South Park Quotes
Tammy: Let's take off these rings, Ken! Let's take them off and just be kids again! There will be plenty of time to wear rings and be boring and lame when we reach our mid-30s and will be boring and lame anyway!
TV Show: South Park
[after Tammy performs fellatio on Kenny, he contracts syphilis and dies]
Cartman: I told him. The woman's mouth is the most germ-ridden place, I said. Statistically the most unsafe place for a man to put his penis, I said.
Kyle: Well, now we know.
Cartman: And knowing is half the battle.
Cartman: I told him. The woman's mouth is the most germ-ridden place, I said. Statistically the most unsafe place for a man to put his penis, I said.
Kyle: Well, now we know.
Cartman: And knowing is half the battle.
TV Show: South Park
Stan: Mom, Dad, how come there's suddenly no money?
Randy: I'll tell you what happened, son! See, there's a bunch of idiots out there who weren't happy with what they had! They wanted a bigger house and materialistic things that they didn't even need. [grabs his margarita glass and rises from the table] People with no money who got loans to buy frivolous things they had no business buying. [walks over to a Margaritaville margarita blender and loads it with ice. A margarita mix is already in place in the blender] And these assholes just blindly started buying any stupid thing that looked appealing, [puts the ice scooper back into the ice bucket] 'cause they thought money was endless! [starts up the blender, which drowns out whatever he says for the next nine seconds] It goes back to when the government had the idea that everyone in America deserves to own a house, and they couldn't pay their mortgage because they couldn't afford them. So we have people having a hard time paying off their loans, meaning less money coming in. [serves himself a margarita and places the blender back on its base] And the idiots couldn't see that by doing all this frivolous spending they were mocking the Economy. And they made the Economy very angry. [goes back to his seat with his margarita] We're all feeling the Economy's vengeance because of materialistic heathens who did stupid things with their money! Do you understand, son? [sips from his margarita glass]
Stan: Yeah, I think I get it.
Randy: I'll tell you what happened, son! See, there's a bunch of idiots out there who weren't happy with what they had! They wanted a bigger house and materialistic things that they didn't even need. [grabs his margarita glass and rises from the table] People with no money who got loans to buy frivolous things they had no business buying. [walks over to a Margaritaville margarita blender and loads it with ice. A margarita mix is already in place in the blender] And these assholes just blindly started buying any stupid thing that looked appealing, [puts the ice scooper back into the ice bucket] 'cause they thought money was endless! [starts up the blender, which drowns out whatever he says for the next nine seconds] It goes back to when the government had the idea that everyone in America deserves to own a house, and they couldn't pay their mortgage because they couldn't afford them. So we have people having a hard time paying off their loans, meaning less money coming in. [serves himself a margarita and places the blender back on its base] And the idiots couldn't see that by doing all this frivolous spending they were mocking the Economy. And they made the Economy very angry. [goes back to his seat with his margarita] We're all feeling the Economy's vengeance because of materialistic heathens who did stupid things with their money! Do you understand, son? [sips from his margarita glass]
Stan: Yeah, I think I get it.
TV Show: South Park
Accountant: Okay, we put your money in the bank AND IT'S GONE!
Stan: What?!
Accountant: Sir, please, you're holding up the line.
Stan: What?!
Accountant: Sir, please, you're holding up the line.
TV Show: South Park
Randy: We must stop pointing fingers! Finger pointing gets us nowhere-- [points to man] Steve!
TV Show: South Park
Wendy: [hopefully] Hey, Stan. You wanna maybe study together after school?
Stan: What? No way, dude! Today's the day!
Stan: What? No way, dude! Today's the day!
TV Show: South Park
Jimmy: Say, Eric, do you like fishsticks?
Cartman: Yeah?
Jimmy: Do you like putting fish dicks in your mouth?
Cartman: Yeah?
Jimmy: Well, what are you, Eric? A gay fish?
Cartman: [thinks for a second] Fish...dicks. Aww, dude, that is funny as shit!
Cartman: Yeah?
Jimmy: Do you like putting fish dicks in your mouth?
Cartman: Yeah?
Jimmy: Well, what are you, Eric? A gay fish?
Cartman: [thinks for a second] Fish...dicks. Aww, dude, that is funny as shit!
TV Show: South Park
Carlos Mencia: [tied up at Kanye West's mansion] Okay, look, it wasn't me! I didn't really start the fishstick thing, all right?
Kanye West: You're just sayin' that now 'cause you're scared.
Carlos Mencia: No, man, it's true! I stole it, man! I took credit for it 'cause I'm not actually funny! Come on, man, do you know what it's like? Being a comedian but not being funny? Come on, Kanye, I just take jokes and repackage them with a Mexican accent, man!
