House Quotes
Thirteen: What are you thinking?
Abby: About Nick playing baseball.
Taub: Holy crap!
Chase: That's amazing.
Foreman: Yeah. Now all we have to do is read her subconscious and hope that it's completely rational and went to med school.
Chase: Does anything get you excited?
Abby: About Nick playing baseball.
Taub: Holy crap!
Chase: That's amazing.
Foreman: Yeah. Now all we have to do is read her subconscious and hope that it's completely rational and went to med school.
Chase: Does anything get you excited?
TV Show: House
Foreman: Well, it's taken us just over an hour to prove that she has a very boring subconscious.
House: Anyone ever tell you you can be a real buzzkill?
Chase, Taub, Thirteen: Yes.
House: Anyone ever tell you you can be a real buzzkill?
Chase, Taub, Thirteen: Yes.
TV Show: House
Saleswoman: Can I help you with something?
Wilson: Yes. Uh, I was wondering if you could tell me a little bit about this dining table.
Saleswoman: It's made of wood, and you eat off it.
Wilson: So you're paid by commission?
Saleswoman: It's furniture. Find something you like, let me know, I’ll ring it up.
Wilson: Thank you so much.
Wilson: Yes. Uh, I was wondering if you could tell me a little bit about this dining table.
Saleswoman: It's made of wood, and you eat off it.
Wilson: So you're paid by commission?
Saleswoman: It's furniture. Find something you like, let me know, I’ll ring it up.
Wilson: Thank you so much.
TV Show: House
[The team sees House walking in the hall with a sword]
Thirteen: I had a dream like this once. It didn't end well.
Thirteen: I had a dream like this once. It didn't end well.
TV Show: House
House: Who's the chick, and why are you hiding her?
Wilson: You were home last night?
House: And this morning. I bumped into your babe, naked.
Wilson: I told you to stay out of my bathroom!
House: I was in the kitchen.
Wilson: She was naked in the kitchen?
House: I was naked.
Wilson: Why the hell were you naked in the kitchen?
House: Uh, it's not important right now.
Wilson: You were home last night?
House: And this morning. I bumped into your babe, naked.
Wilson: I told you to stay out of my bathroom!
House: I was in the kitchen.
Wilson: She was naked in the kitchen?
House: I was naked.
Wilson: Why the hell were you naked in the kitchen?
House: Uh, it's not important right now.
TV Show: House
Wilson: People change, House.
House: Sure. They get older, ovaries start drying up, and nice guys like you look attractive again.
House: Sure. They get older, ovaries start drying up, and nice guys like you look attractive again.
TV Show: House
Foreman: All it takes is one bad eyeball.
Thirteen: Or testicle, cow brain or my personal favorite, [looks at Chase eating] pig rectum with a side order of sphincter.
[Chase looks back at her and takes a big bite of his sandwich]
Taub: I think they call that breakfast in Australia.
Thirteen: Or testicle, cow brain or my personal favorite, [looks at Chase eating] pig rectum with a side order of sphincter.
[Chase looks back at her and takes a big bite of his sandwich]
Taub: I think they call that breakfast in Australia.
TV Show: House
Wilson: [to Rachel] Hello. I'm the friendly moose that lives outside your bedroom.
House: She hates that moose.
House: She hates that moose.
TV Show: House
Cuddy: Well, you'd be surprised how many things Wilson doesn't tell you.
House: (chuckling and leaning forward in the chair) Would I? Like — like how you slept with your father's best friend or...
Cuddy: I'm gonna kill him.
House: You need to break them up.
Cuddy: Forget it.
House: So you'd rather sit back and watch while the evil blonde gorges on Wilson's tender flesh and then tosses out his bones like she did the last time? You remember what he was like after that?
Cuddy: Yes I do.
House: Well, then do something. (leaning back in the chair) God knows he's not gonna listen to me. You, on the other hand, have decades of experience dating and being attracted to losers. Obviously, I don't include myself.
House: (chuckling and leaning forward in the chair) Would I? Like — like how you slept with your father's best friend or...
Cuddy: I'm gonna kill him.
House: You need to break them up.
Cuddy: Forget it.
House: So you'd rather sit back and watch while the evil blonde gorges on Wilson's tender flesh and then tosses out his bones like she did the last time? You remember what he was like after that?
Cuddy: Yes I do.
House: Well, then do something. (leaning back in the chair) God knows he's not gonna listen to me. You, on the other hand, have decades of experience dating and being attracted to losers. Obviously, I don't include myself.
