House Quotes

[last lines]
Lawrence Talbot: Get out! It's the Frankenstein monster!
Mob Bursting Into Lab: [multiple ad libs] Get out... The Frankenstein monster... [unintelligible noises and shouts, as they turn and run]

TV Show: House
Main article: House (TV series)/Season 1

TV Show: House
Dr. Cuddy: Your reputation won't last if you don't do your job; the clinic is part of your job. I want you to do your job.
Dr. House: Ah, yes, but as the philosopher Jagger once said, 'You can't always get what you want.'

TV Show: House
Dr. Foreman: Isn't treating patients why we became doctors?
Dr. House: No, treating illnesses is why we became doctors. Treating patients is what makes most doctors miserable.

TV Show: House
Cuddy: Two plain old sick babies would bore you.
House: See, this is why I don't waste money on shrinks, because you give me all these really great insights for free.
Cuddy: Shrink! If you would consider going to a shrink, I would pay for it myself. The hospital would hold a bake sale, for God's sake.

TV Show: House
Main article: House (TV series)/Season 2

TV Show: House
Assistant: You can't go in there.
Dr. House: Who are you? And why are you wearing a tie?
Assistant: I'm Dr. Cuddy's new assistant. Can I tell her what it's regarding?
Dr. House: Yes! I would like to know why she gets a secretary and I don't.
Assistant: I'm her assistant, not her secretary. I graduated from Rutgers.
Dr. House: Hmm... I didn't know they had a secretarial school. Well, I hope you took some classes in sexual harassment law. Does the word "ka-ching" mean anything to you? I'm going in now.

TV Show: House
Dr. House: You know how people say you can't live without love? Well, oxygen's even more important.

TV Show: House
Henry Arrington (patient): If you're not prepared to look stupid, nothing great is ever gonna happen.

TV Show: House
"Faith - that's another word for ignorance, isn't it?"

TV Show: House
Main article: House (TV series)/Season 3

TV Show: House
Dr. Wilson: So if there's no diagnostic issue why are you taking the case?
Dr. House: ...Treatment can be interesting.
Dr. Wilson: Not to you.
Dr. House: I've changed.
Dr. Wilson: No you haven't.
Dr. House: [immediately] No I haven't.

TV Show: House
Main article: House (TV series)/Season 4

TV Show: House
Dr. Cuddy: Two surgeries for multiple fractures and burns-
Dr. House: I was thinking the broken bones are a response to the building falling on her head.

TV Show: House
Dr. Volakis: I'm tired. I think it's time to go to sleep...
Dr. Wilson: Just a little longer.
Dr. Volakis: We're always going to want "just a little longer".
Dr. Wilson: I don't think I can do it.
Dr. Volakis: It's ok.
Dr. Wilson: No, it's not ok. Why is it ok with you? Why aren't you angry?
Dr. Volakis: That's not the last feeling I want to experience.

TV Show: House
Dr. House: You're dead.
Dr. Volakis: Everybody dies.
Dr. House: Am I dead?
Dr. Volakis: Not yet.
Dr. House: I should be.
Dr. Volakis: Why?
Dr. House: Because life shouldn't be random. Because lonely, misantropic drug addicts should die in bus crashes. And the young do-gooders in love that get dragged out of their apartments in the middle of the night should walk away clean.
Dr. Volakis: Self pity isn't like you.
Dr. House: I don't know... I'm branching out from self-loathing to self-destruction. Wilson is gonna hate me.
Dr. Volakis: You kinda deserve it.
Dr. House: He's my best friend.
Dr. Volakis: I know. What now?
Dr. House: I stay here with you.
Dr. Volakis: Get off the bus.
Dr. House: I can't.
Dr. Volakis: Why not?
Dr. House: Because... because it doesn't hurt here. I lied... I don't wanna be in pain, I don't wanna be... miserable. And I don't want him to hate me.
Dr. Volakis: Well, you can't always get what you want.

TV Show: House
Main article: House (TV series)/Season 5

TV Show: House
House: [to a claustrophobic patient playing basketball] Am I crowding you? [getting in the patient's space]

TV Show: House
House: Dry heaves are gone and so am I.

TV Show: House
House: And he's black. You'd think you'd be a little more sensitive on the slavery issue.

TV Show: House
House: I was deluded into thinking I might be crazy.

TV Show: House
House: [Mockingly] I don't wanna practice medicine. I wanna be an astronaut.

TV Show: House
House: Is that a popular new treatment? Blackmail?

TV Show: House
House: Is suicide taboo? Or is it just irrelevant?

TV Show: House
House: I want to deal with my problems some place where I can get a decent cappuccino.

TV Show: House
House: Seriously, anorexia? Were you supposed to be a girl? And in answer to your implicit question, yes those pants make you look fat.

TV Show: House
House: So how upset were you when you woke up in the ER and you were still alive? And a failure?

TV Show: House
House: It's table tennis, not table volleyball, and with no net, it's table nothing.

TV Show: House
House: Then we can assume the girl he's with is named 'Nooner.

TV Show: House
House: (to Alvie) You're my only friend. And I hate you.

TV Show: House