Red vs. Blue Quotes
Tucker: Man Caboose, you were asleep for a long time. What were you dreaming about?
Caboose: Ohhhh nothing. I do not like to dream. I try not to think while I am sleeping.
Tucker: That's pretty much how you function while you're awake too.
Caboose: I think it is easy as important.
Church: [In ghost form] Well you look okay, then again that's just the armor. How do you feel?
Caboose: Great! [Short pause] Who are you?
Church: Oh come on, not this again! How can you seriously not remember me?!
Caboose: Oh of course! I remember you. [Shorter pause] You're Marvin!
Church: [Slowly] I'm Church.
Caboose: I think I would remember a name That ridiculous. Nope. You are definitely Phill.
Church: You killed me with the tank.
Caboose: Dave!
Church: You insulted my girlfriend, you called her a cow.
Caboose: Terrence!
Tucker: Dude, he called her a slut.
Caboose: Phineas?
Church: You're whole life is based around pleasing me.
Caboose: Wally.
Church: In fact, I think you're kind of obsessed w-
Caboose: Milo?
Church: -ith being my best friend.
Caboose: [To Tucker] Psst! The new guy is pretty full of himself.
Church: New guy? What the? I'm not the new guy! You're the new guy!
Tucker: I don't know, I kinda like it. I can get used to calling you rookie.
Church: Oh yeah? Could you get used to me beating you to death?
Caboose: [To Tucker again] Psst! What's wrong with the rookie? He seems mad.
Church: Oh son of a bitch.
Caboose: Hooven?
Caboose: Ohhhh nothing. I do not like to dream. I try not to think while I am sleeping.
Tucker: That's pretty much how you function while you're awake too.
Caboose: I think it is easy as important.
Church: [In ghost form] Well you look okay, then again that's just the armor. How do you feel?
Caboose: Great! [Short pause] Who are you?
Church: Oh come on, not this again! How can you seriously not remember me?!
Caboose: Oh of course! I remember you. [Shorter pause] You're Marvin!
Church: [Slowly] I'm Church.
Caboose: I think I would remember a name That ridiculous. Nope. You are definitely Phill.
Church: You killed me with the tank.
Caboose: Dave!
Church: You insulted my girlfriend, you called her a cow.
Caboose: Terrence!
Tucker: Dude, he called her a slut.
Caboose: Phineas?
Church: You're whole life is based around pleasing me.
Caboose: Wally.
Church: In fact, I think you're kind of obsessed w-
Caboose: Milo?
Church: -ith being my best friend.
Caboose: [To Tucker] Psst! The new guy is pretty full of himself.
Church: New guy? What the? I'm not the new guy! You're the new guy!
Tucker: I don't know, I kinda like it. I can get used to calling you rookie.
Church: Oh yeah? Could you get used to me beating you to death?
Caboose: [To Tucker again] Psst! What's wrong with the rookie? He seems mad.
Church: Oh son of a bitch.
Caboose: Hooven?
TV Show: Red vs. Blue
Grif: Donut, there's no way you can jump that high.
Donut: Yes I can. (jumps) (while jumping a second time) Yes I can.
Simmons: What the hell is he doing?
Grif: Losing a bet.
Donut: Yes I can. (jumps) (while jumping a second time) Yes I can.
Simmons: What the hell is he doing?
Grif: Losing a bet.
TV Show: Red vs. Blue
[explosion noise]
Donut: OW! Who left the spleen ball where someone could trip on it? Simmons! I need your ovaries!
Donut: OW! Who left the spleen ball where someone could trip on it? Simmons! I need your ovaries!
TV Show: Red vs. Blue
Simmons: Grif whats wrong? Are my lungs ok? Wait a second, are you smoking inside of your helment again?
Grif: What? No. (Exhales smoke)Oops.
Simmons: Dammit, I knew this would happen. And how many snack cakes have you had today?
Grif: None.
