Will and Grace Quotes

Cher: Don't talk to me about rejection, okay? Look how many times I've gone down in flames. Remember, I LOST the Oscar for 'Moonstruck'.
Jack: But you WON the Oscar for 'Moonstruck'.
Cher: And don't you forget it.

TV Show: Will and Grace
Grace Adler: You know what? I'm sorry. I can't just turn it on and off like you. If you prick me, I bleed, and right now, I am bleeding because of a particularly unforgivable prick!

TV Show: Will and Grace
Grace: We're all here for you, right Karen?
Karen: Why wasn't I your girlfriend, queerbait?
Jack: What?
Karen: You told your mother that Grace was your girlfriend, how could you?
Jack: But I didn't even know you when I made up that lie.
Karen: Oh yeah, but when you did, you should have broken up with her, and hooked up with me.
Jack: You're married, I'm gay.
Karen: Not in the lie.

TV Show: Will and Grace
Karen: Oh. It's easy to get caught up. You spin the spinner and call your spot. Twister will tie you up in a knot.

TV Show: Will and Grace
[Playing poker]
Will: Don't you know that a Queen always beats a Straight?

TV Show: Will and Grace
Karen: Honey, I can't go. I have a home, a husband and three beautiful stepchil — No, wait. Two. Two beautiful stepchildren. Sorry. Yeah. Olivia and...
Jack: Mason?
Karen: Honey, I was getting there.

TV Show: Will and Grace
Jack: How sorry am I? "S" is for how very sad you make me feel. "O" is for, oh, how very bad you make me feel. "R" is for how wrong you make me feel.
Zandra: And the other "R" is for how rotten you are. Get off. Get off the stage! I don't want to even look at you any more.

TV Show: Will and Grace
Karen: Beverley Leslie, with your pants so tight, won't you be my partner tonight?
Beverly: Ooh, I would be honored.
Leo: You think we can take 'em?
Grace: Please. Between the two of us, we've got eight feet on them.

TV Show: Will and Grace
[Grace is surprised when Will clamps his hands over her breasts.]
Will: I think you've sprung a leak.
Grace: What're you talking about?
[He lifts his hands, and her water bra sprays twin streams.]
Will: I haven't been with a woman in some time, but I'm pretty sure they're not supposed to do that.

TV Show: Will and Grace
Grace: Your lips can go from here [points to Will's lips] to HERE! [points to her butt]

TV Show: Will and Grace
Karen: So, how they hangin', honey?
Candy: Well, thanks to Dr. Kipper, three inches higher. Listen. As much as I'd love to stay here sweatin' with the oldies, I'm getting a little woozy from the booze-y seeping from your enlarged pores.
Karen: Oh, honey, they're not enlarged. They're just in shock over that hair color.

TV Show: Will and Grace
Will: What are you talking about? You're not a performer.
Jack: I am now. Me, a piano and a spotlight. I'm calling it "Just Jack." Here's my flyer. "Just Jack." One night only. "Just Jack."
Will: Why one night? Oh, it's open mic night.
Jack: Bring Grace...or a date. Ha ha, I'm just kidding.
Will: [reads flyer] "A roller-coaster ride of emotions." Who said that?
Jack: A critic...OK, my shrink.

TV Show: Will and Grace
Karen: Actually honey I'm feeling much better. Yah, I just talked to Stan, he had a good day in prison today. He and a convicted junk bond trader smuggled a glazed ham out of the kitchen. So honey, if you want to leave, I know you have things to do. I mean - there's fashion mistakes to be made and it's probably happy hour at some gay bar.

TV Show: Will and Grace
Jack: Thrilled to be here. Love you. Love everything about you. Thinking about being you for Halloween.

TV Show: Will and Grace
Will: I'm hungry.
Grace: I'm thirsty.
Karen: I could hump a tree.

TV Show: Will and Grace
Jack: FYI, folks, most people that meet me do not know that I am gay.
Will: Jack, blind and deaf people know you're gay. Dead people know you're gay.

TV Show: Will and Grace
Karen: You know, marriage is... what? Marriage is... Marriage is, okay? What the hell, that's all you need to... Grace? Oh! Now she's gone. She's gone, and I'm sitting here talking to myself like a crazy person. Oh, my God, listen to me. I'm still doing it!

TV Show: Will and Grace
Grace: Can you please fax this application over to the realtor?
Karen: Oh, honey. Machinery. No.

TV Show: Will and Grace
Grace: Karen, I'm not gonna marry someone just because I want a nice apartment.
Karen: Um... yes. That- that would be wrong.
Grace: It would be settling. I want to marry "the one."
Karen: And well you should, honey. How else are you gonna get to the two and the three?

TV Show: Will and Grace
Jack: Hmm, let's take a look at a little clip from when it was still the "Michael and Will Show"... before it was canceled. "Will, can I change your throw pillows?" "No!" "Will, can I put my sweaters on your shelf?" "No!" "Will, can anyone live with a control freak nightmare like you? I'm gonna say 'no.'"

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Grace: Just F.Y.I. The first three letters in "assistant" spell "ass," so please get off yours.

TV Show: Will and Grace
Jack: So I've decided to take my career in a whole new direction.
Will: Forward?

TV Show: Will and Grace
Jack: Well, look at you. You're like an icon to gay men.
Karen: Oh!
Jack: You've got the sass, the class, the ass.

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Grace: You know, I thought I knew everything about you. But you're a mystery. Wrapped in a riddle. Surrounded by enigma. Growing boobies.

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[Jack comes in dressed as an alien.]
Will: sherif , after closer examination, I believe I have identified the lifeform as ... gaylien.
Grace: We come in peace. Please do not rearrange our furniture.

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Karen: Grace, desperate times call for desperate measures. It's time to get your head out of the dumps and your legs in the air!

TV Show: Will and Grace
Will: First of all they'll give you a payment plan, which you won't follow. Then they'll garnish your wages, which you don't have. Then they'll take away everything you own... which would be your gym membership. Then... finally, they will put you in jail.
Jack: No, no, no. They can't put me in jail, 'cause since I never started paying my taxes, I can continue not paying them. I saw that on television.
Will: On what? The Delusional Channel?

TV Show: Will and Grace
Jack: I finally found my life's calling, and it involves these two hands.
Will: Ah. So you're going to be self-employed.
Jack: Insert laugh... here. I'm going to be a massage therapist. It was an obvious choice, being that I am a people person. I love people... as long as they're not hairy... or smelly... or have the dreaded bacne, ugh. Okay, I need some guinea pigs. Who's interested?
Will: Smelly.
Grace: Hairy.
Jack: Thank you, friends.
Karen: Bacne. Oh, who am I kidding? It's alabaster from my neck to my ass. I just don't want to do it.

TV Show: Will and Grace
Grace: You know what the funny part is? [laughs] There is no funny part! My life is so unfunny, Mr. Hutt, it's not even... funny. I mean, what am I doing taking on a mortgage? I mean, my life is already a mess. I'm still renting an apartment, I don't have a driver's license, I'm not married, I live with a gay guy...
Will: Grace...
Grace: I haven't had sex in five months! And I was in Bloomingdale's this morning waiting in line to buy wrinkle cream, and this Jennifer-Love-Michelle-Sarah-Felicity-looking thing... bumps into me and says, "Excuse me...Ma'am." [sobs.]

TV Show: Will and Grace
Grace: I thought I would cook Shepherd's Pie.
Will: Pray tell, Julia Child, what's in Shepherd's Pie?
Grace: Um... shepherds? Sheep? Pie?

TV Show: Will and Grace