Friends Quotes

Joey Tribbiani: How you doin'?

TV Show: Friends
Jeremy Capello: [believing that someone is following him, he has ducked into the freezer and taken Darla with him] Don't let him see you leave the freezer!
Darla Blake: [sarcastically] Oh, noooo problem; I'm carrying a can of invisible hairspray!

TV Show: Friends
Lady in Bookstore: And what did you get for yourself? A nice adventure story?
Lady in Bookstore: [Paul shows her the book he's buying, titled, A Baby is Born] OH! But at your age?
Paul Harrison: If you must know is for my sister.
Lady in Bookstore: [looking relieved] Oh, how is is your sister?
Paul Harrison: Seven.
Lady in Bookstore: Oh my!

TV Show: Friends
Rachel Green: [taking a "Goddess Quiz"] "Have you ever betrayed another goddess for a lightening bearer?"... I would have to say "no."
Monica Geller: And I would have to say "P-ha!"

TV Show: Friends
Seymour: Hear, hear! I hear there's a call for able-bodied men.
Sheriff: Yeah! Do you know one?
Seymour: I know me! I'm able! I'm a man, and despite what you think, this is a body! [the crowd in the station laughs]
Sheriff: Sorry, son, I can't take you without your mother's permission.

TV Show: Friends
The Friendly Giant: Look up, wa-a-ay up!

TV Show: Friends
[last lines] ["The Flighty Fly"]
Mouse: So being small didn't stop me from flying the flighty fly after all. I even got to do something Rabbit and my bigger friends couldn't do - ride on the flighty fly. Rabbit thought that it looked like loads of fun, so guess what he's doing. He's building one big enough for all of us to ride on. Heh heh. I think we're gonna need a few more leaves and a lot more wind.

TV Show: Friends
(Monica has just broken up with Pete in the hospital and is walking out)
Pete: Wait. [Monica pauses] Could you leave a note? They've got me on a lot of pills, and I'm not sure I'll remember this tommorrow.

TV Show: Friends
Monica: What? So you guys don't mind going out with someone else who's going out with someone else?
Joey: I couldn't do it.
Monica: Good for you, Joey.
Joey: When I'm with a woman, I need to know that I'm going out with more people than she is.

TV Show: Friends
Phoebe: [singing]New York City has no power
And the milk is getting sour : : But to me it is not scary
'Cause I stay away from dairy.

TV Show: Friends
[Rachel is holding a weave over her breasts and yelling at Chandler for coming in with no announcement]
Chandler: (interrupting) Rachel, can I just say something?
Rachel: WHAT?!
Chandler: That's a loose weave. I can still see your uh... "nipular" area.

TV Show: Friends
Monica: There's nothing to tell! He's just some guy I work with!
Joey: C'mon, you're going out with the guy! There's gotta be something wrong with him!
Chandler: So does he have a hump? A hump and a hairpiece?
Phoebe: Wait, does he eat chalk?

TV Show: Friends
Phoebe: Just, 'cause, I don't want her to go through what I went through with Carl- oh!
Monica: Okay, everybody relax. This is not even a date. It's just two people going out to dinner and- not having sex.
Chandler: Sounds like a date to me.

TV Show: Friends
Chandler: Alright, so I'm back in high school, I'm standing in the middle of the cafeteria, and I realise I am totally naked.
All: Oh, yeah. Had that dream.
Chandler: Then I look down, and I realise there's a phone... there.
Joey: Instead of...?
Chandler: That's right.
Joey: Never had that dream.
Phoebe: No.
Chandler: All of a sudden, the phone starts to ring. And it turns out it's my mother, which is very weird, because- she never calls me!

TV Show: Friends
Ross: [mortified] Hi.
Joey: This guy says hello, I wanna kill myself.
Monica: Are you okay, sweetie?
Ross: I just feel like someone reached down my throat, grabbed my small intestine, pulled it out of my mouth and tied it around my neck...
Chandler: Cookie?
Monica: [explaining to others] Carol moved her stuff out today. (to Ross) Let me get you some coffee

TV Show: Friends
Ross: Oh no, no. Stop cleansing my aura.
Phoebe: But...
Ross: No. Just leave my aura alone, okay?
Phoebe: Fine... be murky.
Ross: I'll be fine. Really, you guys, I hope she'll be very happy.
Monica: No, you don't.
Ross: No, I don't! To hell with her! She left me!
Joey: You never knew she was a lesbian?
Ross: No! Okay? Why does everyone keep fixating on that? She didn't know. How should I know?
Chandler: Sometimes I wish I was a lesbian. [everyone looks at him] Did I say that out loud?
Joey: Alright Ross, look. You're feeling a lot of pain right now. You're angry. You're hurting. Can I tell you what the answer is?