Simmons: : ...
Grif: Okay five. ...or more. Baker's dozen at most.
Simmons: Do you even know how many there are in a baker's dozen?
Grif: By my count? Forty eight.
Grif: What? No. (Exhales smoke)Oops.
Simmons: Dammit, I knew this would happen. And how many snack cakes have you had today?
Grif: None.
Simmons: : ...
Grif: Okay five. ...or more. Baker's dozen at most.
Simmons: Do you even know how many there are in a baker's dozen?
Grif: By my count? Forty eight.
TV Show: Red vs. Blue
[O'Malley and Doc are conversing in the cave, à la Gollum/Sméagol]
Doc: You know, I really think we should try a non-violent approach to resolve this.
O'Malley: I agree, except replace the word "non" with "extremely", and after the word "violent", include the phrase "blood explosion extraordinaire"!
Doc: You know, I really think we should try a non-violent approach to resolve this.
O'Malley: I agree, except replace the word "non" with "extremely", and after the word "violent", include the phrase "blood explosion extraordinaire"!
TV Show: Red vs. Blue
O'Malley: I will rip out their guts and feast on their entrails!
Doc: But I'm a vegetarian!
O'Malley: I will devour their hearts and crap out their souls! They will all taste oblivion! Which tastes just like Red Bull... which is disgusting.
Doc: But I'm a vegetarian!
O'Malley: I will devour their hearts and crap out their souls! They will all taste oblivion! Which tastes just like Red Bull... which is disgusting.
TV Show: Red vs. Blue
Grif: Look, instead of just running straight in to enemy gunfire like we usually do, why don't we try some reconnaissance this time?
Donut: You mean like spy stuff? That would be cool! I could wear, a spy tuxedo...
Sarge: No.
Donut: With a hidden spy camera...
Simmons: No.
Donut: Inside a tiny spy bowtie...
Grif: No.
Donut: Or, I could wear a flower on my lapel...
Sarge: Said no.
Donut: That sprays water in people's faces, oh man...
Simmons: Shut up Donut.
Donut: No- secret spy liquid, hahaha. That would be awesome!
Simmons and Sarge: No!
Grif: Maybe! ...Uh, I mean... noooooo.
Donut: Oh come on, I could be double-O Donut!
Simmons: You mean like Doonut?
Donut: The license to thrill! Or be thrilled!
Sarge: Alright, since you're both so in to the idea, Grif, Donut, you're on recon. Find us a way to break in to their base, and report back on the double.
Grif: Great, more time alone with the idiot.
Donut: Grif, Grif Grif Grif Grif Grif Grif. Let's pretend, we're wearing super-spy jetpacks!
Grif: (sighing) Huhhhhhhg...
Donut: No, no no no, like this- (jetpack whooshing noise) Phschewschhhhhhhhhhhwewwwww...
Donut: You mean like spy stuff? That would be cool! I could wear, a spy tuxedo...
Sarge: No.
Donut: With a hidden spy camera...
Simmons: No.
Donut: Inside a tiny spy bowtie...
Grif: No.
Donut: Or, I could wear a flower on my lapel...
Sarge: Said no.
Donut: That sprays water in people's faces, oh man...
Simmons: Shut up Donut.
Donut: No- secret spy liquid, hahaha. That would be awesome!
Simmons and Sarge: No!
Grif: Maybe! ...Uh, I mean... noooooo.
Donut: Oh come on, I could be double-O Donut!
Simmons: You mean like Doonut?
Donut: The license to thrill! Or be thrilled!
Sarge: Alright, since you're both so in to the idea, Grif, Donut, you're on recon. Find us a way to break in to their base, and report back on the double.
Grif: Great, more time alone with the idiot.
Donut: Grif, Grif Grif Grif Grif Grif Grif. Let's pretend, we're wearing super-spy jetpacks!
Grif: (sighing) Huhhhhhhg...
