CSI - Crime Scene Investigation Quotes

Nick: Yeah, but I got her a chem set.
Sara: You keep that; might learn something.
Nick: Stop flirting with me.

TV Show: CSI - Crime Scene Investigation
Sara: Hey Grissom! Would you come tape me up?
Grissom: I love my work.
Catherine: It shows.

TV Show: CSI - Crime Scene Investigation
Nick: I can't believe I used to live in a place like this.
Sara: And here I had all this respect for you.

TV Show: CSI - Crime Scene Investigation
[After finding out the drowned woman had fried calamari before she died]
Catherine: Now tell me, why are we here?
Grissom: 'Cuz it's the only place within ten miles of Calville Bay that serves calamari.
Catherine: And you know this because...?
Grissom: I come here for calamari.
Catherine: Oh. Alone?
Grissom: No. Sometimes I have a beer with it.

TV Show: CSI - Crime Scene Investigation
Grissom: [to Catherine after finding a severed leg] Well Watson, the game's afoot.

TV Show: CSI - Crime Scene Investigation
Dr.Robbins: The leg was severed post-mortem.
Catherine: Well, that's good news.
Dr.Robbins: How do you figure?
Catherine: Would you want to be alive while your leg's being cut off?

TV Show: CSI - Crime Scene Investigation
Sara: [to Warrick]: Fine suit.
[Warrick and Nick turn around to find Sara in the locker room]
Sara: [to Nick] And well, just fine.
Nick: That's harassment.
Sara: Hey, we have one locker room and it's my job to be observant.

TV Show: CSI - Crime Scene Investigation
Greg: What's Grissom doing?
Warrick: He's trying to find a missing boat.
Greg: And let me guess, Catherine got bored?
Warrick: Well you know Grissom, the shortest distance between two points is science. For Catherine, it's pounding the pavement.

TV Show: CSI - Crime Scene Investigation
Catherine: No. No way, use your own hand.
Grissom: Come on, Catherine, my hand's too big.
Catherine: No!
Grissom: It's the only way we can print her. Her skin on your hand should fit like a leather glove.
Grissom: May I take your hand?

TV Show: CSI - Crime Scene Investigation
Grissom: You just compromised our investigation.
Catherine: He deserved to know the truth.
Grissom: Knowing how she died, yes. Knowing that she had an affair -- how does that bring closure?
Catherine: I guess you just have to be on the wrong end of an affair to understand.
Grissom: You can't make this about Eddie. Look, you hurt our case because your ex hurt you.
Catherine: We bring ourselves to our cases. We can't help it. I knew how Barger felt. Would you just relax? I didn't give him chapter and verse.
Grissom: You can't give him anything, Catherine. We're scientists. We're not psychiatrists or victims' rights advocates.
Catherine: You're right, you know. I should be just like you. Alone in my hermetically sealed condo watching discovery on the big screen working genius- level crossword puzzles, but no relationships. No chance any will slop over into a case. Right. I want to be just like you.
Grissom: Technically, it's a townhouse. And the crosswords are advanced, not genius. But you're right. I'm deficient in a lot of ways. But I never screw up one of my cases with personal stuff.
Catherine: Grissom ... what personal stuff?

TV Show: CSI - Crime Scene Investigation
Grissom: Look ... could we have a truce?
Catherine: I would love to.
Grissom: Good.
Grissom: But let me do all the talking to the husband and the boyfriend.
Catherine: He had to say it.

TV Show: CSI - Crime Scene Investigation
Nick: Blood's like my grandfather. Never lies.

TV Show: CSI - Crime Scene Investigation
Warrick: Don't take it personally miss, but he's [Grissom] kind of married to his job.

TV Show: CSI - Crime Scene Investigation
Grissom: There are three kinds of people I hate. Men who hit their wives, sexual assault on children, and the scum who deal death to kids.

TV Show: CSI - Crime Scene Investigation
Grissom: Teenage wasteland! (Referencing The Who's hit song, "Baba O'Riley")
Warrick: Who?
Grissom: Yeah!

TV Show: CSI - Crime Scene Investigation
Evans: [Pointing to an exotic dancer on stage] You dressed like that?
Catherine: If you want to call it dressed.

TV Show: CSI - Crime Scene Investigation
(Nick and Grissom discover a skeleton in the wall of a house)
Nick: Ten bucks says the owner sells the house.
Grissom: By law you've got to disclose everything. Three bedrooms, two baths, and a skeleton.

