The Venture Bros. Quotes
#21: Here is where you are wrong, my friend. This woman has killed before.
#24: Allegedly.
#21: Okay, whatever. But she was a big girl. We are talking about a large, healthy woman of questionable stability.
#24: Oh, you are totally underestimating the never-say-die scrappiness of a survivor.
The Monarch: Hey, guess what? Nobody cares who would win in a crazy fantasy fist-fight between Anne Frank and Lizzie Borden.
#24: Allegedly.
#21: Okay, whatever. But she was a big girl. We are talking about a large, healthy woman of questionable stability.
#24: Oh, you are totally underestimating the never-say-die scrappiness of a survivor.
The Monarch: Hey, guess what? Nobody cares who would win in a crazy fantasy fist-fight between Anne Frank and Lizzie Borden.
TV Show: The Venture Bros.
The Monarch: With every fiber of my being I stab at thee, as long as blood flows through this heart I will hunt you down. I will be the stuff of your children's nightmares.
Dr. Venture: What's he doing now?
Dean: He's making his dramatic exit.
Dr. Venture: (sigh) This could take all night, I'm gonna get Brock.
Hank: I think he's almost done.
The Monarch: And then, when nothing can be heard but your cries of agony, I will pull the chain and let the beast devour you. Mark my words: I will have my revenge, DR. VENTURE!
Dr. Venture: What's he doing now?
Dean: He's making his dramatic exit.
Dr. Venture: (sigh) This could take all night, I'm gonna get Brock.
Hank: I think he's almost done.
The Monarch: And then, when nothing can be heard but your cries of agony, I will pull the chain and let the beast devour you. Mark my words: I will have my revenge, DR. VENTURE!
TV Show: The Venture Bros.
Dr. Girlfriend: Sweetie, isn't that the guy from Depeche Mode?
The Monarch: Oh no, wait, where? Holy crap, he's with a girl!
Dr. Girlfriend: Oh yeah, that guy is totally straight. I saw a whole thing about him on the VH1.
The Monarch: But he's the guy from Depeche Mode. That's impossible!
Dr. Girlfriend: Straight!
The Monarch: Come on! He's in Depeche Mode!
The Monarch: Oh no, wait, where? Holy crap, he's with a girl!
Dr. Girlfriend: Oh yeah, that guy is totally straight. I saw a whole thing about him on the VH1.
The Monarch: But he's the guy from Depeche Mode. That's impossible!
Dr. Girlfriend: Straight!
The Monarch: Come on! He's in Depeche Mode!
TV Show: The Venture Bros.
Mr. One: (indicating Brock to the rest of the team) This is Agent Samson. You will know him and refer him only as Team Leader. His whim is your command. If he tells you to put on a dress and dance... I'd better see those moneymakers shakin! Am I understood?
TV Show: The Venture Bros.
Brock: You have some dangerous machinery for sale here. I think you're begging for trouble on this one.
Dr. Venture: I thought you handled all that. And I don't hear any big ideas from you on how to get some quick cash. C'mon, most of this stuff is old crap my dad left behind.
Brock: (exasperated) DOC! You have a table over there with a sign that says "laser death ray bargain bin"!
Dr. Venture: (dismissively) Well, that's why you have your little ska band there, to keep the oddballs in costumes from raising Cain.
Dr. Venture: I thought you handled all that. And I don't hear any big ideas from you on how to get some quick cash. C'mon, most of this stuff is old crap my dad left behind.
Brock: (exasperated) DOC! You have a table over there with a sign that says "laser death ray bargain bin"!
Dr. Venture: (dismissively) Well, that's why you have your little ska band there, to keep the oddballs in costumes from raising Cain.
TV Show: The Venture Bros.
The Monarch: (needing to go to the bathroom) Oooh, wow. That hoagie went right threw me.I need to make a desposit at the bank, so to speak.
TV Show: The Venture Bros.