Donut: No, no no no, like this- (jetpack whooshing noise) Phschewschhhhhhhhhhhwewwwww...
TV Show: Red vs. Blue
Grif: Hey, can you not stop that for two seconds?
Donut: Come on agent- (clears throat, resumes in a deeper voice) Come on, Agent Grif. We've got to hurry if we want to save the Princess from the evil goblin.
Grif: What Princess? I thought you were pretending to be in a spy movie?
Donut: Look, my secret spy character gets to marry a beautiful Princess in a castle, alright? Deal with it!
Grif: Donut, can you just go find some higher ground or something?
Donut: But we're on higher ground now.
Grif: Why don't you use your jetpack to go to the highest ground?
Donut: Good idea! I bet the blues won't think of that!
Grif: No, if they were that stupid, we probably would have won by now.
Donut: Secret Agent Donut, to the rescue! Phschewshhhhhhhhhhh... (heads off)
Grif: I could just shoot him. No one would ever have to know. No one.
Donut: Come on agent- (clears throat, resumes in a deeper voice) Come on, Agent Grif. We've got to hurry if we want to save the Princess from the evil goblin.
Grif: What Princess? I thought you were pretending to be in a spy movie?
Donut: Look, my secret spy character gets to marry a beautiful Princess in a castle, alright? Deal with it!
Grif: Donut, can you just go find some higher ground or something?
Donut: But we're on higher ground now.
Grif: Why don't you use your jetpack to go to the highest ground?
Donut: Good idea! I bet the blues won't think of that!
Grif: No, if they were that stupid, we probably would have won by now.
Donut: Secret Agent Donut, to the rescue! Phschewshhhhhhhhhhh... (heads off)
Grif: I could just shoot him. No one would ever have to know. No one.
TV Show: Red vs. Blue
Donut: Okay, listen closely. Our biggest secrets is Wahigattatawagatagata.
Church possessing Donut: Caboose, it's me Church. I've possessed this guy so we can... whew, hey, this pink armor is kinda' comfortable. Roomie. Sweet. What were you two guys talking about?
Caboose: Oh... nothing.
Church: .... Wanna braid each others hair?
Church possessing Donut: Caboose, it's me Church. I've possessed this guy so we can... whew, hey, this pink armor is kinda' comfortable. Roomie. Sweet. What were you two guys talking about?
Caboose: Oh... nothing.
Church: .... Wanna braid each others hair?
TV Show: Red vs. Blue
[Reds negotiate with the Blues with Church possessing Donut, posing as a prisoner]:
Sarge: What's this business? The Blues are giving up? I smell a trap. Or rat. Or rat in a trap. Don't accept, Simmons.
Simmons: You can't surrender, Blues! We haven't attacked you! Now go home and wait for us to attack and then you can surrender!
Grif: Wait. If we accept, that means we will have two surrenders and they will have none. That means we WIN!
Simmons: Win what?
Grif: Uh, I don't know. The war... or something, right?
Simmons: You're an idiot.
Church: [shouting to Reds from a distance] In exchange for not killing us, they, them, we, they would like to (Tucker turns to him and stares at him) release the robot guy and me. [pause] The pink guy.
Tucker: Are you becoming retarded?
Simmons: What should we do, sir?
Sarge: I'm torn, between my intense distrust of the blue team, and the need for plans stored in my favourite robotic creation. No offense, Simmons.
Simmons: None taken, sir. You removed the negative emotional center of my brain, and implanted it in Grif.
Grif: [crying] I CAN'T, I JUST CAN'T TAKE THIS, WE'RE ALL GOING TO DIE!
Church: I don't think they're going for it.
Sarge: What's this business? The Blues are giving up? I smell a trap. Or rat. Or rat in a trap. Don't accept, Simmons.
Simmons: You can't surrender, Blues! We haven't attacked you! Now go home and wait for us to attack and then you can surrender!
