South Park Quotes
Cartman: Kenny said in hell people speak Spanish and the water there gives you diarrhea.
TV Show: South Park
Cartman: Kenny's family is so poor, they had to put their cardboard box up for a second mortgage.
TV Show: South Park
Cartman: Kyle, if you mess this up, so help me God I will rip your balls of with my bare hands! WITH MY BARE HANDS, GODDAMN YOU!
TV Show: South Park
Cartman: Naw dude, independent films are those black and white hippy movies. They're always about gay cowboys eating pudding.
TV Show: South Park
Cartman: Oh and look what Kyle's got me, it's a red Megam... Ants in the Pants, Ants in the Pa... Ants in the Pants
Kyle: It's a game dude, it's really fun
Cartman: You son of a bitch, You were supposed to get me the red Megaman, now I can't make Ultra Mega Megaman, you dirty cheap ass piece of crap
Kyle: They were all out of them dude
Cartman: I hate you, I want you to die
TV Show: South Park
Cartman: Oh, look what I did with Kyle's money. I had it changed into singles so I could roll around in it like this. Oh, Kyle's money.
TV Show: South Park
Cartman: Screw you guys, I'm going home. [everyone realizes there isn't enough room to move]
Stan: Well?
Cartman: I'm gonna, just give me a minute.
TV Show: South Park
Cartman: Stan, you need to lay off the cough syrup, all right, seriously. I'm worried about you man.
TV Show: South Park
Cartman: The rest of you go get the goods on Stan. His mom grounded him once for setting something on fire. Let's find out what that something was and then lie and say it was a puppy.
TV Show: South Park
Cartman: The wrong bus home and ended up in Rancho de Burritos Rojos, south of Castle Rock, and finally got a ride home with a man who was missing his left index finger, named Gary Bushwell, arriving home at 11: 46.
TV Show: South Park
Cartman: This book was pretty good. I give it a B-.
Mr. Garrison: And I give you an F, now sit down.
Cartman: Ah, son of a bitch.
TV Show: South Park
Cartman: Well God, I guess you got me again, didn't you? Yeah, that was a good one, God. Hope it made you laugh, you sick bastard.
TV Show: South Park
Cartman: Wendy, you are to get me the Yellow Mega Man. Which was supposed to be a gift given by Kenny, but Kenny has been turned into a duckbill platypus.
TV Show: South Park
Cartman: You so much as TOUCH kitty's ass, and I'll put a firecracker in your nutsack and blow your balls all over your pants.
Stan: Jesus, Cartman.
Cartman: Well, I'm just sayn', man, seriously, don't mess with kitty, man.
TV Show: South Park
City Wok Owner: You *goddamn* Mongolians. Stay away from my shitty [meant as city]
City Wok Owner: wall.
TV Show: South Park
Eric Cartman: [after Bebe gets boobs] Well, fuck you, Stan, fuck you, Kyle, and [shouts]
Eric Cartman: fucky you, Kenny! Bebe, you're still cool!
TV Show: South Park
Eric Cartman: Oh sweet. The "Life-Sized Blow-up Antonio Banderas Love Doll." What a cool Christmas present.
TV Show: South Park
Eric Cartman: This is Baghdad? God, what a shithole. [Jesus looks at him]
Eric Cartman: I mean, oh wow, these poor, unfortunate people.
TV Show: South Park
Eric Cartman: You guys are hella stupid.
Stan: Why do you keep saying 'hella", Cartman?
Eric Cartman: 'Cuz I'm hella cool, that's why.
TV Show: South Park
God: [during an episode where Stan tries to "get his period" and accidentally grows breasts] You can't have a period, Stan, because you are a man... with titties.
TV Show: South Park
KKK Leader: White power! White power!
Mr. Garrison: [as Mr. Hat] White power! [as Mr. Garrison]
Mr. Garrison: Oh, I'm sorry, Chef, Mr. Hat is a racist son of a bitch. [as Mr. Hat]
Mr. Garrison: Don't apologize for me to that spear chucker. [as Mr. Garrison; gasps]
Mr. Garrison: Mr. Hat! [runs]
Mr. Garrison: Aaah!
TV Show: South Park
Man: [from the Make-A-Wish Foundation] I know! I'll bet you wanna meet Madonna, huh?
Kenny: [muffled] No. Fuckin' Madonna... [his words trail off and are hard to understand]
Man: What was that?
Kyle: He said Madonna is an old anorexic whore who wore out her welcome years ago, and that now she suddenly speaks with a British accent and she thinks she can play guitar and she should go fuck herself. [the Foundation reps are stunned]
Madonna: [appearing in the doorway] Should I come in now?
Man: Um, not quite yet.
TV Show: South Park
Michael Jefferson: [after he nearly dropped Blanket out the window, Blanket is crying] Blanket, shh, stop crying. It's okay, here look: [does the Moonwalk]
Michael Jefferson: Hee hee! Ow! Blanket, shh, hey look, look: I got your nose, Blanket. I got your nose. I got your nose, Blanket, see?
Blanket: Ha ha ha ha. [tries to play back and actually pulls Michael's nose off]
Blanket: Aah!
Michael Jefferson: No, Blanket, stop. It's ignorant, you're being ignorant.
TV Show: South Park