TV Show: CSI - Crime Scene Investigation
[Eddie, Catherine's ex is accused of rape]
Grissom: What's the status?
Catherine: Skin samples from under the women's fingernails are consistent with Ed's. I saw some bruises. But Eddie's style has always been very... involved. Vigorous.
Grissom: ...Vigorous.
Warrick: She's trying to tell you Eddie likes it rough.
Catherine: Thank you, Warrick.

TV Show: CSI - Crime Scene Investigation
Grissom: [quoting Shakespeare] Yet who would've thought the old man could have so much blood in him?

TV Show: CSI - Crime Scene Investigation
Sara: [talking about Brenda, a 6 year old girl] Going back to the girl. I left her in the car.
[Grissom and Catherine stare at her blankly]
Sara: The windows are cracked... Give me a little credit. She's at the hospital!

TV Show: CSI - Crime Scene Investigation
Brass: Oh, you're gonna love this. [opens bathroom door] Ring any bells? Rub-a-dub-dub, dead man in the tub.

TV Show: CSI - Crime Scene Investigation
Grissom: What happened?
Brass: You tell me Carnac.

TV Show: CSI - Crime Scene Investigation
Brass: Quincy wants to be alone.
Uniformed Cop: Why does he want to be alone?
Brass: He wants to get his mojo working.

TV Show: CSI - Crime Scene Investigation
Grissom: Life's like holding a dove. You hold it too hard...
Catherine: ... you kill it.
Grissom: Hold it too soft...
Sara: ... and it'll fly away.

TV Show: CSI - Crime Scene Investigation
Grissom: We're going off the board, tonight.
Sara: Off the board?
Catherine: The ones that got away. [Gestures to the fish shaped bulletin board] Fish.
Sara: Oh. I missed that one.

TV Show: CSI - Crime Scene Investigation
Nick: You look a little tired. Want me to give you a bottle, make you go night night?
Warrick: Want me to clack that jaw and make you go night night?

TV Show: CSI - Crime Scene Investigation
Warrick: There's other questions to answer first.
Nick: Like what?
Warrick: Footprints and tire treads.
Nick: I hate you.
Warrick: You love me. Who are you kidding?

TV Show: CSI - Crime Scene Investigation
Greg: So, what's the pot up to?
Nick: We don't bet on cases.
Greg: Ah, of course you don't...So who's winning?
Nick and Warrick: I am.
Greg: Fiends.

TV Show: CSI - Crime Scene Investigation
Sara: I take it that's not blood.
Grissom: No but there's protein in it.
Sara: Oh, the Mile High Club. That means that 2 passengers may have had no idea what was going on inside that cabin.
Grissom: You know high altitude enhances the whole sexual experience, increases the euphoria.
Sara: Well, it's good...I don't know if it's that good. Cite your source.
Grissom: Hand me a swab please.
Sara: You're avoiding the question, "enhances sexual experience, increases euphoria" cite your source.
Grissom: A magazine.
Sara: What magazine?
Grissom: Applied psycho dynamics in forensic science.
Sara: Never heard of it.
Grissom: I'll get you a subscription. Now cite your source.
Sara: Oh, now you want to go down that route?
Grissom: Yeah.
Sara: Nah, never mind.
Grissom: You started it.
Sara: Delta airlines, flight 1109, Boston- Miami, March 93, Ken Fuller, hazel eyes, organic chem lab TABMOC, overrated, in every aspect. Could we get back to work please?
Grissom: Yeah, I think due to your first hand knowledge and experience in airplane bathrooms, you should do the swab.
Sara: Fine.

TV Show: CSI - Crime Scene Investigation
Grissom: Well, in this case we're going to recreate the flight from ... 1630 hours on. [points to Brass] You are in 4B.
Brass: Lou.
Catherine: Lou -- the angry businessman. How about that?
Sara: I want to be Shannon. Good.
Warrick: The stewardess.
Sara: Excuse me -- it's "Flight Attendant".
Grissom: Catherine-- the doctor, 3E.
Catherine: Single mom. What an imagination you have.
Grissom: [points to Nick and Warrick] Max and Marlene, 2E and F. You two are married. Who wants to wear the pants?
Nick: CSI-3 seniority, "sweetie".
Warrick: Yeah, whatever. You're henpecked anyway.
Sara: [To Grissom] Let me guess -- you're the computer geek.
Grissom: In the interest of clarity, yes. Nate in 2C.

TV Show: CSI - Crime Scene Investigation