Grif: Wait. If we accept, that means we will have two surrenders and they will have none. That means we WIN!
Simmons: Win what?
Grif: Uh, I don't know. The war... or something, right?
Simmons: You're an idiot.
Church: [shouting to Reds from a distance] In exchange for not killing us, they, them, we, they would like to (Tucker turns to him and stares at him) release the robot guy and me. [pause] The pink guy.
Tucker: Are you becoming retarded?
Simmons: What should we do, sir?
Sarge: I'm torn, between my intense distrust of the blue team, and the need for plans stored in my favourite robotic creation. No offense, Simmons.
Simmons: None taken, sir. You removed the negative emotional center of my brain, and implanted it in Grif.
Grif: [crying] I CAN'T, I JUST CAN'T TAKE THIS, WE'RE ALL GOING TO DIE!
Church: I don't think they're going for it.
TV Show: Red vs. Blue
Tucker: Oh, MOTHERFUCKER!!
Simmons: OKAY, NOW YOU'RE UNDER ATTACK! GO AND SURRENDER, BITCH!
Sarge: Nice thinking, Simmons.
Grif: [crying] The humanity!
Church: ALRIGHT, THEY SURRENDER!
Tucker: Fuck that. I'm pissed. Let's fight!
Simmons: OKAY, NOW YOU'RE UNDER ATTACK! GO AND SURRENDER, BITCH!
Sarge: Nice thinking, Simmons.
Grif: [crying] The humanity!
Church: ALRIGHT, THEY SURRENDER!
Tucker: Fuck that. I'm pissed. Let's fight!
TV Show: Red vs. Blue
[Caboose and Donut in Blue base]
Donut: I think this is what they call the calm before the storm?
Caboose: I call it nap time. Which is right before food time. And then comes food-nap time! That is my favorite time of them all!
Donut: I think this is what they call the calm before the storm?
Caboose: I call it nap time. Which is right before food time. And then comes food-nap time! That is my favorite time of them all!
TV Show: Red vs. Blue
Caboose: Private Doughnut... That sounds like Private Biscuit!
Donut: Yeah, it kinda' does...
Donut: Yeah, it kinda' does...
TV Show: Red vs. Blue
Church: Prepare for Operation Circle of Confusion.
Tucker: Uh, Church? It kinda looks more like a triangle from down here.
Church: What?
Tucker: I'm just saying it doesn't look like a circle. It kinda looks more like we're forming a triangle.
Church: Okay, fine. Triangle of Confusion. Rhombus of Terror. Parabola of Mystery. WHO CARES!? Get the goddamn show on the road!
Tucker: Uh, Church? It kinda looks more like a triangle from down here.
Church: What?
Tucker: I'm just saying it doesn't look like a circle. It kinda looks more like we're forming a triangle.
Church: Okay, fine. Triangle of Confusion. Rhombus of Terror. Parabola of Mystery. WHO CARES!? Get the goddamn show on the road!
TV Show: Red vs. Blue
Sarge: Gentlemen allow me to introduce : Francisco Monteque Zanzibar, and this one over here is Robot #2.
Grif(reffering to Robot #2): Why didn't this one get a fancy name?
Sarge: Let's just say somebody has an overclocked sass-fact chip and rejected all the names I came up with.
Robot #2: *Stick it. You're not my real father.*
Sarge: But that's OK, I mananged to use that to my advantage. I made some special modifications to numero dos. Check it out. Robot #2. Codewooooord: DIRTBAG!
Robot #2: Meep. [hits Grif]
Grif: OW! HEY!
Sarge: Heheh. Pretty nifty, eh?
Simmons: That's awesome, sir! Let me try, let me try! Codeword: DIRTBAG!
Robot #2: Meep. [hits Grif]
Grif: OW! OK fine, two can play this game. Codeword: DIRTBAG.
Robot #2: Meep. [hits Grif]
Grif: Gah! Son of a bitch!
