I Love Lucy Quotes
[inside an Italian train with a cramped seat Fred's asleep]
Ethel Mertz: Fred, Fred, wake up sleeping beauty.
Lucy Ricardo: You couldn't wake him up with a stick of dynamite.
Ethel Mertz: Hey I got an idea [yells]
Ethel Mertz: Hey look there goes Gina Lollobrigida.
Fred Mertz: [gets up from his seat excited] Where? Where? Where?
Ethel Mertz: Fred, Fred, wake up sleeping beauty.
Lucy Ricardo: You couldn't wake him up with a stick of dynamite.
Ethel Mertz: Hey I got an idea [yells]
Ethel Mertz: Hey look there goes Gina Lollobrigida.
Fred Mertz: [gets up from his seat excited] Where? Where? Where?
TV Show: I Love Lucy
[Lucy is dressed as Lucille McGillicuddy, after tasting homemade salad dressing]
Lucy Ricardo: What's Aunt Martha trying to do, poison me?
Lucy Ricardo: What's Aunt Martha trying to do, poison me?
TV Show: I Love Lucy
[Lucy is feigning amnesia]
Lucy Ricardo: My mother told me never to talk to strange men... whoever she is.
Lucy Ricardo: My mother told me never to talk to strange men... whoever she is.
TV Show: I Love Lucy
[Ricky and Lucy are doing a show together]
Ricky Ricardo: Hey, Lucy, a funny thing happened to me on the way to the theater.
Lucy Ricardo: What?
Ricky Ricardo: Some tramp comes up to me on the street and says he hadn't had a bite in three days.
Lucy Ricardo: What did you do, bite him? [Audience laughs]
Ricky Ricardo: Hey, Lucy, a funny thing happened to me on the way to the theater.
Lucy Ricardo: What?
Ricky Ricardo: Some tramp comes up to me on the street and says he hadn't had a bite in three days.
Lucy Ricardo: What did you do, bite him? [Audience laughs]
TV Show: I Love Lucy
[Ricky and Lucy are doing a show together]
Ricky Ricardo: Hey, Lucy, did you hear about the fire at the shoe factory?
Lucy Ricardo: I'll bet some heel started it.
Ricky Ricardo: You're supposed to say, "What happened?"
Lucy Ricardo: What's that?
Ricky Ricardo: What happened?
Lucy Ricardo: 200 soles were lost.
Ricky Ricardo: Hey, Lucy, did you hear about the fire at the shoe factory?
Lucy Ricardo: I'll bet some heel started it.
Ricky Ricardo: You're supposed to say, "What happened?"
Lucy Ricardo: What's that?
Ricky Ricardo: What happened?
Lucy Ricardo: 200 soles were lost.
TV Show: I Love Lucy
[Ricky and Lucy are doing a show together]
Ricky Ricardo: I've got a joke you never heard in your life. I know a girl who's so dumb she thinks a football coach has four wheels. Ha ha ha. [Audience is silent]
Lucy Ricardo: How many wheels does it have? [Audience laughs]
Ricky Ricardo: I've got a joke you never heard in your life. I know a girl who's so dumb she thinks a football coach has four wheels. Ha ha ha. [Audience is silent]
Lucy Ricardo: How many wheels does it have? [Audience laughs]
TV Show: I Love Lucy
[When Ethel doesn't return to California hotel suite]
Fred Mertz: Let's just hope for the best.
Lucy Ricardo: Don't worry, Fred, Ethel'll come back.
Fred Mertz: I said let's hope for the BEST.
Fred Mertz: Let's just hope for the best.
Lucy Ricardo: Don't worry, Fred, Ethel'll come back.
Fred Mertz: I said let's hope for the BEST.
TV Show: I Love Lucy
[while Lucy is trying out the new mind reading act at Ricky's club: ]
Mindreader's assistant: What is your date of birth?
Lucy Ricardo: August 6th.
Mindreader's assistant: August 6th what?
Lucy Ricardo: August 6th period.
Mindreader's assistant: What is your date of birth?
Lucy Ricardo: August 6th.
Mindreader's assistant: August 6th what?
Lucy Ricardo: August 6th period.
TV Show: I Love Lucy
[while watching Lucy and Ricky kiss]
Ethel Mertz: Isn't that sweet? Just like two lovebirds.
Fred Mertz: What are you, a bird watcher?
Ethel Mertz: Isn't that sweet? Just like two lovebirds.
Fred Mertz: What are you, a bird watcher?
TV Show: I Love Lucy
Ricky Ricardo: (losing his temper after Lucy screwed up his chance to be in a Broadway Play) You did what?
Lucy Ricardo: I was only trying to help.
Ricky Ricardo: (shouting) Help?
Lucy Ricardo: HELP.
TV Show: I Love Lucy
Ricky Ricardo: [discussing operetta Lucy wrote, but does not know she wrote it] Who wrote this thing, anyway?
