. I'm gonna go in there, march straight up to the manager, look at him straight in the eye, lay it on the line, and - I can't do it! [turns away, but is stopped by Patrick]
SpongeBob SquarePants: Patrick!
Patrick: Where do you think you're going?
SpongeBob SquarePants: I was just...
Patrick: No, you're not. You go in there and get that job.
SpongeBob SquarePants: No, I can't! Don't you see?
Patrick: Who's first words were "May I take your order?"
SpongeBob SquarePants: Mine were.
Patrick: Who made a spatula out of toothpicks in shop class?
SpongeBob SquarePants: I did.
Patrick: Who's a... who... Ungh... Who's a big, yellow cube with holes?
SpongeBob SquarePants: I am!
Patrick: Who's ready?
SpongeBob SquarePants: I'm ready!
Patrick: Who's ready?
SpongeBob SquarePants: I'm ready!
Patrick: Who's ready?
SpongeBob SquarePants: *I'm ready!*
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SpongeBob SquarePants: Well Patrick, I was going to ask you if you wanted to go jellyfishing but I can see that you're busy having an episode.
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SpongeBob: [they think they have just killed Squidward] I don't know how to say this Patrick, but our old pal Squidward he's... he's pushing up daisies
Patrick: Oh, I thought he was dead
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SpongeBob: Hey, Squidward, check this out! Two ordinary patties, but when expertly tossed with the skill of a champ, they become...
Patrick: ...A one way ticket to *pain*! [smashes into Mr. Krabb's door]
TV Show: SpongeBob SquarePants