Grif(reffering to Robot #2): Why didn't this one get a fancy name?
Sarge: Let's just say somebody has an overclocked sass-fact chip and rejected all the names I came up with.
Robot #2: *Stick it. You're not my real father.*
Sarge: But that's OK, I mananged to use that to my advantage. I made some special modifications to numero dos. Check it out. Robot #2. Codewooooord: DIRTBAG!
Robot #2: Meep. [hits Grif]
Grif: OW! HEY!
Sarge: Heheh. Pretty nifty, eh?
Simmons: That's awesome, sir! Let me try, let me try! Codeword: DIRTBAG!
Robot #2: Meep. [hits Grif]
Grif: OW! OK fine, two can play this game. Codeword: DIRTBAG.
Robot #2: Meep. [hits Grif]
Grif: Gah! Son of a bitch!
TV Show: Red vs. Blue
Tucker: Church, the purple guy, he's...
Church: I know, it's O'Malley, he must have gotten into the medic.
Tucker: No...he's an asshole.
Shiela: Help! He took Lopez!
Church: I know, it's O'Malley, he must have gotten into the medic.
Tucker: No...he's an asshole.
Shiela: Help! He took Lopez!
TV Show: Red vs. Blue
Donut: Wow that guy is fast!
Doc: Thanks! I majored in track in high school; it was the least competitive sport I could find.
Grif: Track sucks.
O'Malley: YOU SUCK!
O'Malley: And now I make my escape with my metallic hostage never to be seen again! Unless I want to be seen. In which case, if I see you before you see me, look out!
Doc: Thanks! I majored in track in high school; it was the least competitive sport I could find.
Grif: Track sucks.
O'Malley: YOU SUCK!
O'Malley: And now I make my escape with my metallic hostage never to be seen again! Unless I want to be seen. In which case, if I see you before you see me, look out!
TV Show: Red vs. Blue
[O'Malley has escaped with Lopez and the Reds and Blues find themselves forced to work together]
Grif: So now we're forced to work together. How ironic.
Simmons: No, that's not ironic. Ironic would be if we had to work together to hurt each other.
Donut: No. Ironic would be instead of that guy kidnapping Lopez, Lopez kidnapped him.
Sarge: I think it would be ironic if our guns didn't shoot bullets, but instead squirted a healing salve that cured all wounds.
Caboose: I think it would be ironic if everyone was made of iron.
Grif: So now we're forced to work together. How ironic.
Simmons: No, that's not ironic. Ironic would be if we had to work together to hurt each other.
Donut: No. Ironic would be instead of that guy kidnapping Lopez, Lopez kidnapped him.
Sarge: I think it would be ironic if our guns didn't shoot bullets, but instead squirted a healing salve that cured all wounds.
Caboose: I think it would be ironic if everyone was made of iron.
TV Show: Red vs. Blue
Church: Okay. [slowly] We're all agreed that while the current situation is not totally ironic, the fact that we have to work together is odd in an unexpected way that defies our normal circumstances. Is everybody happy with that?
TV Show: Red vs. Blue
Church: Alright, now let's just find... Where is everybody?
Grif: Whoa, where are we? What is this place?
Max Gain: Freeze! Drop your weapon!
Church: Uh oh.
Max Gain: I said freeze, DIRTBAG!
Church: Meep! (Church hits Grif with his gun.)
Grif: Ow! Oh come on!
Grif: Whoa, where are we? What is this place?
Max Gain: Freeze! Drop your weapon!
Church: Uh oh.
Max Gain: I said freeze, DIRTBAG!
Church: Meep! (Church hits Grif with his gun.)
Grif: Ow! Oh come on!
TV Show: Red vs. Blue
Tucker: Uuuuugghhh...
Donut: Come on mister Blue guy, you gotta wake up, wake up!
Tucker: It hurts...just let me die.
