Dirty Sexy Money Quotes
Brian Darling: [to Andrea] I'll give you one million dollars to get up and walk out of here right now.
Mr. Mitchell: Excuse me?
Nick George: Hey, that's not what we're here to do, Brian. Let me finish.
Brian Darling: Two million.
Andrea Smithson: Are you trying to *buy* my son?
Brian Darling: I'm trying to buy *our* son.
Nick George: Nobody is buying anybody.
Mr. Mitchell: This is ridiculous. We're leaving.
Brian Darling: Three million! We both know it's all about the money with you anyway.
Andrea Smithson: Now I remember why it didn't work with us. You are not a human being.
Mr. Mitchell: Excuse me?
Nick George: Hey, that's not what we're here to do, Brian. Let me finish.
Brian Darling: Two million.
Andrea Smithson: Are you trying to *buy* my son?
Brian Darling: I'm trying to buy *our* son.
Nick George: Nobody is buying anybody.
Mr. Mitchell: This is ridiculous. We're leaving.
Brian Darling: Three million! We both know it's all about the money with you anyway.
Andrea Smithson: Now I remember why it didn't work with us. You are not a human being.
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Chase Alexander: You know, you sounded a lot like Tripp Darling back there Nick; you must be so proud.
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Tripp: [drunk] Brian, what a wonderful wedding sermon, so much humanity, so much hope. There really is such a kind person buried deep down inside you. Deep, deep down! Inside you... somewhere?
Brian: Thanks dad.
Brian: Thanks dad.
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Juliet: Oh! When did you get back from Tahiti?
Jeremy: Uh... Thirty minutes and six double espressos ago.
Jeremy: Uh... Thirty minutes and six double espressos ago.
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Jeremy: [He presents a dollar bill origami sailboat to Nick] Here, give this to Kiki. Tell her I'm sorry I made you late.
Nick: Where'd you learn how to do that?
Jeremy: My coke dealer.
Nick: Where'd you learn how to do that?
Jeremy: My coke dealer.
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Nick: All right listen, this has been a massive misunderstanding, and I can assure you my client is going to be found innocent of all charges brought against him, so there's no story here. Please excuse us.
Female Reporter: Is it true you won the Yacht in a poker game, Jeremy?
Male Reporter: Jeremy, how long have you been smuggling people into the country?
Jeremy: I don't know...
Nick: Don't answer that.
Female Reporter: Is it true you were planning to harvest their organs?
Nick: You know, that is just dumb. Why say things like that?!
Female Reporter: Is it true you won the Yacht in a poker game, Jeremy?
Male Reporter: Jeremy, how long have you been smuggling people into the country?
Jeremy: I don't know...
Nick: Don't answer that.
Female Reporter: Is it true you were planning to harvest their organs?
Nick: You know, that is just dumb. Why say things like that?!
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Nick: Look, he doesn't even know these guys.
Jeremy: It's true I've never meet those guys before in my life! Right, guys?
Illegal Immigrants: Okay Captain Jeremy, Captain Jeremy okay!
Nick: Did you teach 'em how to do that?
Jeremy: I was just havin' a little fun.
Jeremy: It's true I've never meet those guys before in my life! Right, guys?
Illegal Immigrants: Okay Captain Jeremy, Captain Jeremy okay!
Nick: Did you teach 'em how to do that?
Jeremy: I was just havin' a little fun.
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Male Reporter: Well, the rumor is you can't act at all.
Juliet: Well, you're poor!
Juliet: Well, you're poor!
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Juliet: I don't need my twin-tuition to see you googling her ass!
Jeremy: Don't you mean ogling--
Juliet: Whatever!
Jeremy: Don't you mean ogling--
Juliet: Whatever!
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Brian, Sr: [After scolding his bewildered son about his own lies] But remember, we pay the rent in this house with honesty. Don't make me raise your rent.
Mei Ling: Do you really believe his name is Gustav?