TV Show: House
Taub: You think I've never been in a fight?
Chase: No, I just think you've never won one.
Taub: I took on three guys in college once.
House: (coming into the lab) Hope they bought you dinner first.
Chase: No, I just think you've never won one.
Taub: I took on three guys in college once.
House: (coming into the lab) Hope they bought you dinner first.
TV Show: House
Wilson: Hey. I can't believe I'm about to say this. Sam…
House: Told you so.
Wilson: No, she didn't dump me. She wants to get to know you better.
House: Damn it. I never should have let her see me naked.
Wilson: It goes against all my instincts, but I said all right.
House: Why?
Wilson: She thinks I was hiding her from you.
House: You were.
Wilson: I don't want her to know.
House: So you're asking me to condone a relationship based on lies and mistrust.
Wilson: Yeah.
House: When and where?
House: Told you so.
Wilson: No, she didn't dump me. She wants to get to know you better.
House: Damn it. I never should have let her see me naked.
Wilson: It goes against all my instincts, but I said all right.
House: Why?
Wilson: She thinks I was hiding her from you.
House: You were.
Wilson: I don't want her to know.
House: So you're asking me to condone a relationship based on lies and mistrust.
Wilson: Yeah.
House: When and where?
TV Show: House
William: I thought you were gonna tell her.
Thirteen: It's not my call, but if you ask me, she's waiting for you to.
William: Knights are supposed to be selfless.
Thirteen: Right, they conquered countries and built Castles by being selfless. Bravery and loyalty are great qualities, for soldiers. If you want to be King, sometimes you have to be willing to take what's yours.
Thirteen: It's not my call, but if you ask me, she's waiting for you to.
William: Knights are supposed to be selfless.
Thirteen: Right, they conquered countries and built Castles by being selfless. Bravery and loyalty are great qualities, for soldiers. If you want to be King, sometimes you have to be willing to take what's yours.
TV Show: House
Sam: It's just dinner. Relax.
Wilson: Trust me, there is no "just" when House is involved.
Sam: We're in the middle of a restaurant. What could he possibly...(She pauses, looking across the room) Do?
Wilson: (Following her gaze) That.
[House is coming toward them with a woman, obviously a transvestite, on his arm]
Wilson: Trust me, there is no "just" when House is involved.
Sam: We're in the middle of a restaurant. What could he possibly...(She pauses, looking across the room) Do?
Wilson: (Following her gaze) That.
[House is coming toward them with a woman, obviously a transvestite, on his arm]
TV Show: House
House: Wilson's not like us. He cares too much about people and their feelings.
Thirteen: Thanks for the compliment.
House: The code that our Knight claims to live by, all that crap about honor and chivalry. Wilson's naturally like that, which is why he's—
Thirteen: A great guy?
House: A sucker and a target. So we gotta look out for him.
Thirteen: Thanks for the compliment.
House: The code that our Knight claims to live by, all that crap about honor and chivalry. Wilson's naturally like that, which is why he's—
Thirteen: A great guy?
House: A sucker and a target. So we gotta look out for him.
TV Show: House
House: I guess you've never heard the expression, "gas chromatography machines don't lie."
William: Neither does Miles. He's the best Knight I've ever known. It's why he was chosen King.
House: Miles is a jealous idiot. And you're just an idiot.
William: Neither does Miles. He's the best Knight I've ever known. It's why he was chosen King.
House: Miles is a jealous idiot. And you're just an idiot.
TV Show: House
House: Careful. I have a sword.
Sam: (pushing the sword toward the floor) I don't agree with what you said. But I understand why you said it. We were married young, we both made mistakes, and yes, I did make most of them. But that was almost a decade ago.
House: I'm sorry, is that the statutory period for soul sucking?
Sam: (pushing the sword toward the floor) I don't agree with what you said. But I understand why you said it. We were married young, we both made mistakes, and yes, I did make most of them. But that was almost a decade ago.
House: I'm sorry, is that the statutory period for soul sucking?
TV Show: House
Cuddy: I just want us to be friends.
House: Funny. That's the last thing I want us to be.
House: Funny. That's the last thing I want us to be.
TV Show: House
House: Crush syndrome is basically a buildup of potassium. If we remove potassium...
Cuddy: We're already treating with sodium bicarbonate.
House: But not with glucose and Insulin. We have glucose in the Kit. There's gotta be a diabetic here somewhere.