Donut: You can't die! I'm bored! All these girls wanna talk about is chick stuff, and not the fun chick stuff like ribbons and unicorns.
[Camera goes to a view where Tex is talking to Sheila behind Donut]
Tex: I don't have treads, but I often find them staring at things they really shouldn't be.
[Camera goes back to Donut]
Donut: You see? Boring stuff, like oppression and a hostile work environment!
Tucker: Get Doc, I need Doc.
Donut: I can't, he got possessed by the evil guy and they escaped! He's the one who shot you, don't you remember?
Tucker: I know, I want him to shoot me again.
Donut: Now, now, now. Sounds like someone's got a case of the poor me's. If you were gonna die, you would have done it by now! Maybe you just need to realize you're gonna to have to live with intense pain.
Tucker: Get that Sarge guy. Have him make me a new body.
Donut: Ugh, we can't. We're out of parts because we overused that joke, and Sarge left with the others to go chase Doc. But don't you worry, they left a long time ago, so I'm sure they'll be back any minute. Simmons had a foolproof plan to catch 'em.
Donut: Come on mister Blue guy, you gotta wake up, wake up!
Tucker: It hurts...just let me die.
Donut: You can't die! I'm bored! All these girls wanna talk about is chick stuff, and not the fun chick stuff like ribbons and unicorns.
[Camera goes to a view where Tex is talking to Sheila behind Donut]
Tex: I don't have treads, but I often find them staring at things they really shouldn't be.
[Camera goes back to Donut]
Donut: You see? Boring stuff, like oppression and a hostile work environment!
Tucker: Get Doc, I need Doc.
Donut: I can't, he got possessed by the evil guy and they escaped! He's the one who shot you, don't you remember?
Tucker: I know, I want him to shoot me again.
Donut: Now, now, now. Sounds like someone's got a case of the poor me's. If you were gonna die, you would have done it by now! Maybe you just need to realize you're gonna to have to live with intense pain.
Tucker: Get that Sarge guy. Have him make me a new body.
Donut: Ugh, we can't. We're out of parts because we overused that joke, and Sarge left with the others to go chase Doc. But don't you worry, they left a long time ago, so I'm sure they'll be back any minute. Simmons had a foolproof plan to catch 'em.
TV Show: Red vs. Blue
[Camera goes to Simmons in Chiron TL34]
Simmons: Hello? Hello? Is anybody here? Just great, I guess we all got separated in the teleporter.
[Simmons turns on radio]
Simmons: Sarge, this is Simmons 2.0, do you read me? Apparently your plan to chase Lopez and Doc has failed miserably. I appear to be stuck in some kind of nexus of teleporters which should take me anywhere in the universe...or it's the janitors closet. Hell, I don't fuckin' know. Sarge!? Are you there? Sarge!?
Simmons: Hello? Hello? Is anybody here? Just great, I guess we all got separated in the teleporter.
[Simmons turns on radio]
Simmons: Sarge, this is Simmons 2.0, do you read me? Apparently your plan to chase Lopez and Doc has failed miserably. I appear to be stuck in some kind of nexus of teleporters which should take me anywhere in the universe...or it's the janitors closet. Hell, I don't fuckin' know. Sarge!? Are you there? Sarge!?
TV Show: Red vs. Blue
Church: Caboose who are you talking to--- HOLY SHIT!!!
Alien: BLARG!
Caboose: Stop he is my friend, he's not going to it eat anybody.
Andy: Yeah says you stink too much to eat.
Alien: BLARG!
Caboose: Stop he is my friend, he's not going to it eat anybody.
Andy: Yeah says you stink too much to eat.
TV Show: Red vs. Blue
Caboose: He has not tried to bite me, at all-
Alien: Blargh.
Caboose: ...since he bit me the first time.
Andy: Yeah, that was hilarious!
Alien: Blargh.
Caboose: ...since he bit me the first time.
Andy: Yeah, that was hilarious!