Kanye West: Think you can make fun of me? I'm a genius! I'm the voice of a generation! What are you?
Carlos Mencia: Nothing! Look at me, man! I'm not funny, I steal jokes, my dick don't work, man. I got to piss in a plastic bag, man, I got no dick!
Kanye West: You're just sayin' that now 'cause you're scared.
Carlos Mencia: No, man, it's true! I stole it, man! I took credit for it 'cause I'm not actually funny! Come on, man, do you know what it's like? Being a comedian but not being funny? Come on, Kanye, I just take jokes and repackage them with a Mexican accent, man!
Kanye West: Think you can make fun of me? I'm a genius! I'm the voice of a generation! What are you?
Carlos Mencia: Nothing! Look at me, man! I'm not funny, I steal jokes, my dick don't work, man. I got to piss in a plastic bag, man, I got no dick!
TV Show: South Park
[Kanye comes into the room with Cartman and Jimmy and his goons begin smashing everything]
Cartman: Dude, it's Puff Daddy!
Cartman: Dude, it's Puff Daddy!
TV Show: South Park
Kanye West: [speaking on David Letterman about the fishsticks joke] Yo, that is messed up, yo. I am not gay, and I sure as hell ain't no fish, all right?!
David Letterman: You...really don't get it?
Kanye West: Hey, yo man, I'm the most talanted musician in the world! If I was a homosexual or a fish, I would know!
David Letterman: You're a rapper.
Kanye West: Yes.
David Letterman: An entrepeneur.
Kanye West: Yes.
David Letterman: And you like fishsticks.
Kanye West: Yes.
David Letterman: You're a gay fish.
Kanye West: [agitated] No, I am not no gay fish!
David Letterman: Just gay?
Kanye West: I am not gay, and I'm not a fish! Man!
David Letterman: You are male.
Kanye West: Damn right, I'm male!
David Letterman: A male that likes fishsticks.
Kanye West: Yeah, I like fishsticks.
David Letterman: You like to put fishsticks in your mouth.
Kanye West: Yeah.
David Letterman: You're a gay fish.
Kanye West: All right, that does it! I'm gonna kick your motherfuckin' ass! [attacks Letterman]
David Letterman: You...really don't get it?
Kanye West: Hey, yo man, I'm the most talanted musician in the world! If I was a homosexual or a fish, I would know!
David Letterman: You're a rapper.
Kanye West: Yes.
David Letterman: An entrepeneur.
Kanye West: Yes.
David Letterman: And you like fishsticks.
Kanye West: Yes.
David Letterman: You're a gay fish.
Kanye West: [agitated] No, I am not no gay fish!
David Letterman: Just gay?
Kanye West: I am not gay, and I'm not a fish! Man!
David Letterman: You are male.
Kanye West: Damn right, I'm male!
David Letterman: A male that likes fishsticks.
Kanye West: Yeah, I like fishsticks.
David Letterman: You like to put fishsticks in your mouth.
Kanye West: Yeah.
David Letterman: You're a gay fish.
Kanye West: All right, that does it! I'm gonna kick your motherfuckin' ass! [attacks Letterman]
TV Show: South Park
Kyle: [reading Ike's letter] "Dear Mommy and Daddy, I am running away. I am sorry, but I can no longer handle the monotony of middle-class life. Everyone at school is a fucking idiot, and if one more person talked to me about that Susan Boyle performance of Les Misérables, I was going to puke my balls out through my mouth. I love you all, but I have to move on. I'm going to Somalia to be--to be a pirate"? Oh, shit!
TV Show: South Park
Somali Pirate Song written by Cartman: We drink and we pillage and we do what we please / We get all that we want for free / We’ll kick your ass / And rape your lass / Somalian pirates we / So with a yo ho ho (yo ho ho) / And with a yee hee hee (yee hee hee) / We take to the African sea / We’ll brave the squalls / And bust your balls / Somalian pirates we / We left our homes and we left our mothers / To go on a pillaging spree / We’ll cut off your ears / And break your toes / And make you drink our pee / And if you sail into our waters / You best hear this decree / We’ll take your boat / Set your ass afloat / Somalian pirates we / With a yo ho ho (yo ho ho) / And a trick a-lotty do (trick a-lotty do) / We’ll shoot you in the face with glee / Then we’ll cut off your cock / And feed it to a croc / Somalian pirates we / Somalian pirates we / Somalian pirates we!
