The Mentalist Quotes

Jane: You can buy logo merchandise, Sinner Saints coffee mugs, decals, beach towels. Whoa! And some various other interesting little knickknacks.
Lisbon: Nice.
Jane: Yeah. Well, if they do it, we should do it. A range of casual wear, maybe? Sensible shoes?
Lisbon: I'll get right on that.
Jane: [To himsel] Lisbon loafers.

TV Show: The Mentalist
Xander: I'm a sadist and I bore easily.
Jane: Me, I see a difficult childhood, bad parenting, a lot of torment. But I also see how that suffering gave you great powers of empathy and a strong creative side and those are the qualities you should try and nurture in yourself. Not this brutish character you try to hide behind.

TV Show: The Mentalist
Jane: Oh, it's lovely.
Lisbon: It's a crime scene.
Jane: It's a lovely crime scene.

TV Show: The Mentalist
Jane: Okay, I needed Lucas to see Felicia get arrested, you needed hard evidence to charge Felicia. So...I made it happen.
Lisbon: By making an innocent woman think she was going to prison? As if her life wasn't hard enough already.
Jane: Yes, you're right. She does deserve some justice.
Lisbon: It's good to see you care.
Jane: You know, sarcasm is the lowest form of wit.

TV Show: The Mentalist
Rigsby: [On entering the lawyer's office] Jimmy marks on the door knob.
Cho: I doubt that was part of the original décor.

TV Show: The Mentalist
Cho: Talked to Van Pelt recently?
Rigsby: Yep.
Cho: Any progress?
Rigsby: Nope.

TV Show: The Mentalist
Meredith: (about the attack against CBI agents) Special Agent Minelli, our condolences. Would you describe your feelings at this terrible time?
Minelli: Wow, Meredith. That's-you media guys, that's just... You know, for eight years I've put up with the idiotic questions of the media and I've never said squat. But today, I must tell you, Meredith, you've really set a new standard in horse's assery. You people have no concept of what we do. We go into dark, horrible places. Alone and afraid. And we do it with no money, broken-down vehicules, with computers that have more viruses than a $10 whore. How? Good people. And I've lost three good people today, and a fourth who is in critical condition, and you ask me how I'm feeling. I'm feeling sad, you moron. Any other questions?

TV Show: The Mentalist
Jane: This is beautiful [Putting the crown on Lisbon's head]

TV Show: The Mentalist
Jane: So it is usual that your uncle is here after closing?
Tom Doverton: He's not our uncle.
Jane: Oh, I'm sorry, uh, the man that has sex with your aunt then.
[Lisbon makes a noise]

TV Show: The Mentalist
Tom Doverton: If I may say so, what I do very much resent is the tone of your questioning.
Lisbon: I'm - sorry if we've offended you.
Jane: No, don't say that. This is a murder investigation. I can be as hard ass as I'd like to be. Thank you.
Lisbon: [Quietly to Jane] Actually it's not a murder investigation yet. If Mr. Warren dies, which seems likely, it'll become a murder investigation.
Jane: Oh yeah, that's right. He's not dead. Uh... well I apologize for my rudeness. Heh.

TV Show: The Mentalist
Jane: Aha!
Lisbon: Is that a useful aha or an annoying aha?

TV Show: The Mentalist
Lisbon: A brawl? you started a brawl? Come on!

TV Show: The Mentalist
Lisbon: You, go to hell. Take a toothbrush.
Jane: Which way is that? [Lisbon glares at him] I’ll go.

TV Show: The Mentalist
[Trying to guess what instrument Lisbon played at school]
Jane: Tympani!
Lisbon: No.

TV Show: The Mentalist
Donner: Is he sniffing her?
Lisbon: Yes.
Donner: You pay him to sniff people?

TV Show: The Mentalist
Melba Walker Shannon: [To Wilson] These people will be leaving now.
Jane: I like the way you say that. Melba-like-the-toast. So tough and command. Let me tell you something. We are state law enforcement. And we leave when we want to leave.
Lisbon: Thanks for your time.
Jane: She wants to leave. See ya.