Cuddy: You wanna dose the Insulin here in a non-hospital setting? That is insane! It's not worth it.
House: Really? 'Cause I think I'm the only one here who knows what a leg is worth. And fortunately, you're not the one in charge--he is. And he knows that I'd testify against him if Hanna sues for cutting off a leg without exhausting every option.
Cuddy: I know you're angry, but please don't put her life at risk just to get back at me.
House: Really? Wow.So this is all about you now.
Cuddy: You took her side against me right after you heard about my engagement.
House: Yeah. That must be it. It's not that you're a pathetic narcissist.
Cuddy: I don't love you. So just...Accept it and move on with your life instead of making everyone miserable.
House: That's great. A life lesson from a middle-aged single mom who's dating a man-child.
Cuddy: Screw you. I'm sick of making excuses for you. I'm sick of other people having to tiptoe around you and make their own lives worse while they try to keep you from collapsing. I'm done.
House: Fantastic. Just stay away from my patient.
Cuddy: What are you clinging to, House? You're gonna risk her life just to save her leg? Really worked out well for you, didn't it? What do you have in your life, honestly? Tell me. I'm moving on. Wilson is moving on. And you...You've got nothing, House. Nothing! I'm going down there, and I'm gonna convince her to let me cut her leg off. If you have any decency left, you'll just stay out of it.
Cuddy: We're already treating with sodium bicarbonate.
House: But not with glucose and Insulin. We have glucose in the Kit. There's gotta be a diabetic here somewhere.
Cuddy: You wanna dose the Insulin here in a non-hospital setting? That is insane! It's not worth it.
House: Really? 'Cause I think I'm the only one here who knows what a leg is worth. And fortunately, you're not the one in charge--he is. And he knows that I'd testify against him if Hanna sues for cutting off a leg without exhausting every option.
Cuddy: I know you're angry, but please don't put her life at risk just to get back at me.
House: Really? Wow.So this is all about you now.
Cuddy: You took her side against me right after you heard about my engagement.
House: Yeah. That must be it. It's not that you're a pathetic narcissist.
Cuddy: I don't love you. So just...Accept it and move on with your life instead of making everyone miserable.
House: That's great. A life lesson from a middle-aged single mom who's dating a man-child.
Cuddy: Screw you. I'm sick of making excuses for you. I'm sick of other people having to tiptoe around you and make their own lives worse while they try to keep you from collapsing. I'm done.
House: Fantastic. Just stay away from my patient.
Cuddy: What are you clinging to, House? You're gonna risk her life just to save her leg? Really worked out well for you, didn't it? What do you have in your life, honestly? Tell me. I'm moving on. Wilson is moving on. And you...You've got nothing, House. Nothing! I'm going down there, and I'm gonna convince her to let me cut her leg off. If you have any decency left, you'll just stay out of it.
TV Show: House
House: You asked me how I'd hurt my leg. I had a blood clot, and the muscle was dying. And I had all these doctors telling me I should amputate, and I said no, and they did this... Very risky operation. I almost died.
Hanna: But you saved your leg.
House: I wish I hadn't. They cut out a chunk of muscle about the size of my fist, and they left me with this mutilated, useless thing. I'm in pain...every day. It changed me. Made me a harder person, a worse person. And now... Now I'm alone. You don't want to be like me. You got a husband who loves you. You have friends. You can start a family. You have a life. And this... This is just a leg.
Hanna: But you saved your leg.
House: I wish I hadn't. They cut out a chunk of muscle about the size of my fist, and they left me with this mutilated, useless thing. I'm in pain...every day. It changed me. Made me a harder person, a worse person. And now... Now I'm alone. You don't want to be like me. You got a husband who loves you. You have friends. You can start a family. You have a life. And this... This is just a leg.
TV Show: House
Foreman: You can't blame yourself for her death. This wasn't your fault!
House: THAT'S THE POINT!! I did everything right, she died anyway! Why the hell do you think that would make me feel any better?!
Foreman: You shouldn't be alone right now. You're bleeding.
House: I'm gonna give you a task as an employee. Get out of my way.
House: THAT'S THE POINT!! I did everything right, she died anyway! Why the hell do you think that would make me feel any better?!
Foreman: You shouldn't be alone right now. You're bleeding.
House: I'm gonna give you a task as an employee. Get out of my way.
TV Show: House
Cuddy: I'm stuck, House. I keep wanting to move forward, I keep wanting to move on, and I can't. I mean, my new house, with my new fiancé, and all I can think about is you. I just need to know if you and I can work.
