CSI - Crime Scene Investigation Quotes
Shirley: This place was a gold mine. That man, he walked away with 250,000 dollars. All I got... (hands Henry a postcard that reads "Florida" on the front) was a postcard. Just to rub my face in it.
Henry (reading the postcard): "Shirley, by the time you read this, I'll be sippin' pina coladas, on an island somewheres far away with the new love of my life who is much younger than you. Don't come lookin' for me 'cause I'm all gone. Good-bye, Harry.
Shirley: Have you ever heard somethin' so mean in all your life? (sniffles)
Henry: No, ma'am.
Shirley: You're real cute, you know that? ... Now, What'd you say y'all come out here for again?
Henry: It's my birthday!
(Shirley squeezes happily and climbs on Henry's lap)
Shirley: Why don't you come over here and give your Auntie Shirley some sugar?
Henry: (laughs uncomfortably and starts to lean away) Uh, no, I can't, I'm engaged. I'm married, actually. I have syphilis!
Shirley: Perfect. Me too.
Henry: (muffled) Help!
Henry (reading the postcard): "Shirley, by the time you read this, I'll be sippin' pina coladas, on an island somewheres far away with the new love of my life who is much younger than you. Don't come lookin' for me 'cause I'm all gone. Good-bye, Harry.
Shirley: Have you ever heard somethin' so mean in all your life? (sniffles)
Henry: No, ma'am.
Shirley: You're real cute, you know that? ... Now, What'd you say y'all come out here for again?
Henry: It's my birthday!
(Shirley squeezes happily and climbs on Henry's lap)
Shirley: Why don't you come over here and give your Auntie Shirley some sugar?
Henry: (laughs uncomfortably and starts to lean away) Uh, no, I can't, I'm engaged. I'm married, actually. I have syphilis!
Shirley: Perfect. Me too.
Henry: (muffled) Help!
TV Show: CSI - Crime Scene Investigation
Ray (about the footprint): Does that look like a cowboy boot print to you?
Sara: Texas sized.
Sara: Texas sized.
TV Show: CSI - Crime Scene Investigation
David: Ran over by a car, fell down a well, attacked by coyotes, poisoned by a spider, lost in a cave, traded for a Mike Schmitt baseball card, and my favorite, (Sara walks in) given to a farm. Alledgely.
(Sara looks confused, looks at Henry)
Henry: The tragic fates of the Phillips' family dogs.
(Sara looks confused, looks at Henry)
Henry: The tragic fates of the Phillips' family dogs.
TV Show: CSI - Crime Scene Investigation
Greg: The guy stands in the middle of a 3-way shootout and walks out alive?
Nick: Was he just lucky, or bulletproof?
Nick: Was he just lucky, or bulletproof?
TV Show: CSI - Crime Scene Investigation
Sara: Hey, guys, I know you're slammed, but this is the round we pulled from our female vicims German shepherd.
Bobby: Looking for the truth about Gats and dogs? (they laugh) A little ballistics humor there for you.
Bobby: Looking for the truth about Gats and dogs? (they laugh) A little ballistics humor there for you.
TV Show: CSI - Crime Scene Investigation
Greg (holds up a stuffed animal): I mean, is this what women really want?
Catherine: It's what men think women really want. Like candy, it's sweet and hard to resist but sooner or later we just want some meat and potatoes.
Greg (imitating the stuffed animal talking): All women I take out usually just order a salad.
Catherine (laughs): God, I used to have drawers of this crap from guys. Now, I just want a man that I can count on.
Catherine: It's what men think women really want. Like candy, it's sweet and hard to resist but sooner or later we just want some meat and potatoes.
Greg (imitating the stuffed animal talking): All women I take out usually just order a salad.
Catherine (laughs): God, I used to have drawers of this crap from guys. Now, I just want a man that I can count on.
TV Show: CSI - Crime Scene Investigation
Ray (about a picture): Does this look like it was taken from the top of the Stratosphere?
Sara: No, it's not high enough. It's gotta be the Ivory Tower sky deck, it's kind of a dumpy old tourist trap with a nice view of the methadone clinic across the street. I'll take you there sometime.