TV Show: Friends
Joey: Strip joint! C'mon, you're single! Have some hormones!

TV Show: Friends
Ross: See, but I don't want to be single, okay? I just— I just— I just want to be married again.
(Rachel in a wedding dress enters the shop)
Chandler: And I just want a million dollars!.

TV Show: Friends
Monica: Rachel?!
Rachel: Oh God Monica hi! I just went to your building and you weren't there and then this guy with a big hammer said you might be here and you are, you are!
Waitress: Can I get you some coffee?
Monica: [pointing at Rachel] De-caff. [to the gang] Okay, everybody, this is Rachel, another Lincoln High survivor. [to Rachel] This is everybody, this is Chandler, and Phoebe, and Joey, and- you remember my brother Ross?
Rachel: Hi, sure!
Ross: Hi.

TV Show: Friends
Monica: So you wanna tell us now, or are we waiting for four wet bridesmaids?
Rachel: Oh God... well, it started about a half hour before the wedding. I was in the room where we were keeping all the presents, and I was looking at this gravy boat. This really gorgeous Lamauge gravy boat. When all of a sudden- [to waitress]Sweet 'n' Lo?- I realised that I was more turned on by this gravy boat than by Barry! And then I got really freaked out, and that's when it hit me: how much Barry looks like Mr. Potato Head. Y'know, I mean, he always looked familiar, but... Anyway, I just had to get out of there, and I started wondering 'Why am I doing this, and who am I doing this for?'. (TO MONICA) So anyway I just didn't know where to go, and I know that you and I have kinda drifted apart, but you're the only person I knew who lived here in the city.
Monica: Who wasn't invited to the wedding.
Rachel: Ooh, I was kinda hoping that wouldn't be an issue...

TV Show: Friends
Chandler: [to Phoebe] Me and Joey are gonna help Ross with his stuff Carol left behind. Wanna help?
Phoebe: Oh... I wish I could, but I don't want to.

TV Show: Friends
Monica: Welcome to the real world. It sucks. You're gonna love it.

TV Show: Friends
Rachel: [excited] Guess what?
Ross: You got a job?
Rachel: Are you kidding? I'm trained for nothing! I was laughed out of twelve interviews today.
Chandler: And yet you're surprisingly upbeat.
Rachel: Well, you would be too if you found Joan and David boots on sale, fifty percent off.
Chandler: Oh, how well you know me.

TV Show: Friends
Chandler: I think, for us, kissing is pretty much like an opening act, y'know? I mean, it's like the stand-up comedian you have to sit through before Pink Floyd comes out.
Ross: Yeah, and — and it's not that we don't like the comedian, it's that — that... that's not... why we bought the ticket.
Chandler: You see, the problem is, though, after the concert's over, no matter how great the show was, you girls are always looking for the comedian again. Y'know? I mean, we're in the car, we're fighting traffic... basically, just trying to stay awake.
Rachel: Yeah, well, word of advice: bring back the comedian. Otherwise next time you're gonna find yourself sitting at home, listening to that album alone.
Joey: Are we still talking about sex?

TV Show: Friends
Rachel: You're a twin?
Phoebe: Oh, yeah. We don't speak. She's, like, this...high-powered, driven, career type.
Chandler: What does she do?
Phoebe: She's a waitress.

TV Show: Friends
Ross: [talking about the baby's name] Wait a minute, why is Susan's name in it?
Susan: It's my baby, too.
Ross: Funny, I don't remember you making any sperm!

TV Show: Friends
Phoebe: There's five hundred extra dollars in my account.
Chandler: Oh! Satan's minions at work again.
Phoebe: Yes, coz I have to go down there and deal with them.
Joey: What are you talking about? Keep it!
Phoebe: It's not mine! I didn't earn it. If I kept it, it would be like stealing!
Rachel: Yeah, but if you spent it, it would be like shopping!

TV Show: Friends
[Phoebe finds something in her can of soda.]
Ross: A thumb?
Joey: Ewwww!
Phoebe: I know, I know. I opened it up, and there it was, just floating in there, like this tiny little hitch-hiker.
Chandler: Maybe it's a contest, you know, like, "collect all five."

TV Show: Friends
Monica: Hey Joey, what would you do if you were omnipotent?
Joey: Probably kill myself.
Monica: Excuse me?
Joey: Hey, if little Joey's dead, then I've got no reason to live.
Ross: Joey, omnipotent.
Joey: You are? I'm so sorry.

TV Show: Friends
[Rachel opens her first paycheck.]
Rachel: Isn't this exciting! I earned this! I wiped tables for it, I steamed milk for it, and it was totally... not worth it. Who's FICA? Why's he getting all my money?

TV Show: Friends