House: You think I can fix myself?
Cuddy: I don't know.
House: 'Cause I'm the most screwed up person in the world.
Cuddy: I know. I love you. I wish I didn't. But I can't help it.
House: You think I can fix myself?
Cuddy: I don't know.
House: 'Cause I'm the most screwed up person in the world.
Cuddy: I know. I love you. I wish I didn't. But I can't help it.
TV Show: House
House: You were thinking about Wilson while we were having sex? That's so cool! So was I!
TV Show: House
[Wilson is knocking on the door.]
Cuddy: Just let him in.
House: No! He's like a stray... he'll eat everything, shed all over the place, and crap on the floor.
Cuddy: Just let him in.
House: No! He's like a stray... he'll eat everything, shed all over the place, and crap on the floor.
TV Show: House
House: [Answers cell phone] Hi, this is Gregory House. I can't take your call at the moment. Please leave a message. If this is Wilson, I'm fine. Not suicidal. Not on drugs. Coping very well with the loss of my last patient. So feel free to go about your day without worrying. Beeeeep.
Wilson: [both outside House's door and on cell phone] House, you can't just NOT show up to work. What's Cuddy going to say?
House: If this is still Wilson, she gave me the day off and tomorrow.
[Cuddy glares at him.]
House: Okay, maybe not tomorrow, but today. I'm fine. Now go away! ...........beeeeeeeep.
Wilson: [both outside House's door and on cell phone] House, you can't just NOT show up to work. What's Cuddy going to say?
House: If this is still Wilson, she gave me the day off and tomorrow.
[Cuddy glares at him.]
House: Okay, maybe not tomorrow, but today. I'm fine. Now go away! ...........beeeeeeeep.
TV Show: House
Thirteen: So you gonna ask me about this Huntington's trial? And by ask I mean give me your opinion.
Chase: No. There's one thing, though....will you have sex with me?
Thirteen: ...what?
Chase: Well, this trial mean you're leaving right away. I was playing a long game. Deadlines have been moved up.
Chase: No. There's one thing, though....will you have sex with me?
Thirteen: ...what?
Chase: Well, this trial mean you're leaving right away. I was playing a long game. Deadlines have been moved up.
TV Show: House
Cuddy: I really do have to leave.
House: I know.
Cuddy: Then what's the problem?
House: This isn't going to work.
Cuddy: ....that's it? You can't just say that and shut up.
House: It's just a statement of fact, it's not a debatable proposition.
Cuddy: Right...because you can see the future.
House: No, but I can see the past and you're going to remember all the horrible things I've done and try to convince yourself that I've changed and I'm going to start doing those horrible things again because I haven't changed..then you'll realize that I'm an insane choice for someone who has a kid. And from there it's a short step to the inevitable conclusion that all of this...was a mistake. Tell me any of that isn't true.
House: I know.
Cuddy: Then what's the problem?
House: This isn't going to work.
Cuddy: ....that's it? You can't just say that and shut up.
House: It's just a statement of fact, it's not a debatable proposition.
Cuddy: Right...because you can see the future.
House: No, but I can see the past and you're going to remember all the horrible things I've done and try to convince yourself that I've changed and I'm going to start doing those horrible things again because I haven't changed..then you'll realize that I'm an insane choice for someone who has a kid. And from there it's a short step to the inevitable conclusion that all of this...was a mistake. Tell me any of that isn't true.
TV Show: House
Cuddy: The only time you're afraid is when you're happy. You just don't expect it to last.
House: 'Cause it doesn't.
Cuddy: You don't know that.
House: I've done horrible things to you. And I'll do horrible things again, to you. Because of one stupid moment with a dying girl in a pile of rubble, you think I can change. Tell me where I am wrong.
Cuddy: I don't want you to change. I know you're screwed up. I know you are always going to be screwed up. But you're the most incredible man I've ever known. You are always going to be the most incredible man I have ever known. So, unless you're breaking up with me, I am going home now.
House: 'Cause it doesn't.
Cuddy: You don't know that.
House: I've done horrible things to you. And I'll do horrible things again, to you. Because of one stupid moment with a dying girl in a pile of rubble, you think I can change. Tell me where I am wrong.
Cuddy: I don't want you to change. I know you're screwed up. I know you are always going to be screwed up. But you're the most incredible man I've ever known. You are always going to be the most incredible man I have ever known. So, unless you're breaking up with me, I am going home now.
TV Show: House