TV Show: The Mentalist
Rigsby: So, uh, guys. I have something to say.
Grace: We have something to say.
Rigsby: Uh, life's too short for dishonest. Van P... Grace and I are... lovers.
Lisbon: No you’re not.
Grace: Um, yes we are.

TV Show: The Mentalist
Jane: Well, it's a big secret, well kept.
Rigsby: Maybe you knew, but nobody else did.
Cho: I knew. Half the building knows.
Rigsby: They do not!
Cho: Yes they do.
Jane: The only person who didn't know is glaring at you right now.
Lisbon: And now I have to do something about it.
Cho: What are you gonna do?
Jane: Yeah, what are you gonna do?
Lisbon: Thinking.

TV Show: The Mentalist
Walter: [To Lisbon] You have a damaged intensity that’s quite attractive.
Jane: [With his mouth full] Hmm, yeah.

TV Show: The Mentalist
Lisbon: He’s got everything he wanted since he was 30.
Jane: Not you.

TV Show: The Mentalist
Lisbon: [After Jane let Walter’s car fall off a cliff. Lisbon gets a phone call] Hey Cho... Oh no... Oh great. No. No, you can handle this one. Just be clear that the CBI is not liable. He is just a consultant.

TV Show: The Mentalist
Elyse: [Sees Jane, who is asleep on his couch] I thought he’d look scarier.
Lisbon: He’s resting.

TV Show: The Mentalist
[Cho brings out KS at gunpoint, and sees Jane being held at gunpoint too]
Jane: Hi. You must be KS. Very nice to meet you.

TV Show: The Mentalist
Lisbon: Where are my key?
[Jane holds up her keys]
Lisbon: You picked my pocket!
Jane: My turn to drive.
Lisbon: Jane!
Jane: Oh, don't be such an old lady. Get in. Your fears are groundless.
Lisbon: You're right. The car has airbags

TV Show: The Mentalist
Lisbon: It's okay. She's gone.
Jane: Who's gone?
Lisbon: Oh please, your guilty conscience is obvious and well deserved.
Jane: Man. Justice can be a harsh mistress.

TV Show: The Mentalist
Lisbon: I apologise for my colleague...
Jane: No, she doesn’t! I retract that apology.

TV Show: The Mentalist
[Lisbon had just finshed talking to Rigsby and Cho telling them that she and Jane were going to die soon]
Jane: Oh, Wait I wanted to talk to them also.
Lisbon: Sorry [passes him her mobile]
Jane: Its a fine farewell. I thought you'd be all tearful and incoherent. But no. You were succinct, noble. Bravo.
Lisbon: Haha. Don't you have anyone you want to call besides Cho and Rigsby?
Jane: No. But if I were dying I'd want to call you but you're already here so there's no need.
Lisbon: Me? What would you say? Wait! [Stutters]If you were dying?
Jane: Yeah. You're not really dying, I wrote on a label and put it on a empty flask and I convinced poor Lilith Nash to run away, I feel kind of bad about it-
Lisbon: You son of a bitch.
Jane: Wait, Be still [picks up phone and calls Cho] Cho, this is Jane--please disregard Lisbon's last message. I tricked her, my bad [covers phone and mouths to Lisbon] "I'm so sorry" [uncovers phone] Are you at the culvert? Okay good. Wait. Someone will be coming your way soon. Bye.
Lisbon: Why would you do this to me?
Jane: Two reasons, Firstly to catch the killer of Alicia Seaberg. The killer who is not poor Lilith Nash, The killer who you recall took a dose of the antidote to avoid exposure to the virus, yes?
Lisbon: Yes.
Jane: The killer who believes that he or she is not going to die, yes?
Lisbon: Yes!
Jane: So they get out of here before we die or else they'll be burnt to crisp by the Air Force. Their hands are tied, they have to try and escape. Thus revealing themselves to us with the precision and clarity of a mathematical equation.
Lisbon: And reason number 2?
Jane: The second and most important reason: Doesn't it feel goo

TV Show: The Mentalist
Lisbon: You know what made me feel better? Punching you in the nose.
Jane: Ah, glad to be of service.

TV Show: The Mentalist