How I Met Your Mother Quotes
[The Landmark Preservation Commission has come to a decision regarding the Arcadian]
Commission Chairman: Last night, this committee came to a vote, and while we've all felt from the very beginning that the Arcadian was, well, an eyesore, Mr Mosby's surprising testimony about the lion's head stonework left us with no choice but to declare it a landmark. [Zoey's camp applauds] But then, something else happened last night. That same lion's head stonework…disappeared, [audience is agape in shock] so it makes our job easier. Motion denied. [bangs gavel]
Commission Chairman: Last night, this committee came to a vote, and while we've all felt from the very beginning that the Arcadian was, well, an eyesore, Mr Mosby's surprising testimony about the lion's head stonework left us with no choice but to declare it a landmark. [Zoey's camp applauds] But then, something else happened last night. That same lion's head stonework…disappeared, [audience is agape in shock] so it makes our job easier. Motion denied. [bangs gavel]
TV Show: How I Met Your Mother
[Ted and Barney are arguing over who will press the Arcadian detonator, and Robin will have none of it.]
Robin: [cutting in partway through the argument] Guys, I dated you both, and neither of you is good at pressing or even finding "the button". After some awkward pawing around, that building is gonna fake an implosion, say, "Baby, that was great" and go to sleep.
Ted and Barney: [to each other] She means you.
Robin: [cutting in partway through the argument] Guys, I dated you both, and neither of you is good at pressing or even finding "the button". After some awkward pawing around, that building is gonna fake an implosion, say, "Baby, that was great" and go to sleep.
Ted and Barney: [to each other] She means you.
TV Show: How I Met Your Mother
[Marshall has arrived home from his job interview.]
Lily: Hey baby, how did it go?
Marshall: Lily, this year, this nasty schoolyard bully of a year will not stop punching me in the face. How did we kick off 2011? My dad died, and now, after five months of unemployment, I just blew my dream job. Good news is, in a few seconds, I'm gonna heave my guts out because that's what life is to me now, losing what's inside of me until it's empty.
Lily: Baby come here.
Marshall: I just want to shut my eyes for a few seconds before it starts.
Lily: Hey baby, how did it go?
Marshall: Lily, this year, this nasty schoolyard bully of a year will not stop punching me in the face. How did we kick off 2011? My dad died, and now, after five months of unemployment, I just blew my dream job. Good news is, in a few seconds, I'm gonna heave my guts out because that's what life is to me now, losing what's inside of me until it's empty.
Lily: Baby come here.
Marshall: I just want to shut my eyes for a few seconds before it starts.
TV Show: How I Met Your Mother
[repeated line]
Ted: [whenever Marshall and Lily talk about having sex] Please don't.
Ted: [whenever Marshall and Lily talk about having sex] Please don't.
TV Show: How I Met Your Mother
Barney: Elbert "Ickey" Woods, the Bengals were fools to cut you in '91. Your 1,525 rushing yards and 27 touchdowns will not be forgotten. So, Coach Dave Shula, screw you and your crappy steakhouse!
TV Show: How I Met Your Mother
Barney: It's going to be legendary!
Ted: Don't say that! You're too liberal with the word "legendary". [flashback to Barney standing at Ted's door in snow gear with a shovel]
Barney: We're building an igloo in Central Park! It's going to be legendary! Snow-suit up!
TV Show: How I Met Your Mother
Barney: It's gonna be legend-... wait for it... and I hope you're not lactose intolerant because the second half of that word is DAIRY!
TV Show: How I Met Your Mother
Barney: Ted, tonight we're gonna go out. We're gonna meet some ladies, it's gonna be *legendary*. Phone-five! [slaps cell-phone]
Barney: You didn't phone-five, did you? [pause]
Barney: I know when you don't phone-five Ted.
TV Show: How I Met Your Mother
Barney: Ted, your problem is all you do is think, think, think. I'm teaching you how to do, do, do.
Marshall: Doo-doo! [laughs]
Barney: [chuckles] Totally.
TV Show: How I Met Your Mother
Lily: [Lily sees Barney hitting on Claudia] Oh, hell. No! [grabs Barney by the ear and yanks him away from Claudia]
Lily: Claudia is getting married tomorrow and so help me God if I catch you even so much as breathing the same air as her I will take those peanuts you're trying to pass off as testicles and I will squeeze them so hard until your eyes pop out and then I'll feed them to you like grapes.
Barney: [confused] Wait... my eyes? Or my testicles?
Lily: [pause, thinks about it] One of each!
TV Show: How I Met Your Mother
Lily: You're playing hockey. With a basketball... and tennis rackets?
Marshall: It's BaskIceball, the greatest game ever. We invented it. it's Awesome!
Lily: Wait, BaskIceball? shouldn't it be Iceketball?
Marvin Eriksen Sr.: Ice... Ket... ball? that just sounds weird.
Marcus Eriksen: The game is BaskIceball. And I'm the best.
Lily: Well, maybe that's just cause you haven't seen *me* play. [Lily throws the basketball to Marcus who throws it back to Marshall]
Marshall: Well, it's not exactly a sport for girls.
Lily: Well, that's funny cause your brother throws like a girl! [Lily throws the ball back to Marcus]
Lily: [Marcus throws the ball hard and hits Lily in the face]
TV Show: How I Met Your Mother
Marshall: A drumroll? So what? that's it? You just said good night, went home and... performed the drum solo?
TV Show: How I Met Your Mother
Marshall: I think we're going to wait on the baby thing. I mean I love babies. Babies rule. Pudgy arms and stuff. But, uh, they make you old. Kinda like this anchor weighing you down to one spot... forever.
Claire: I'm three months pregnant.
Marshall: [surprised] Not awkward, guys. Not awkward if we don't let it be awkward. [nervously smiles, then walks away]
TV Show: How I Met Your Mother
Marshall: I'm not a gay pirate, I have sex with my parrot all the time! [there is an awkward silence]
Marshall: OK, that came out wrong.
TV Show: How I Met Your Mother
Ted: At least someone appreciates the fact that I am doing and not thinking. [pause]
Ted: And now, I don't think I won't not go to the bathroom.
TV Show: How I Met Your Mother
Ted: Can we maybe scoop stuffing for a while?
Barney: You wanna scoop stuffing on your first day? [sarcastically makes phone with his hands and holds it to his ear]
Barney: Hello, NFL, can I be quarterback next Sunday?
TV Show: How I Met Your Mother
Ted: Hey Barney, see that girl?
Barney: Ohhh yeah, you just know she likes it dirty!
TV Show: How I Met Your Mother
Ted: I'm gonna do what that guy couldn't, I'm gonna take the plunge... Well, I guess that's not a perfect metaphor since... for me it's falling in love and for him it's... death.
Barney: Actually, that is a perfect metaphor.
TV Show: How I Met Your Mother
Ted: So, who are we picking up?
Barney: I dunno... her? Or maybe her...
Ted: Wait, so when you said we were going to pick someone up at the airport, you meant we were going to *pick someone up* at the airport?
Barney: Yeah...
Ted: You're kidding!
Barney: False!
TV Show: How I Met Your Mother
Ted: You're not... Moby, are you?
Not Moby: Who?
Ted: The recording artist, Moby.
Not Moby: Oh, no.
Ted: Then why, when we said "Hey, Moby" did you come over here?
Not Moby: Oh, I thought you said Tony.
Ted: So your name's Tony?
Not Moby: No.
TV Show: How I Met Your Mother