Waitress: What'll it be, sugar?
Dr. Orpheus: Your flask of sugar appears to be filled. But your concern is noted; now please, stand to the side.
Dr. Orpheus: Your flask of sugar appears to be filled. But your concern is noted; now please, stand to the side.
TV Show: The Venture Bros.
Dr. Orpheus: That's a Home Boy. But be careful, that houses the souls of TWO FOULMOUTHED REDNECKS!!!
TV Show: The Venture Bros.
(Dr. Orpheus wordlessly approaches The Monarch, slaps him across the face, and magically sets his shoes on fire)
The Monarch: (shocked, stamping out the fire) You dick!
Dr. Orpheus: Doctor Orpheus did this! To exact proper retribution, (he produces a business card with a flourish) you can find me at this address! (as an afterthought) Nights only.
The Monarch: What? What did I do?
(The Intangible Fancy, an ethereal, ghost-like villain, appears behind The Monarch)
The Intangible Fancy: When the sun sleeps... the wolves begin to howl.
The Monarch: (bewildered) What the hell is going on here? Did somebody put a sign on my back or something?
The Monarch: (shocked, stamping out the fire) You dick!
Dr. Orpheus: Doctor Orpheus did this! To exact proper retribution, (he produces a business card with a flourish) you can find me at this address! (as an afterthought) Nights only.
The Monarch: What? What did I do?
(The Intangible Fancy, an ethereal, ghost-like villain, appears behind The Monarch)
The Intangible Fancy: When the sun sleeps... the wolves begin to howl.
The Monarch: (bewildered) What the hell is going on here? Did somebody put a sign on my back or something?
TV Show: The Venture Bros.
The Monarch: (after using the Venture household restroom) Honestly, what kind of jackass leaves every door unlocked? I'm not going to flush. Let them see the wrath of the Monarch!
TV Show: The Venture Bros.
The Monarch: (finally inside Dr. Venture's laboratory) Oh my god, look at this place. It's like a museum of failure.
Dr. Girlfriend: It's almost depressing.
The Monarch: Here I am, in the belly of the beast, and I don't even care. (indicating a gadget nearby) I don't even feel like taking a whiz on this. I used to DREAM of taking a whiz on this!
Dr. Girlfriend: So I guess...we're not gonna...
The Monarch: What can I do to this guy that life hasn't already? I almost feel sorry for him.
Dr. Girlfriend: It's almost depressing.
The Monarch: Here I am, in the belly of the beast, and I don't even care. (indicating a gadget nearby) I don't even feel like taking a whiz on this. I used to DREAM of taking a whiz on this!
Dr. Girlfriend: So I guess...we're not gonna...
The Monarch: What can I do to this guy that life hasn't already? I almost feel sorry for him.
TV Show: The Venture Bros.
Dr. Venture: Why is it every time I need to get somewhere, we get waylaid by jackassery?
TV Show: The Venture Bros.
Dr. Venture: Is my tie on straight?
Brock: Yeah. Can't really miss with a clip-on.
Brock: Yeah. Can't really miss with a clip-on.
TV Show: The Venture Bros.
(Venture just revealed that, in college...)
Hank: Wait! You lived with BROCK?? That is so unbelievably cool!
Dean: No wonder you guys are such super pals!
(Brock just sits expressionlessly)
Dr. Venture: Actually... back then we didn't see much of each other...
(dorm flashback: Venture is laying awake in his bunk. Brock's bunk above his is squeaking, bouncing up and down furiously, accompanied by Brock grunting rhythmically and a young woman moaning)
Dr. Venture: We had very different schedules... always coming and going... at... different times...
Pete White: Wait, tell 'em who really won the roommate lottery that year.
Dr. Venture: Oh, God, don't remind me.
Pete White: Okay, so the university sticks me with this exchange student, (switch to college) but check it out, he's, like, a prince or something. His parents sent him a care package last week for his birthday. You know what he got? A personal slave. The poor guy sleeps in my closet. Speak of the dickweed. Hey, Werner.