TV Show: South Park
Cartman: [on Stan's assertion that he doesn't get 'underwear blood' when eating Chipotle] Well, how nice for you, Stan. You may have a Golden Rectum of the Gods, but the rest of us need Chipotl-Away!
TV Show: South Park
Billy Mays: Hi, Billy Mays here for the little Country Handy Pillow. Are you tired of sitting in limbo? Lost somewhere between planes of existence? Well now there's a product that can help you--
Walter Cronkite: Will somebody shut his fucking mouth?! I can't take it anymore!
Patrick Swayze: This is bad enough without having to constantly listen to you try and sell your stupid crap, Mays!
Billy Mays: With just two easy steps, I can climb over these seats and kick you right in the fucking balls!
Walter Cronkite: Will somebody shut his fucking mouth?! I can't take it anymore!
Patrick Swayze: This is bad enough without having to constantly listen to you try and sell your stupid crap, Mays!
Billy Mays: With just two easy steps, I can climb over these seats and kick you right in the fucking balls!
TV Show: South Park
Butters: Yo, Bebe, Bebe yo.
Bebe: What?
Butters: Bitch, you wanna make some motherfucking money?
Bebe: What!?
Butters: Bitch, you should be doing kisses around the playground, you can make $50 a day! Buy all the purses and shoes that you've ever wanted. I'll treat you right, bitch.
Bebe: Shut up!
Butters: Oh, alright then.
[Butters doing schoolwork then spots Wendy]
Butters: Hey Wendy, Wendy!
[Wendy looks at Butters]
Butters: Bitch, don't wanna start making some real fucking money?
Wendy: [annoyed] Leave me alone!
Butters: Why you were made for the playground, bitch. You should be out there workin'. Don't you want a new lunch box? Nice new coat? I can get all that for you, bitch.
Stan: [annoyed] Butters, dude!
Butters: What?
Stan: You can't call my girlfriend a bitch!
Butters: Oh. Well all I'm sayin' the bitch should be out there workin' is all. [turns to Wendy] Whatcha doing bitch? Just giving kisses to Stan for free? Why you should be making some motherfucking money!
Wendy: Stan!
Stan: Butters, seriously. If you don't stop this, I'll kick your ass!
Butters: [turns to Clyde] Clyde, heres a $100. If Stan comes near me, punch him.
Clyde: Wowwee. [grabs the money from Butters]
Cartman: [turns to Stan] Dude, we've created a monster.
Butters: Come on Wendy, you should be putting that mouth to work.
Mr. Garrison: Butters, Butters do you have a problem?
Butters: All these bitches are kissin' fellers, and they haven't figured out that they can be making some serious fucking money!
Butters: Kyle, every boy pay for kisses, do you know what i am saying?
Bebe: What?
Butters: Bitch, you wanna make some motherfucking money?
Bebe: What!?
Butters: Bitch, you should be doing kisses around the playground, you can make $50 a day! Buy all the purses and shoes that you've ever wanted. I'll treat you right, bitch.
Bebe: Shut up!
Butters: Oh, alright then.
[Butters doing schoolwork then spots Wendy]
Butters: Hey Wendy, Wendy!
[Wendy looks at Butters]
Butters: Bitch, don't wanna start making some real fucking money?
Wendy: [annoyed] Leave me alone!
Butters: Why you were made for the playground, bitch. You should be out there workin'. Don't you want a new lunch box? Nice new coat? I can get all that for you, bitch.
Stan: [annoyed] Butters, dude!
Butters: What?
Stan: You can't call my girlfriend a bitch!
Butters: Oh. Well all I'm sayin' the bitch should be out there workin' is all. [turns to Wendy] Whatcha doing bitch? Just giving kisses to Stan for free? Why you should be making some motherfucking money!
Wendy: Stan!
Stan: Butters, seriously. If you don't stop this, I'll kick your ass!
Butters: [turns to Clyde] Clyde, heres a $100. If Stan comes near me, punch him.
Clyde: Wowwee. [grabs the money from Butters]
Cartman: [turns to Stan] Dude, we've created a monster.
Butters: Come on Wendy, you should be putting that mouth to work.
Mr. Garrison: Butters, Butters do you have a problem?
Butters: All these bitches are kissin' fellers, and they haven't figured out that they can be making some serious fucking money!
Butters: Kyle, every boy pay for kisses, do you know what i am saying?
TV Show: South Park
Motorcycle Driver: Hey! We roll how we roll, and if people are annoyed or intimidated by it, that's too bad for them!
TV Show: South Park
Cartman: The only people who need to dress up and be as loud and obnoxious as possible are you guys and 16-year-old girls. Just wanted to you let know, you're fucking fags.
TV Show: South Park