House Quotes
Taub [to Foreman]: You're mad.
Foreman: No. Actually, I'm impressed. Messing around on a 22-year-old hottie with your wife on my sofa. You're a full-throttle head case.
Taub: I was doing you a solid with the sofa. Rachel wanted to do it in your bed. You've got the memory foam top.
Foreman: Let's make this really simple: If I own it, I don't want you doing it on it.
Taub: You might want to get rid of your kitchen table. Look, I'm sorry.. [slightly laughing] but it was worth it.
Foreman: No. Actually, I'm impressed. Messing around on a 22-year-old hottie with your wife on my sofa. You're a full-throttle head case.
Taub: I was doing you a solid with the sofa. Rachel wanted to do it in your bed. You've got the memory foam top.
Foreman: Let's make this really simple: If I own it, I don't want you doing it on it.
Taub: You might want to get rid of your kitchen table. Look, I'm sorry.. [slightly laughing] but it was worth it.
TV Show: House
House [to Masters]: Hey, Harriet the Spy, before you get too full of yourself, you might want to go back to bio 101. It takes two to not-tango.
TV Show: House
Foreman: Sounded a lot like… Thirteen.
House: It's a Thirteen tribute band with their new song, "I've got a better theory than Masters."
House: It's a Thirteen tribute band with their new song, "I've got a better theory than Masters."
TV Show: House
[After House drops Thirteen off at her home]
House: Home, sweet home. [Thirteen doesn't get out of the car and looks out the window] You owe me 87 bucks for gas.
House: Home, sweet home. [Thirteen doesn't get out of the car and looks out the window] You owe me 87 bucks for gas.
TV Show: House
House [to Thirteen]: I'll kill you. When the time comes, if you want me to. I'll do it now if you like. [looking behind him.] I think I've got a baseball bat in the back.
TV Show: House
Masters: She could die.
House: Pretty sure the law of the land states that everyone has the right to be an idiot. I think it's the Second Amendment.
House: Pretty sure the law of the land states that everyone has the right to be an idiot. I think it's the Second Amendment.
TV Show: House
House: Masters, there's no hurry. There's no wrong choices. At least, that's what they tell people who make crappy choices.
TV Show: House
Dr. Foreman [to Masters]: I'm glad you're gonna be sticking around after today.
Masters: Really? You want me to stay?
Dr. Foreman: It's good to add a different perspective to the department. Someone who still remembers there are rules other than House's.
Masters: If I don't play by House's rules, he won't let me in.
Dr. Foreman: Find a way around them.
Masters: I'd have to lie to him, which is still lying.
Thirteen: Lying about a lie, that's practically telling the truth.
Masters: Really? You want me to stay?
Dr. Foreman: It's good to add a different perspective to the department. Someone who still remembers there are rules other than House's.
Masters: If I don't play by House's rules, he won't let me in.
Dr. Foreman: Find a way around them.
Masters: I'd have to lie to him, which is still lying.
Thirteen: Lying about a lie, that's practically telling the truth.
TV Show: House
Thirteen: Thank you, House, for respecting my privacy. What a perfect reminder that I'm back.
Dr. Foreman: I didn't even know you had a problem.
House: Loved ones are always the last to know. Loved ones and robotic, estranged ex-boyfriends.
Dr. Foreman: I didn't even know you had a problem.
House: Loved ones are always the last to know. Loved ones and robotic, estranged ex-boyfriends.
TV Show: House
Masters: I broke the rules because I believed I was right.
House: You were right.
Masters: Then why don't I feel good or satisfied? Instead, I just feel like throwing up.
House: And you're following me to ask how I break the rules and maintain my rosy demeanor.
Masters: I didn't do it to be happy. I just thought I would be.
House: You can't always get what you want.
House: You were right.
Masters: Then why don't I feel good or satisfied? Instead, I just feel like throwing up.
House: And you're following me to ask how I break the rules and maintain my rosy demeanor.
Masters: I didn't do it to be happy. I just thought I would be.
House: You can't always get what you want.
TV Show: House
Taub: Sure, some people will screw up anything, but some won't. That kind of cash, he has a chance to turn a miserable life around.
House: Miserable stays miserable. Happy doesn't buy lottery tickets in the first place.
Thirteen: Our level of happiness is set. It's in our DNA. No cash payout's gonna change that.
House: It's like there's two of me.
House: Miserable stays miserable. Happy doesn't buy lottery tickets in the first place.
Thirteen: Our level of happiness is set. It's in our DNA. No cash payout's gonna change that.
House: It's like there's two of me.
TV Show: House
Dr. Cuddy: My mom and I got into a fight, Because of our replacement hip replacement, she can barely get around her own house. I told her she has to live with me while she recovers.
House: Oh, I'm starting to get the connection. Yeah, she has a house. My name is House.
Dr. Cuddy: You're the doctor that treated her, that illegally switched her meds after she fired you, that went behind the back of her actual doctor.
House: Those beads from Thailand. If we're listing all the things that you pressured me into.
House: Oh, I'm starting to get the connection. Yeah, she has a house. My name is House.
Dr. Cuddy: You're the doctor that treated her, that illegally switched her meds after she fired you, that went behind the back of her actual doctor.
House: Those beads from Thailand. If we're listing all the things that you pressured me into.
TV Show: House
Dr. Cuddy: My mother's lawyer called. She's threatening to sue the hospital over our mistreatment of her. Says it slowed her recovery.
House: You know, I was just thinking how much I want a relationship with no sex, but where I still have to deal with your mother.
House: You know, I was just thinking how much I want a relationship with no sex, but where I still have to deal with your mother.
TV Show: House
Dr. Cuddy [to House]: No clinic hours for the next quarter.