Ray: Gee, thanks.
Sara: No, it's not high enough. It's gotta be the Ivory Tower sky deck, it's kind of a dumpy old tourist trap with a nice view of the methadone clinic across the street. I'll take you there sometime.
Ray: Gee, thanks.
TV Show: CSI - Crime Scene Investigation
Brass [to Mr. Trent]: We have a warrant to search your house.
Mr. Trent: What's this about?
Sara: An overdue library book.
Mr. Trent: What's this about?
Sara: An overdue library book.
TV Show: CSI - Crime Scene Investigation
Catherine: (watching the record) What about all these guys?
Greg: Lots of approaches, no landings. The bartender was right. There was an altercation between the girls. Nothing to write Penthouse about.
Greg: Lots of approaches, no landings. The bartender was right. There was an altercation between the girls. Nothing to write Penthouse about.
TV Show: CSI - Crime Scene Investigation
Catherine: Why didn't you just report it?
Fiore: Well, if I called the cops and you found them, then there would be reports saying that I had brought a girl back to my room. And I couldn't take the risk of my wife finding out. She's an heiress, has all the money. Simple cost-benefit analysis.
Catherine: How does that analysis work? Their lives for your wallet?
Fiore: The solve rates for murders, for homicides in Clark county? 62%. My wife finds out that I'm philandering? That's a 100% chance of divorce.
Fiore: Well, if I called the cops and you found them, then there would be reports saying that I had brought a girl back to my room. And I couldn't take the risk of my wife finding out. She's an heiress, has all the money. Simple cost-benefit analysis.
Catherine: How does that analysis work? Their lives for your wallet?
Fiore: The solve rates for murders, for homicides in Clark county? 62%. My wife finds out that I'm philandering? That's a 100% chance of divorce.
TV Show: CSI - Crime Scene Investigation
Fiore: Look, it was a mathematical certainy that a woman like that would report the assault or she would blackmail me for the rest of my life. So, the only logical thing to do was to kill her.
Greg: And you applied that same logic when Karen Jones showed up at your door?
Fiore: You know what the stupid girl did? She pointed a gun at me and she demanded that I give her 50,000 dollars for her friend's funeral.
Catherine: Well, according to my math, the 50,000 dollars you saved is gonna cost you 20 years to life.
Fiore: Look, I-I am a good man. I work hard. I love my wife. I contribute to society. I mean, these people, you deal with them all the time. And those girls? They were just... They were just worthless criminals.
Catherine: No, they were human beings. You're the worthless criminal.
Greg: And you applied that same logic when Karen Jones showed up at your door?
Fiore: You know what the stupid girl did? She pointed a gun at me and she demanded that I give her 50,000 dollars for her friend's funeral.
Catherine: Well, according to my math, the 50,000 dollars you saved is gonna cost you 20 years to life.
Fiore: Look, I-I am a good man. I work hard. I love my wife. I contribute to society. I mean, these people, you deal with them all the time. And those girls? They were just... They were just worthless criminals.
Catherine: No, they were human beings. You're the worthless criminal.
TV Show: CSI - Crime Scene Investigation
Doc Robbins (as Ray is observing the body): He's talking to you, isn't he?
Ray: Yes. Sometimes I wish they'd say more.
Doc Robbins: Sometimes I wish they'd shut up.
Ray: Yes. Sometimes I wish they'd say more.
Doc Robbins: Sometimes I wish they'd shut up.
TV Show: CSI - Crime Scene Investigation
Nick: What're the chances there's another guy in Vegas cutting out organs on the DL?
Ray: No, this is Dr. Jekyll's work. I never would have expected him to look like Juan.
Nick: Nah, that's not him. Hey, Dr. Frankenstein had Igor, maybe Dr. Jekyll has Juan.
Ray: No, this is Dr. Jekyll's work. I never would have expected him to look like Juan.
Nick: Nah, that's not him. Hey, Dr. Frankenstein had Igor, maybe Dr. Jekyll has Juan.
