Kingdom Hospital Quotes
Sally Druse: Oh, you're not afraid of Dr. Stegman, I know you're not.
Dr. Hook: Maybe not, but I am afraid of what Nat Rickman might think if I let Kingdom Hospital's most notorious psychic hypochondriac use her neurologically-impaired husband as a ouija board.
Sally Druse: Oh, 'scuze me, I am *not* a hypochondriac.
Dr. Hook: Maybe not, but I am afraid of what Nat Rickman might think if I let Kingdom Hospital's most notorious psychic hypochondriac use her neurologically-impaired husband as a ouija board.
Sally Druse: Oh, 'scuze me, I am *not* a hypochondriac.
TV Show: Kingdom Hospital
Paul: Call the doctor, call the nurse, this guy's goofy and gettin' worse.
TV Show: Kingdom Hospital
[Steg has just discovered that his car has been vandalized]
Dr. Stegman: There will be reprisals for this! Reprisals!
Dr. Stegman: There will be reprisals for this! Reprisals!
TV Show: Kingdom Hospital
Crow: You look pretty tasty.
Peter Rickman: Get away from me.
Crow: I think I'll start with your eyes.
Peter Rickman: Get away from me.
Crow: I think I'll start with your eyes.
TV Show: Kingdom Hospital
Antubis: You're a real mess, my friend. I mean, you're seriously racked up.
Peter: Please...
Antubis: Save your strength. That'd be my advice. You'll need it.
Peter: Please...
Antubis: Save your strength. That'd be my advice. You'll need it.
TV Show: Kingdom Hospital
Lenny: Let the lamp affix its beam. The only emperor is the Emperor of Ice Cream!
TV Show: Kingdom Hospital
Peter: You saved my life.
Antubis: I did more than that. I saved the quality of your life.
Antubis: I did more than that. I saved the quality of your life.
TV Show: Kingdom Hospital
Mary: My name is Mary.
Peter: Why do you look so sad?
Mary: I lost my dolly.
Peter: Is that all?
Mary: I'm afraid.
Peter: Who are you afraid of, Honey?
Mary: (Sees Paul appear) Of him! Of him! (Paul grabs her.)
Peter: Leave her alone!
Paul: Leave it alone, short-time! Butt out! That'd be my advice. She's not the only one who has a bell!
Mary: Help me!
Peter: How? What do I do?
Mary: (As Paul disappears through the wall with her.) Let Antubis help you!
Peter: Who the hell is Antubis?
Peter: Why do you look so sad?
Mary: I lost my dolly.
Peter: Is that all?
Mary: I'm afraid.
Peter: Who are you afraid of, Honey?
Mary: (Sees Paul appear) Of him! Of him! (Paul grabs her.)
Peter: Leave her alone!
Paul: Leave it alone, short-time! Butt out! That'd be my advice. She's not the only one who has a bell!
Mary: Help me!
Peter: How? What do I do?
Mary: (As Paul disappears through the wall with her.) Let Antubis help you!
Peter: Who the hell is Antubis?
TV Show: Kingdom Hospital
Stegman: Maine hick scum! How dare you?! There will be reprisals for this! REPRISALS!
TV Show: Kingdom Hospital
Paul: There's an old woman, a meddling old woman. If she comes in here and she tries to talk to your roommate, kill her.
Rolf: Why?
Paul: Never mind, just do it.
Rolf: I'm not sure I can, I...
Paul: You can, you betta. Do you know the beauty part? No one will even ask you why you did it, you're craaazzzy.
Rolf: Thats why I'm seeing you isn't it? Because I'm crazy?
Paul: You don't really believe that.
Rolf: Why?
Paul: Never mind, just do it.
Rolf: I'm not sure I can, I...
Paul: You can, you betta. Do you know the beauty part? No one will even ask you why you did it, you're craaazzzy.
Rolf: Thats why I'm seeing you isn't it? Because I'm crazy?
Paul: You don't really believe that.
TV Show: Kingdom Hospital
Ambulence Dispatch: Code 4 in progress at the courthouse. A lawyer in v-fib.
Nurse: A fibbing lawyer! Sounds perfectly normal to me.
Nurse: A fibbing lawyer! Sounds perfectly normal to me.
TV Show: Kingdom Hospital
[The Operating Room receives personal-injury lawyer and coronary patient Sheldon Fleischer, but nobody wants to handle him.]
Fleischer: It's okay, please. I promise… I promise I won't sue you. I'll sign a waiver. Please.
[The staff consider this for a moment, then…]
Dr. Hook: [rapidly] Awright. Well, you heard him. We got a lawyer here — every second counts. I want that digital minicam running at 24 frames per second trained on this patient's torso at all times.
[Everyone starts scrambling at his rapid-fire commands.]