Brian, Sr: What choice do I have. Now at some point you have to just put your faith in humanity. Gotta get to bible study.
Mei Ling: Do you really believe his name is Gustav?
Brian, Sr: What choice do I have. Now at some point you have to just put your faith in humanity. Gotta get to bible study.
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Nick: [Referring to the Karen Darling sex tape] Okay... you the guy who bought it?
Courier: No, but my boss did... for 3 million dollars.
Nick: Your boss?
Courier: Simon Elder. Yeah, he's not the man you think he is. And your boss isn't either.
Courier: No, but my boss did... for 3 million dollars.
Nick: Your boss?
Courier: Simon Elder. Yeah, he's not the man you think he is. And your boss isn't either.
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Nick: [watching the tape] What the hell are they doing?
Daisy: The Italian Banker.
Nick: How do you know that?
Rebecca: Ah... the reverse Italian Banker.
Daisy: The Italian Banker.
Nick: How do you know that?
Rebecca: Ah... the reverse Italian Banker.
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Nick: They all said no.
Rebecca: Told ya, Patrick made the sex tape. Patrick's lying. Patrick's going to be the next lying President of the Unites States of lying America.
Rebecca: Told ya, Patrick made the sex tape. Patrick's lying. Patrick's going to be the next lying President of the Unites States of lying America.
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Tripp: Just tell me one thing... Our children, are they all mine?
Tish: Yes! Absolutely!
Tripp: [Sighs] Ooh... God.
Tish: What?
Tripp: The thought that you can be so sure... that such attention was paid to such a prolonged continuous insult that you can say absolutely, as if it were a favor you did me fondly. Ahh, my God Tish it's so sordid.
Tish: Yes! Absolutely!
Tripp: [Sighs] Ooh... God.
Tish: What?
Tripp: The thought that you can be so sure... that such attention was paid to such a prolonged continuous insult that you can say absolutely, as if it were a favor you did me fondly. Ahh, my God Tish it's so sordid.
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Nick: [Sarcastically] Thanks.
Karen: I'm sorry.
Freddy: God, you're a bitch sometimes.
Karen: [Pouting] I know, its a problem.
Karen: I'm sorry.
Freddy: God, you're a bitch sometimes.
Karen: [Pouting] I know, its a problem.
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Tripp: [While Brian Jr shakes pepper all over his dinner] Take it easy sailor. You're going to overheat your blood.
Brian, Jr: Sorry.
Tripp: I haven't seen a child pepper food that vigorously since you were a boy Brian. Bon Appetit.
Brian, Jr: Sorry.
Tripp: I haven't seen a child pepper food that vigorously since you were a boy Brian. Bon Appetit.
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Jeremy: Alright Jules, I'm telling you the truth, okay? I'm, I'm Pluto. I'm cold, distant, and alone.
Juliet: Okay, well speaking of planets.
Jeremy: Pluto is not a planet anymore.
Juliet: It will always be a planet to me.
Juliet: Okay, well speaking of planets.
Jeremy: Pluto is not a planet anymore.
Juliet: It will always be a planet to me.
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Mei Ling: What's the matter?
Brian, Jr: I need to tell you something.
Mei Ling: Well, whatever it is you can tell me.
Brian, Jr: I don't want to go to hell.
Mei Ling: I don't think there are many children in hell Gustav.
Brian, Jr: Yeah.. about that.. My name's not Gustav.
Mei Ling: No? What is it?
Brian, Jr: Brian... Brian Jr.
Mei Ling: Is my husband your daddy?
[Brian nods]
Brian, Jr: I need to tell you something.
Mei Ling: Well, whatever it is you can tell me.
Brian, Jr: I don't want to go to hell.
Mei Ling: I don't think there are many children in hell Gustav.
Brian, Jr: Yeah.. about that.. My name's not Gustav.
Mei Ling: No? What is it?
Brian, Jr: Brian... Brian Jr.
Mei Ling: Is my husband your daddy?
