Mystery Science Theater 3000 Quotes
Mike Nelson: Bobo, we have to do something. Please tell me you're not a pod.
Bobo: Oh, me? Noooo. Everybody else is down here - not me. You know why not me? Because the monkey isn't good enough... AGAIN. Should we assimilate the monkey? Noooo. The monkey's got a red butt. Stupid monkey's got a red butt. Does the monkey want a BAH-NAH-NAH? [Sniffle]
Bobo: It takes its toll, Mike.
TV Show: Mystery Science Theater 3000
Mike Nelson: C'mon! Dead people know what's gonna happen here!
TV Show: Mystery Science Theater 3000
Mike Nelson: Employees must wash tongues before returning to work.
TV Show: Mystery Science Theater 3000
Mike Nelson: Ever since he got back from the Crusades, he's been weird.
TV Show: Mystery Science Theater 3000
Mike Nelson: Fabio!
Tom Servo: Fabio!
Crow: Fabio!
Mike Nelson, Tom Servo, Crow: We're Fabio!
TV Show: Mystery Science Theater 3000
Mike Nelson: Get the holy drippings and make the sacred gravy.
TV Show: Mystery Science Theater 3000
Mike Nelson: Hey, everyone! You know, Tom, Crow, and I were talking about how the kids today don't know squat about sodium.
Crow: Yeah. I couldn't of put it better myself, Mike. Why, the shocking lack of sodium taught at schools today is shocking.
Tom Servo: That's right, Crow. So we asked ourselves: How, how, do we reach kids today about sodium?
Crow: How? How? How?
Mike Nelson: Through the Rock N' Roll Music that the kids seem to like.
Crow: ['50s-era music begins] Hit it!
Tom Servo: Sodium! Sodium! Sodium! Sodium!
Mike Nelson: Sodium! Sodium! Sodium! Sodium! Sodium!
Crow: Sodium! Sodium! Sodium! Sodium!
Mike Nelson: Yeah! Sodium! There is Sodium. Yeah! It's Sodium, baby! Sodium! Sodium! Sodium! Sodium!
Crow, Tom Servo: Sodium! Sodium! Sodium! Sodium! [the music stops]
Crow: [spoken] Sodium.
TV Show: Mystery Science Theater 3000
Mike Nelson: Hey, no problem. Our invention is... YOU!
Crow T. Robot: [the bots appear dressed as the mads] I'm Dr. Clayton Forrester.
Tom Servo: And I'm Tv's Frank.
Mike Nelson: See?
Dr. Forrester: Cute, but I don't quite understand the...
Crow T. Robot: I'm Dr. Clayton Forrester, the one with the weak chin. I'm going to hit TV's Frank because of my deep resentment at my own limitations.
Tom Servo: I'm TV's Frank and I'm going to take it 'cuz I have NO self-confidence! Ow! Ow! OW!
Mike Nelson: Huh? Huh?
TV's Frank: Well, you do have kind of a weak chin...
Dr. Forrester: Forget the chin, Frank! Don't you see what's happening? We're losing their respect! It's all on the line here, man. We've got to do something, and fast!
Mike Nelson: Hey, we're just funnin' ya!
Crow T. Robot: Shall I hit you again, TV's Frank?
Tom Servo: Oh, please do! Ow! OW! Not so HAWD!
TV's Frank: All right, Frank, let 'em have it. [Frank has a bubble on his head and Forrester has a beak strapped on]
TV's Frank: I'm Tom Servo, and I'm a cute little guy with a round head. Hahahahaha! And I've got these little adorable arms! Haha!
Dr. Forrester: And I'm Crow T. Robot, and I'm gold and I'm trapped in space! What a stupid color gold is! Oh hohoho! [taking off the costume, Frank tries to take his off but is stuck]
Dr. Forrester: Well, I trust you can see that two can play at that game, Nilsson. [Frank is jumping up and down, trying to pull off the fogged up dome]
Dr. Forrester: Anyway, your movie this week is called "The Atomic Brain". Plus, there's a short about the golden age of juvenile delinquency. [Turns to see Frank flailing about]
Dr. Forrester: Oh, Frank,
TV Show: Mystery Science Theater 3000
Mike Nelson: Hi, folks. Mike Nelson here. Crow and Servo are about to help me with the annual Satellite of Love safety check. You guys ready?
Crow: Roger.
Tom Servo: Ramjet.
Mike Nelson: Fire extinguisher?
Tom Servo: Empty.
Crow: Shot it off in your face. Next.
Mike Nelson: Okay. Flare gun?
Tom Servo: Did it.
Crow: Shot it off in your face. Next.
Mike Nelson: First aid kit?
Tom Servo: Used it to treat your flare burns.
Mike Nelson: Right. Parachute?
Crow: Gym class.
Mike Nelson: Life vest?
Tom Servo: Faulty.
Mike Nelson: Ham radio?
Crow: Mistook it for an actual ham.
Mike Nelson: There, the Satellite of Love is completely unsafe. Hey, does anything work?
Tom Servo: Yeah, the toaster over. We used it to bake the ham radio. Mmmm.
Mike Nelson: Oh, OK, well then. We're dead. We'll be right back
Crow: Come on, Mike, we're gonna go stick our heads in the towel dispenser.
Tom Servo: Weeee.
TV Show: Mystery Science Theater 3000
Mike Nelson: I just want to remind you, this is a Northwest flight, so we'll be sitting in the tarmac for an hour, with no beverages, no air conditioning, and we're out of meals, and the flight attendants are overworked and abusive, and if you complain, we'll throw you off the flight.
TV Show: Mystery Science Theater 3000
Mike Nelson: I shouldn't have bought a ride for my living room.
TV Show: Mystery Science Theater 3000
Mike Nelson: I think controlling her will might involve a sloe gin and a Corvette.
TV Show: Mystery Science Theater 3000
Mike Nelson: I wish I had the slightest idea of what the hell I was doing.
TV Show: Mystery Science Theater 3000
Mike Nelson: If it rains much more they will turn into sea monkeys.
TV Show: Mystery Science Theater 3000
Mike Nelson: If you're done degrading the human race, could we get on with the movie?
TV Show: Mystery Science Theater 3000
Mike Nelson: I'm sorry, clearly you're not a psychopath.
Tom Servo: That's right! Now get out before my dog orders me to shoot the president!
TV Show: Mystery Science Theater 3000
Mike Nelson: Is their any way we could stay alive AND evade the police?
TV Show: Mystery Science Theater 3000