Dr. Hook: I want a second camera, handheld, covering any medical personnel that touch this patient for any reason. I want a third camera trained on me, the attending physician. I would like all orders typed, not handwritten, proof-read, and printed in triplicate — and notarized. Where's the notary?
[A handheld camera pans over to a man in a business suit covered with an OR gown.]
Notary: Notary public, right here.
Dr. Hook: Danny, is that a genuine and accurate record of all the medications and procedures received by this patient while being transported to this medical facility?
EMT Danny: Yes, Doctor.
Dr. Hook: CLEAR!
[Hook slaps the paperwork down on Fleischer's exposed chest.]
Fleischer: Ooh!
[The notary moves in and clamps his seal onto the paper — against Fleischer's chest.]
Fleischer: Ooh! Ugh.
Dr. Hook: Sign.
[Fleischer scribbles his signature on the forms. Hook turns to the handheld cameras.]
Dr. Hook: [still rapid-fire] My name's Dr. Hook. I attended Columbia University Medical School…
[Cut to a stenographer typing furiously, then back to Hook.]
Dr. Hook: [rapidly] … from 1992 to 1996 and graduated magna cum laude. I was t
Fleischer: It's okay, please. I promise… I promise I won't sue you. I'll sign a waiver. Please.
[The staff consider this for a moment, then…]
Dr. Hook: [rapidly] Awright. Well, you heard him. We got a lawyer here — every second counts. I want that digital minicam running at 24 frames per second trained on this patient's torso at all times.
[Everyone starts scrambling at his rapid-fire commands.]
Dr. Hook: I want a second camera, handheld, covering any medical personnel that touch this patient for any reason. I want a third camera trained on me, the attending physician. I would like all orders typed, not handwritten, proof-read, and printed in triplicate — and notarized. Where's the notary?
[A handheld camera pans over to a man in a business suit covered with an OR gown.]
Notary: Notary public, right here.
Dr. Hook: Danny, is that a genuine and accurate record of all the medications and procedures received by this patient while being transported to this medical facility?
EMT Danny: Yes, Doctor.
Dr. Hook: CLEAR!
[Hook slaps the paperwork down on Fleischer's exposed chest.]
Fleischer: Ooh!
[The notary moves in and clamps his seal onto the paper — against Fleischer's chest.]
Fleischer: Ooh! Ugh.
Dr. Hook: Sign.
[Fleischer scribbles his signature on the forms. Hook turns to the handheld cameras.]
Dr. Hook: [still rapid-fire] My name's Dr. Hook. I attended Columbia University Medical School…
[Cut to a stenographer typing furiously, then back to Hook.]
Dr. Hook: [rapidly] … from 1992 to 1996 and graduated magna cum laude. I was t
TV Show: Kingdom Hospital
[Dr. Hook is closing up a brain operation on Earl Candleton, a baseball player who famously lost an old World Series by flubbing a catch.]
Dr. Gupta: "Error" Candleton, right here in front of us. It's— it's unreal. You know, Otto claims he was in here once before.
[Hook flashes on his tiny model cemetery commemorating all the botched operations at Kingdom, including his own.]
Dr. Hook: Maybe you haven't made errors of your own yet, but you will. And when you do, you'll want mercy.
Dr. Gupta: Yeah, it's just what everybody calls him.
Dr. Hook: Not in front of me.
Dr. Gupta: "Error" Candleton, right here in front of us. It's— it's unreal. You know, Otto claims he was in here once before.
[Hook flashes on his tiny model cemetery commemorating all the botched operations at Kingdom, including his own.]
Dr. Hook: Maybe you haven't made errors of your own yet, but you will. And when you do, you'll want mercy.
Dr. Gupta: Yeah, it's just what everybody calls him.
Dr. Hook: Not in front of me.
TV Show: Kingdom Hospital
Paul: Call the doctor call the nurse. This guy's goofy and gettin' worse...!
TV Show: Kingdom Hospital
[While the crowd sings "Amazing Grace" outside Kingdom Hospital, mounted policeman Saul Tarus exercises an aggressive form of crowd control.]
Saul Tarus: I am the COP, your shepherd! You shall not want across that line! I'll make you lie down in mean postures! I'll bust your ditty-bop heads, and run you down in the path of righteousness! Rod-butt your asses with the shadow of death! I'll teach you fear, and show you evil! I, with my rod and my staff, will discomfort thee! I will turn you into table spread! Anoint your head with gasoline!
[He punctuates his rant by bashing people with his billyclub.]
Saul Tarus: For I am the MEANEST... SON OF A... BITCH... IN THE... VALLEY! YOU GOT THAT?! NOW MOVE IT BAAAACK!
