South Park Quotes
Mrs Crabtree: Hurry up! We're running late.
Stan: Ahh we're always running late, you fat hog.
Mrs Crabtree: What did you say?
Stan: I wish I could go to Prauge!
Mrs Crabtree: Yeah. Me too.
TV Show: South Park
Kathie Lee Gifford: How about giving me some more of that sweet loving Chef.
Chef: DAMN WOMAN! I just gave you sweet loving five minutes ago. Are you trying to kill me?
TV Show: South Park
Mr. Slave: Kids, let's keep it down for study group, or else Mr. Garrison is going to punish me.
TV Show: South Park
Announcer: And now, back to "It's A Wonderful Life".
George Bailey: You can't just buy people, Mr. Potter. You know what you are? You're a little bitch. That's right, you're a bitch and I'll bet you'd like to suck it, wouldn't you?
TV Show: South Park
Bartender: If a killer put a knife to my throat and said, "Have sex with your father or else I'm gonna kill your while havin' sex with you!" I would have sex with myself.
TV Show: South Park
Blanetologist: Oh, I've got a trick for you to learn. I can show you how to make your true self appear. Let me ask you all something. Do you consider yourselves to happy?
Leopold 'Butters' Stotch: I don't think I'm very happy. I always fall asleep to the sound of my own screams.
Blanetologist: [Long pause] Right. You see the reason that you're unha...
Leopold 'Butters' Stotch: [interrupting] And then I always get woken up to the sound of my own screams. Do you think I'm unhappy?
TV Show: South Park
Chef's Father: [at Chef's rehearsal dinner] Could I have everyone's attention, please? [crowd quiets]
Chef's Father: Tomorrow, my son is gonna get married to a beautiful lady. [sniffles]
Chef's Father: I'm very happy for them both. [begins to choke back tears]
Chef's Father: Ooh, there I go - I told myself I wasn't gonna cry.
Chef: It's okay, pop.
Chef's Mother: Thomas, you're gonna get me going now. [begins to tear up]
Chef's Father: I remember when Chef was just a three-year-old little man, he came runnin' into me with a big smile and his little chef's hat on, and he says to me, "Poppa, poppa." I said, "What do you need, Chef, my boy?" He said, "I need about tree-fitty."
Chef's Mother: Tree-fitty!
Chef's Father: Well, it was about that time I begin to get suspicious. I said, "Chef, my boy, why do you need tree-fitty?" He said, "My imaginary friend Boo-Boo the dinosaur wants it." So I went to my son's room, and sure enough, there was that damn Loch Ness Monster!
Chef's Mother: Lord, it was scary!
Chef's Father: I said, "Dammit, monster, you quit bugging my children, now. We work for our money in this house - we don't just give money away!"
TV Show: South Park
Death Camp Guard: [Nazi voice] Here, you vill be subjected to veeks of torture.
Mr. Slave: Ooh, this sounds like it could be fun.
TV Show: South Park
Fat Abbot: Hey! Hey! Hey! What's goin' on Rudy?
Rudy: Man, Fat Abbot, you need to lose weight!
Fat Abbot: I lose weight when I feel like it, bitch! Shut your bitch-ass mouth, ho!
Rudy: Bitch, I'll kick yo' ass!
Fat Abbot: You think you slick, you punk ass blasphemous dope fiend bitch! I had my jimmy whacked 7 times last week, I'll bust a cap in your mother fuckin' ass.
TV Show: South Park
Fat Abbot: Hey, hey, hey, what's goin' down, y'all?
Rudy: Man, Fat Abbot, what you doin' on this side of the hood?
Fat Abbot: You know something, Rudy, you're like school in summer time.
Rudy: School in summertime?
Fat Abbot: Yeah, bitch, school in summertime. Open up your fucking ears, you fucking ho or I'll pop your bitch ass.
Mushmouth: I'm-a pop-a you-a bitch-a ass-a too-ba, Bitch-a.
TV Show: South Park
Fat Abbott: Hey, hey, what's shakin' Rudy?
Rudy: Man, Fat Abbott. You need to lose weight.
Fat Abbott: I lose weight when I feel like it bitch. Shut your bitch ass mouth, ho.
TV Show: South Park
HBC Director: Sir, I'd just like to take this opportunity: I'm sure I speak for all of us when I say, you are the most creative genius in Hollywood, and... well... I'd let you have me if you wanted.
TV Show: South Park
Interviewer: So, are you guys as anti-Semitic as some might believe?
Matt Stone: You know, a lot of people have accused South Park of anti-Semitism, but I'm Jewish, and so I can say with some certainty that I am not anti-Semitic.
Trey Parker: I am, however.
TV Show: South Park
Man #1: [after a crowd tramples Kenny] Oh my God, I found a penny.
Man #2: You bastard.
TV Show: South Park
Man #1: Hello, camper! My name is Rick! How're you doing?