TV Show: Red vs. Blue
Caboose: I think "blarg" means me. Or...apples. Guys Apples must be the name of his cat! Quick, quick is Apples stuck in a tree? I will call the fire department!
TV Show: Red vs. Blue
Caboose: I think he might be saying things telepathically. I just heard something in my head.
Church: What? What was it?
Caboose: It was a voice saying "Blargh blargh blargh blargh!"
Church: What? What was it?
Caboose: It was a voice saying "Blargh blargh blargh blargh!"
TV Show: Red vs. Blue
[Upon arriving in Battle Creek]
Sarge: Hello? Anyone? Do you read me? Do I read you? Anyone? Anybody? Nobody? Okay. Clicks off radio Well, I don't think the others are coming. We must have gotten separated somehow.
Caboose: My toes, are getting pruney.
Sarge: Ooookay. Why don't we try to find O'Malley?
Caboose: I know where you can find O'Malley. He lived inside my helmet for a while. Maybe he left an address to send his mail. We were like roommates!
Sarge: Sounds like he took some of the furniture when he left… and the carpet… and the drapes… and I wouldn't expect to get that deposit back, if y'know what I mean.
[Caboose rounds the corner to see a blue man laying on the ground]
Caboose: Sergeant! Look! A sleeping person!
Sarge: What? Holy Macaroon... [Sarge runs over to inspect the blue] He's not sleeping son, he's dead.
Caboose: Oh good. At first, I thought that was me. Because I am blue and I like to sleep. But if he is dead, that cannot be me. That would be silly.
Sarge: No doubt he was killed by our very enemy. Once again, I find my-self torn. On the one hand, there's one less blue in the universe, but now Doc's got a bigger body count than me! And that just won't do, No sir. [Sarge turns to the dead blue] Rest in piece...scumbag.
[Caboose rounds the next corner to find a small area with bullet holes in the walls, blood on the ground and walls and many reds and blues lying on the ground]
Caboose: Look, more sleeping people. It must be nap time! But who has nap time now? Nap time comes before pants time, not after. I think these people are just making up times!
Sarge: What the Samuel Helsinki happened here? There must have been an enormous battle. [Calls out] Hello? Is anyone okay? Are th
Sarge: Hello? Anyone? Do you read me? Do I read you? Anyone? Anybody? Nobody? Okay. Clicks off radio Well, I don't think the others are coming. We must have gotten separated somehow.
Caboose: My toes, are getting pruney.
Sarge: Ooookay. Why don't we try to find O'Malley?
Caboose: I know where you can find O'Malley. He lived inside my helmet for a while. Maybe he left an address to send his mail. We were like roommates!
Sarge: Sounds like he took some of the furniture when he left… and the carpet… and the drapes… and I wouldn't expect to get that deposit back, if y'know what I mean.
[Caboose rounds the corner to see a blue man laying on the ground]
Caboose: Sergeant! Look! A sleeping person!
Sarge: What? Holy Macaroon... [Sarge runs over to inspect the blue] He's not sleeping son, he's dead.
Caboose: Oh good. At first, I thought that was me. Because I am blue and I like to sleep. But if he is dead, that cannot be me. That would be silly.
Sarge: No doubt he was killed by our very enemy. Once again, I find my-self torn. On the one hand, there's one less blue in the universe, but now Doc's got a bigger body count than me! And that just won't do, No sir. [Sarge turns to the dead blue] Rest in piece...scumbag.
[Caboose rounds the next corner to find a small area with bullet holes in the walls, blood on the ground and walls and many reds and blues lying on the ground]
Caboose: Look, more sleeping people. It must be nap time! But who has nap time now? Nap time comes before pants time, not after. I think these people are just making up times!
Sarge: What the Samuel Helsinki happened here? There must have been an enormous battle. [Calls out] Hello? Is anyone okay? Are th
TV Show: Red vs. Blue