Saul Tarus: I am the COP, your shepherd! You shall not want across that line! I'll make you lie down in mean postures! I'll bust your ditty-bop heads, and run you down in the path of righteousness! Rod-butt your asses with the shadow of death! I'll teach you fear, and show you evil! I, with my rod and my staff, will discomfort thee! I will turn you into table spread! Anoint your head with gasoline!
[He punctuates his rant by bashing people with his billyclub.]
Saul Tarus: For I am the MEANEST... SON OF A... BITCH... IN THE... VALLEY! YOU GOT THAT?! NOW MOVE IT BAAAACK!
TV Show: Kingdom Hospital
[Dr. Hook et al. are mapping the brain of seizure victim Sol Tarus, who suddenly "saw the light" the previous night.]
Dr. Gupta: Anything?
Saul Tarus: Somebody is moving my left hand.
Dr. Hook: E4 is motor.
Dr. Gupta: Eh, can you read the screen for us, please? Anything?
[Cut to an LCD displaying individual basic words for a few seconds each.]
Saul Tarus: I was trying to say the words, but I couldn't.
Dr. Hook: H5 is language.
[Cut to the exposed brain, where a set of tags marked H7, H5, B3, and E4 are visible. Hook touches B3 with a probe.]
Dr. Gupta: Read the screen, please.
[The display changes from BOX to CHRISTMAS.]
Saul Tarus: Teacher, I have brought to you my son, for he's possessed by a mute spirit. Whenever it seizes him, it throws him down, he foams at the mouth, grinds his teeth, and becomes rigid. Jesus rebuked the unclean spirit, and raised him up.
Dr. Gupta: Well, uh... B4 is... the Bible, I guess. What is that, "Matthew"?
Dr. Hook: "Mark". Chapter 9.
Dr. Gupta: Anything?
Saul Tarus: Somebody is moving my left hand.
Dr. Hook: E4 is motor.
Dr. Gupta: Eh, can you read the screen for us, please? Anything?
[Cut to an LCD displaying individual basic words for a few seconds each.]
Saul Tarus: I was trying to say the words, but I couldn't.
Dr. Hook: H5 is language.
[Cut to the exposed brain, where a set of tags marked H7, H5, B3, and E4 are visible. Hook touches B3 with a probe.]
Dr. Gupta: Read the screen, please.
[The display changes from BOX to CHRISTMAS.]
Saul Tarus: Teacher, I have brought to you my son, for he's possessed by a mute spirit. Whenever it seizes him, it throws him down, he foams at the mouth, grinds his teeth, and becomes rigid. Jesus rebuked the unclean spirit, and raised him up.
Dr. Gupta: Well, uh... B4 is... the Bible, I guess. What is that, "Matthew"?
Dr. Hook: "Mark". Chapter 9.
TV Show: Kingdom Hospital
[In the ghostly "Old Kingdom", the headless corpse blunders into Dr. Gottreich's lab.]
Dr. Gottreich: My word, young man, that is one grevious wound. Where are we going to find you a new nut?
Dr. Gottreich: My word, young man, that is one grevious wound. Where are we going to find you a new nut?
TV Show: Kingdom Hospital
[Long-dead Dr. Gottreich walks a darkened hall of the Old Kingdom Hospital with a lit candle.]
Dr. Gottreich: Here we store what came before,
Pain and suffering from days of yore.
Before and after, tears and laughter,
After comes before, before comes after.
Past and future, and then... hereafter.
The naked and the dead, the young and the old,
Their stories end here, their tales untold.
Here, sickness and death have left their pages,
Written in blood for all the ages.
Someday... your story will be here, too.
Dr. Gottreich: Here we store what came before,
Pain and suffering from days of yore.
Before and after, tears and laughter,
After comes before, before comes after.
Past and future, and then... hereafter.
The naked and the dead, the young and the old,
Their stories end here, their tales untold.
Here, sickness and death have left their pages,
Written in blood for all the ages.
Someday... your story will be here, too.
TV Show: Kingdom Hospital
[Nurse Carrie tends to Sol (now Paul) Tarus as another tremor hits.]
Paul Tarus: It's not the shaking that worries me. It's the voices. D'you hear 'em?
Carrie: I hear a... faint hum.
Paul Tarus: Oh... they're voices. But don't worry. [smiles beatifically] God'll take care of us. Or...
Carrie: Or?
Paul Tarus: [still smiling] Or he won't.
Paul Tarus: It's not the shaking that worries me. It's the voices. D'you hear 'em?
Carrie: I hear a... faint hum.
Paul Tarus: Oh... they're voices. But don't worry. [smiles beatifically] God'll take care of us. Or...
Carrie: Or?
Paul Tarus: [still smiling] Or he won't.
TV Show: Kingdom Hospital
Antubis: Good job, Dr. Hook. The next time you look at your graveyard, remember what you did here tonight.
TV Show: Kingdom Hospital