The Golden Girls Quotes

Blanche Devereaux: My God! I'm hallucinatin'! I see little balls of sunshine in a bag! Does this mean somethin'? [holds up a bag of something yellow]
Rose Nylund: Blanche, those are egg yokes.
Blanche Devereaux: [smiling] My brain's gone!
Blanche Devereaux: [a few moments later; same bag of egg yokes] Rose, what is this? Yellow eye balls are starin' at me!

TV Show: The Golden Girls
Blanche: You know what I always hate doing after a party?
Rose: Trying to find your underwear in the big pile?
Blanche: [offended] Cleanin' up the dirty dishes! You twit.

TV Show: The Golden Girls
Sophia: Jean likes girls instead of boys - some people prefer cats instead of dogs. I'd rather live with a lesbian than a cat.

TV Show: The Golden Girls
Sophia: Jean thinks she's in love with Rose
Blanche: Rose? Jean has the hots for Rose? I don't believe it! I do not believe it!
Dorothy: I was pretty surprised myself
Blanche: Well, I bet! To think Jean would prefer Rose over me, that's ridiculous!

TV Show: The Golden Girls
Sophia: Please, I'm in my twilight years.
Dorothy: You're in the Twilight ZONE!

TV Show: The Golden Girls
[the girls have been picked up for prostitution and are in a holding cell. One of the "working girls" takes offense at something Blanche says, and Dorothy steps in to save the situation]
Dorothy: Hey you punk... you wanna fight with somebody, you fight with me but I warn you I did time in Attica.
Prostitute in Jail: Attica's a *men's* prison!
Dorothy: I know. I was there a year before they found out.
Prostitute in Jail: [backing down] Sorry, chief. Didn't mean to ruffle your feathers.
Blanche: Dorothy, that was magnificent, how did you do that?
Dorothy: I taught in the public school system. It's really not that different.

TV Show: The Golden Girls
Rose: I wonder why Italian men are so romantic.
Dorothy: It’s the tight pants, Rose.

TV Show: The Golden Girls
Rose: What a day. One sad person after another.
Dorothy: Rose, you work at grief counseling. What do you expect, comedians?

TV Show: The Golden Girls
Dorothy: Ma, the taxi driver said you promised him a $67 dollar tip!
Sophia: Don't be silly, I said a $6, $7 dollar tip! Why don't these people learn English if they're gonna live here? This is Miami - I'd have less trouble getting around Ecuador!

TV Show: The Golden Girls
Rose: Sit down, Sophia. You must be exhausted.
Sophia: Why? I rode in the cab, I didn't push it!

TV Show: The Golden Girls
Harry: [to Sophia] You must be Blanche's sister.
Sophia: You must be blind!

TV Show: The Golden Girls
Blanche: [to Harry] Sophia's home just burned down.
Harry: [to Sophia] That's terrible!
Sophia: Not to me. It was a retirement home, and you know what they did? They set off the fire alarm, in a retirement home. Who can rush? Half the people have walkers, the other half can't get out of their chairs. But they've got bells going off like crazy! You know what that does to hearts that only beat a few times a week? It's not pretty!

TV Show: The Golden Girls
Blanche: We're going to New York for the honeymoon. I just hope I don't get murdered.

TV Show: The Golden Girls
Rose: Oh Sophia, did we wake you?
Sophia: I heard noise, I thought it was robbers, so I hid my jewels. Now I can't remember where.
Dorothy: Ma, you don't have any jewels.
Sophia: Thank God, because I can't find them.

TV Show: The Golden Girls
Rose: I know grief. It takes time.
Dorothy: Please, Rose. Listen, if you're Irish, you have a wake. You eat, you cry, you drink, you vomit and you're done. If you're Jewish, you cry, you sit, you eat for seven days. You put on ten pounds, and it's over. We Italians scream, dress up a donkey, hire a band, and that's that. It's these Southern Protestants who make it a way of life.

TV Show: The Golden Girls
Dorothy: Let's go out and celebrate.
Sophia: What, that she came out of her room?

TV Show: The Golden Girls
Blanche: [seeing herself in a mirror lying down] I'm going to have to meet men lying down.
Sophia: I thought you did.

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Rose: I'll be fine.
Blanche: Is this about Arnie?
Dorothy: No Blanche, she's upset because they keep changing the taste of Coke.

TV Show: The Golden Girls
Rose: I don't know what to wear on a cruise.
Blanche: A life jacket and a great big smile.

TV Show: The Golden Girls
Dorothy: Who cares Rose! Did you and Arnie hit the sheets or not?!
Sophia: Dorothy!
Dorothy: ...sorry.
Rose: Some women don't like to kiss and tell.
Blanche: Oh, shoot, honey, that's half the fun! Why, most of the men I've dated just for the stories!
Dorothy: You must have more stories than O. Henry.

TV Show: The Golden Girls
Blanche: I wish I hired a decorator...Nancy Reagan's decorator. That'd kill my sister!

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[Dorothy walks in holding a baby]
Blanche: Dorothy, what in the world is that?
Dorothy: It's a flounder, Blanche.

TV Show: The Golden Girls
Blanche: We cannot have a baby in the house! My sister's coming.
Dorothy: Does she eat them?

TV Show: The Golden Girls
Virginia: [about her and Blanche's other sister Charmaine] She never could help Mama because she had heart flutters and she never could take gym class, no, because she had a tipped uterus and she never did any housework because she had a spastic colon. Now, she has attached kidneys.
Blanche That girl is some kind of mutant.

TV Show: The Golden Girls
Blanche: [about Virginia] It was the day before Christmas and we were playing and she jiggled the tree and the star fell off and broke. So she told me to pick it up and put it on my finger. And I did. Then she plugged it in. And WHAM! My eyes bugged out, my hair shot straight up, I did a crazy rollover dance all over the room, I'm sure my heart even stopped beating for a minute. Then she ran to Daddy and told her that I had broken the star and almost electrocuted her, and he sent me to my room for all of Christmas Eve and told me that Baby Jesus was mad at me for ruinin' his birthday.
Rose: Blanche, that's horrible.
Blanche: And that's not the worst part. That darn electricity straightened my hair! I used to have curly hair!

TV Show: The Golden Girls
[wondering why someone could hate their own sister]
Rose: Maybe it's Southern.
Blanche: Sleeping with your brothers is Southern!

TV Show: The Golden Girls
Blanche: I need both of my kidneys. You know what'll happen if I give her one? My ankles'll swell, my eyes'll puff up. I'll look just like the Pillsbury Doughboy!

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Rose: Why would [Virginia] need a kidney?

TV Show: The Golden Girls
Rose: The doctor says it's the first time he's ever been called because a baby was sleeping in the day. And then I think he called me an idiot.

TV Show: The Golden Girls
Rose: [about Blanche] Wherever she goes, she finds a man!
Sophia: So do hookers.

TV Show: The Golden Girls