[Brian nods]
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Brian, Sr: Did you buy my son a thirty thousand dollar watch?
Juliet: It was fifteen percent off.
Brian, Sr: Are you out of your mind?
Juliet: No!
Brian, Sr: You're spoiling him rotten! Now all he does is walk around and mouth off and ask for expensive things. You turned a nice, fake, Swedish orphan into your own personal living doll. Now a watch?! He can't even tell time!
Juliet: It was fifteen percent off.
Brian, Sr: Are you out of your mind?
Juliet: No!
Brian, Sr: You're spoiling him rotten! Now all he does is walk around and mouth off and ask for expensive things. You turned a nice, fake, Swedish orphan into your own personal living doll. Now a watch?! He can't even tell time!
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Karen: Freddy and I have been so overwhelmed with wedding planning that we, um, we need you to go down the City Hall and get our marriage license. You know, do some of that lawyer magic?
Nick: You have to sign the license in person, Karen.
Karen: They haven't changed that law yet?
Nick: No, not yet.
Karen: Not even for regular customers?
Nick: You have to sign the license in person, Karen.
Karen: They haven't changed that law yet?
Nick: No, not yet.
Karen: Not even for regular customers?
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Parking Valet: How'd you get it fixed in 30 minutes?
Jeremy: Bought her a new car and changed the plates. Whens lunch break?
Jeremy: Bought her a new car and changed the plates. Whens lunch break?
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Tish: [Talking about if Karen slept with her ex husband or not when she went to see him] Tell me you didn't!
Karen: I didn't. [pause] I didn't!
Tish: Uh...you are unbelievable!
Karen: He wasn't going to sign otherwise!
Karen: I didn't. [pause] I didn't!
Tish: Uh...you are unbelievable!
Karen: He wasn't going to sign otherwise!
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Tripp: [about Simon Elder] I'm not a vengeful person Nick. I have endured massive betrayal, and I have responded with patience, and with love. But I will not suffer this man.
Nick: What do you want to do?
Tripp: I want to destroy him. I want that s.o.b. completely and utterly destroyed.
Nick: What do you want to do?
Tripp: I want to destroy him. I want that s.o.b. completely and utterly destroyed.
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Tripp: [Drunk] Brian, what a wonderful wedding sermon, so much humanity, so much hope. There really is such a kind person buried deep down inside you. Deep, deep down! Inside you... somewhere!?!
Brian, Sr: Thanks dad.
Brian, Sr: Thanks dad.
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Brian: [to a Judge at the Wedding] Well your Honor, the seven deadly sins are not like the Constitution, they can't be amended. So if I were you yes, I'd be worried!
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Freddy: I wanna spend the rest of my life with you. [Joyfully laughs]
Karen: [Uncomfortably laughing] Oh, I ah, I wanna spend the rest of my life with you too baby. Forever!?!
Master of Ceremony: [As the elevator doors open up] Ladies and Gentlemen, may I present to you, Mr and Mrs Freddy Mason.
Karen: [Whispering to Nick] I want a divorce. Now!
Karen: [Uncomfortably laughing] Oh, I ah, I wanna spend the rest of my life with you too baby. Forever!?!
Master of Ceremony: [As the elevator doors open up] Ladies and Gentlemen, may I present to you, Mr and Mrs Freddy Mason.
Karen: [Whispering to Nick] I want a divorce. Now!
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Brian, Sr: You're an evil person. You abandoned your son!
Andrea: I didn't abandon him! I left him with his father for two months!
Brian, Sr: Yeah and because you did, my marriage is probably over! My wife and daughters have been in China for two weeks and I don't know when and if they're coming back! Just a little added bonus to your little selfish Walkabout!
Andrea: I didn't abandon him! I left him with his father for two months!
Brian, Sr: Yeah and because you did, my marriage is probably over! My wife and daughters have been in China for two weeks and I don't know when and if they're coming back! Just a little added bonus to your little selfish Walkabout!
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