TV Show: CSI - Crime Scene Investigation
Ray: Four months ago, our Dr. Jekyll made a bow-tie with Joey Bigelow's intestines. A month ago, he implante a subperfial appendix into Bernard Higgins. Supectomy and splenectomy are routine procedures. If he did this, he's not limiting himself to perversity, he's operated both inside and outside the box.
Doc Robbins: A true Jekyll and Hyde.
Doc Robbins: A true Jekyll and Hyde.
TV Show: CSI - Crime Scene Investigation
Wendy: But I also found a second contributer in the grout sample, it was an unknown male.
Ray: They were probably my epithelials. I had to palpate the grout, you can't do that with gloves on.
Wendy: Well, in that case I just need a sample of your DNA and I will exclude you.
Ray: My DNA? Which would go into a database.
Wendy: Your fingerprints are already in AFIS, what's the difference?
Ray: There's a big difference. You're gonna have to put in your report that I said no.
Ray: They were probably my epithelials. I had to palpate the grout, you can't do that with gloves on.
Wendy: Well, in that case I just need a sample of your DNA and I will exclude you.
Ray: My DNA? Which would go into a database.
Wendy: Your fingerprints are already in AFIS, what's the difference?
Ray: There's a big difference. You're gonna have to put in your report that I said no.
TV Show: CSI - Crime Scene Investigation
Catherine: Mr. Fiore, there's been a development, we need your major case prints.
Fiore: I already gave you my prints. And I admitted to killing Karen Jones in self-defense.
Greg: That was a standard ten-card. Gimme your right hand.
Fiore: And if I refuse?
Catherine: Then I'm gonna get six of the biggest deputies you've ever seen to come in here and... assist you.
Fiore: I already gave you my prints. And I admitted to killing Karen Jones in self-defense.
Greg: That was a standard ten-card. Gimme your right hand.
Fiore: And if I refuse?
Catherine: Then I'm gonna get six of the biggest deputies you've ever seen to come in here and... assist you.
TV Show: CSI - Crime Scene Investigation
Nick: You know, Ray, for somebody who doesn't like golf, you seem to know an awful lot about it.
Ray: It's not that I don't like golf. It's just that you have to focus your mind, practically every fiber of your begin on a small white ball that you wanna hit just the right way, and then when you hit it, the feeling is exhilerating. And so you chase the small white ball all day, so you can hit it exactly the same way. You chase that feeling. Kinda like cocaine. Not exactly the best hobby for an obsessive personality.
Nick: Yeah, people like that are better suited for a job in criminalists.
Ray: It's not that I don't like golf. It's just that you have to focus your mind, practically every fiber of your begin on a small white ball that you wanna hit just the right way, and then when you hit it, the feeling is exhilerating. And so you chase the small white ball all day, so you can hit it exactly the same way. You chase that feeling. Kinda like cocaine. Not exactly the best hobby for an obsessive personality.
Nick: Yeah, people like that are better suited for a job in criminalists.
TV Show: CSI - Crime Scene Investigation
Catherine (after Hodges finds the primary crime scene): See what you can accomplish when your pride's on the line.
Hodges: Everyday of my life.
Hodges: Everyday of my life.
TV Show: CSI - Crime Scene Investigation
Sara: So, Dr. Ray, what's your handicap?
Ray: I don't play golf.
Nick: I thought all doctors played golf.
Sara: Maybe only the rich ones.
Nick: Now, that's true, anybody can play golf, there are plenty of public golf courses.
Sara: Sure there are.
Ray: Mark Twain referred to golf as: 'A good walk, spoiled'. (Sara laughs)
Nick (laughs): It can be, if you don't stay in bounds, believe me.
Ray: I don't play golf.
Nick: I thought all doctors played golf.
Sara: Maybe only the rich ones.
Nick: Now, that's true, anybody can play golf, there are plenty of public golf courses.
Sara: Sure there are.
Ray: Mark Twain referred to golf as: 'A good walk, spoiled'. (Sara laughs)
Nick (laughs): It can be, if you don't stay in bounds, believe me.