Dean: Baron Ünderbheit!!!
Pete White: (back to present) Yeah. You told 'em?
Dean: No, Baron Ünderbheit is right there!
Hank: Holy crap! Brock, kick his butt!
Brock: Relax, boys, he's not gonna do anything. It's hallowed ground.
Hank: So what was he (Baron Ünderbheit) like in the olden days?
Pete White: Well, except for the metal jaw, pretty much the same—total dick.
(dorm flashback: Ünderbheit and White arguing near door of Venture's room)
Baron Ünderbheit: The tape is on the floor for a reason, Peter! Your things belong on your side of the room and don't think I haven't noticed that you moved it to make your area larger. If you cannot obey the simplest of rules...
Hank: Wait! You lived with BROCK?? That is so unbelievably cool!
Dean: No wonder you guys are such super pals!
(Brock just sits expressionlessly)
Dr. Venture: Actually... back then we didn't see much of each other...
(dorm flashback: Venture is laying awake in his bunk. Brock's bunk above his is squeaking, bouncing up and down furiously, accompanied by Brock grunting rhythmically and a young woman moaning)
Dr. Venture: We had very different schedules... always coming and going... at... different times...
Pete White: Wait, tell 'em who really won the roommate lottery that year.
Dr. Venture: Oh, God, don't remind me.
Pete White: Okay, so the university sticks me with this exchange student, (switch to college) but check it out, he's, like, a prince or something. His parents sent him a care package last week for his birthday. You know what he got? A personal slave. The poor guy sleeps in my closet. Speak of the dickweed. Hey, Werner.
Dean: Baron Ünderbheit!!!
Pete White: (back to present) Yeah. You told 'em?
Dean: No, Baron Ünderbheit is right there!
Hank: Holy crap! Brock, kick his butt!
Brock: Relax, boys, he's not gonna do anything. It's hallowed ground.
Hank: So what was he (Baron Ünderbheit) like in the olden days?
Pete White: Well, except for the metal jaw, pretty much the same—total dick.
(dorm flashback: Ünderbheit and White arguing near door of Venture's room)
Baron Ünderbheit: The tape is on the floor for a reason, Peter! Your things belong on your side of the room and don't think I haven't noticed that you moved it to make your area larger. If you cannot obey the simplest of rules...
TV Show: The Venture Bros.
Col. Gentleman: Careful Lad. Those hands of his are strong enough to crush a boulder. Yet delicate enough to crush a butterfly.
TV Show: The Venture Bros.
Brock: You made Leslie Cohen robots? Jeez.
Sorayama: Yeah, I think I did a pretty good job.
Pete White: Sure, but why would you do that, fella?
Baron Underbheit: To have sex with, Pete. I think that obvious. The man was obsessed with her in college
Rusty: So? He was obsessed with Coco from Fame the year before.
Sorayama: Yeah, I think I did a pretty good job.
Pete White: Sure, but why would you do that, fella?
Baron Underbheit: To have sex with, Pete. I think that obvious. The man was obsessed with her in college
Rusty: So? He was obsessed with Coco from Fame the year before.
TV Show: The Venture Bros.
Pete White: (on the radio): You're listening to the White Room. I'm your host, the evah-populah Pete White. This next one's a dedication to Leslie Cohen from her little buddy Mike Sorayama. And he writes "Leslie, I masturbate furiously to your picture every night. Please notice me. Love, Mike."
TV Show: The Venture Bros.
Brock: You did this. You did this, didn't you? (he attempts to charge Ünderbheit, nearly strangling Venture)
Baron Ünderbheit: (sarcastically) As usual, your detective skills are impeccable, Samson. You succeeded in exposing my sinister plan to lock myself in a dungeon, chained to an albino.