Cartman: [shouts] Well, I'm pissed off, Rick! How are you?
TV Show: South Park
Mark Costwold: And, papa, I know you have tried to keep your daughter away from anything sexual, but look at her now: she's a goddamn whore.
TV Show: South Park
Mrs. Marsh: Hello, Mrs. Brovlowski, this is Stan's mom. I was wondering if you might know why my son is trying to split his head open with an ice pick.
Stan: Aaaah. I have to get it out.
TV Show: South Park
MTV announcer: You're watching MTV, the cool, brainwashing, 12-year-old-and-younger station that hides behind a slick image. We're so cool that we decide what's cool. And now MTV News. The News that is single-handedly dumbing-down our country, which is cool.
TV Show: South Park
Proctologist: [diagnosing Cartman] Wait, what's this? [a 20-meter-wide satellite dish deploys from Cartman's rectum]
Kyle: Are you okay?
Eric Cartman: Dude. You know that feeling when you take a huge dump? Awesome!
Chef: Well, doctor?
Proctologist: I've never quite seen this before, uh, p - perhaps he just needs some hemmorhoid cream. [the satellite dish violently withdraws back inside Cartman]
Stan: You all right?
Eric Cartman: You know that feeling when the huge dump you just took shoots back up inside your ass? NO, I'M NOT ALL RIGHT!
TV Show: South Park
Scott: Who is this?
Saddam Hussein: Lets just say that I'm someone who can help you if you help me. Just call me your old pal Saddam Hussein.
Scott: Saddam Hussein? The Iraqi dictator?
Saddam Hussein: Hey relax guy, I'm just your average Joe. Take a rest.
Scott: What do you want?
Saddam Hussein: You want Terrance and Phillip *out* of Canada, I want you to bring my friends and me *into* Canada. That sounds like a fair trade, doesn't it? Super. Lets get started.
Scott: I'm not sure I should trust you.
Saddam Hussein: Hey, relax guy. Trust me. [Ominous chord]
TV Show: South Park
Singing Voice: A great adventure is waiting for you ahead / Hurry onward Lemmiwinks or you will soon be dead / The journey before you may be long and filled with woe / but you must escape th gay mans ass or you tale can't be told / Lemmiwinks / Lemmiwinks / Lemmiwinks / Lemmiwinks / Lemmiwinks journey / A distance far and fast / To find a way out of a gay mans ass / The road ahead is filled with danger and fright / but push onward Lemmiwinks with all of your might / The Sparrow prince lies somewhere way up ahead / Don't look back Lemmiwinks or you'll soon be dead / Lemmiwinks Lemmiwinks / The time is growing late / Slow down now and seal your fate / Take the magic helmet and torch to help you light the way / Theres still a lot of ground to cross inside the man so gay / Ahead of you lies adventure and your stregnth still lies within / Freedom from the ass of dome is the treasure you will win
TV Show: South Park
Voiceover: And now back to Wild Animal World. Here in the more erit regions of Africa, the Gold Coat Lion's are in the throws of mating season. The male lion positions himself behind the female and prepares to insert his lionhood. Notice, his large swollen balls. The female lion relaxes her body and says "hello" to Mr. Winky. The male lion is enticed by the females supple breasts and firm backside. Quickly and suddenly the male is finished. So, he kindly asks the female to leave. He promises he'll call her tomorrow. But the female doesnt leave. Nope, she's moving right in. Looks like the male lion... is screwed.
TV Show: South Park
Voiceover: Coming, this summer! It's the digitally enhanced re-release of the very first pilot episode of South Park! Yes, the classic, rough, hand-made first episode is getting a make-over for 2002! The simple, funny aliens are now super badass and cool! Flying saucer? No longer cheap construction paper, but a 4.0 megapixel constructed through a masterpiece of technology! Everything's new! New is better!
Trey Parker: When we first made South Park, we didn't wanna use construction paper. We just had to because it was cheap.
Matt Stone: And now with new technology we can finally remaster South Park, make it look sharp, clean and focused.
Trey Parker: Expensive.
Voiceover: Yes, all the charm of a simple little cartoon will melt before your eyes as it is replaced by newer and more standardized animation!
Trey Parker: For instance, in the scene at the bus stop, we always meant to have Imperial walkers and giant dewback lizards in the background, but simply couldn't afford it.
Voiceover: Get this special enhanced version quick, because another enhanced version will likely be coming out for 2003!
TV Show: South Park
Woman: [rrom the Make-A-Wish Foundation] So, Kenny, if you could have one wish, what would it be? [silence]
Man: What's your wish, pal?
Kenny: [muffled] I guess the only thing I wish is not to die.
Woman: What did he say?
Kyle: He said his wish is not to die. [long stretch of silence]
Woman: Okay, and what if you're gonna have two wishes? What would the second one be?
TV Show: South Park