TV Show: CSI - Crime Scene Investigation
Catherine (to Ray): So we've got a club head cover, but no clubs... A little overdressed for night putting!
TV Show: CSI - Crime Scene Investigation
Catherine: In other words, you got nothing.
Hodges: When you put it that way, it makes me sound ineffectual.
Catherine: (smirks) That's the secret to good leadership.
Hodges: When you put it that way, it makes me sound ineffectual.
Catherine: (smirks) That's the secret to good leadership.
TV Show: CSI - Crime Scene Investigation
Greg: I was just thinking about the first time I went joy riding.
Nick: You? Really?
Greg: I was 12. My Papa Olaf just bought a red 280 ZX, man it was love at first sight. And I have no idea what made me thought I could get away with it, but when Papa O went down for his afternoon nap, I swiped the keys a took it for a spin.
Nick: Where'd you go?
Greg: Around the block... twice. And when I was rolling it back into the driveway, I almost ran over my foot. Papa Olaf woke up had no idea and never found out.
Nick: You? Really?
Greg: I was 12. My Papa Olaf just bought a red 280 ZX, man it was love at first sight. And I have no idea what made me thought I could get away with it, but when Papa O went down for his afternoon nap, I swiped the keys a took it for a spin.
Nick: Where'd you go?
Greg: Around the block... twice. And when I was rolling it back into the driveway, I almost ran over my foot. Papa Olaf woke up had no idea and never found out.
TV Show: CSI - Crime Scene Investigation
Sara: So, we're looking for a yellow street racer in Las Vegas. Great. That should narrow it down to a few hundred suspects.
TV Show: CSI - Crime Scene Investigation
Hodges: The suspect hides the murder weapon in plain sight, in her auto shop class. Pretty sophisticated for a high school girl, right?
Wendy: Well, she's definitely more sophisticated than the ones you chat with on the Twilight message boards.
Wendy: Well, she's definitely more sophisticated than the ones you chat with on the Twilight message boards.
TV Show: CSI - Crime Scene Investigation
Catherine: You don't look nearly busy enough.
Archie: Well, thank you. It is my gift to look relaxed while doing many things. Unlike Hodges, who has the ability to look overwhelmed while really doing nothing at all.
Archie: Well, thank you. It is my gift to look relaxed while doing many things. Unlike Hodges, who has the ability to look overwhelmed while really doing nothing at all.
TV Show: CSI - Crime Scene Investigation
Catherine: When you are young, you think you are immortal and when you get older you just want to remember how that felt. Driving crazy fast on open road…
Nick: We are not getting old, are we?
Nick: We are not getting old, are we?
TV Show: CSI - Crime Scene Investigation
Sara: It's Cindy Warner's phone.
Nick: They say the only way to get a cell phone from a teenage girl is to pry it from her cold dead hand.
Sara: Well, whoever they are, let's hope they're wrong.
Nick: They say the only way to get a cell phone from a teenage girl is to pry it from her cold dead hand.
Sara: Well, whoever they are, let's hope they're wrong.
TV Show: CSI - Crime Scene Investigation
Nick: Two cars, dead of night, a girl at the end of a lonely stretch of a quarter mile straight away, this was a drag race.
Sara: With Cindy at the finish line, in every sense of the word.
Sara: With Cindy at the finish line, in every sense of the word.
TV Show: CSI - Crime Scene Investigation
Nick: On the night before his last drive from home to school, Trevor drove about 14 miles in the course of about an hour of a half without turning his engine off. So that's a 7 miles out, 7 miles back... 7 mile search radius.
Sara: And just before he made that trip, was the last time Cindy Warner was seen.
Catherine: I've got a bad feelin' about this.
Sara: And just before he made that trip, was the last time Cindy Warner was seen.
Catherine: I've got a bad feelin' about this.
TV Show: CSI - Crime Scene Investigation
Ray: I've seen access denied, but access restricted?
Sara: Denied is get lost. Restricted, that's like a fence you want to climb over.
Sara: Denied is get lost. Restricted, that's like a fence you want to climb over.
TV Show: CSI - Crime Scene Investigation