House: Yeah, three parking spots, next to each other, so I can park diagonally. And three pairs of your underwear. I'm thinking of taking up sailing.
Dr. Cuddy: Treat your patient, don't treat your patient. Come to the meeting, don't come to the meeting. I'm done playing your game.
House: You realize the game is automatically over when the loser loses, right?
House: Yeah, three parking spots, next to each other, so I can park diagonally. And three pairs of your underwear. I'm thinking of taking up sailing.
Dr. Cuddy: Treat your patient, don't treat your patient. Come to the meeting, don't come to the meeting. I'm done playing your game.
House: You realize the game is automatically over when the loser loses, right?
TV Show: House
Dr. Cuddy: He is being an ass. if I could join you in suing him...
House: She's like this in bed, too. Always scheming to get the lawyers out of the room.
House: She's like this in bed, too. Always scheming to get the lawyers out of the room.
TV Show: House
House [to Thirteen]: You lost your mother. You euthanized your brother. You got the life expectancy of a pretty good sitcom. If you can convince yourself that you'd be miserable no matter what even without all that stuff, then maybe you don't have to hate the universe for dumping a giant turd on you. Fatalism is your survival mechanism.
Thirteen: And you? Dumped by everyone you've ever loved. Rehab was a bust. Your leg feels like somebody took a giant bite out of it. We are who we are. Lotteries are stupid.
Thirteen: And you? Dumped by everyone you've ever loved. Rehab was a bust. Your leg feels like somebody took a giant bite out of it. We are who we are. Lotteries are stupid.
TV Show: House
Thirteen: I think if she said yes after 14 hours, even he'd be suspicious.
Taub: You're lucky you're hot and smart, because... well, you're just lucky you're hot and smart.
Taub: You're lucky you're hot and smart, because... well, you're just lucky you're hot and smart.
TV Show: House
Dr. Foreman [to House]: (in a yoga position with his legs over his head) I need a hooker.
House: Not if you can make that work.
House: Not if you can make that work.
TV Show: House
House: Down on the patient's romance because your own lifespan is shorter than dinner and a movie?
Thirteen: You're the one who said miserable stays miserable.
House: You keep saying it. Several times a day.
Thirteen: I love being back, having every theory you and I share used as proof of my own personal damage.
Thirteen: You're the one who said miserable stays miserable.
House: You keep saying it. Several times a day.
Thirteen: I love being back, having every theory you and I share used as proof of my own personal damage.
TV Show: House
Thirteen: She won't let us make a move until you agree to a sit-down with the Godmother and her consigliere.
House: Bitch to King Four.
Taub: Checkmate. Patient can't use his leg. You have to concede.
House: Or I could just knock all the pieces onto the floor.
House: Bitch to King Four.
Taub: Checkmate. Patient can't use his leg. You have to concede.
House: Or I could just knock all the pieces onto the floor.
TV Show: House
Thirteen: Karma's a bitch.
Dr. Foreman: You think her seizures are the result of bad karma?
Thirteen: I think if you spend your days designing ever more effective ways to blow people up, stuff's bound to come back to you.
Dr. Foreman: You think her seizures are the result of bad karma?
Thirteen: I think if you spend your days designing ever more effective ways to blow people up, stuff's bound to come back to you.
TV Show: House
Dr. Wilson: If he's ignoring you, it's because he trusts you.
Dr. Foreman: No, it's not.
Dr. Wilson: No, it's not, but he does.
Dr. Foreman: Thanks. I feel all warm inside.
Dr. Foreman: No, it's not.
Dr. Wilson: No, it's not, but he does.
Dr. Foreman: Thanks. I feel all warm inside.
TV Show: House
Taub: Underlying neurological condition exasperated by an acute UTI brought on her sexual escapades.
Thirteen: Slut? Escapade? How do we treat? A scarlet "A"?
Taub: Sorry. Acute URI brought on her by her healthy enjoyment of her womanhood.
Thirteen: Slut? Escapade? How do we treat? A scarlet "A"?
Taub: Sorry. Acute URI brought on her by her healthy enjoyment of her womanhood.
TV Show: House
Terry: What the hell?
House: Don't worry. It's just epinephrine.
Terry: Ep... is it dangerous?
House: In the wrong hands, very. So... yeah, sort of.
House: Don't worry. It's just epinephrine.
Terry: Ep... is it dangerous?
House: In the wrong hands, very. So... yeah, sort of.
TV Show: House
House: Leg hurts. Would you mind getting me a coffee?
Dr. Riggin: How does coffee help your leg?
House: It will prevent me from walking to get the coffee.
Dr. Riggin: Right.
Dr. Riggin: How does coffee help your leg?
House: It will prevent me from walking to get the coffee.
Dr. Riggin: Right.
TV Show: House
House: [referring to his patient] Apparently she's...a slutty scientist, whose milkshake brought all the nerds to the yard...
TV Show: House
Dr. Wilson: You're an ass.
House: What, for trying to walk on a freshly mangled leg? Performing surgery on myself? For thinking I could solve my emotional problems with rat medicine? If you're gonna nag, at least have the decency to be specific.
House: What, for trying to walk on a freshly mangled leg? Performing surgery on myself? For thinking I could solve my emotional problems with rat medicine? If you're gonna nag, at least have the decency to be specific.
TV Show: House
Darrien [to Thirteen]: I told you I couldn't go back. I shouldn't have trusted you. I never liked you. I killed time with you 'cause I was locked in a cage. You were a distraction. Someone to talk to so I didn't have to think about... everything else.
Thirteen: You're lashing out... I get it. But in a month, you'll thank me. Or maybe you won't, I don't know. But... I know I saved your life.
Thirteen: You're lashing out... I get it. But in a month, you'll thank me. Or maybe you won't, I don't know. But... I know I saved your life.
TV Show: House