Baron Ünderbheit: (sarcastically) As usual, your detective skills are impeccable, Samson. You succeeded in exposing my sinister plan to lock myself in a dungeon, chained to an albino.
TV Show: The Venture Bros.
Dr. Orpheus: (grabbing Action Man's hands and concentrating for a moment) Two years, seventeen days.
Action Man: What?
Dr. Orpheus: From a stroke. GOOD DAY!
Action Man: What?
Dr. Orpheus: From a stroke. GOOD DAY!
TV Show: The Venture Bros.
Col. Gentleman: Despite his racial handicap, Kano here is a crackerjack pilot. Why, he could land her on a puffin... or a smurf!!
TV Show: The Venture Bros.
(Action Man farts)
College Student: (after a brief pause) Dude, you beefed.
College Student: (after a brief pause) Dude, you beefed.
TV Show: The Venture Bros.
Dr. Venture: Oh, come on! You're gonna kill me because I had fake sex on graph paper with a girl who barely spoke to you in real life?
TV Show: The Venture Bros.
(the group looks at Sorayama's corpse)
Brock: Huh. So he really did die.
Dr. Venture: So what, he programmed his robots to hate us too?
Brock: (shrugs) I guess.
Venture: Well, that makes about as much sense as anything else today. So what do you say we get out of here before he starts to stink?
Brock: Huh. So he really did die.
Dr. Venture: So what, he programmed his robots to hate us too?
Brock: (shrugs) I guess.
Venture: Well, that makes about as much sense as anything else today. So what do you say we get out of here before he starts to stink?
TV Show: The Venture Bros.
Brock: (in flashback, packing up his belongings and talking to a sullenly quiet Thaddeus Venture) Sorry, man, I don't know what came over me. Anyway, they cut my scholarship, so I'm outta here. Gonna join the army. (he pauses in the doorway, causing Venture to cower abjectly) Oh, yeah. Someone from, uhhh... "Venture Industries" called while you were at the infirmary. Your dad died. Later.
TV Show: The Venture Bros.
The Monarch is finally on trial, though it may be for a crime that he didn't actually commit.
Statue of Olee Jemeema: Oooooh! My arm came off! I can't believe that happened!
Statue of Olee Jemeema: Oooooh! My arm came off! I can't believe that happened!
TV Show: The Venture Bros.
The Monarch: While you were wasting your time castrating a priceless antique, I was systematically feeding babies.... to hungry mutated puppies!
TV Show: The Venture Bros.
Watch: Sovereign, many of our operatives are in place. We await your orders.
Sovereign: Good, Good... Let us proceed to stage five.
Watch: It shall be done.
Watch: (turning to Ward) Great, way to make me look like a tool! What are you doing back there?
Ward: Have you seen my juice-box?
Watch: Oh, that was yours? I thought that--
Ward: Great. Thanks. Why did I even bother putting my initials on it?
Sovereign: Good, Good... Let us proceed to stage five.
Watch: It shall be done.
Watch: (turning to Ward) Great, way to make me look like a tool! What are you doing back there?
Ward: Have you seen my juice-box?
Watch: Oh, that was yours? I thought that--
Ward: Great. Thanks. Why did I even bother putting my initials on it?
TV Show: The Venture Bros.
Dr. Orpheus: Do not be too hasty entering that room. I had TACO BELL FOR LUNCH!! Expert witness, Dr. Byron Orpheus has arrived.
Hank: (examining the bathroom door from which Orpheus emerged) The hair's gone! A clue!
Dean: It was Dr. O the whole time. I wonder what that means?
Brock: It means Dr. Orpheus had to take a dump. So... nice job. Case closed.
Hank: (examining the bathroom door from which Orpheus emerged) The hair's gone! A clue!
Dean: It was Dr. O the whole time. I wonder what that means?
Brock: It means Dr. Orpheus had to take a dump. So... nice job. Case closed.
TV Show: The Venture Bros.