Lucy Ricardo: Who wrote it? Have you ever heard of George Gershwin?
Ricky Ricardo: Yeah.
Lucy Ricardo: Well alright then.
TV Show: I Love Lucy
Ricky Ricardo: [in a heavy Spanish accent] You two are too nosy!
Lucy Ricardo: We are not nuzzy!
TV Show: I Love Lucy
Ricky Ricardo: [sees pancakes on his plate] Hey! Tortillas!
Lucy Ricardo: [sarcastically] Yeah. I made them out of Aunt Jemima Tortilla Mix.
Ricky Ricardo: Oh, I keep forgetting here in America you call them Flap Cakes.
Lucy Ricardo: Come again?
Ricky Ricardo: Hot Jacks?
Lucy Ricardo: You were closer with tortillas. They are Hot Cakes!
Ricky Ricardo: Oh! [tastes some]
Ricky Ricardo: No, these are Cold Cakes.
TV Show: I Love Lucy
Ricky Ricardo: [with heavy accent] I won't switch apartments. Understand?
Lucy Ricardo: Yes.
Ricky Ricardo: What did I say?
Lucy Ricardo: "I wun't swish aparments".
TV Show: I Love Lucy
Ricky Ricardo: Did Ricky give you a tough day?
Lucy Ricardo: No, just the same as any other day: after breakfast, I put on his snow suit. I pull on his galoshes. I slip on his mittens. I walk him to the park. He chases the pigeons. I chase after him. He runs after the squirrels. I run after him. He get's on the swing. I push the swing. We go on the teeter-totter. He teeters, I totter. Then we leave the park and we walk home. I pull off his galoshes. I pull off his mittens. I pull off his snow suit. I tell him to go into his room and play with his teddy bear. And that is why you find me sitting here with my coat and my boots on.
Ricky Ricardo: Whew! I'm worn out from just listening.
TV Show: I Love Lucy
Ricky Ricardo: Fred, how often is Ethel's checking account overdrawn?
Fred Mertz: Never.
Ricky Ricardo: Never? How do you manage that?
Ethel Mertz: It's easy. I never had enough money at one time to open a checking account.
Fred Mertz: She spends money like I'm printing it in the basement!
TV Show: I Love Lucy
Ricky Ricardo: Fred, I've got an awful problem on my hands.
Fred Mertz: You should have thought about that before you married her.
TV Show: I Love Lucy
Ricky Ricardo: How do spell s'perience?
Lucy Ricardo: E-x-p
Ricky Ricardo: E-x? You're kidding.
TV Show: I Love Lucy
Ricky Ricardo: How much rice do you think we should use for four people?
Fred Mertz: I don't know. People do like that stuff.
Ricky Ricardo: How does one pound per person sound?
Fred Mertz: Sounds about right.
Ricky Ricardo: That's good because that's what I put in: four pounds.
TV Show: I Love Lucy
Ricky Ricardo: I can't afford it.
Lucy Ricardo: Those must have been the first English words you learned.
TV Show: I Love Lucy
Ricky Ricardo: I don't like that tone. You are thinking again.
Lucy Ricardo: There's no law about me going to Romanov's. Perhaps maybe stopping by your table and...
Ricky Ricardo: Lucy, if I so much as see your face at Romanov's, I'm gonna wrap you up in brown paper and mail you back to New York. And that's an ultimatum.
Ethel Mertz: An ultimatum? I'm not surprised.
Lucy Ricardo: I am. I didn't think he knew how to pronounce it.
TV Show: I Love Lucy
Ricky Ricardo: I need a copy of the marriage license for Lucille MacGillicudy; what? M-A-C, ah Gillicudy. Right and Ricardo Ricardo y Acha. Acha, Acha; thank you, but I wasn't sneezing.
TV Show: I Love Lucy
Ricky Ricardo: I won't be home tonight. I've got to rehearse a couple of hours after the club closes.
Lucy Ricardo: Why don't you have the rehearsal here?
Ricky Ricardo: Are you crazy? I've got a 16 piece band. I'll blow the roof off the joint.
Lucy Ricardo: Well... It doesn't look like rain.
Ricky Ricardo: I'll do it.
TV Show: I Love Lucy
Ricky Ricardo: Lucy's actin' crazy.
Fred Mertz: Crazy for Lucy, or crazy for ordinary people?
TV Show: I Love Lucy
Ricky Ricardo: Something's wrong with the electricity. My shaver isn't working.
Lucy Ricardo: Something's wrong with the gas. My chicken isn't working.
TV Show: I Love Lucy
Ricky Ricardo: This whole thing is my fault. Something I said that started this whole mess.
Lucy Ricardo: What's that?
Ricky Ricardo: "I do."
TV Show: I Love Lucy
Ricky Ricardo: We've got to use our brains.
Lucy Ricardo: Well, let's see...
Ricky Ricardo: You stay out of this.
TV Show: I Love Lucy